Tara Jauhar's recollections of her close proximity, guidance and love from The Mother through personal contact & through letters & correspondence.
The Mother : Contact
THEME/S
I have already narrated how I came to sit at the Mother’s feet while She supervised the gymnastic training of the Captains’ Group.
One day, as the training finished, I looked up at the Mother from where I sat. She suddenly asked Amiyo for a pen and paper. Amiyo pulled out a small chit pad from his pocket and gave it to Her. She asked me to continue looking up at Her and in three minutes sketched my portrait. Amiyo watched the time She took on his wrist-watch.
For recitation classes on Tuesdays, the A Group children would be seated in a big semi-circle around the Mother. One child at a time would come to the centre, sit in front of Her and recite a selected passage. Later when the number increased, She would ask two children to come at a time.
On one occasion Tarini sat in front of the Mother and forgot her lines. She kept sitting while trying to remember, and in those few minutes, the Mother sketched her portrait in my notebook.
Tarini’s sketch by The Mother
A sketch by the Mother to illustrate how Her signature is like a soaring bird.
One day, the Mother’s fountain pen was not working. She took a piece of paper and squeezed two drops of ink out to let the flow run smooth. She then sketched two birds out of the two drops of ink, drew the sun and water and gave the sketch to me.
Another day the Mother wanted to write something for me, but the ink in Her fountain pen did not flow. So She took a piece of rough paper and released one drop of ink on it to let the pen run smoothly. Then She said to me, “I will show you something interesting”. She took the paper with the drop of ink on it and folded it exactly into half and pressed it. It made an interesting design. I took the paper and brought it home and included it in my collection.
Ball pens had just come into the market. The ink did not always flow smoothly. There were always small pieces of paper around where She worked, on which She would run the pen to ease the flow before writing. At every opportunity, I collected these and preserved them.
Since childhood we were always taught to make something with our own hands for offering to the Mother on our birthdays. Most of the girls would paint or embroider beautiful things for the Mother. As I was neither good at painting nor embroidery, I would make cards with the Mother’s photographs which She always liked to have for distributing to people.
Later when I started taking a keener interest in photography I made albums of the Mother’s photos as my offerings on my birthdays.
Many of these albums were then duplicated and sold and I would also offer the proceeds to the Mother. Thus I made an album of the Mother from Her childhood until 1964, an album of the Mother’s photos taken in Her room in January-February 1960, on 21-2-68 (Her 90th birthday), the Mother with Prime Minister Smt. Indira Gandhi, the Mother with President V. V. Giri, the Mother on 5-7-69, 5-7-70, 5-7-71, 21-2-72, etc.
She always took a keen interest in this work and invariably encouraged me and made me feel that the work was very important for Her by rewarding me with Her tender embrace and kiss, transporting me to a world of heavenly bliss.
Among the first albums that I made for offering to the Mother on my birthday was a collection of photographs of the Mother’s paintings and sketches. When I took it to Her on my birthday, She saw each picture with great interest and even told me some stories of how the sketches had been made. Unfortunately, I did not record all that She said.
I also made an extra set of photos of the Mother’s paintings and sketches for my own collection. These were in two small albums and when I took them to the Mother for Her blessings and autograph, She made sketches on both of them with Her felt pens. One was a sketch of fire and the other of a flowering bush.
This collection of photographs of paintings and sketches ultimately served as the base for the book PAINTINGS & DRAWINGS by The Mother. A few more paintings and sketches were found by the Ashram Archives Department and were added to the book.
To Tara
With my blessings and all my tenderness
5.7.66
For a luminous, strong and gentle life
After December 1958 when the Mother stopped coming down for Her usual activities, She started giving Terrace Darshan four times a year. People asked for permission to take the Mother’s photos during Terrace Darshan from the Dispensary Terrace. The number of photographers grew from strength to strength. People started getting powerful lenses to get better photographs of Her. Many visitors were also given permission to take Her pictures.
It was during this period that my own interest in photography was roused and I started taking Mother’s photos at the Terrace Darshan with an Alpa camera given to me from the Department of Physical Education where I was then working. When I took these photos to the Mother, She showed a keen interest in them and rewarded me by asking for some of the nicer pictures for Her personally to distribute to people. I felt so happy and elated that thereafter I started working with even more enthusiasm in the darkroom and over the years prepared numerous photographs of the Mother taken by me and other photographers, in different sizes for the Mother to distribute.
Terrace Darshan 21-2-66 photo taken by Tara
It was also during this period that the Mother stopped seeing too many people and started sending beautiful birthday cards with Her personal message and blessings to all those who asked for it.
Champaklalji, who spent hours sitting outside the Mother’s room and was always available at Her beck and call, started making cards for which I would print beautiful photographs of the Mother. She often told me how delighted people were at getting these photographs on their birthdays.
