A unique chronicle of sadhana through paintings, enriched by correspondence with Sri Aurobindo and the Mother on art and spiritual life.
The Mother : correspondence
THEME/S
Krishnalal Bhatt (1905–1990) was a Gujarati artist who came to the Sri Aurobindo Ashram in 1933. Born into a Vaishnava brahmin family in Kathiawad, he grew up in Ahmedabad where his innate love of beauty led him first to the revolutionary Purani Mandal — a disciplined brotherhood founded by Ambubhai Purani under Sri Aurobindo's inspiration — and then to formal art training under Ravishankar Rawal and the Bengali artist Promode Kumar Chatterji in Baroda. Though he participated in the freedom movement, including Gandhi's Dandi March, he felt artistically unfulfilled, sensing a deeper source of inspiration in the spiritual dimensions of his Vaishnava heritage. This search, combined with his connection to the Purani Mandal, ultimately drew him to Pondicherry, where Sri Aurobindo's vision of art as a means of capturing divine beauty gave Krishnalal's creative life its true and lasting foundation.
Like most Hindu artists of the time, Krishnalal also chose subjects from the Puranas.
Already, he had earned a name as an artist and his paintings were exhibited, sold and printed in journals. "Once the sale of some paintings brought a decent amount and I took off to Nandababu's, at Shantiniketan. There I found an exhilarating atmosphere and sufficient nourishment; the obstructing walls began to collapse, my vision widened and deepened. Inadequate funds and lack of time forced me to return in six months, but the breaking out of old grooves and the opening up of inner vision were an enormous gain." Abanindranath in his Notes on Indian Artistic Anatomy says, "...let me also make this little request... especially of my friends and pupils, my fellow-pilgrims in the quest for that realisation which is the fulfilment of all art, that they may not take these aesthetic canons and form-analyses of our art treatises, with all the rigours of their standards and their demonstrations, as representing absolute and inviolable laws, nor deprive their art-endeavours of the sustaining breath of freedom, by confining themselves and their works within the limits of Shastric demonstrations."
In January 1933, Krishnalal returned from Shantiniketan to Ahmedabad, his course unfinished due to lack of funds. In July 1927, when he had returned from Baroda, also without being able to complete his course, torrential rains were lashing central Gujarat—in one week 53″ in Ahmedabad, far more than it normally obtained throughout a year (the worst affected was Kheda with 100″)—the total damages were assessed at several crores. Ahmedabad's convoluted alleys were flooded, the recently constructed drains were choked, 6,000 houses had collapsed, and over 50,000 persons had been rendered homeless.¹ Said the family wag Eevo varhaad paidone, eevo varhaad paidone, ke aapno Karsan chhe ne, ee Vadodarethi haathini ambaadipar behhi ne aiyvo! (Such a deluge, our Karsan returned from Baroda in the howdah of a royal elephant!) Both times new vistas had been opened to Krishnalal; enthusiasm and inspiration had filled him to overflowing when rude circumstances had thrown him back to this same uninspiring situation.
He started teaching in the SNDT College for women. But "subsequently, even my family and social situation became stifling walls."² If it was strenuous to advance on the path Nandababu had opened to him while fulfilling his family responsibilities, it was impossible to join the Congress politics as expected by his Mandal, for his past experience in that field had not been encouraging.
It is at such times, writes his brother, Vasudev, when the soul's anguish is at a high pitch, that Divine Grace smiles upon a man. Soon after Krishnalal took up his art career, Ambubhai Purani gave up his revolutionary activities at the cost of being misunderstood and denigrated even by his nearest and dearest, and had settled in Pondicherry under the aegis of Sri Aurobindo. All through those years, Krishnalal had kept in continuous touch with Ambubhai. Coming to know of his thirst for further progress in Art, Ambubhai inspired him to visit the Ashram and seek the guidance of the Mother.
On 10 August 1933, Ambubhai sent Pujalal and Vishnuprasad to the railway station to receive Krishnalal. He was put up in the Chettiar Hotel and asked to write a letter to the Mother. This letter is the first one of his correspondence reproduced below. Along with Krishnalal's, Ambubhai sent a note of his own, "...He has taken one month's leave from his post. But he would remain up to November if allowed—(and even longer if he is acclimatised to the life here, I think)." Sri Aurobindo replied: "He can remain. Mother will give him a room in the Ashram if he wants." And the Mother wrote underneath, "Approved."
Krishnalal writes, "It was then that my real journey began. There certainly had been some progress so far, but a life and progress in the true direction, according to my inmost vision, began only now. Here the pictures I made of birds and animals... of landscapes, of the sea, had an added element which I would never have obtained in Gujarat. But now I turned more towards symbolic pictures. In all this, Sri Aurobindo and the Mother helped me both externally as well as internally. They alone perceived my inner movements and began to turn me towards the true nature of Art.
"But it was not at all easy to turn that way. Outwardly I knew nothing about Yoga. I used to even think, 'I am an artist; spirituality is not for me.' It was difficult to pull me out of this, but it was because of the devotee in my nature that it was finally made possible. Gradually, I immersed myself in the atmosphere of the Ashram. But the difficulty of progressing in my art still remained. I managed to accept the new lifestyle of the Ashram within, but to bring out its influence in my art took a long time. The sanskaras, thoughts, techniques, etc. with which I had begun my training had established themselves inside and kept swallowing up whatever new things were coming in. How much of an obstacle the narrow viewpoints and methods one has learned can then become, can be known only by one who has to go through this experience. Things that had made a home in my nature refused to leave. But under the influence of the new Force, it has been finally possible, and my pictures have, thanks to it, acquired a new element.... I may reproduce here the words of the one who has made it possible, and express my gratitude to Her." Then Krishnalal gives three extracts from Mother's talk of 28 July 1929:
"There is nothing to prevent a Yogi from being an artist or an artist from being a Yogi. But when you are in Yoga, there is a profound change in the values of things, of Art as of everything else; you begin to look at Art from a very different standpoint."
"The discipline of Art has at its centre the same principle as the discipline of Yoga. In both the aim is to become more and more conscious; in both you have to learn to see and feel something that is beyond the ordinary vision and feeling, to go within and bring out from there deeper things."
"When a true artist, one who looks for his creative source to a higher world, turns to Yoga, he will find that his inspiration becomes more direct and powerful and his expression clearer and deeper."
Says Vasudev: "Under Mother's guidance, Krishnalal set off on a quest of his own. He did many portraits and landscapes, but came to be known especially for his animals and birds; his sea-scapes are considered by some critics to be among the most striking depictions of the sea. Among the larger works he did are the panels in the passages on the first floor of the Meditation House, 'The Wave' which hangs behind Mother's Darshan Chair in the Meditation Hall on the first floor of the Meditation House, the series on the walls of the Reception Room, and his last major painting—a large mural in acrylic colours at the entrance of Golconde, which he did in the early 1980s."
(From a sadhak's correspondence)
Sadhak: I was planning to show Krishnalal how to do frescoes directly on cement mortar plaster, but he seems hesitant to experiment even on a small scale. He is preparing the new fresco as they do them at Shantiniketan. And he does not seem to be able to put a greater energy into it—as X says he is weak nervously and physically.
Sri Aurobindo: I don't think X is quite right. He has the timidity of the artistic temperament which is careful and scrupulous about its work and does not want to do work without regard to its capacity and experience.
26 September 1934
*
Sadhak: What I meant was that Krishnalal could have done the whole fresco yesterday before 5 p.m.—but he did only a third of it. The fresco is not his original conception or inspiration, after all; he is copying it from an existing picture. Any artist with the mastery of technique he has, should not find it difficult to put more concentration and energy into his work. We read of artists working hours together on their works.
Sri Aurobindo: These things are matters of temperament. It is not a question of mastery of technique only as with a craftsman. A craftsman can go on working regularly always for any amount of time. An artist is not the same. He depends on his temperament (whether he is a poet, painter or sculptor) and its response to a certain flow of force. If anything in it gets dull or jaded or does not respond, he ceases working—or if anything else goes wrong or is not responsive in him. Copy or original makes no difference to his method—he brings the same temperamental attitude to both. Of course there are artists whose temperament is so buoyant that they keep the flow at command almost (like Harin with his poems), painting or working every day for hours together. Others cannot—they work sometimes more, sometimes less— sometimes after long intervals etc.
27 September 1934
Sadhak: I forgot that artists do not follow a fixed rule like most others—the best of them do a little one day and forget it for several days, begin again and then suddenly finish it in a day—so it is natural that Krishnalal would not hurry up or go by a fixed rule.
Sri Aurobindo: Yes, it is because they are instruments of a Force which does not come when they want but as it wants. 27 September 1934
Sadhak: Yesterday V enthusiastically told Krishnalal that she would like to learn painting, make frescoes etc. Krishnalal replied that it is not easy—it is not as easy as embroidery which is done with repetitive stitches once the design has been made and traced; in painting one has to conceive what is to be painted and the inspiration has to be got. V and I felt that this reply was rather too egoistic and fussy.
Sri Aurobindo: Are you sure that Krishnalal meant anything else than to state the fact? If V had said that to the Mother, she would have had to make the same reply in substance. Painting is an enormously difficult art needing years of training and a special faculty if one is to do in it as well as V does in embroidery.
28 September 1934
Sadhak: Today J talked to me about how sticky and hard Krishnalal's psychological formations are, how there is a want of largeness and wideness in his outlook on things and how dangerous it would be to him if pressure were put on his vital ego. My idea is that Krishnalal is very quiet and reticent and concentrated in his work. Of course, as X said, "He keeps a wall against you"; he certainly does keep a wall against me and assumes an air of superiority. I gave him all the available facilities for his work, but he behaved like a person rather self-centred and narrow. If I were to keep as stony a wall against him, he would not have easily got these facilities for work.
Sri Aurobindo: I have always thought Krishnalal to be quiet and sincere. Every artist believes he has inspiration, otherwise he would not have the confidence to go on with his work. He has not, I think, a pronounced vital ego. I do not know about his attitude to you, possibly he has been prejudiced by others if he has the attitude J attributes to him and you feel.
(From as yet unpublished material)
We reproduce Krishnalal's correspondence with Mother and Sri Aurobindo.
10.8.1933:
Mother, I pray you will kindly grant me permission for the pranam and dhyana ceremony from tomorrow.
Sri Aurobindo: Yes. Mother has seen your paintings and is interested in them—but just now she has no time to write about them—she will say something afterwards.
18.8.1933:
Mother, Will you kindly give me the permission to see the Japanese prints which you gave to the library?
Sri Aurobindo: Yes. Mother has informed Nolini that they can be shown to you.
K: May I hope for your divine touch to my brushes which I send herewith?
Sri Aurobindo: The Mother has looked at them. She says they are just the same as those she brought back from Japan—of the finest quality. You can begin painting. The Mother expects that you will show her what you do.
K: I am sending a card done in coloured pencils which you will kindly accept.
Sri Aurobindo: The Mother is very much pleased with your card. She did not write about your paintings because she had no time. If you remain longer, the Mother will call you one day when the crowd is gone and go through them once with you.
26.8.1933:
Mother, Last evening I saw a lotus in vision. First I saw it as drawn in position (1), after a short time as in position (2). May I ask you about its significance?
Sri Aurobindo: The white lotus is the Divine Consciousness-Force; the red lotus is the Avatar, the Divine Descent upon earth. This seems to be a combination of the two. It looks as if the first position indicated the double Power above and ready to descend, the second the first outflowering below.
31.8.1933
Mother [on a chit]:. The falcon is the symbol of Perfect Vision.
3.9.1933
Mother [on a chit-card]: The symbol of the vision is not very clear. The flower resembles a little the Champa (psychological perfection) although the form is not the same. Five being a number of "power" it should symbolise a powerful movement of progress or of expression.
5-9-1933
Mother [on a white chit]: Krishnalal, I am sending you a reproduction of a Corean tiger.
6.9.1933:
Mother, I hope to get solutions from you of my doubts concerning art.
Generally I am accustomed to depend upon nature for my inspiration. How far should an artist depend upon nature? If the source of inspiration is within the artist himself does it require nature's help to reach it? Does taking inspiration from nature hinder to go within one's self for beauty and inspiration?
Sri Aurobindo: There is no incompatibility between the inspiration from within and the dependence on Nature. The essence of the inspiration always comes from within but the forms of expression are based on Nature though developed and modified by the selective or interpretative sight of the artist.
[A small but relevant exchange between Nirodbaran and Sri Aurobindo on 10 September. Nirod: May I go and see Krishnalal's paintings now and then? Sri Aurobindo: Not now and then—artists usually do not care to be disturbed. You have not seen them already? I don't think he is painting his pictures now.]
17.9.1933:
Mother, Today I send you the drawing of the vision done in pastel colours. Its colours are to be fixed with the fixative which I have ordered from Madras and will receive within a day or two. So, will you kindly return it? I will send it back after fixing it. I saw this vision twice, once, day before yesterday and again yesterday during the Pranam meditation. Kindly let me know its significance.
Mother: The vision is beautiful. Here is its meaning: The flame of purifying aspiration burning on the rough sea of vital passions and desires.P.S. For more safety I shall give you the picture back to-morrow morning at pranam.
18-9-1933:
Mother, yesterday between 10 and 11 a.m. I saw this vision. A road going high up on the side of a mountain. At the top there was something like a stormy cloud.
Sri Aurobindo: It is the inner ascent with occasional storm-clouds coming down across the road.
20-9-1933:
Mother, I am sending "Mother's portrait" done in pastels. I began it 15 days back and finished it 7 days ago. I kept it with me since then with the idea of fixing it, which proved to be useless. May I ask for your opinion, suggestions and criticism over it? If you find necessary to correct it you will be kind enough to do so. I have done it from memory. Do you think this portrait is successful a little? Do you know any good fixative for pastels used in Paris?
It will be better on my part to write that the depression, about which I wrote yesterday, was not there during or after finishing it for four days.
Sri Aurobindo: The portrait does not seem to us to be successful. In the externals the long projection of the nose over the lips and the eyes close together modify the type of the face and give it another character. It is not a question of resemblance or external appearance, but the basis of character is affected. This however would not be so much of an objection—but for the inner expression as it comes out through the mouth and eyes. There is something introduced here from a vital world—undivine—which is not part of the Mother's vital. It has come in through that Influence of which the Mother spoke—it throws its own shadow and so changes the inner vision of the thing to be done, the face to be portrayed. There is no such element in your paintings of Nature which catch very finely the inner truth of what you paint.
It was not with this portrait that we connected what I wrote about the wrong Influence that brought the obstruction and depression. —Sri Aurobindo 21.9.1933.
25-9-1933:
Mother, I send three of my visions. Two of them (of Krishna) were seen day before yesterday in the evening. No. 1 was seen first and just afterwards the same kind of figure of Krishna as in No. 2. No. 3 is the vision which I saw at my place [Ahmedabad] in last July. Sri Aurobindo's feet with a rose on the left foot. I do it after a long time and so I do not remember the then seen form of the feet. General colouring and the arrangement I think I have been able to reproduce. Will you kindly let me know your suggestions?
Sri Aurobindo: The appearance of these visions seems to be that of mental images—they have not the vividness and force of those that are parts of an experience.
28-9-1933:
Mother, Can I go to station to-morrow night, as Chandulal is going?
Sri Aurobindo: Yes.
1-10-1933:
Mother, I will require some stamps. I have to write to my brother for some family matters and for some of my things which I have left there. I want to write to my friends also about selling some of my pictures. You will kindly permit me for that.
Mother: Ask Amrita for the stamps.
K: Can I take my dinner in the dining hall? [The D.R. was then in the Ashram main building.]
Mother: Yes.
undated:
Mother, I send these photographs for the favour of signatures. What should I do for their framing?
Sri Aurobindo: You should ask Purani to make the frames.
Mother, Can I go to station to-night to see Natwar off?
Sri Aurobindo: Yes, but there is no car.
K: Will you kindly allow me to have some pegs for the photos and picture-frames in the room upstairs? Also permit me for two wires to be tied in the common passage between two rooms.
3-10-1933
Mother [on a white chit]: Krishnalal I find that Champaklal is progressing very much since you are teaching him. He would like to have a lesson every day. Can you do it?
3.10.1933:
Mother, Last night I felt sleepy earlier than usual. But when I went to bed the whole body began to suffer from acute pain. Each and every joint and muscle pained as if it was being hammered from inside. This lasted nearly for three hours. Then I slept.
Sri Aurobindo: Would you like to ask Doctor (Banerji) about these pains?