During 1958—60, Sanyalda (Dr. P.K. Sanyal) took some beautiful close up pictures of the Mother in Her room for the first time. This was followed by a series of photos taken by Pranab in January—February 1960 on colour slides which were often projected at the Playground. I would make black and white prints of many of these photos for distribution by the Mother.
I also asked the Mother several questions about these photos.
Sweet Mother,
Why does meditation in front of different photos of You give different experiences?
It is because each photo represents a different aspect, sometimes even a different personality of my being; and by concentrating on the photo, one enters into relation with that special aspect or different personality which the photo has captured and whose image it conveys.
The photo is a real and concrete presence, but fragmentary and limited.
* * *
Why is the photo a fragmentary and limited presence?
Because the photo catches only the image of a moment, an instant of a person’s appearance and of what that appearance can reveal of a passing psychological condition and fragmentary soul-state. Even if the photograph is taken under the best possible conditions at an exceptional and particularly expressive moment, it cannot in any way reproduce the whole personality.
5 November 1959
I would like to know how You have chosen the photos Pranab has taken, because many that You have not approved are beautiful and pleasing to our eyes.
From the outer point of view, it is merely a matter of taste and has only a very relative importance.
But for myself, I have chosen the photos that most clearly express the inner being, the pictures through which one can more easily perceive the state of the soul and consciousness. To tell the truth, there are none that “I did not approve”, but I sorted them into three categories:
While working in the photographic lab, I would save every bit of photographic paper and print small photos of the Mother and give these to Her for distributing to people as Blessings. Once when I sent Her these tiny little photos, She sent me a sweet little card saying:
24 July 1963
Tara, my dear child, You are very sweet!
These pretty little photos will be very useful and bring joy to many people.
I embrace you very tenderly.
The Mother
My parents with the Mother on 17-12-1965
Thus, over the years there were several occasions when I had the opportunity of taking the Mother’s photographs. On December 17, 1965 when my father came from Delhi, he had an appointment with the Mother. My mother usually accompanied him. I asked the Mother for permission to come along with them and take some photographs. She gave permission but made it clear that I could take pictures of my parents with Her, but not of Her alone. This was the first time that I was able to take photos of the Mother from close quarters and my excitement knew no bounds.
The following year on December 4, 1966, I again requested the Mother if I could come along with my brother Anil and take some photos. She graciously permitted again and I took a lot of photos.
My brother Anil with the Mother on 4-12-1966
In 1967 I asked my brother Anil for an expensive Rolleiflex camera. When I got the camera I wrote to the Mother on 9 April, 1967:
Anil bought me a new camera which Theodora has brought from Germany.
I would like to show it to You for Your blessings before starting to use it. May I come one morning for ten minutes, and, if You allow me, I would like to start with photos of You.
The Mother wrote back on my letter:
Come with Lata tomorrow afternoon around 3.30
Blessings.
9 April 1967
Lata with the Mother
It was my sister Lata’s birthday on 10th April when we went together to see the Mother in the afternoon. An interesting incident took place during this photography adventure of mine. There were twelve shots in the roll. While I took Lata’s photos with the Mother, She did not say anything. I took ten pictures.
Then I wanted to take a close up of the Mother alone and asked Her permission. She said, “only one”, and I took that. Since the roll had only one shot left, I tried to take a second one and She said “Qa sufit” [that’s enough], but I still clicked the shutter. When the film was developed, the twelfth shot was completely blank! Till today I have not been able to solve the mystery of how it could have happened as my Rolleiflex camera had a built-in mechanism not to wind forward unless it had clicked.
To the good photographer.
With my tenderness.
April, 1967
My first close up photograph of the Mother autographed by Her
As my interest in photography continued to grow, I wrote to the Mother:
The last three albums we made were enthusiastically received by people. Now we have a new idea which we would like to execute for Your next birthday.
We wish to make an album with photographs of all the objects used by Sri Aurobindo. A rough idea of the scheme is to start with a picture of Sri Aurobindo’s room taken from outside, then several general shots of the interior of the room, and finally photographs of the things He used, arranging them as far as possible as they were when He used them. For example the table He worked on would be arranged with all His writing material and placed where He normally worked. Similarly we have other ideas, the details of which will have to be worked out as the work proceeds.
We shall also require a lot of help from different people, specially from Champaklal.
Mother, if You approve of this idea we will go ahead with Your blessings.
I would like to place before You the sample copy for Your approval on my birthday if I am able to finish it.
Praying for Your blessings.
Your child,
Tara
All right
Go ahead
With love and blessings
I worked with Champaklalji for more than a month arranging and rearranging Sri Aurobindo’s room as it was during Sri Aurobindo’s time. It was only one year later that I was able to offer the album “Sri Aurobindo—the houses where He lived and the objects that He used”. Subsequently I made 50 of these albums for sale and the proceeds were offered to the Mother. A few photographs from the album are reproduced here.