7.10.1933:
Mother, To-day I send the picture of the vision, which I saw before three months on the day of my birth-date. I did its drawing on the second day. I have changed the form of the lotus. In the vision it was decorative and had about eight petals. The background was not very clear to me and so I have left it unfinished. In the upper part of the background there was something like the folds of a red sari. I have tried to bring out the colouring seen in the vision. May I hope for its explanation?
Sri Aurobindo: The lotus must represent owing to its numerous petals the "thousand petalled" lotus above the head which is the seat of the higher consciousness above the thinking intelligence. The vision may mean the opening of the consciousness there and in it the adoration of the Divine.
12-10-1933:
Mother, I send two pictures seen in the visions yesterday. No. (1) I saw while I was in meditation during Pranam time, something like a figure of shining gold against the grey background.
No. (2), I saw in the afternoon while walking in my room concentrating for a picture. My eyes were open at the time, yet I saw it in the colours and the form. Can it be called a vision?
K: Will you kindly let me know what they mean?
Sri Aurobindo: No. 1 is the way crossing the vital, the golden figure is a divine being or some consciousness entering the vital, the line across is the protection put along this way. No. 2 is a symbol of the divine creation (white house on golden hill) on the physical (red).
17.10.1933:
Mother, I send you two pictures, a landscape and a vision. The vision I saw yesterday in the morning. A male figure is standing in a chariot drawn by some horses.
Sri Aurobindo: Possibly the Sun God.
Mother, since some days I feel as if somebody speaking at the time of going to bed. The words or sentences heard are irrelevant and not clear, but as if they are trying to disturb me. Has this any meaning? What can be its nature?
Sri Aurobindo: Never rely on these voices—not only so but never listen to them, turn your attention elsewhere when you hear them and cut all connection. They are deceptive voices and are trying to disturb you.
29/10/1933:
Mother, Last night I saw in dream a volcano of grey colour bursting out with loud noise and fire. I told to some persons who were by my side, "Our country has volcanoes, we will have earthquakes and our buildings will fall down." What can be its significance?
Sri Aurobindo: It is difficult to say. It means a big turmoil somewhere—in the world, in the country or in something connected with one's own life.
K: To-day I was reading a Gujarati novel. In it an incident is described that a young lady, whose profession is to sing in the public, leaves that life and runs away, and gets refuge in a temple of Rama. The priest is a real devotee and treats the lady kindly. The lady with great reverence bows to the image of God Rama. While reading this I also felt the pious atmosphere and tears began to flow. I could not check them. Weeping began very freely, nearly for 45 minutes I wept. I felt perspiring and weak. As I could not check weeping I got out of the room and any way managed to forget all. What kind of movement can this be? Has it any connection with sadhana?
Sri Aurobindo: It was an answer of an inner movement to the suggestion of spiritual emotion, but the vital intensity was too uncontrolled, hence the excess of weeping and weakness.
4.11.1933:
Mother, Before some days I wrote a letter to Sjt. Nandalal Bose informing him about my stay here and asking him about a process for washing egg-tempera picture. The reply, which I received today, I send to you. (In it [my letter (inserted by Sri Aurobindo over K's "it")] he writes about love as the only thing for Art.) [The parentheses were inserted by Sri Aurobindo to connect his own answer] When I was at Santiniketan he talked about the same point to me. Is it quite correct or something supplementary is necessary with love?
Sri Aurobindo: It is a way of speaking, I suppose, in accordance with his own experience. It is the creative Force which he calls Love—others might call it by another name because they see it in another aspect.
K: I have mounted the cloth for the picture with the help of Champaklal. To-morrow may I begin a picture 'The Wave' with your divine blessings?
5/11/1933:
Mother, I saw this vision while meditating before beginning the picture on cloth. The earthen lamp is just like the one I saw before, the background is different. I am not able to bring out the soft bluish green in this coloured pencil drawing. Will you let me know what it signifies?
Sri Aurobindo: The bluish green would signify loving devotion, the lamp consecration—in the physical, (because the lamp is red).
12-11-1933:
Mother, In one of the window-screens of my room white ants have come out. May I inquire about what is to be done?
Mother: Inform Chandulal who will have them removed. P.S. were you informed that I shall see you on Wednesday (15th) after 11.30.A.M.
20-11-1933:
Mother, now I will not require the picture about which you sent word with Champaklal. I am writing for the colours, ordered from Madras through a friend of Purani, to finish the picture on cloth. Anyway I want to finish it before the 24th inst. Today I received from the store three Japanese sheets of wood. I am trying to do colouring on them. Are they specially meant for painting in water colours?
Mother: They use them like that in Japan, but I do not know if these are prepared.
K: It seems Anilkumar and Romen have stopped the classes. In case of Anilkumar I had not the least intention of offending him or stopping him from the class. Was I wrong in insisting on his bringing some work for execution in the class for he did not bring any since last four classes?
Mother: No, you were not wrong.
Mother, I have nearly finished the picture on cloth. Before I take it off the board I would like to show it to you and take your suggestions for the finishing touches. Will you oblige me by sparing a little of your time if possible?
Sri Aurobindo: Mother will find out a time for it.
28.11.1933:
Mother, since three days I cannot keep myself conscious of your atmosphere. At times there are gaps when some idea of ordinary occurrence continues in the mind. I can reject it after some effort. Like this it goes on, and so I am not able to sit at work steadily. When I try to read I feel sleepy.
Sri Aurobindo: It is a lapse into the ordinary consciousness. Remain very quiet and let the former condition come back.
K: Last night I felt sleepy a little earlier and so went to bed. I did not get sleep but was in such a condition that I felt that all my senses had stopped working. No thought was there in the brain nor was I conscious of my limbs. With great effort I was trying to remember you now and then. I do not know how long I remained in that condition, may be half an hour to one hour. Will you kindly explain me all about this?
Sri Aurobindo: The last experience was a passing into a state of trance.
6.12.1933:
Mother, Last night in dream I saw three pictures. One was that of a god whose ten to twelve heads were cut off by Chakra. The heads and the Chakra were seen in the picture as if just after the action of cutting. The figure was standing calmly. In dream some name of the god was suggested which I have forgotten.
Sri Aurobindo: It sounds more like an Asura killed by Vishnu than a god.
K: Another was a pair of two pictures of God Vishnu. Both were seen side by side. In the one Vishnu was lying in his abode heaven quite at ease. In his front two figures fully dressed as warriors of those times were sitting, and towards his legs Laxmi was sitting, though she was not seen there was her suggestion. The details were not clear but atmosphere was of rest in his own place.
In the other of the pair Vishnu was lying but uneasy. The suggestion of Laxmi was the same as in the former one. The figures of the warriors were not there but some other figures may be round about. The background was airy and of light yellowish green colour. Vishnu was telling to the persons present, "Finish up all the works soon, I may have to go, at any moment my devotees call me." Then all of a sudden he commanded Arjuna, "Finish the yagna before to-morrow, I will have to go."
Do these dreams signify anything?
Sri Aurobindo: Probably only dreams of the mental plane founded on old legends.
8.12.1933:
Mother, Will you kindly solve my following doubt pertaining to painting?
I send, herewith, a coloured print of a picture of mine which is titled, "Flames of Wrath", and some photographic prints of Sri Rabindranath Tagore's pictures for reference. Sri Nandalal Bose had suggested to me that in my picture "Flames of Wrath" the flame was not correctly drawn from the view point of art. According to him the drawing of flame did not convey its own meaning. For that he suggested to me to study the old—especially Tibetan—paintings.
The flame of anger which I have drawn is according to what I actually perceived at the time. In the picture the flame of anger is becoming intense and rising higher and at its highest bursts into darkness. This is how I perceived. Does this picture go out of the range of art because it is not according to tradition? Should an artist always depend on the traditional rules to make a picture a piece of art? Are these rules not the limitations for an artist?
The pictures of Sri R. N. Tagore do not follow the tradition, even then they are considered in art. How far they are justified?
On the other side there are pictures, technically perfect but very poor to express this inner theme. How much are they justified?
Sri Aurobindo: The Mother finds the pictures of Tagore hideous and monstrous; she would not dignify them with the name of art. But it is not because they depart from tradition. The Mother does not believe in tradition—she considers that Art should always develop new forms—but still these must be according to a truth of Beauty which is universal and eternal—something of the Divine. As for your picture she finds it expressive. She felt at once what it meant—so the criticism of Nandalal does not stand.
10.Dec.1933:
Mother, Since some days I do not feel to do any painting even though my general atmosphere seems to me better. I am not able to understand where lies the difficulty. Will you kindly throw light over this matter?
I have marked a change after coming here. In the beginning when I came here I used to go for walks and get inspired from nature. But now that is gradually diminished. What kind of change can this be?
Sri Aurobindo: It is a state of transition. You will get out of it as you progress.
[10.12.1933]:
Mother, I send you the picture about which I told you on the day of the interview.
I began it long ago but was doing it at intervals. I have tried to finish it. I would like to have your suggestions as to when it requires more finishing or if it is overworked, also general criticism over the picture.
Sri Aurobindo: The landscape is admirable, full of light and beauty (the figures not so successful). It is not overworked. Something more is needed for the finishing.
[Undated]:
Mother, May I suggest one idea for the framing of "The Wave"? Instead of one whole glass if three pieces in the same size are used then, I think there will not be much danger of breaking of the glass or of the frame becoming very heavy, for in this case we can use thinner glasses. Only difficulty is that there will be two vertical lines on the picture where the glasses meet. [Here K drew a sketch (1.5" x 3") showing the vertical joints.] Will this look good and is it practicable?
Mother: I had thought also of making the frame like a window through which the picture would be seen. But I have asked for the celluloid sheet we shall see first if is all right if not we shall try the other thing.
[N.B. In K's album this letter is placed just before that of 4.11.1933 where he asks permission to begin this painting. Did this discussion then precede completion? Or is it based on preliminary sketches?]
12-12-1933:
Mother, I received this telegram from Bachubhai, a friend of mine, who is the manager of a monthly magazine and under whom my younger brother Sudama works. Sudama is about 25 years old and is one of the two brothers who are earning.
Mother: The intention of such a telegram is obvious, for how can your friend expect that your going there can cure your brother....
14-12-1933:
Mother, To-day I received a letter from my father which I forward for your information. The envelope was addressed to Purani with a letter also to him.
My father has stopped the box with some of my things which my brother was to send.
In reply may I write to him of following substance? My stay here is for indefinite period. And for the family affairs they should manage considering me absent for a long time.
[On the 15th a cyclonic storm hit the town. Correspondence was stopped, some ashramites said, to give more time to Sri Aurobindo and Mother to control the forces behind the cyclone (as it was done for the cyclone that occurred three years previously) and save the town from severe damage. Some said the cyclone was the hostiles' reaction to the descent of 24th November. Then, as now, people crowded on the beach to 'enjoy' the mountainous waves and the wild sprays.]
19/12/1933:
Mother, To-day I received a letter from the friend who had wired. He writes of the following substance: "Sudama (my brother) suffers from fever since last Monday (11th). It is typhoid and is serious. The heavy weakness which follows after the crisis in this fever is now in the beginning, so we do not know what will be the condition in crisis. In this condition we have thought it fit to call you. He will be relieved by your presence from the burden which he has on his mind due to your absence and he will have much of mental rest. So without any considerations you should start."
I send this letter only for your information. As you wrote before I cannot cure him.
Will you kindly instruct me as to what kind of answer I should return?
Mother: You might answer to this effect that you do not think that you could be of any help by going there, and that you think that whatever help can be given, can better be done from here than from anywhere else.
2? 12.1933:
Mother, To-day I received letters from my wife and brother. I put before you the summary ...[rest of this side cut out; on the reverse is written] advice as to what I should reply.
Sri Aurobindo: These difficulties and the reproaches also are inevitable for a sadhak coming away from his family. If he wants to stay there he must be prepared to face them and live them down. Many have had to do that before you.
27.12.1933:
Mother, Since a week I am attacked by suggestions of illness. They come in different forms, which I reject as soon as I become aware of. Still I suffer from cold at times.
Yesterday I was attacked by a peculiar atmosphere. In the morning when I was taking bath suddenly I felt that the whole bathroom was filled with a kind of suffocating air. My head became heavy and dizzy. Then for the whole day I was as usual. But again at night before going to bed I felt dizziness. When I went to bed for sleep I tried to concentrate on Mother; I had some visions coming from above, from which only one, of "White Ganesh", I remember. But soon after this that peculiar atmosphere surrounded me as if trying to suffocate me. My whole body began to ache. For nearly more than an hour I suffered in body and mind both as if crushed down. At times calling for your help and trying to reject the atmosphere I passed the period after which I slept. I am not able to understand what kind of atmosphere or hostile force was that. Will you oblige me by explaining about all this and what kind of attitude I should keep now?
Sri Aurobindo: The main thing is to remain very quiet, know what it is and repel it refusing to be either alarmed or affected.
K: To-day I have received more information of my brother's sickness in a letter from my place. I put some contents from it for your information.
On last Friday my brother's condition was very serious. He could not pass urine. Three doctors were called. My brother wanted again to wire for me and was eager to see me by his side. He and another younger brother are angry with me because when there is serious sickness in the house and economic condition is bad I am trying to search God. My mother is calm in all this. My wife is daily weeping and the child does not get the proper nourishment and so it is to be nourished on milk from outside. In this condition they want me to return and manage everything there and then to come back here.
Can this condition at my place be responsible for my above-said atmosphere? Has it any connection in that way?
Sri Aurobindo: I think it is mostly that that brought the attack.
28-12-1933:
Mother, Can this sickness of my brother have any relation with my stay here for Sadhana?
Sri Aurobindo: No relation.
K: Are the hostile forces trying to bring the attack on me in that way or does it come to strengthen my sadhana?
Sri Aurobindo: Whatever happened like that is to be used as an occasion for affirming the strength of the sadhana.
K: Is it possible that if anyone tries to hinder in other's sadhana one may be attacked by hostile forces?
Sri Aurobindo: It is possible. A hostile vibration can always put one in relation with disastrous forces of a similar kind and their dangerous vibrations.
30-12-1933:
Mother, To-day in the early morning I awoke with the memory of this landscape. I was not fully out of the sleep when I saw it but I remembered it clearly.
Can it have any meaning?
Sri Aurobindo: Pine trees usually indicate a pure aspiration.
Mother, Nolini told me that the glass and the frame for the picture have arrived, and that you want the picture to be framed on the 2nd Jan.
If you have no objection I and Purani may take out the picture in the morning, frame it during the day time and leave it upstairs in the evening to-morrow. We think a day is sufficient for that work.
Mother: Yes, but I have nobody to hang up the picture once framed, as the work is a little difficult (it must be hung from the ceiling) and I would like to have the picture there for the midnight blessings.
[1933]:
Mother, Since some days a strange feeling overcomes me. I remain in a suffocating atmosphere and feel helpless—without your guidance and protection. It takes a long effort to come out from that atmosphere.
I seem dull in my general work and painting also. I am not much inclined to draw or read, so I lie down in the cot and pass the day. In the evening I go for a walk.
I received the fixative but found it not useful to fix pastel works. By its use the colours become darker and dull. And so I return the picture of the vision semi-fixed.
To-day I send you a simple colour-combination that I saw yesterday. Sometimes I close my eyes and see many different kinds of colour combinations having many different shades. These have no regular forms. This, which I send has some shape in it and the colours are quite simple, so I put it on paper.
Have these abstract colour-combinations any meaning?
Sri Aurobindo: It is movements of forces that you see. Each colour represents some kind of force. As for the suffocating atmosphere, it is a wrong Influence that has come in and is obstructing the consciousness and preventing the contact with the Mother. You have to reject it and wipe it out from your atmosphere. The Mother had told you once that in your human figures you did not seem to be in contact with the right Influence and you had said that you felt the contact with an eternal Beauty in Nature but had not the same contact with regard to the human figure. It will be better then, now that you are practising the Yoga and to be in contact with right Influences only is very important, to avoid dealing with the human face and figure at present. In Yoga what may seem to the mind a detail may yet open the door to things that have strong effects on the consciousness, disturb its harmony or interfere with the sources of inspiration, vision and experience.
Mother, I do not do any drawing or painting taking inspiration from nature because I am not inclined to it now-a-days. Instead of that I feel a kind of movement going on in my inner being; though it is not clear to me yet I feel that something will take form sooner or later. I keep aspiration for the divine Truth to manifest through my art. When such movement is going on I see hazy forms in variety of colours coming down but it is disturbed by some mental movement. This is as I understand it.
I will be much obliged if you will throw some light in this matter. Am I on the right path and what should I do to avoid mental disturbance?
Sri Aurobindo: Yes—you are on the right path.
K: Is it possible that I may become lazy by waiting for the inspiration from within and not doing any work till then?
Sri Aurobindo: No.
K: In that case is it necessary for myself to do some practice work to keep in touch with drawing?
Sri Aurobindo: Of course you can do one little study work every day. Mother is constantly putting you in relation with a world of true harmony and it is that that you feel trying to come down—but you must keep your mind very quiet to receive it.
4/1/1934:
Mother, A few days back I was reading the criticism on the art of Muzumdar. In it there is the description of Sri Chaitanya and Sri Krishna in relation to his pictures.
While reading the description I had the feeling horripilation many times; at times it passed from the head to feet and again back. In what being was this opening and receptivity? And can it be helpful to read such writing often?
Sri Aurobindo: Yes, it is good.
K: On the same evening I went out for a walk when I was in continuation of the same mood, and all of a sudden I felt the presence of Sri Aurobindo around me. Nearly for 45 minutes I remained in that experience. But as it was time for dinner and your darshana I returned to Ashram and the mood, gradually, passed away.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by your love and am filled with delight. At such times should I sit quietly and receive and allow that consciousness to continue in spite of other works to be done during that time?
Sri Aurobindo: Yes, it is better to be quiet and let it continue.
Jan 1934:
Mother, I have heard Arjava is to shift from his present room. In that case, if you have no objection may I suggest that the room up-stairs will be more convenient to me and for my work also due to glass windows?
Sri Aurobindo: Mother had already decided to give you the corner room which is very suitable for your painting.
9-1-1934:
Mother, When an artist brings down one form from the world of harmony and expresses it through a material—stone or paper and colours—does that form become permanent for this physical world? If we say it is permanent what becomes of it when that material perishes?
Sri Aurobindo: In the material it lasts only as long as the expression—of course it may last in the subtle physical behind.
K: If this form of the higher world can be expressed in stone then is it not more convenient to express it through the physical body which is more conscious than the stone? If it is possible how can it be expressed?
Sri Aurobindo: Your question is not quite clear. How do you envisage the expression in a physical body?
10-1-1934:
Mother, I will try to put clearly yesterday's question. The physical body is more conscious than the stone. Then, to express the form from the higher world is it not convenient to use the physical body rather than the stone? Supposing an aspect of beauty is to be expressed, the sculptor will have to carve the stone and give a form which will show beauty. But the body being more plastic can he not show the same aspect perfectly by dancing?
If it is so why to go to other materials for expression?
Sri Aurobindo: But dancing is a movement—not a form. The body can express a rhythm brought down, but how are you going to make it express a new form?
12-1-1934:
Mother, To-day at about 11 a.m. I had the experience of going into trance (I think because it was very similar to the one which I had some days back). In it I saw your different aspects, but as they were not clear I could not distinguish between them. The experience lasted nearly for one hour and a half. The main thing that I felt throughout was silence within and around me. This silence then continued for the whole day. The outside noise was there but I felt I was protected from it by the layer of silence around me. Afterwards I had a little heaviness on the head, sneezing and effect of cold for about an hour in the afternoon.
Will you kindly explain me what is the true nature and significance of the experience and what is the relation of cold etc?
Sri Aurobindo: The experience of the silence was certainly the descent of the fundamental silence which prepares the transformation of the consciousness—it is the beginning of the spiritual peace. You saw the aspects of the Mother probably because they were present in the work that was being done. As for the cold it may have been due to some resistance in the body (head) or else to the body during the trance having been too much open to the atmosphere and as there is still something of the wave of cold and headache in the atmosphere and it got touched for a moment.
13-1-1934:
Mother, this landscape I did when I was yet in the influence of the experience—yesterday. Does it convey any mood?
Sri Aurobindo: It suggests solitude in a wide silence.
Mother, The human figures that I draw are not expressive, on the contrary they open the way for evil influence. It is like that from the very beginning.
What can be the origin of it? And generally what kind of influence it brings? What may be the reason that that influence is avoided in my landscape painting?
Sri Aurobindo: Your relation with Nature has been much more psychic than your relation with human beings. You must have met the latter mainly in the vital plane and not come in close contact with the eternal Beauty behind. In Nature you have felt the touch of the eternal and infinite and entered therefore into a true relation with her. The influence that comes in the human figure is a force of disharmony and ugliness—a manifestation of ignorance in form.
15/1/1934:
Mother, I see such mountain peaks very often now-a-days. They are seen in different colours—in reds, yellows, blues, etc. This is one of these seen with white temples or buildings on its summit.
What kind of movement this can show?
Sri Aurobindo: Aspiration and will to reach the highest heights.
Mother, To-day Purani gave me the information from a letter to him that the [my] child died on last Saturday.
And the second item is that my brother who recovered from typhoid fever, though very weak, is a little angry with me and so he would not like to write to me or speak with me because I did not go there in his sickness in spite of his sympathetic attitude towards me.
What should be my attitude as a sadhak in both matters?
Sri Aurobindo: The right attitude is perfect equanimity and faith that the Divine's Will is always for the best.
K: When I knew this news I thought it good to remain quiet. So I went to my room and began to aspire for the peace. After some struggle mind was thrown in the background, and I felt my head very light and cool. I felt also Mother's presence and her aspect in vision—there were different lights and visions too.
In between I had lapses when some hostile atmosphere was trying to attack me especially a black shadow was covering the right side of my body. By asking for Mother's help I was protected from all that. One hour passed like that, still I tried to separate myself and go deep. And quite a new experience, for me, began. My physical body seemed to be sinking somewhere and becoming smaller and smaller and some body like vibration separated and as if was revolving just over the physical body. I felt a great pressure of that vibration as if it will break me down. At that time I remembered that I had such experiences before when I used to suffer from fever. The vibration-like body seemed big like an elephant in proportion to [my] physical body which was like an ant.
Sri Aurobindo: The experience must have been that of your vital being coming out of the body and standing above it.
K: When this was going on in full force I had to get up to open the door of the room which was being knocked at. Then again I sat for some time and had to allow my self to come in the ordinary condition. There was in the evening, headache, heaviness of the head and nervousness in the body. Was it due to untimely disturbance or due to pressure?
Will you kindly explain me about the whole movement and give me guiding instructions?
Sri Aurobindo: It was due to untimely disturbance, not to pressure. It would have been better not to get up and open.
16-1-1934:
Yesterday night when I went to bed I thought it better to aspire for peace to calm down the nervousness before sleep; while doing so the same experience of the vital being separating was revived. This time there was no pressure and fast beating of the heart as in the afternoon. But the suggestions from the adverse forces were more and powerful. The suggestions of madness, illness and especially of fever attacked me often. I rejected them and had a good sleep.
Today in the morning during meditation time I had the pressure on the left side of the chest. Also it became very hot.
I feel a sensation of fever trying to approach my body. Why and what are all these effects?
How are they to be faced?
Sri Aurobindo: Face them with a complete rejection—and calm and quietness and faith in the protection.
16/1/1934:
Mother, I send a vision of a ship which I saw during my experience yesterday afternoon. I am not able to understand the round shapes in the foreground. May I hope for the symbolism of the vision?
Sri Aurobindo: It is the ship of the sadhana forcing its way through the difficulties (mountainous waves indicated by the round shapes).
Mother, Yesterday in the evening I saw a vision as drawn above. Four golden figures standing on four sides of a circle of golden light. Kindly explain me its significance.
Sri Aurobindo: It is probably the wheel of the universal manifestation, but in the Truth (golden light)—four is the sign of completeness. [This letter is reproduced in facsimile on the opposite page.]
18/1/1934:
Mother, Today during meditation I felt something trying to descend on the head but there it was, as if obstructed and could not come down. Since then there is headache and a feeling that there is a horizontal layer in the head barring the way of the descending movement.
Sri Aurobindo: There is often a bar like that—very usually composed of habitual thoughts and ideas.
K: Today I have received from a friend of mine, who is an editor of a magazine, two stories to be illustrated. What should I do?
Sri Aurobindo: You can do it.
Mother, This vision (of a mountain) I saw yesterday in meditation during pranam time.
Sri Aurobindo: It is a beautiful vision and has the same meaning of the ascending aspiration to the Light.
K: I require six picture-frames with cloth-tapes pasted on four borders—not wooden frames. Can I ask Biren for these with your kind permission?
20/1/1934:
Mother, Yester-night while I was asleep I felt some strange thing thrown towards me. It fell by my side. At once I got out of the sleep and I had the impression that to create fear in me it happened. What can it be due to?
Sri Aurobindo: It may be. You might ask Rishabchand whether you can move upstairs.
K: Since three days automatically some thoughts are going on in the mind. So I am not able to concentrate well on one thing. I cannot do meditation easily. I try to reject these thoughts and meditate but then headache begins. What is this and what should I do in this matter? Should I not try to meditate?
Sri Aurobindo: Do not force yourself. Mother would like to see your illustrations when you do them. Mother thought you might like to keep the picture of your vision, so she is sending it back to you.
Mother, I saw one Japanese picture in vision which I have tried to reproduce here. I am not able to bring out the same minute details but the colouring and the general compositions are more faithful to the vision-picture.
Kindly let me know, what does it indicate?
Sri Aurobindo: It is a vision of some scene in the vital world which translated in your consciousness as a Japanese picture. Such scenes are renderings of some vital world experience—the water symbolises the movement of forces and the swiftness of the movement up the stream is a sign of the advance in the vital progress. These scenes are sometimes dark, sometimes luminous, or the water itself luminous or mixing with the sky.
23-1-1934:
Mother, Today I have occupied the new room. [The South-East facing room at No.11, Rue St. Louis on the first floor. This is where he stayed till the end]. May I request you for a painting done by you to keep it with me?
Sri Aurobindo: But Mother has no time to do any painting as she is occupied all day and most of the night!
24-1-1934:
Mother, after a long time I am doing human figures with your permission. Am I able to bring out the idea without any lower influence? Kindly let me know your suggestions and opinion.
Sri Aurobindo: The idea is brought out sufficiently—there is no lower influence, but the subject itself has not much refinement and does not give opportunity for a higher expression. There is some deficiency in the knowledge of the human body—more study from Nature would be needed.
25-1-1934:
Mother, Are there any more suggestions for study except that of human body? For the knowledge of human figures should I recommence sketching from nature?
Mother: It seems to me that a few sketches from nature would be useful especially from the point of view of the proportion of legs and arms and the harmony of form.
K: A handle for the main door of my room is necessary.
Mother: Ask it from Chandulal.
29-1-1934:
Mother, I send a rough drawing for the fresco-work. The drawing is to be symmetrical so one side is done which will be traced afterwards.
I will be obliged to have your suggestions about the drawing before I commence it on the plaster.
Sri Aurobindo: The Mother finds the drawing quite satisfactory—there is nothing to suggest.
(?.1.1934?):
Mother, As I find the electric light very dim for writing, reading or drawing purposes will you favour me and grant a table-lamp or convert the present one in such a way that it can be removed?
Mother: We have no table lamp in stock but as soon as they will be ready I shall send you one.
29/1/1934:
According to your order the wire given for the table-lamp is 12 feet long, but as it is a little short to reach the corner where I have kept my seat for drawing will you kindly sanction 5 feet more?
Sri Aurobindo: The 12 feet are the usual allowance and they were the end of a roll—if you want the 5 feet more, you will have to wait till a new stock comes.
As the materials for painting are increasing it seems I will need a cupboard. May I ask from Mother for one of a fairly good size?
Sri Aurobindo: Ask Amrita.
Mother, I send some cuttings of pictures. Sometimes I see such pictures pasted on the envelopes, so thinking that some from these may come in use I send them to you.
Sri Aurobindo: They are very beautiful and will be very useful.
1-2-1934:
Mother, I have completed the fresco the rough sketch of which I sent you two days back. It is on a piece of everite which will be fixed on the wall of Tresor House. Can you arrange the time and place to see it and oblige?
I want to know and try the picture-mounting style which is done in Japan for picture-rolls. If you can give me any instructions I will be very glad to receive them. And if you have any such rolls of Japanese pictures I would like to see them.
Sri Aurobindo: Mother has plenty. She will look and one day when she gets time, she will call you, and show you the rolls and see the everite fresco.
K: The used safety-razor blades are very useful for cutting the borders of the pictures and such other fine works. But without any handle it is inconvenient to use them. As I learnt from Pavitra that the handle can be made can I ask him to make one?
5-2-1934:
Mother, Was there any psychological cause on the part of my being in the incident of the fresco yesterday? When the fresco gave way I was a little nervous only because the incident occurred in an awkward position; except that I had no depressing or any other feeling.
Sri Aurobindo: No psychological reason. You put thick lime without mortar, says Chandulal—that can't stick even on a wall—and as it was thick, it dropped off at once.
K: I had in mind the idea of doing a fresco in the interior—about which you suggested to me yesterday. It will be done on the wall in the style of egg-tempera, which I hope to begin after February.
10/2/1934:
Mother, Today at the time of Pranam I felt that a kind of shock passed through Mother's body, when my head was under her hand and in her lap. When I raised my head I received a sweet smile from Mother.
May I know whether it was connected with any movement of my being?
Sri Aurobindo: It is always a force like lightning that passes when the one who is making pranam is very receptive.
K: Before some time I had a desire to draw Mirabai's picture. Very recently I had the consciousness of Mirabai in which I felt the love, devotion and the union with Krishna trying to present before me. Since then I keep up the aspiration so that that consciousness may take a definite form which I can put in the picture. I feel that some form will present itself. I try to keep the mind quiet; though I have headache sometime while concentrating for it.
23/2/1934:
Mother, I have inquired about the paper of sufficiently long size for the mounting of the picture; but it is not available here so should it be got from Madras?
1/March/1934:
Mother, Before I mount the big picture I want to try a small picture-mounting in the Japanese style; but before I begin it I would like to see one roll of Japanese picture in details, so if you have no objection may I ask for any one roll from your stock only for one day?
Sri Aurobindo: Yes, Mother is giving you one to see.
3/3/1934:
Mother, After the occasion of the 21st February, I used to see flowers and plants of various colours when I closed my eyes. This painting is one from the memory after those impressions.
What is the meaning of these plants?
Sri Aurobindo: These things are seen in the vital or physical vital and mean some movement of strength and energy, manifestation or blossoming in the vital.
8/3/1934:
Mother, I require two round sticks for a small picture mounted in Japanese style.
The size is as follows: length: 14 inches, diameter 1 inch. What can I do for that?
Mother: Ask them from Chandulal. I wanted to know that your picture was mounted in order to call you. Will it be ready for next Sunday?
12/March/1934:
Mother, I have brought some samples of silk for mounting which I send herewith. I could not find greenish grey. Here there are four green samples and other blues with violet tints. Mother may select from these for mounting.
I have brought two samples of gold borders if the main portion in the centre can be used for the top and the bottom. In these more width is not available here.
If gold border or cloth is not available can I use gold leaf?
Mother: The cloth which is on this page will surely look very nice—but the gold of the border is far too bright. Bright gold will not look nice at all. The Japanese always use very subdued gold as if tarnished by time. The gold leaf would have, I think, the same defect of being too bright.
13/3/1934:
Mother, A movement is continued in me since the 21st Feb. I was full of joy at that time because Mother's birthday was coming. Mother's idea made my consciousness rise high up.
Though lapses come at times in this movement but it is going on. There are different experiences which I write.
Sometimes ideas of sex or jealousy try to rise up but all of a sudden Mother's presence seems to descend and those ideas flow away.
Sometimes I begin to concentrate over the painting and Mother's presence is felt. The Mother's presence is felt so much that I feel myself and surrounding full with the presence.
At times I feel wave-like movements coming over and over especially in face and head; or some movement coming down from above and as if broadening the head and the face.
The whole movement is towards Mother. The ideas of the old relations come up only to be rejected and turn me more towards the Mother.
Sometimes in this movement I have a sensation just under the throat; also I feel not to eat during the movement.
What movement can this be? Has it any direct relation with art creations?
Sri Aurobindo: Yes. It is the result of the pressure put by the Mother to see and do things in the true light. What you feel coming down is the true consciousness with the presence and action of the Mother.
14/3/1934:
Mother, To-morrow I want to do mounting between 3 and 5 p.m. in Champaklal's room. He has consented to using his room for the purpose. Can I do it there?
K: I will require 2 brass nails of 1/2 inch length.
Sri Aurobindo: Yes. Get from B.D.
(15.3.1934?):
Mother, I did mounting of the picture with the help of Purani and Champaklal. Still, pasting of the sticks remains which I will finish to-morrow evening.
The mounting is not quite satisfactory. The cloth (silk) was too thin to be pasted evenly and so some air-bubbles have remained; also the brown-paper on the back and its joint are the cause of its uneven surface.