A general view of Sri Aurobindo’s room after renovation in November 1946
One of the chairs used by Sri Aurobindo while writing Savitri
Sri Aurobindo’s dhoti, folded by the Mother, was kept on a chair in the bathroom.
From then on I took photos of the Mother on several special occasions, sometimes alone and sometimes with Pranab. On each occasion we would load our cameras with colour transparencies, colour prints and black & white negative films, thus clicking a large variety of photos on one day. One such occasion was the Mother’s 90th birthday on 21.2.1968.
Mother on Her 90th birthday on 21.2.1968
My keen interest in Mother’s photographs continued to grow, and I dreamt of collecting and indexing every available photograph of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. When I found such an opportunity, I wrote to the Mother.
Douce Mere,
I have been trying for the past two years or more to get all the original negatives and transparencies of the Mother from every possible source and make a complete collection for the Ashram.
Some photographers have already given their negatives and transparencies, and some others have agreed to give.
The collection of these negatives and transparencies will have a twofold purpose.
These negatives and transparencies will be kept in our photographic department and will become the property of the Ashram.
Now Vidyavrata and Robi are organising a meeting of Ashram photographers to discuss ways and means to make photography more active in the Ashram.
I propose to put forward this proposal as one of the important items in the agenda.
I pray to know if this has Mother’s approval and Blessings.
Thy child,
I approve and my blessings are always with you and what you do.
With love
The idea, however, was not quite appreciated by some of the photographers and this became the first and last photographers’ meet. I did, however, keep up my effort of indexing and cataloguing the negatives, and by 1973 had indexed more than 10,000 photos of the Mother.
One of the objectives of taking these photos of the Mother was to have a new photograph of the Mother for the following year’s calendar. During the years 1969, 1970 and 1971, Pranab and I took photos of the Mother each year on my birthday in colour transparencies, colour negatives and
black and white negatives. On all three occasions Pranab concentrated on the colour photos while I took the black and white photos. The three photographs reproduced were amongst the black and white ones that She liked the most and asked for several copies in different sizes for giving to people.
5-7-69
5-7-70 5-7-71
On September 14, 1969, Shri V.V. Giri, President of India, visited the Ashram. This was followed by the visit of Prime Minister Mrs. Indira Gandhi on October 5, 1969. On both these occasions, I accompanied Pranab for taking Mother’s photos. Two of my photos are reproduced here.
Shri V.V. Giri with the Mother on 14.9.69
Mrs. Indira Gandhi and Smt. Nandini Satpathy with the Mother on 5.10.69
During the Sri Aurobindo Birth Centenary Year a devotee offered a crown of gold to the Mother. Dyumanbhai was very keen that the Mother’s photographs should be taken with the golden crown. The Mother agreed. Since the Mother wore a crown only with a saree, She again wore a saree after a gap of several years, and Pranab and I took Her photos.
Mother on Her birthday on 21.2.72 (Sri Aurobindo’s Centenary Year)
Two other occasions on which I took the photos of the Mother were with my nephews Pranjal (29.2.69) and Viresh (5.3.71) and these have been recorded in the “Personal” chapter of this book.
On my birthday in 1970, the Mother allowed me to take Her pictures even while She was at lunch.
The Mother at lunch. Also in the photo are: (from left to right) Pranab, Champaklal, Dyuman, Vasudha and Dr. Sanyal
I enjoyed taking the Mother’s pictures, and working with them became a passion with me. I would literally spend hours working in the darkroom printing the Mother’s photos for sale, on order, and of course for Her personal distribution.
Over the years I organised the negatives laboriously, made index cards and recorded over 10,000 photos of the Mother, classifying them and cataloguing the descriptions and details of each.
In subsequent years I made several hundred albums of these pictures for sale and offered the proceeds to the Mother. Each of these albums was personally signed by Her with the name of the person who bought the album.
It was through constant appreciation and encouragement in my photographic interest that She made me develop in myself a sense of art and beauty which was till then very much lacking in my character. During this period She would daily put aside for me the Ipomoea flowers of different colours that She called “Artistic Taste”, “Artistic Sensibility”, “Joy of Beauty”, “Pure Sense of Beauty”, etc. thus trying to make me more conscious of the need to develop these qualities in myself.
I do not know how much She succeeded, but I certainly enjoyed doing photography and most of all I passionately enjoyed working with Her photos and offering the work at Her feet.
The negatives of the photographs that I took of the Mother are among my most sacred treasures and I have done my best and am doing my best to preserve them for posterity.
Tara photographing the Mother on 6.10.69
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