Mother, Today Amrita told me that as the canvas is not to be bought for the easy chairs—in which one is made for me—I am to be given from the store. The one which he showed me today was rather weak and a crack was there which was screwed down. He said that there are others in the store which are recently returned, can I select one from there?
Sri Aurobindo: Mother has told Amrita to put canvas on the new easy chair.
Mother, Today when I had gone for a walk with others at about 8 p.m., I saw a black being riding on an ox or something like that. First I could not see it clearly so I tried to mark it again and I saw in addition a golden halo behind its head.
Previous to this we had talks on the disposal of dead bodies in which I did not take much part because I was in meditative mood.
Kindly explain me about that movement.
Sri Aurobindo: It may be a representation of some power or messenger of Yama—suggested by the conversation about the dead bodies.
K: Mother, will you grant me a permission for a new book on art ("The Art of K. Muzumdar") to be issued from the library?
Sri Aurobindo: Yes. But take great care and do not lend them to anyone.
16/3/1934:
Mother, Yesterday I saw a design as shown on the side. The colours in it were in a jumble so I do not remember them. What does it signify?
Sri Aurobindo: The perfect creation of a new world. [Facsimile of this letter is reproduced on the opposite page.]
21/3/1934:
Mother, Sometimes, past relations and attachments rise up in me during the waking hours. Sometimes I feel that they are something from outside having no relation with my real self; or I go above in the consciousness and detach myself from them. What should be the right attitude in this movement?
Sri Aurobindo: To detach oneself, to feel that they have nothing to do with one's real self is the first necessary step. Afterwards they must be rejected altogether from the waking hours.
K: In the psychic movement when I felt the Mother's presence I had the experience that I lost the ordinary individuality and felt as the instrument of the Divine, receiving from the Divine and again manifesting for the Divine, completing the circle.
Sri Aurobindo: It is very good and quite the right experience.
22/3/1934:
Mother, At present I find it not difficult to deal with the vital movement in the waking hours. But I do not understand how to deal when it rises from the subconscious in the dreams. Especially since two days I have the dreams of sex impulse in which I remain quite unaware of their working. Formerly I used to be a little cautious.
Will you kindly guide me in this?
Sri Aurobindo: You can try the use of the will before sleeping. After a time it sometimes brings a special consciousness and inhibiting reaction against the subconscient movement in sleep.
K: When I am in meditation many times the descending movement begins. It continues smoothly sometimes but generally it is disturbed in its flow.
What can be the causes for the disturbance in its flow? And how it can remain undisturbed?
Sri Aurobindo: The cause is generally an activity of the mind or else a resistance somewhere in the physical. The way is to remain very quiet and try to be immobile within.
2/8/1934:
Mother, It seems my fly-tox pump is leaking from the joint. To whom should it be given for repair?
Mother: To Pavitra.
Mother, One of my teeth is decaying and small pieces come out while eating. A part of it has already become hollow. What shall I do?
Mother: Dayashankar will give you some medicine to put with a cotton swab in the hollow tooth. The cotton has to be renewed at least once a day.
3/8/1934:
Mother, I am sending a drawing of sea which I want to present to Sjt. Nandalal Bose if Mother permits. May I ask the Mother's opinion about the picture?
Sri Aurobindo: Your picture is exceedingly fine and you can certainly send it.
11/8/1934:
Mother, Before I give final touches to this picture I send it to you for suggestions wherever necessary. The composition, as it is done in a long panel, has become a little difficult for me to manage.
Especially, it seems to me that the foreground is not well managed in the whole composition, also it may not be distinct from the background. Are there any corrections to be made?
Sri Aurobindo: Mother was very pleased with it and finds the composition very good. She cannot think of any corrections to suggest.
22/8/1934:
Mother, I received a letter from my mother about ten days back. In it she writes affectionately to me to write letters to her and my father because I did not answer to my father's letter a long time back. She informs me of my father's health which is going worse and worse due to constant fever, dysentery, etc. They are very eager to see me once there, and she writes, "Once you come and from [rest of the letter is cut out along with the lower half of his own letter which continues] satisfaction from me. I do not understand how to answer them so as to satisfy them. May I hope some solution from Mother?
Sri Aurobindo: It is impossible to satisfy them unless you become like them or satisfy their desire. But what you can do is to wish their true good in your heart and write sincerely from the aspiration within you.
Mother, I require a magnifying glass. I gave a chit in the stores for it, but Purushottam said that there was no m[agnifying] glass in the stores. So may I ask for a kind permission from Mother for one magnifying glass to be bought from the market?
27/8/1934:
Mother [on white chit paper]: Krishnalal, I would like a crown representing the waves at the surface of the sea with some fishes. Will you do the drawing of it? It is to go with a sari representing the bottom of the sea. The foam of the waves will be embroidered with silver and the fishes with gold.
Mother, Herewith I offer a book of designs for needle work by Sjt. Nandalal Bose. It was lying at my place with some other things of mine which I received a few days back from my brother.
Mother: It is very interesting and will be quite useful.
28/8/1934: [end]
to-morrow at 4 p.m. (about the hollow tooth) I hope Mother will give her kind permission for the treatment.
1-9-1934:
Mother, Herewith I send two rough sketches for the crown design which you suggested. They are done in two different styles. Mother may select one for the embroidery work and give me suggestions for corrections necessary for the work. The forms I will make more exact in the final drawings. The colours in the design are simply for making the drawing clear.
Sri Aurobindo: Mother has written her choice on the design she has chosen. Both are very good, but this one will perhaps be more suitable for the embroidery.
4/9/1934:
Mother, After the 15th Aug. the thoughts of going to my place pressed on me vigorously for some days. I rejected them constantly but still they come though very mildly.
Since a week I get dreams during my sleep in which I see myself amidst my family trying to help it in many different ways such as, in travelling, in requirements, in washing and such household works etc. During these dreams I am so much engrossed in them that I do not find any part of my being separate from them.
Why do they come so often? Can there be some opening on my part?
Sri Aurobindo: The dreams rise from the subconscient. Such dreams go on recurring even when there is nothing in the waking mind, until the old impressions fade out of the subconscient—but that often takes a long time.
K: Last night I had a dream when I saw my mother and sister working and I also began to work with them. Then I saw something eatable and began to eat. At that time I felt sleepy and my head heavy and so I woke up, and actually I found that the whole part from the head to the throat was under some influence and was felt under very hard pressure. I took some time to recover from that. What influence it can be and where from it might have come to me?
Sri Aurobindo: This and the thoughts are not from the subconscient. It is the influence of some strong thoughts or pressure from over there [family?] coming in the shape of a formation sometimes in dreams sometimes in waking.
Mother, I want to try some fresco paintings. I have learnt Italian-style fresco which is permanent even if exposed to the sun or rain.
For that I want to try in different varieties of colours. May I inquire about special powder colours for the fresco work, if they are available at Bombay?
I heard at Shantiniketan that in France powder colours are available. Will you let me know anything about such colours (to be used as water colours)?
Mother: I have never used powder colours myself, so I have nothing to say.
K: Will you permit me to do some painting on everite?
Mother: Yes, you may try and see what it gives. Ask some small bits from Chandulal, to begin with.
7-9-1934:
Mother, I send the crown design which is completed. Mother may give the better idea while giving it for embroidery as to how the eyes and other parts of the fish can be made clear in the work.
Mother: The design is very pretty indeed and will surely make a very successful crown.
K: Mother, I have the idea of doing a fresco in big size (about 6ft by 4 and half ft) on one of the exposed walls of the Ashram. I want to do it in the style in which I did in Arjava's house (on wet plaster). The two walls for this work that I can suggest are:
(1) A part of the wall of Anilbaran's room facing Champaklal's terrace, (2) wall of Pavitra's room facing the Mother's room.
May I put this idea for Mother's approval and ask for the selection of some exposed wall for the work?
The subject of the fresco is "Sea".
Mother: This idea of fresco seems to be a very good one and the wall of Anilbaran's room on Champaklal's terrace quite an ideal place. There is only one point: will the lime hold on that wall which is now painted. This is to be asked from Chandulal. It would be very nice to have a sea view there.
8/9/1934:
...In that case may I pray for the decision of Mother for the intended fresco?
Sri Aurobindo: Mother has asked Chandulal what he can suggest for the place. We begin the last wing of the Library House in February (from the New Prosperity to the main-building). Then if you give the size of the fresco, we will keep a place for your painting.
11/9/1934:
Mother, Yesterday Chandulal suggested the wall over the B.D. office for the fresco. I find the wall rather too exposed.
Sri Aurobindo: That is impossible.
K: I showed another wall to Chandulal in the Ladies' House. There is sufficient space between two windows in that house. Chandulal saw the wall and said that it could be worked over for the new plaster for fresco. May I know Mother's idea for these walls?
Sri Aurobindo: You might possibly do it there.
[The fresco was made between those windows on the south-facing wall of the Embroidery Department.]
14/9/1934:
Mother, Since some days my mind and particularly my vital remain in a quiet condition, this is what I think about the present condition. During this condition I am able to reject the ideas and impulses that rise up or come from outside and keep myself quiet. The same condition continues till going to sleep. But during the sleep I find that the attacks from the hostile vital beings are increasing and result into nightmares or passing of the sexual substance etc. Why there is more disturbance in dreams when the waking hours are more quiet? And is there any lapse in my attitude in this condition?
Sri Aurobindo: There is no lapse—but it often happens that when thrown out of the waking consciousness these things go down into the subconscient and for a time become active in dreams, but that does not last.
15/9/1934:
Mother, I have prepared the picture of the fresco which I send for Mother's approval.
Mother: It is quite good and surely will look very fine.
K: On the wall it will not have all the details and colours like this. I will have to do it in broad masses and more decoratively. From this drawing I will enlarge the outline to 6ft x 4-1/2ft which is the measurement on the wall.
25/9/1934:
Mother, I will begin fresco-work from to-morrow morning. The work will be divided into three parts. Everyday plastering one part and painting over it. So it will take three days to finish the work. [In the right margin K has sketched the three-tiered sea-scape.]
Vishnu will remain with me to help.
Sri Aurobindo: Very good.
29/9/1934:
Mother, The fresco-work is completed. The work is not quite to my satisfaction due to some reasons. The lime mortar was not of the proper consistency which was informed beforehand. The green colour (from B.D.) which, it was said, was meant for the lime has faded within two days. And also there might be my inefficiency of technique in this kind of work.
In spite of all this the fresco-painting looks good to me except for the fading green colour.
Sri Aurobindo: As soon as Mother can find time, she will go and see.
8/10/1934:
Mother, One of my younger brothers is editing an annual number of a hand-written magazine. He asks for a picture drawn by me. Can I send him the picture which I send herewith?
I saw Udayshankar who came before two days as guest of Dilip. I have the inclination towards dancing which I remember to have told to Mother twice during the interviews. And so I specially took interview from Udayshankar and asked him some instructions and movements [here Krishnalal's "for beginning" changed by Sri Aurobindo to "needed to learn"] dancing. He showed me some exercises for it which I have begun slowly.
May I know from Mother if it is desirable for me to continue its practice?
Sri Aurobindo: Dancing is a private thing—we can't deal with it as part of the Yoga. So it depends on your choice.
15/10/1934:
Mother, Before some days I was replied for a point on dancing that dancing was a private thing and could not be dealt with it as a part of the Yoga. May I know why it is considered a private thing? Can it not become a part of the Yoga just as poetry, singing and painting are accepted and treated?
Supposing one takes to it as part of the Sadhana can it be a hindrance in the sadhana? If it is a hindrance what kind of disturbance is it likely to bring?
Sri Aurobindo: If it is done in the right spirit, it can. But we answered like that because Udayshankar's coming brought only the vital side with it and dancing on the vital side is a personal affair and cannot be part of Yoga. It would only raise the vital turn in the consciousness.
16/10/1934:
Mother, I think I went to see Udayshankar to know from him only some technique of dancing. May I request Mother to let me know whether my inclination towards dancing is from vital side only?
Sri Aurobindo: Wait some months more. If the urge is still there it may be deeper than the vital.
25/10/1934:
Mother, Herewith I send a letter of my friend Jayantilal Parekh of Shantiniketan who came for a day in last June to see me. He is…at Madras and is eager to come to the Ashram. [rest is snipped off]
Sri Aurobindo: Is this the one who wrote to the Mother when he was here about your wife and family and the necessity of your going back?
25/10/1934: [end]
Tagore's party. I know him since his going to Shantiniketan and am having correspondence with him now and then.
Mother, I have lost my correspondence bag.
Sri Aurobindo: He can come and see you and the Ashram, but seeing Mother is not possible.
26/10/1934:
Mother [on white chit-paper]: Krishnalal, I am sending you your picture for framing. I could not mount it as a Japanese kakemono because there are too many insects here.
31/10/1934:
Mother, Herewith I offer two pictures which Mother will kindly accept.
Sri Aurobindo: They are very good.
K: I have the idea for starting a big picture (size 5 1/4 ft x 3 1/2 ft) on cloth. I have already mounted the cloth on the drawing-board. The idea is that the cows are returning in the late afternoon after grazing ["Go-dhuli"] towards the town. As the cows are fresh after grazing in the open the whole herd of them is moving with vigour leaving a golden cloud of dust behind them.
Sri Aurobindo: Yes, it may make an interesting picture.
[By the end of the next month this painting was hung in the Reception Room. See exchanges on 19 and 30 November below. It is still there.]
8/11/1934:
Mother, I send the outline drawing of the picture of the cows which I started. I had to take it off because it had begun sticking with the drawing-board due to the sticky substance used to fill up the joints and other spaces. And so there were many folds and creases. There is also a mark of the joint of two papers which I had to join for the background of the cloth. So it is now not possible to work over this cloth. I will have to mount another piece of cloth. For this one I had used one of my used chaddars.
For the new one I require a piece of washed cloth of the size of this picture which Mother will kindly grant for me.
The present drawing board is not good for the use of painting because the paper sticks to it and in a few days the joints begin to expand.
Mother will kindly see the outline drawing of the picture, and also see the back of the picture which has the mark of sticking.
Mother: I have seen the picture, the drawing is very nice. For the cloth you can ask from Datta. She has newpieces of dhoties which are already bleached and can be washed again. Any board will always have joints and the difficulty will be the same. In France they are never used, the cloth is fixed on a wooden frame leaving the painted part quite free. It seems to be the best method and the most practical too; these frames are generally done with deal-wood and the pictures remain attached to them. If you want you can ask one from Amrita.
9/11/1934:
Mother, Today Datta showed me her stock of pieces of washed dhotis. But there is no piece which can be used for painting. Some have patches, some are loose and small etc.
So I intend to use one of my washed chaddars.
Mother: Surely she did not show what I meant. I shall speak to her about it.
(Nov. 1934):
Mother, As I want to begin a big picture on cloth I require a piece of cloth (2 yds) of the kind of the sample enclosed herewith. I will require also, 4 ounces of arrowroot, 1 ounce of zinc powder (pure white).
Will you kindly favour me to make arrangement for these things?
Mother: For the cloth, you can see with Datta if she has this kind of cloth. The arrowroot you can ask from Satyen and the zinc powder from the B.D.
Mother, In the B.D. there is only zinc paint, prepared in oil, which is not useful for my purpose. I require zinc powder which, I think, I can get from the dispensary with your permission.
As Datta had handed over the cloth to Kanai Babu I took it from him.
Mother: You can ask the white zinc from the dispensary, but it is not quite certain that there will be enough to give you. In that case it will have to be bought at the Government Pharmacy.
19/11/1934:
Mother, The picture of the cows remains to be finished. But before that I would like to show it to Mother. Is it possible for Mother to arrange some time for it?
Mother: I will try to find a moment to-morrow at 12.
21-11-1934: [end]
accompanies herewith. Will you kindly give him [over this is pencilled, for the album, (Jayantilal Parekh)] the permission?
Undated
I have begun the classes for drawing. All are interested in them. I showed them how to put even washes with colour and also have shown them that their drawing is weak. They have shown their desire to do drawing from the beginning.
Now they want to show me their drawings whenever they do and want my suggestions and corrections.
Should I give them suggestions and corrections?
Sri Aurobindo: Yes—since they have gone to you they are progressing.
K: Today I send the drawing of the flower of Divine love. I have no appropriate red for it, so I could not bring out its brilliancy.
Sri Aurobindo: It is excellent.
K: Can I give my clothes to washerman for washing?
Mother: The appropriate red can be got here in a small box of colours worth 5 annas. You can ask Champaklal where it can be got.
30/11/1934:
Mother, The picture of the Cows ["Go-dhuli"] is fixed in the frame and is ready to be hung. May I request Mother to suggest the height at which the picture should be hung? May I suggest to Mother to see the wall and the picture to-morrow in the evening when Mother comes for the distribution?
Sri Aurobindo: The Mother will go and see at 5 tomorrow.
4/12/1934:
Mother, I had a talk with Sanjiban for a portfolio of the size of drawing papers. He told me that the cardboard of that size was available and the portfolio could be made. May I ask from Mother for the kind sanction for one portfolio?
Mother: Yes, you can have it done.
11/12/1934:
Mother, I have done a picture which is nearing completion.
I would like to show it to Mother and have suggestions wherever necessary, especially because there is the drawing of human figure. Can Mother find some time at Her convenience?
Mother: I shall see your picture with pleasure but I have absolutely no time free before the 18th, next Tuesday. If you do not mind waiting until then I shall see you that day.
19/12/1934:
Mother, May I know on what plane can be the origin of this picture?
Sri Aurobindo: It is from the mentalised vital.
K: What significance does it convey?
Sri Aurobindo: Dawn—bringing the sun out of the darkness.
K: Does the execution of the picture bring out the reality of the thing behind?
Sri Aurobindo: Yes, it is very well done.
I have tried to do a picture on a Japanese board by giving washes of colour. I find that the board does not take the colours evenly. I will experiment with other sheets in different styles.
I liked the boards, they are tempting to work on.
Sri Aurobindo: The picture is very good.
3/1/1935:
Mother, Herewith I send four portrait studies which I did recently. The portrait [of] Shivji I did before he went away, and gave it to him. He left it here and I have to send it to him.
Anu's portrait I have tried in pastel colours. Other two portraits are of Champaklal and Mohanlal.
I request Mother to let me know how far each of them is successful and what are the defects. I would like to have suggestions and instructions which may be helpful in other such studies which I intend to do.
Sri Aurobindo: As yet it is not successful. There are some mistakes in the building of the faces, but that is not of so much importance. It is the expression that is not satisfactory—you have not yet been able to bring out what is best in your subjects—it is something from the lower vital that comes out so that they do not look really like themselves. It is the expression of a mood and not of the man.
4/1/1935:
Mother, I have done a design of peacock which I intend to present to Anu on her birthday if Mother has no objection.
Sri Aurobindo: You can do if you like.
Undated [end]
…the idea I may have to do the outline drawing of the design about four times bigger than the original. The blue of the design can be worked with white or silver thread and gold colour with gold thread on a light blue or green colour cloth.
Sri Aurobindo: No, Mother does not want a curtain behind her seat.
[Sketched in the margin is Mother's Darshan seat; behind it a curtain with a peacock drawn just above the line of the head of the seat.]
25/Jan/1935: [end]
…herewith. The papers are in rolls of 25 yds each. May I request Mother for the sanction of half roll of each?
K: If Mother sanctions I think of writing to Jagmohan at Bombay, who can send the roll of paper with some person who may be coming for Darshan in February.
In that case Mother will kindly inform Amrita to give the necessary amount.
Mother: You can ask him.
[Later K added at the bottom right, in red pencil, "8Rs 2as" underlining it twice.]
28/1/1935:
Mother, The picture that I gave you today is done in the tempera style. Generally I do pictures by giving washes of colours. Instead of that in this picture I put layer after layer of colours mixed with white colour. This tempera style is similar to that of Rajput and Mogul paintings.
What does this picture signify?
Sri Aurobindo: The red lotus signifies the presence of the Divine on the Earth. The sun is the symbol of the Supermind.
5/2/1935:
Mother, Since some days I feel strain on the nerves. After sleep I find a little ache in the body. Sometimes I get the sleep rather late due to the nervous strain in the head. The headache is more or less constant. I have not been able to trace any reason for it.
I try to remain quiet but sometimes to try means more strain in the head. I do not read and do not exert for concentration also, though sometimes it automatically begins and I feel relieved for that much time.
Mother will kindly explain me what is it due to?
Sri Aurobindo: It must be due to inner contradictions straining the nervous system and the physical mind.
Mother, On the occasion of the mid-night Pranam I gave a design done on an everite piece. I did it only for the temporary use. I intended to do a new design at the interval of some days, and leave it with Mother or at any place where Mother may decide. If Mother approves of this idea Mother may send back the everite piece.
Sri Aurobindo: Very well.
8/2/1935: [end]
…especially brushes and colours which are likely to be destroyed by insects.
In addition, I use fly-tox on the back of the picture of the Cows in the Reception Hall. But henceforward I will be economical in the use of fly-tox.
Mother will kindly let me know whether I can get it once a month or not?
Mother: Yes, you can have it once a month. In the Fly-Tox notice they advise never to leave Fly-Tox in the pump as it evaporates very quickly from there.
18-Mar-1935:
Mother, In my painting activity I have observed that after doing some pictures there comes an interval when I do not feel to do any painting, there is no inspiration and sometimes I feel dryness (forgetfulness of myself being an artist) momentarily. But once that interval is over the joy of painting returns and I get inspired mostly from within and from outside also. I am not being able to trace any reason for such intervals.
Mother will let me know the possible reasons.
Sri Aurobindo: It is very common with artists, poets and all creators. The usual reason is that the vital gets fatigued and needs some time to recuperate itself and get back the creative effort.
K: In this interval I think I have to deal more with the impulses of vital nature and to keep balance in them. Can it be that because I have to remain concentrated on the movements of the vital nature I cannot concentrate on the painting work? This is my construction. Mother will kindly guide me with her light.
Sri Aurobindo: It is more likely that the vital, fatigued of the effort, begins to have movements of other kinds which you have then to control.
K: This time I feel another thing also, but it is very vague and I am not sure about it. I feel that now I should go to deeper or higher sources for the inspiration, and that the sources from which I generally did my pictures, now do not appeal to me much. Am I correct in having this feeling? Or what is the right thing behind this feeling?
Sri Aurobindo: It is correct. There is a movement to get at deeper and higher sources.
28.3.1935:
Mother, Herewith is a letter for Mother from Kanta (my wife). She requests Mother for copies of Mother's and Sri Aurobindo's photographs with signature and blessings.
Sri Aurobindo: We give these new photographs only to the members of the Ashram.
6.4.1935: [end]
…Jayantilal for the copy of the messages. Mother will kindly let me know if he can be given permission or if he should apply for it directly.
Sri Aurobindo: He can have the permission.
[Pencilled here "(N. L. Bose wanting to have a copy of Messages through Jayantilal)"]
19-5-1935: [end]
…for the permission in the Ashram to stay for some months. Mother will kindly let me know if he can be given permission.
Sri Aurobindo: What is his exact idea in wanting to come here? To practise Yoga?
["Jayantilal" is pencilled at the top of the letter.]
24.5.1935:
Mother [on white chit paper]:Krishnalal, Would you have any objection to giving some painting lessons to Anusuya (the daughter of Duraiswami) during her stay here? She is very eager to learn. With blessings always.
24/May/1935: [end]
…Mother will kindly suggest as to how shall I give her painting lessons.
Sri Aurobindo: She can do what you give her at home and show you. But it is better if from time to time you show her how things are to be done.
[Pencilled here "(Drawing lessons to Anusuya Doraiswamy)"]
29.5.1935: [end]
…him in answer he wrote to me the accompanying letter.
Sri Aurobindo: He can come for darshan and we will see.
[Pencilled here "(Jayantilal wanting to stay in Ashram for some time)"]
4.6.1935:
Mother, Herewith is a letter from Kanta (my wife) to Mother. She is asking for the permission for darshan in August.
Sri Aurobindo: Are you [sure] she does not want to come with the hope of living near you?
Mother, I have started a drawing for a painting. I have done the pencil outline of the main female figure. I would like to show it to Mother and take suggestions if Mother can spare some time.
Sri Aurobindo: Mother will see when she can call you.
5.6.1935:
Mother, I have made it clear to Kanta that here there is not that same old relation. And whenever she asked about the Ashram life I wrote clearly about it and also that all those who stay here are to stay according to Mother's guidance and to serve them—Mother and Sri Aurobindo. And so I am sure that she knows about the requirements of the Ashram life.
Sri Aurobindo: She can come for darshan but it must be understood that she must not ask to stay here.
13.6.1935:
Mother:Krishnalal, It struck me, this morning, that the cause of your emaciation might be worms. Do you not think it would be better to consult Nirod on the matter? With my blessings.
Since last three days my whole body aches, especially after the sleep in the morning and noon. For the whole day I feel I want to lie down. While sleeping I get dreams but I feel as if I am not asleep. What attitude should I keep in this?
Sri Aurobindo: It is probably only a temporary resistance in the physical. The best attitude is not to be anxious, to open quietly to the Yoga force and let it pass.
17.6.1935:
Mother, I take Nergine everyday in the noon and in the evening with curd and milk respectively. Since then I find that my appetite is increasing, and gradually I increase the quantity of food. As yet the weakness is the same, perhaps it has increased after taking a dose of purgative (with the tablet for worms).
Nirod is to give me cod-liver oil which I will try and see if I recoup in health and energy. As for nervous strain I find that it is lessened. As long as the inner quietness is maintained there is no strain. But I am not able to keep it for all the time and once lost there is nervous strain in even trying to be quiet. What should be my general attitude to remain relieved from the strain?
Sri Aurobindo: To sleep well (not resisting sleep) is one thing. Inner quiet is of course the most important.
K: Mother will also suggest if there is anything to be done for the health.
Sri Aurobindo: You must tell when the Nergine is finished so that Mother [can] give you more. With that and the cod-liver oil, if it agrees with your constitution, the health ought to get stronger.
K: May I put my suggestion before Mother whether I can prepare and take tea in the afternoon? I may take it only if Mother does not see any objection in my taking it.
Sri Aurobindo: Tea does not give strength—it only stimulates for a time.
18/6/1935: [end]
…Can Mother allow me to take something with the bread? When tea is not good, Mother may give permission for milk, or else what She may think suitable.
Sri Aurobindo: Mother thinks it would be best if you take plantains with the bread and drink some lemon and water. Mother is giving a chit.
21.6.1935:
Mother, I had a dream on Wednesday night. In it I saw Mother sitting for Pranam ceremony, a great many people had gathered for darshan and Pranam. When pranam began first there came two cats, most probably one female and the other male, for pranam. Mother gave them blessings and flowers which they took in their mouths and went away quietly. After that when others were doing pranam I also did pranam and Mother put both her hands on my head and back and kept them for a long time. I felt so happy that I began to cry. Then She gave me two flowers.
After that dream on the next day—Thursday—morning when I did pranam and took flower the Mother had actually given me two flowers. (On that day the flowers were "Right attitude in the material"—a small red flower with 5 petals). What can be the significance of the dream?
Sri Aurobindo: Right attitude in action. Mother was moved to give the two flowers, one for spiritual life, the other for your work. It was simply a blessing and bestowal of two powers. Cats represent vital tendencies, here shown to be converted.
K: And if there is any connection between giving two flowers in the dream and in pranam, what is its significance?
Sri Aurobindo: It was to confirm on the physical what was done in the vital plane in the dream.
27.6.1935:
Mother, Nergine is finished. It will last only for to-morrow.
It seems my health is improving. I feel more energetic also. Though the body does not seem to gain.
I take cod-liver oil also twice a day. Up till now I find it is suitable to me.
Mother: As you take cod-liver oil, it may not be necessary to continue Nergine, at least for the moment. I myself have noticed that your health is improving.
29.6.1935:
Mother, Herewith is an album of pictures by a friend of mine, who has sent it to me. We studied painting together at Baroda and so as a friend he sent this copy of his picture album. Mother will see it and will oblige me by letting me know Her impression of it.
Mother: I am sending you back the pictures. I find them good; some of them are quite pretty.
K: I have to see Mother on Monday. On that day may I bring the painting (mounted on the big drawing-board) the outline of which I showed to Mother? Only finishing is to be done which I will do after showing it to Mother.
Mother: Yes, you can bring your picture on Monday.
[Krishnalal's wife Kanta had arrived that morning; the album by Somalal Shah must have come with her.]
4-7-1935:
Mother, On the day of interview I told Mother that I want to study human figure from life. I had a talk with Sanjiban about that study; he is also anxious to study it. So we have the idea that we can begin it together if Mother thinks it proper. If Mother allows there remains the question of a separate room for the purpose. Kindly Mother will suggest Her idea about the whole thing.
Sri Aurobindo: When a new building is done, Mother will see about it; she has already thought about it. For the present nothing can be done. But your room is one with the best light in it—so you should manage till then.
15-7-1935: [torn] …with I send some portrait studies which [torn] …cently. In these ones I have mainly tried [torn]… the facial features.
Sri Aurobindo: They are very good studies.
K: [torn] …and Sanjiban are eager to start the studies [torn] …human figure, but for that to get somebody [torn] …seems difficult. I will be much obliged to have instructions on these studies from Mother for the right method of starting the drawing, developing the features, finishing in details and bringing out the personality of the sitter.
Sri Aurobindo: For that each one must find his own technique. Only for you what you must find is a way to express the psychic instead of the vital. At present it is the vital you bring out. The psychic is the eternal character, the vital brings out only transient movements.
15 July 1935:
Mother, Yesterday I received a letter from Jayantilal Parekh in which he informs me that he is rejoining Kala-Bhavan Santiniketan and that he will try to be steady there with Nandalal Bose. He writes about one Ajit Chakraborty, a professor at Santiniketan. As he writes Ajit is a devotee of Sri Aurobindo and perhaps Mother knows him. Ajit wants the permission to allow him to get a copy of the messages allowed to outsiders. This professor is known to Prithising (sic) also.
Sri Aurobindo: We will wait till Prithvisingh comes.
22/7/1935: [end]
…are removed.
But it seems there are many more ['insects', see next para] over the body which are not visible. I have taken bath with H.P. lotion, and have bought carbolic soap to take bath.
Can these insects be the reason of my emaciation? Mother will oblige me by giving necessary instructions.
Sri Aurobindo: You should go to Nirod and get from the dispensary the proper medicine for this.
24-7-1935:
Mother, Sometimes, when I come for Pranam before Mother I find that something intervenes between Her blessings and myself. At that time I am either in ordinary consciousness or the physical mind becomes active or some other condition is there which does not allow me to keep internally in Mother's touch. Even though I may be in meditative mood just before going to Her, that condition comes. This condition is not regular but at times it happens.
What is it that happens and why does it happen?
Sri Aurobindo: It happens to many and from one of two causes—either something in the physical that is not willing rises up when there is the need of the act of submission, or else forces of suggestion in the atmosphere come across. With a little persistence one can get over both these causes which are largely mechanical in their nature.
4-Aug-1935:
Mother, The night on which I wrote the previous letter (of aspiration for Mother) I had a nightmare. In it I saw a neat house with a thatched roof. It was an Ashram building about which I felt that it looked neat but without anything interesting from outside but really it was full with the atmosphere of Yoga and art inside. I slept outside the house and was caught by a being. I struggled with it and got hold over it. I took it by its hands and wanted to take it to Mother. After going to a short distance it managed to take me somewhere down. There I had to struggle hard to get out of him. While struggling I woke up.
Last night I had disturbed sleep. In the beginning as I got sleep, very soon I had to get up in the condition of a man, quite dull of his senses. For a minute or two I could not feel or know where was I or what was I doing. In that way so many times I got sleep and again woke up in that condition. The remaining night also the sleep was not quiet and sound.
The condition about which I wrote formerly is there but not with so much of weeping. Some part is aspiring for Mother against another part which seems to be rigid. I am not able to know what is that part that hinders.
Sri Aurobindo: It is something in the mind as well as something in the very material part. It is probably these that "slept outside" and had the difficulty.
Aug.1935:
Mother, Herewith is a picture of a vision which I saw before the 15th Aug. Before the 15th I was concentrated on doing pictures for some days. Daily I was finishing one picture. I did seven or eight small pictures like that. During that time I had visions of different kinds of colour schemes. This one is a clear vision of that period. May I know from Mother its significance?
Sri Aurobindo: The light of the higher knowledge and consciousness rising up out of the darkness of the Ignorance from the sea of life.
K: The picture of Shiva and the cloud which I offered to Mother on the last occasion was the perception of the above-said period, and it was so clear that I finished it within three days without hesitation. I would like to know from Mother what it represents and on what level of consciousness can be its origin?
Sri Aurobindo: It seems to come from the mental plane.
27.Aug.1935:
Sri Aurobindo: I do not quite understand—we do not supply copies of messages. If people want to take copies of the messages that are allowed to be sent outside they ask for permission. Is it that Prithvisingh has to take the copy for which we give permission? If so, you might speak to him about it.
[K in pencil "(copy of messages for Ajit Chakravarty)"]
Mother, I have begun the classes for drawing. All are interested in them. I showed them how to put even washes with colour and also have shown them that their drawing is weak. They have shown their desire to do drawing from the beginning. Now they want to show me their drawings whenever they do and want my suggestions and corrections. Should I give them suggestions and corrections?
6/9/1935: [end]
…may write to a firm at Bombay and get its quotations [pencilled under this "(Painting materials)"]
Mother: Yes. Have you begun some sketch for the town hall's decoration? They have asked also for a rough estimate of the expenses. Will the eight panels be all of the same size? and how many everite pieces are needed for each panel? They are waiting for our answer, so we cannot make them wait too long.
19-Sept-1935:
Mother, Since my interview with Mother on last Saturday I find that there remains restlessness during sleep at night or in daytime. When I get up from sleep my whole body is aching. Headache is more or less constant.
I get the suggestions for the pictures but they are disturbed by some kind of mental constructions or suggestions.
What is all this due to? And why has it begun after the interview with Mother?
Sri Aurobindo: I suppose it must be some wrong or restless activity of mind that was thrown upon you afterwards so as to come across the action of the Mother in you. You have to reject it till it falls quiet.
2.10.1935: [end]…mood.
My mother has devotional temperament from the beginning and it is kept up due to her strong faith in Vaishnava religion.
Sri Aurobindo: What sadhana is she doing?
7-10-1935:
Mother, To-night Champaklal might have given the picture which he and Vishnu finished with my help. They thought of starting a big picture of sea half-seriously. When I came to know of it I pushed their idea by asking them to give help. When they began they found it difficult to start and so I had to give a rough sketch which they enlarged. But most of the work I had to do. In such a way of doing work they learnt some things such as how to develop a picture, how the water surface of the sea and foam can be done.
In this way to push their idea of painting—is it good? They were not capable of starting or finishing such a picture.
Mother will let me know if such a trial comes from them, should I push it up and help them as I did this time?
Sri Aurobindo: Yes, certainly—it is sure to help them very much.
K: The picture could not be finished as it ought to be when started and finished by one person. Anyway it is made a finished picture.
Sri Aurobindo: The picture is good and of course it is very clear from it that you did almost all.
18-10-1935:
Mother, Now-a-days I am trying to reject the unquiet ideas and impulses due to which I am disagreeable sometimes with others. In doing it I find that I am successful, I get Mother's presence and quiet and am much relieved from the disturbed condition. But that lasts for three, four days and again the former condition comes—perhaps in the same intensity and it lasts also for some days and again I am quiet and in Mother's presence.
I would request Mother to explain me where I may be wrong. Why I get the disturbance after having Mother's presence and quiet? Is it because I may not be able to bear the nervous strain of having Her presence or can it be that the condition of disturbance wants to have its place again in me? How can I keep it separate and at a distance from me and not lose the Mother's presence and guidance?
Is this an unbalanced condition which may throw me out of the path towards Mother?
Sri Aurobindo: No. When one tries to change something in the vital, then, due to the nature's habit of persisting in a movement to which it has been accustomed, there is usually an alternation like this; the new condition persists for some days, then the old forces its way for some time to the surface. If one persists, the old movement begins to lose its force and die out and the new permanently replaces it.
Mother: How are the sketches for the Town-Hall going on? It will soon be the moment to send them to the Governor (at the end of the month).
19-10-1935:
Mother, I send three pictures for the town-hall of which two are unfinished. About its colour scheme I could not manage and so was a little slow.
Now I intend to consult and take help of my friend Jayantilal who has come and wants to stay for November Darshan. He knows and has done much of fresco-work and decoration-work. I may take his help if Mother has no objection. I will keep the same subjects for the pictures but want to change the compositions and colour schemes in them.
I think it will be ready by the end of this month or latest in the beginning of November.
Can I allow Jayantilal to come to my room?
Sri Aurobindo: Yes. The finished picture is very pretty.
20-10-1935:
Mother, Herewith I send some sketches by Jayantilal. As he has no other paintings with him he sends these for Mother's kind look at them. He intends to do some paintings which he will send to Mother when ready.
May I request Mother to let me know what Mother thinks of these sketches?
Sri Aurobindo: As studies they are interesting and skilful. Mother will wait for the paintings before forming an idea of his work.
21-10-1935:
Mother, I have done some cards with the idea of distributing them, mostly to those who are doing painting work. The list of those to whom I want to give I write at the end. From that, those meant for sadhikas may be given by Mother and the others, Mother may give or I may give, as Mother desires.
If the idea of distributing, Mother does not like or any other suggestion is there I will be glad to accept.
The names: Champaklal, Vishnu, Sanjiban, Anilkumar, Nishikanta, Romen, Arjava, Purani, Dayakar, Chinmayi, Kamala, Tajdar, Anu.
Mother: The cards are all very nice, some extremely pretty. I am sending them back for distribution except one that Chinmayee has chosen and kept with great pleasure. All the names are all right.
(Oct-35?):
Because in November we will have the exhibition work and the occasion of Darshan and so, much time will be engaged in that. This was my idea, but I think I will do according to Mother's instructions.
Mother: Yes, it is all right. When the sketches are ready they will have to be shown to the Maire [the Mayor] and the Governor and this will take some time. That is to say between the sketches and the actual beginning of the painting there will be plenty of time for the exhibition and the Darshan.
K: I have done 12 pictures during last one month; I want to offer them to Mother. May I ask if Mother can find some time and oblige me by giving an interview?
Mother: Next Saturday I shall call you.
1-11-1935:
Mother: As I told you, it would be good to show the sketches to the Governor on the 10th of this month or about, because the Conseil General [regional council] is sitting just now and the final decision has to be taken by this Conseil. Four sketches and the elevation of the room will be sufficient.
1/11/1935: [end]
…Mother will kindly supply me with one if possible. [Here K has pencilled "(about time piece)"]
Mother: I am asking Amrita to give you one.
3.Nov.1935:
Mother, I send the four sketches of the decoration work which are ready to be sent to the Governor. The drawings of them are done by me and the colouring by Jayantilal.
Mother will see them and suggest if any alterations are necessary in drawing or colour-scheme.
Mother: They are truly very fine. I see no change to suggest.
K: The smaller sketches for the elevation will be done within two days after Mother has seen the sketches. And then I will submit everything to Mother to be sent to the Governor.
Brushes, colours and other things for this work will have to be ordered now so that everything may be ready by the end of November. For that some money will be required. Can this order be put now or when these sketches are sanctioned?
Mother: You can put the order now.
15-11-1935: [end]
…I put the thing before Mother to consider whether I should go to Madras or drop the idea. If I am to go I may start to-morrow and return before the 19th inst.
Sri Aurobindo: To the Mother such a journey or activity has no meaning, so she is obliged to leave it to you to decide.
26.11.1935:
I have the idea to do some decoration on the ground when the Governor is invited for the concert. A design can be done by arranging cereals of different natural colours. The available corns of different colours can be used by spreading on the ground to make a good form of design. If Mother approves the idea I would think of doing it in the space between the semi circles of the guests and musicians or any other better space which Mother may suggest.
Mother will kindly let me know about the idea of the decoration.
Sri Aurobindo: How long will it take to do it and how much space will it take? The idea is good; it has to be seen whether the execution is possible.
27.11.1935:
Mother, The decoration design can be done on a whole piece of everite—4 feet square—instead of on the ground. The work will take about 3 hours to finish. If the work is to be done on everite, it can be done on it and kept in a corner of the same hall and put in its proper place when the seats are arranged.
Sri Aurobindo: Very well, it can be done like that.
K: Myself, Jayantilal and Vishnu intend to work in it. Anu is eager to work in it, I may ask her if Mother allows.
(2?11.1935) [end]
Why do I feel unhappy? Is it that I make myself unhappy or is it the condition when everybody will feel the same?
N.B. Mother, most probably to-morrow I will send all the four sketches of the decoration work.
Sri Aurobindo: The unhappiness is not necessary or inevitable in the Sadhana, but it comes because your inner nature feels the touch of the Divine Presence indispensable to it and uneasy when it does not feel it. To feel it always a certain constant detachment within allowing you to remain within and do everything from within is necessary. This can more easily be done in quiet occupations and quiet contacts. For it is quietness and inwardness that enable one to feel the Presence.
[*On 6 December, the doctor wondered if he ought to stop giving cod-liver oil to Krishnalal as he "seems all right". (Nirodbaran's Complete Correspondence with Sri Aurobindo, p. 397.)
Sri Aurobindo: It might be stopped. Perhaps Nergine may be given instead. He will have hard work now, so a little support may be necessary.]
9/12/1935: [end]
…in it.
Mother: I do not think it will be quite safe to leave the pictures in that house so long as the work is going on and nobody will live there to prevent the robbers from coming. Also some arrangement will have to be made to keep them safely from the insects and that cannot be done in a day.
16.12.1935:
Mother, I prepare some cards to be offered to Mother on the new year's day. For that I want one album to be bound; I have papers and other materials for it. Mother will kindly give the permission for binding.
undated: [end]
…to the arrangements.
Mother: You can ask another key for the gate, through Amrita. (Show him this note.) Blessings. P.S. To avoid all further complications the key will remain with Nolini and you will fetch it whenever required.
[Apparently about the key to the "Painters' house".]
17-12-1935:
Mother, I think it will be better for me to see Mother, to ask about some points for the exhibition.
May I ask Mother to spare some time and kindly give me an interview?
Mother: I will see you Saturday at about 12.30.
23.12.1935:
Mother, 13 curtains in all are necessary for the exhibition-rooms. 36 yards of cloth will be sufficient for the purpose.
Mother: What cloth do you want? If it is ordinary Japanese cloth which we usually buy, you can ask Amrita to buy a piece of 36 yards. Remember that if the cloth is dyed it will shrink—I can not sanction anything more costly than 2 or 3 annas a yard. Perhaps it would be better if you went yourself to choose what you want.
25-12-1935:
Mother, Herewith I send the list of the things required for the exhibition which Mother will sign.
May I suggest Nayak to talk in Tamil with carpenters when necessary? As he is on work in the same building he can be called for. [rest on this sheet is cut off]
K: [top of next sheet has only] …of the exhibition.
Mother: I will write to him about it. I have written also to Benjamin about the curtains.
26-12-1935:
Mother, we worked up to 12 o'clock with the 2 carpenters and Sanjiban's room is completely arranged. [Pencilled beside this is "(about Exhibition in Nouveauté)"]
Myself and Anilkumar have a point on which we do not agree. Mother will consider it. [rest of the letter snipped off]
Sri Aurobindo: The Mother has said very clearly in front of all that it is you who have to arrange the pictures for the exhibition—Anilkumar's and Nishikanta's included. This decision stands and cannot be either changed or modified.
27.12.1935:
Mother [on a chit]: Krishnalal, you know that you have much hard work to do in day time until the end of the month, consequently I expect you to go to sleep early in the night. Moreover it is not proper that you should go to Kanta as it was understood that she came here and was kept on the condition she would no more consider you as her husband. I feel sure you will understand my point.
[End of Kanta's letter in Gujarati]
…mulle evi kripa karsho. Kanta-na pranam.
(I shall be grateful if I can get [the things from the Stores]. Kanta's pranam)
Sri Aurobindo: Certainly you can have things from the Stores; Mother did not know you were not getting. As for permanence, you can stay so long as you wish to do so; but Mother does not nowadays wish to give a formal permission of permanence as it is not good for the mind—it comes practically however to the same thing.
28/12/1935: [end]
…Mother wanted that the copies should be kept separate.
Mother: This was not explained to me, otherwise I would have said to leave them where they are.
K: In the copy-room there are other oil-paintings which are original, these are kept because Anilkumar [parts of the next 2 pages have been cut out] …to be considered copies—as Mother instructs.
Mother: If everything is arranged—you need not change anything.
K: We used fly-tox yesterday night in all the rooms. But the whole bottle was used up. No pictures are spoiled by the insects last night. Should we use the fly-tox daily or at interval of certain days?
Mother [underlining K's "interval of certain days"] Yes.
K: The curtains are dyed and ready. I will send them to-morrow for Mother to see.
Mother: All right.
6-1-1936
Mother [on a thick, ruled chit paper]:
Krishnalal, I forgot to tell you that the two pictures for the Governor have to be signed before they are framed. Will you inform Nishikanta of this?
The exhibition seems to have been a great success.
With our blessings.
6-1-1936:
Mother, To-morrow we shall take down the pictures and put them in the rooms decided for them. To cover them some good cloth like oil-cloth is necessary, to prevent dust and insects.
Mother: You can ask from the B.S. If they do not have, it will be bought.
K: There are four pictures with gloss excluding one from Cocotier which I think can be again put in its place. But what to do with 4 glass-pictures? Should they be put in the same room in which all the pictures are to be put?
The rooms in which the pictures are to be put seem more damp. I do not know if that will affect the pictures which will be on the wooden benches.
Mother: What is damp in the rooms? the floor or the rooms themselves because of a lack of ventilation?
K: I have asked Nishikanta to sign the picture which he is to touch [up] also in some places.
May I ask Chandulal to prepare two planks to be put at the back of the pictures for Governor?
Mother: Yes—glasses also are required.
K:
Mother, May I request to have some talks with Mother as blessings on behalf of the artist group. We are all eager to have an interview with Mother.
Mother: I will let you know as soon as I have some time. Blessings.
7-1-1936:
Mother: C. Vishnu D. E. Anil kumar B. G. pictures A. F. work for the Mairie H. Nishikanta.
7/1/1936: [end]
I would like to have two curtains from that if Mother can spare.
Mother: Yes, you can have them.
9.1.1936:
Mother, Myself and Jayantilal have begun the work of the decoration of the Town Hall. At present we will do the work from 8 to 12 in the morning and some study work from nature for that in the afternoon.
Who is to be in charge of the pictures which will be kept in the exhibition house? I think they will require fly-tox at certain intervals.
Mother: It seems to me that the same arrangement as before the exhibition can continue.
K: We occupy the central hall (A) and the room (e) (in which Nishikanta lived during the exhibition) as it is nearer to the bath room.
10.1.1936:
Sri Aurobindo: What you write about the expression of beauty through painting and the limitations of the work as yet done here, is quite accurate. The painters here have capacity and disposition, but as yet the work done ranks more as studies and sketches some well done, some less well than as great or finished art. What they need is not to be easily satisfied because they have put their ideas or imaginations in colour or because they have done some good work, but always to see what has not been yet achieved and train the vision and executive power till they have reached a truly high power of themselves. Nandalal's saying is true, but the three have to be combined and developed and harmonised in their combination to a sufficient degree before they bear the fruit of finished or great art.
[This is a type-script with corrections done by hand. Underneath is pencilled a triangle with "Inspiration" written on top, "Nature" at bottom left, and "Tradition" at bottom right.]
18-1-1936: [end]
…my painting work comes in the way; then shall I have to leave painting to be always in the Mother's touch?
Sri Aurobindo: Of course everybody is here for Yoga and not for painting. Painting or any other activity has to be made here a part of Yoga and cannot be pursued for its own sake. If it stands insuperably in the way, then it has to be given up; but there is no reason why it should if it be pursued in the proper spirit, as a field of and for spiritual growth or as a work done for the Mother.
22-1-1936:
Mother, As we have begun the first panel of the decoration work we find that both of us can't work on the same picture because of different methods of executing it. If we do separately, pictures of one wall each, and then there is the possibility of a marked difference in execution of the pictures on opposite walls.
In this matter how should we work?
Sri Aurobindo: Mother thinks that if you are careful to use the same set of colours, then each could do the pictures on one wall without creating any impression of disharmony.
27-1-1936:
Mother, Since some days I remain in a condition which I don't understand. In the beginning I felt very good, quiet and with constant aspiration to be under the Divine's influence. It would go away for some days, but again be resumed after some days.
But for four or five days I am not able to keep the aspiration but on the contrary I have headache. Generally I am quiet during all these days. But I don't understand the reason for my headache.
I find that I cannot do the work of decoration with the concentration as it ought to be done. I do that work but not with much of interest in it.
May I know from Mother what this is due to? Is there anything wrong with the decoration work that brings the headache or is it my inner condition that does not allow me to remain concentrated?
Sri Aurobindo: There is no reason why the decoration work should cause headache. Mother has put much force into it.
7-2-1936:
Mother, In the Painter's House there are many insects, such as, silverfish, white ant, red ant and many others. Red ants are moving in all the rooms. When we are working they come over to eat the colours because they are mixed with eggs they move over the pictures continuously even when we are working over them, to eat the freshly applied colour. The ants get over our bodies and bite us also.
We do not know what to do with them.
Mother: If you can find out from what hole they come out, place every day near that hole some sugar or some crumbs of bread (not always the same thing), it will save you much of the trouble.
K: The two decoration pictures that are finished are kept on the cot which was in the room which I temporarily occupy. I don't use the room so I wanted to return the key of the room to Nolini, but as we have need of a cot and there is none in the stores I take out the cot and return the key to Nolini.
Mother: It is all right.
K: I want to study water-lily and ducks which can be found at some distance from here. If Mother can permit me to use the cycle it will be convenient for me to go.
Mother: I enclose a chit for Benjamin.
K: If Mother has got any books in which there are good photographs of different kinds of birds I would like to study from it also.
Mother: I shall see if there is any that I can lend you. By the way, Dayakar had a good number of fine photographs of birds. You might ask him to show them to you.
9-2-1936:
Mother, I intend to do the decoration work (of my part) in my room. As we are already doing the work quite independently, except preparing the colours, there will not be any inconvenience to us.
Mother will kindly allow me to do so if there is no objection to Her.
Sri Aurobindo: There is no objection. Only you must be careful that the colours are the same.
24.2.1936: [end]
If Mother has no objection and if She can permit me I may go for three weeks.
Sri Aurobindo: But what of the Town hall work? How can you go leaving that undone?
14.3.36
Mother: Krishnalal It seems that the two ducks are destroying the plants and the flowers in the "painters house". I suppose you need them no more as you have finished that panel. So it would be better to get rid of them in a way or another, either giving or selling them away.
15.3.36
Mother: Krishnalal, I am sending you back your sketch book. The sketches are indeed very good, quite interesting, all of them.
3.Apr.1936:
Mother, Since some days I feel much tired even though I don't work heavily at anything.
I feel the nerves tightened up sometimes so much that I cannot keep myself steadily at any work and I cannot keep quiet and call down Mother and have peace; I even cannot relax, to try to do that means more tightening of the nerves. I cannot sleep easily. Last evening I felt much tired and so tried to go to sleep early but for two hours the head remained as if blocked up and no control over myself except to while away the time moving this side and that side.
Generally while doing the painting work I am in inner delight and free from disturbances but in doing this last panel I can't get into that condition; though the panel I am doing but I am tired after working for a short time.
There seems to be some rigidity in some part of the nature. During Pranam I find that I find myself stiff before Mother.
Now-a-days I remain constipated also. I don't understand what the difficulty is and how to remove it.
Sri Aurobindo: Have a strong will to open entirely to the Mother so that this may go. Also try to put yourself into your work—if you can take pleasure in the work, that will help to get rid of the rest.
21.4.1936:
Mother, What is to be done of the materials bought in the decoration (Town Hall) account? There are following things: Brushes, a pair of mortar and pestle, 3 mats, and earthen vessels.
Mother: Those things that can be of use for you and Jayantilal, you can divide among you. The other things can be kept for general painting use.
29-4-1936: [end]
…pensable in the remaining work of fixing the decoration pictures or about that time.
If at all I go I shall return in about a month's time.
Sri Aurobindo: I suppose it depends on whether the fixing can be done in time.
30/Apr/1936: [end]
…has no objection.
I am sure to return before the fixing work can begin.
[Underneath is pencilled, "(permission to go to Ahmedabad)"]
1.5.1936: [end]
N.B. I may start latest on Monday.
Sri Aurobindo: Mother can see you for a few minutes only after 1 o'clock on Sunday.
3 May-1936: [end]
…contained in my trunk they may like to see them (pictures without frames).
I may take them with me and bring them back also with me with care.
Sri Aurobindo: Yes, you can do that.
[The next day, Krishnalal left for Ahmedabad. He returned on 29 June after holding exhibitions at Ahmedabad and Baroda.]
Aug.1936:
Mother, Jayantilal writes to me and wants to know whether the fixing of the pictures in the Town-Hall is to begin recently or it will take time. If Mother knows anything She will kindly let me know so that I can inform him.
Sri Aurobindo: There seems to be no present prospect of it, as we have heard nothing from David.
K: I want to practise on my Israj with Madangopal and Vishnu. They have no objection. Can I do it with them?
9-Sept-1936:
Mother, Herewith I send a line drawing of Sri Aurobindo which I have done after tracing from a photograph. I had the invitation to do it. I send the letter asking me to do it. If Mother finds it satisfactory for sending it for publication I may send it.
Sri Aurobindo: I am afraid it cannot be sent or published.
30-Sept.1936:
Mother, We have done some decorations in Purani's room, on door, boxes etc. I would like to show them to Mother. May I suggest to Mother to see them tomorrow after distributing the pay if possible?
Sri Aurobindo: Mother will decide when she is downstairs.
Oct.1936:
Mother, Since two days I remain disturbed in the nerves. I don't get sound sleep during night or day. A little headache is there. I can't keep myself steady so much as to bring quiet or peace.
Sri Aurobindo: Is there any specific cause of the disturbance?
[37-year-old Dahilakshmi, Tulsibhai's wife, had died two days earlier, on the 2nd. See Notes below.]
Mother, I think that there were two reasons for my disturbance. I went to burning place (in case of Dahilaxmi) and so I was tired and so there was nervousness. The main thing might be that I was disturbed during night by the cries of P [who had become insane]. I woke up and could not sleep for 2 hours when I had the ideas of madness pressing on my nerves. Both these incidents took place during the interval of some hours and so that had the effect on my nerves. This is what I think. Last night I had good sleep and I feel better.
Sri Aurobindo: That is good. It was evidently the strain on the nerves all worked up by the vibrations in the atmosphere. It should not be difficult to throw it off.
[See Notes below.]
21.10.1936:
Mother, Since two days I remain quiet and very light internally. To-day at noon I was sleeping when I had some dream. It stopped & I felt that I should be completely passive. I became passive and in that condition I felt something like light descending from above the head. But when it came down it was a mixture,—confusing—and disturbed and blocked the nerves in the head. Then I woke up and found that a little headache had begun.
Sri Aurobindo: It is the resistance of the nature, especially the outer or physical nature, which creates that difficulty. For its inferior consciousness mixes with the light and stops or obstructs its action and blocks its passage through the physical brain, nerves and cells. If the psychic being is brought forward and its action has cleared the mind, vital and physical sufficiently, this resistance is diminished and practically disappears, for the psychic influence refines the stuff of consciousness everywhere and makes it plastic and pure.
30.10.1936:
Mother, To-day during meditation gradually I became quiet more and more, and at the end I nearly entered into the condition of passivity. This condition is attained sometimes while meditating. To-day also I felt in the condition that some descending movement or connection with something above the head was going to take place. But there was something in me which felt itself unable to bear that result (or the fear or hesitation?) and so I could not leave myself completely in that passivity. What can be this which was not ready to allow the connection with higher thing? In this way if I get the passivity should I allow it to continue and have the result it brings or what should be the proper attitude?
Sri Aurobindo: It is probably the physical mind that is afraid of entering into so unusual a state for it. You must get rid of the fear—throw it away when it comes, and then let the meditation proceed.
2-Novembre-1936:
Mère, J'apprends français. Je vous prie pour une copie du "Prières et Méditations" en français. Mother [re-writing]: Mère, J'apprends le français. Je vous prie de me donner un exemplaire des "Prières et Méditations" en français.
Mother: Je vous enverrai le livre demain.
K: J'ai preparé quelques études des plantes et quelques copies des peintures d'Ajanta. J'aime à vous les montrer si vous me donnerez un entretien à votre convenance. Mother [re-writing]: J'aimerai vous les montrer si vous me donnez une entretien quand cela vous sera possible.
Mother: Je pense pouvoir vous voir Mercredi prochain le 4—vers 1hr1/2.
30-11-1936:
Mother, I want to copy two paintings from Ajanta books. I think of doing them in tempera style on wood. For that I asked Chandulal if there might be old pieces of teak wood of 4′ × 2′ size. But that he has none. So I asked him whether I could see for the teak wood pieces of some suitable size in the timber godown. To which he flatly refused. May I pray to Mother to arrange for me two pieces of wood (size I may select from the stock)? If they are old—from rejected doors etc—so much the better.
Mother: I have asked Chandulal if he has an old door that he could give.
5/12/1936:
Mother, As the planks of the required size are not there I think of doing tempera-copies on the everite of which I require 2 pieces (1 × 1/2 metre each).
Sri Aurobindo: You can ask Chandulal for the everite pieces.
[Pencilled on top right "(2 volumes of Ajanta paintings)"]
14-12-1936:
Mother, May I know something for my portrait-painting? I am trying out at present the techniques of putting the colours, the boldness of using the colours etc. I don't get the real personality of the model in portrait. Is it due to the above reason—about technique? Or is it that I have no insight for that? How should I be doing the portrait? Or if there is anything objectionable in my portrait-painting. Mother will kindly let me know.
Sri Aurobindo: The failure to bring out the personality is not at all due to any defect in the technique. With any technique the personality can be brought out. But to get it one must come out from one's own personality, one's ego with its characteristic and limited look on things, and identify oneself with the person of the sitter—that is how one seizes it and can naturally bring it out in the painting.
22-12-1936:
Mother, Herewith I send a still-life study which I did recently, and also two cards which Madame Colin gave me as present. Madame Colin saw some of our pictures and was pleased. It seemed she was interested in art. She talked about the artists and modern art in France etc. There is one snow-picture of Romen which is framed with glass and dealwood on its back. We found insects behind the glass which spoil the picture. Insects may be there due to the dealwood.
Mother: It is better to remove the plank and the glass and to fly-tox the picture.
24.12.1936:
Mother, There seems some resistance in some part in me. I do not know where or how. I pray Mother to help to get it cleared.
Sri Aurobindo: It is by aspiration and will that you can get the resistance cleared. The Mother's help and her force will be there with you.
20-Jan-1937:
Mother, Yesterday I sent one copy done from Ajanta painting. I did it on a piece of wood which cracked a little while I was working on it, as it became wet by water-colours. I think some precaution should be taken to prevent it from cracking more due to weather. It can be fixed in the groove of a specially made frame. Can Chandulal see it and suggest anything?
Sri Aurobindo: It is a little difficult perhaps but Mother has asked Chandulal to do whatever can be done. Chandulal thinks it will not break any more.
Jan.1937:
Mother, Herewith I send a card which can be given to Romen to-morrow.
Mother: The card is very pretty. I have sent it to Romen. Blessings.
Mar-1937:
Mother, We have done portraits of Romen with his sitar. We wish to offer the pictures to Mother and at the same time to have more practical hints on portrait painting. We feel that we are lacking much in this line, and so Mother's guidance will be much helpful. If there is no inconvenience may we request for an interview when Mother finds time? [Signed also by Sanjiban]
Sri Aurobindo: As soon as it is possible, Mother will call you.
23.3.1937:
Mother, Sometimes I want small pots of plants which I require to keep in my room for some days for drawing and painting. I have asked Manubhai and Jyotin. They have no objection. I shall keep them according to the instructions.
27.3.1937:
Mother, What is meant by 'difficulty' in our sadhana? And what is its nature?
Sri Aurobindo: The main difficulty in the sadhana consists in the movements of the lower nature, ideas of the mind, desires and attractions of the vital, habits of the body consciousness that stand in the way of the growth of the higher consciousness—there are other difficulties, but these are the bulk of the opposition.
10.6.1937:
Mother, Since some 3 or 4 days I don't get sound sleep. A little of constipation is also there. And there remains nervous strain. I get some pain on the heart, I think, I don't know if it is on the chest muscles or inside.
Sri Aurobindo: You can consult Becharlal about the pain.
21.6.1937:
Mother, I took medicine from Becharlal for the pain on heart. Pain stopped and so the medicine is also stopped. But now and then I get a little pain on the heart, but I am not inclined to take the medicine unless You find it quite necessary. I am attending to all my usual works, and going out for a walk as before.
Sri Aurobindo: It is not necessary to take medicine, I think.
K: But as yet sleeplessness is continued more or less. I get sleep very late—twelve or one o'clock or so. And in morning I wake up at about five and don't get more sleep. During day also I lie down but don't get sleep.
[Undated]: [end]
…I do not know how to relieve the strain on nerves. Lately I was remaining more reclusive. If that is the reason for this strain I think of taking a walk in the morning and do some outdoor sketching, and do sometimes studies with Sanjiban and like that come out from the seclusion. I would be happy to have your suggestions. I have done a picture and a study from nature which I will bring to You when I come next Friday.
Sri Aurobindo: Yes, Mother approves of this idea. It may release the tension of nerves and prevent the brooding on the suggestions.
29-6-1937:
Mother, I asked Jwalanti whether she had time and no inconvenience to take my French lesson. She said that she was ready to help in such matters with Mother's approval. So may I know what You think about it?
Mother: You can go.
K: If you approve she has given me time on Tuesday and Friday at 11am to go to her place.
Mother: Since some time I wanted to tell you that the cards you are sending me daily are very good. I shall use them to send the blessings of 15th August to France and elsewhere. With my love and blessings.
6-7-1937:
Mother, Now I don't remain in the nervous strain as before and so am getting better sleep than before though not quite sound. But I find that more or less like a cinema-film ideas come of how I am injured, how I was given blows in the vital, and so I feel repulsion against the persons who did that and still show in some way the same attitude. When I received the blows I could keep quiet and firm, but now I don't know why those things rise and go on. I wish I should be free from such repulsion towards any person.
Sri Aurobindo: When these thoughts arise, there should be no acceptance, and as far as possible the mind should pay no attention to them and turn away elsewhere. I do not mean to struggle with them for that will only bring strain, but to detach yourself from them, refuse to regard them as your own, ignore and not attend to them, as far as possible.
8-July-1937:
Mother, I was told by somebody that I was going on indulging in my desires—especially sex impulse—under the pretext of my weakness. About this weakness I have written to you quite in the beginning and again I had a talk with you when I confessed it. As far as I am conscious of this confession to you or to some whom I trust as friends I never wanted to cheat them, i.e., behind the confession wanting to continue my desires. But I may be mistaken in this, so I think it best for me to put it before You and be sure of my confession.
Sri Aurobindo: The question is whether there is any indulgence of the desires or not. If you do not give them any indulgence however slight in action, if you keep away from all opportunities for stumbling etc, then it is all right. Then there is the inward indulgence, attachment, etc.—if you sincerely reject that from within, then it is all right.
6.8.1937:
Mother, Sometimes when I go to sleep at night I find some disturbance. As if the consciousness is covered up, I fall asleep for a short time and all of a sudden I wake up and find myself suffocated and helpless as one would feel when drowned. Last night it was more. During daytime I don't find any disturbance; but to-day in the morning meditation I went in that suffocated condition. Can this be due to my going to the hospital for the ear-treatment?
Sri Aurobindo: It is not likely. This kind of attack is often due to a resistance somewhere in the being. When it comes you should call in the Mother with a will to get rid of the resistance and open.
27.9.1937:
Mother, I have finished two pictures which I want to bring to You. I will be very glad if You allow me an interview if possible at Your convenience.
Mother: The end and the beginning of the month are very busy times for me, but as soon as it is possible I will call you.
Oct. 1937:
Mother, I have received an invitation for sending pictures to an exhibition to be held at Karachi in December under the auspices of the Gujarat Sahitya Parishad. They undertake to take care of the things and send them back carefully. I put it for Mother's consideration.
Mother: How do you intend to send the pictures? will somebody take them there? Apart from that, no objection. Blessings.
Nov. 1937:
Mother, Pictures can be sent to the exhibition by post or railway. They should be sent without frames, so that they can be rolled and packed in a roll made of thin tin plate. This is what I think if You approve of it.
Mother: Will they not pay customs? If not, it is all right.
29-11-1937:
Mother, I have not written any prices for the pictures of Karachi exhibition. If You mean to put them for sale I may write their prices.
Mother: It is better not to sell the pictures. Blessings.
(Dec.1937): [end]
…come down? Why was this movement? And what was it that I had to come in the normal consciousness and not expand or not go up and receive from above?
Mother: It was the vital ascending to join the higher consciousness. The pressure was necessitated by the resistance in the outward being. In such cases one must remain very quiet and fearless so that the movement can complete itself.
(1937-1938?):
Mother, Herewith I send Kamala's drawing book for You to see. I would like to know how you find her work.
Sri Aurobindo: Mother finds that she is doing very good studies.
(8.1.1938):
Mother, Yesterday I went to Nakashima to give him the money. As he had told me before, I had to give him Rs.15 but now he said that it was only Rs.7, which sum he did not like to take. I pressed him for it but he did not want to accept it. So I return the whole sum to you. As for the two books, shall I give them to the library? I wish to keep them with me only if you permit me to do so.
Mother: You can keep the books—but if somebody wishes to see them, I will send him or her to you.
11/1/1938: [end]
…have instructions. If it is possible may I request for an interview at your convenience? [pencilled here "(oil paintings)"]
Mother: I will let you know as soon as I shall have some time. P.S. I have given your list of requirements to Chandulal who will do the needful.
18.Jan.1938:
Mother, Last night I got disturbed and could not sleep well. When I went to sleep thoughts began recurring at random. I tried to keep quiet but on the contrary got a strain on the nerves and heaviness in the head. I woke up very soon due to some sounds of the procession in the street. And the thoughts began to move again. Also the thoughts of losing the balance of mind began. I got up, walked in the room for some time trying to be quiet. Again I went to sleep. I had some dreams and after about an hour woke up and the disturbance continued like the first time. After some time again I slept; this time I woke up twice but there was no disturbance. I have not found any cause for that in my outward dealings. Since some time I find that thoughts go on moving. I try to remain quiet and aloof from them, but sometimes succeed and sometimes get strain on the nerves. Thoughts are not of anything in particular. Yesterday I had the thoughts about painting and also I saw some colour schemes but then everything began to muddle up with the heaviness in the head. I don't understand as to where the defect lies. P.S. Sometimes in sleep I feel going on what I have talked or read during daytime.
Mother: Why do you get upset about such things? Do not worry about them and they will lose their power. Blessings.
18.4.1938:
Mother, Since 15 or 20 days I find that I remain fatigued. During day-time I work in G. office but due to the fatigue in the body I can't work steadily. Before evening I am completely exhausted. In my food and sleep I am as usual. I don't find the cause of this weakness. I am interested in the work also.
Mother: You may need a tonic. You can ask Nirod for one. Blessings.
[Nirod gave him Melatone, but ten days later, he (Nirod) wrote to Sri Aurobindo, "Melatone didn't give him much good effect. As it looks like nervous fatigue, Kola may do him good. If you have any more Nergine, he could resume it, perhaps." But Mother's stock was over.]
6/July/1938: [end]
These pictures seem to have been done by some artists of Rajput tradition. Mr. Raymond has presented to me his new book on architecture. I think of presenting to him four or five of these pictures.
20/Sept/1938:
Mother, The pictures which were sent out for the exhibition [to Karachi in Dec. 1937] have come back. They were carelessly handled and so are torn in some places. One of the big landscape-pictures is torn much near a corner and also in the middle. I shall try to repair them. I think of showing them to:– Sunderanand, Mr. & Mrs. Sammer, Jwalanti, Krishnamurthy (who comes for pranam), Jyotindra, Pujalal, and perhaps a few more ashram people. I may arrange them in my room for one day if you approve of it.
Mother: Yes, it is all right. [signed]
Oct.1938:
Mother, Since to-day morning I feel a little feverish. My legs and joints ache. I may take medicine if you find it necessary.
Sri Aurobindo: Yes, you should have it treated.
17.10.1938:
Mother, I saw one enlarged photo of Sri Aurobindo with Jatindra. I would like to have one like that. Will you kindly permit me for one? If you sanction, Jatindra says, it can be ordered from Bengal.
13 Feb 1939:
Mother, Harivadan, my brother, asked for a copy of "Conversations with Mother" some time back which you kindly gave him. He writes to me now that he wants to come and stay here for about a month and a half during his May vacation. He asks for your kind permission.
Mother: Yes, he can come. Blessings.
Will you kindly let me know whether Jwalanti can teach Sanjiban also?
Mother: Yes, she can teach you both together.
[On 13th May, Krishnalal and Sanjiban went to Madras. They returned on the 16th.]
16-5-1939: [end]
…in mind. [Here, in pencil "(about Harivadan)"] I had to be very strict internally against this attitude of his, because it seemed that he showed some vital cunning which was fatiguing me and Jayantilal. And I found it necessary to part from him as soon as possible. I had some faith which kept up my resolution that he can go alone to Bombay, so disregarding all his apparent weaknesses I sent him off. May I ask you what you think about my attitude and his safe travelling?
Mother: You did all right. What you felt was quite correct and the attitude you took was the best to bring to him a prompt recovery. Love and blessings.
3-8-1939:
Mother's chit: Krishnalal I would like to have on a card the drawing of the palm tree in the courtyard of the Meditation House. Can you do it? Blessings.
4.8.1939:
Mother's chit: Krishnalal, The palms are both very good. My love and blessings.
6-10-1939: [end]
…to take because she is… [rest is torn] [Here, in pencil "(about Kanta's English lessons)"] May I ask you if there is any objection?
Mother: It is better not to do it for several reasons. My love and blessings.
19-Oct-1939:
Mother, I want white cards for sketching work. Shall I ask from prosperity?
Mother: Yes Blessings
[On 24 February,1940, Champaklal gave Sri Aurobindo a book with some pictures by Krishnalal's brother, Harivadan who had passed away in Ahmedabad on 22 December 1939, of severe burns. Seeing a photograph of him in which his head was bandaged as a result of a lathi charge during the Non-cooperation Movement:]
Sri Aurobindo: He looks as if he was suffering. He was predestined to die as he did. …His past Karma required some such experience. …Not Karma in the ordinary sense. It is his psychic being, his soul, that had to pass through such an experience in order to exhaust some Karma left over.
[Nirodbaran, Talks with Sri Aurobindo, Vol. 1, pp. 478-79]
[20 August 1940. Krishnalal had drawn a horse. Satyendra remarked that the horse had checked the German onslaught. In the Indian tradition the vahana or vehicle of kalki, the last Avatar, is said to be the horse.]
Sri Aurobindo: Yes, Krishnalal is very apposite and has some power of intuition. Just when the Germans began their attack, he painted an eagle, as if swooping down on its prey, and then there was the monkey picture representing the refugees. The picture of the goat represented the English waiting for the attack and now the horse. He has a remarkable gift in drawing animals.
[Nirodbaran, Talks with Sri Aurobindo, Vol. 2, p. 859]
September to November 1940: Gujarat
On 30 August 1940, Krishnalal wrote to the Mother that his mother was seriously ill. "She is remembering me and wants to see me once. If you permit me I may go." The Mother replied: "Do just as you like." On 1 September Krishnalal left for Gujarat and returned on 21 November, spending 81 days outside his guru-griha arriving where in 1933 had been, in his words, the beginning of his "real journey… a life and progress in the true direction". Why then did he submit to the family's call when, as his correspondence so far shows, his attitude to and relation with them had undergone a complete change and he was progressing both in Art and in Yoga?
Of course, the call of one's mother has been irresistible even for great yogis, and the recent death of his brother Harivadan, just six months after he had spent his May vacation at the Ashram, may have raised a fear that his mother may not survive this illness. Also, his wife, though currently with him, was ailing from a sickness that, in those days, brought great mental stress along with physical suffering and always swiftly reduced one's life-span. The pressure of family pulls was undoubtedly extremely strong.
But had he forgotten the Mother's and Sri Aurobindo's replies when he asked them how to respond to the family's requests, demands etc.? "You might answer to this effect that you do not think that you could be of any help by going there, and that you think that whatever help can be given, can better be done from here than from anywhere else." (The Mother)—"These difficulties and the reproaches also are inevitable for a sadhak coming away from his family. If he wants to stay here he must be prepared to face them and live them down. Many have had to do that before you." (Sri Aurobindo). More importantly, Sri Aurobindo had categorically stated that the difficulties that visited his loved ones had "No relation" with his staying here for his sadhana. In January 1934, on hearing about the news of the death of his child and a brother's declaration to cut off all relations with him for his "callousness", he had asked what should be his "attitude as a sadhak in both matters".
Sri Aurobindo: "The right attitude is perfect equanimity and faith that the Divine's Will is always for the best."
Again, he had told the Mother that even under great difficulties his mother always maintained her calm because of her great faith in God and her regular religious practices, and that whenever memories of his past relations with family and friends revived he could "very soon become conscious of them and reject them". Finally we have this significant exchange in April 1934. Admitting that because he had been "strongly attached" to them "sometimes I have the idea that they might be suffering a little more due to my absence", he had asked, whether, by rejecting their requests had he not become unduly "harsh and indifferent" towards them. Sri Aurobindo had replied, "When one enters the spiritual life, the family ties which belong to the ordinary nature fall away—one becomes indifferent to the old things. This indifference is a release. There need be no harshness in it at all. To remain tied to the old physical affections would mean to remain tied to the ordinary nature and that would prevent the spiritual progress."
But if the family ties and pressure were under control, what then succeeded in pulling this dedicated sadhak-artist at this stage of his progress?
There is a clue in the incident of his going out to Gujarat in May-June 1936 to hold exhibitions of his paintings in Ahmedabad and Baroda. So did the artist get the better of the sadhak then? Possibly not, for there is Sri Aurobindo's reply to his question in January 1936: "Of course everybody is here for Yoga and not for painting. Painting or any other activity has to be made here a part of Yoga and cannot be pursued for its own sake. If it stands insuperably in the way, then it has to be given up; but there is no reason why it should if it be pursued in the proper spirit, as a field of and for a spiritual growth or as work done for the Mother." And there is his own statement published in Kumar that it was only at Pondicherry that his paintings had begun to express "an added element which I could never have obtained in Gujarat" and he could turn "towards symbolic paintings", because it was only Sri Aurobindo and the Mother who "perceived my inner movements and began to turn me towards the true nature of Art. But it was not at all easy to turn that way. Outwardly I knew nothing about Yoga. I used to even think, 'I am an artist; spirituality is not for me.' It was difficult to pull me out of this, but it was because of the devotee in my nature that it was finally made possible. Gradually, I immersed myself in the atmosphere of the Ashram. But the difficulty of progressing in my art still remained. I managed to accept the new lifestyle of the Ashram within, but to bring out its influence in my art took a long time. The sanskaras, thoughts, techniques etc. with which I had begun my training had established themselves inside and kept swallowing up whatever new things were coming in. How much of an obstacle the narrow viewpoints and methods one has learned can then become, can be known by one who has to go through this experience. Things that had made a home in my nature refused to leave. But under the influence of the new Force, it has been finally possible, and my pictures have, thanks to it, acquired a new element."
On 21st November 1940 Krishnalal returned to Pondicherry. His talks with Ambubhai led the latter to mention to Sri Aurobindo (during the evening talks upstairs on 5 December) how Nanda-babu's devotion to Gandhi had taken him to Porbundar to visit the room the Mahatma was born in. And how, while Nanda-babu failed to accept the current European forms of art, he accepted Gandhi's opinion that art must appeal to the average man to be true Art.
Sri Aurobindo's comment: These two influences unfortunately work for the deterioration of Art. One is this modernist spirit and the other this popularisation, that is, vulgarisation of Art. People very often forget that the tendencies seen in modernist poetry, painting, sculpture etc., and the rise of Hitler are not isolated but connected phenomena. They come from a common origin. Writers like Leonard Woolfe complain that "the barbarian is at our door", but they forget that it is they who put the barbarian in power by insisting on the importance of the average man. The average man, if you give him rights, will put such men as Hitler and Mussolini in power. These people themselves are average men—Hitler is nothing but an average man gone wrong.
24-Jan-1941: [end]
…for me. He is ready to take once a week. ["(Learning Mathematics)" is pencilled here.] Kindly let me know whether you approve of my studying the subject? And if so whether I can do it with Chandulal?
Mother: Yes, you can study with Chandulal.My love and blessings.
October: [Krishnalal's mother passed away.]
(His father passed away on 31 December 1945. On 23 May 1946 he had to leave for Ahmedabad with Kanta who was severely ill. After a fortnight in Bombay he took her to Poona but a fortnight later they had to return to Ahmedabad where she passed away.)
9 Feb.1955:
Mother, From Ahmedabad my brother and some friends are eager to hold an exhibition of my paintings. I think it better to have the exhibition, not only of my paintings, but those of all the artists of the Ashram. The photographic section also may be included. So it will be an exhibition of the cultural activity of the Ashram. If Mother thinks it can be done then I may write to them showing our willingness. If it is to be held it will be in the month of May (1955). It will be convenient at that time because they are going to celebrate the 60th birth anniversary of Purani. I will propose to them that they should organise and bear the expenses. It is likely that other centres in Gujarat connected with the Ashram may want to hold the exhibition. I think if we select 125 or so, paintings and photographs, that will be alright. My brother insists on my presence there during that period. I think it would be better if someone of us here goes with the paintings so that they are handled properly.
Mother: It is better if I speak to you about it.Tomorrow (Friday) morning at 8.30. Blessings
[The touch of Sri Aurobindo in their lives in December 1907 turned Chhotubhai and Ambubhai into such powerful dynamos that many who came in contact with them were deeply influenced. Although they could no longer personally lead it, their Mandal continued to dedicate itself, as best it could, to their ideals. Here was an occasion—completing sixty (Shashtipoorti) is, traditionally, an occasion for celebration—every member was determined to contribute his utmost. The main events were held in Baroda where the movement was born, but Ambubhai visited all the major centres and so did the exhibition. At Ahmedabad it was put up in a large new building built for such public expositions. There is no record in the Ashram Archives of Krishnalal ever leaving the Ashram after 1946.]
29 February 1956: The Supramental Manifestation.
One day in this month, Promode Kumar Chatterjee (Krishnalal's old teacher who till now knew nothing about the Ashram) "saw a vision, too vivid to be forgotten. A pair of divinely beautiful swans, golden, was streaking through chidakasha (the ether within the heart) at dawn. An artist to the fingernails, the first thing he did when the beatific vision faded was to make a pencil-sketch of it. Later on he applied the colours. Although he found this vision rather remarkable, he had no idea that he had become an unconscious witness to a momentous happening."
Promode Kumar would come to the Ashram, for the first time, in October 1958, when along with many of his other creations, he would show the Mother this painting which he had called 'The Two Swans'. She "put him wise, and, to the obvious delight and astonishment of the painter, she spontaneously wrote, then and there, the caption of the picture on its lower margin, Les annonciateurs du monde Supramental—The Heralds of the Supramental World." She had the painting printed at the Press as a card, and distributed copies at the Darshan of 21 February 1960.
29 March 1956:
The day of the Mother's arrival and meeting with Sri Aurobindo in 1914. At the time of Pranam, she distributed copies of a print of 'The Golden Purusha', (a painting done by Krishnalal in 1934), captioned with the following lines typed in French from her Prayer of 25 September 1914:
The Lord has willed and Thou dost execute: A new Light shall break upon the earth. A new world shall be born, And the things that were promised shall be fulfilled.
(Later Mother made some alterations in the message and distributed it on 24 April in 1956. (See Mother India, November 2004, pp. 1008–1017.)
4 April 1956:
The day Sri Aurobindo arrived in Pondicherry in 1910. The Mother distributed at Pranam copies of a print of Krishnalal's painting of the red lotuses with the following sentence from one of Sri Aurobindo's letters as caption:
The Supramental is a truth and its advent is in the very nature of things inevitable.
24 April 1956:
The day of the Mother's arrival in 1920—a Darshan day since 1939. The Mother distributed at Pranam the following message:
Without care for time, without fear for space, surging out purified from the flames of the ordeal, we shall fly without stop towards the realisation of our goal, the supramental victory.
24 November 1956:
The thirtieth anniversary of Sri Aurobindo's Siddhi Day. The Mother distributed at Pranam a card with a painting by Krishnalal of a vision he had seen while meditating on the Mother's message of 24th April quoted above. Beside the vision—a slender human figure emerging from a universal fire and soaring up towards a golden sun beckoning from beyond a remote peak—was printed her message of 24th April written out by her.
1960
Mother: Krishnalal, You can give to Jagadish [Pandya, a young Ashramite] what he needs to do some drawing and let me see what he does. If he has some gift, we shall help him. But the best would be if he learnt technical and engineering drawing.
13.12.1960:
Mother, Mrs. Tompkins asked me if I could do Mr. Tompkins' portrait. I have done it and am sending it to Mother to see it.
Mother: It is all right. Blessings
1 Mar.1962:
Mother, It seems definite that Vasudev will be relieved from his present work. He is going to depend upon Mother's decision for his future work. If Mother has not decided any work for him as yet we have a proposal for Mother's consideration. We need one person to organise: 1) the picture store, where drawings and paintings are increasing more and more. 2) The painting materials. 3) Occasionally the theatre work and exhibitions. 4) When the art-gallery will be ready he may be given charge of it.
PranamJayantiKrishnalal.
Mother: Very good. I fully agree.
10-8-1962
Mother [on a card on which is printed in black, in Gothic script]
God speaks to the heart, when the brain cannot understand him.
To Krishnalalwith love and blessings.
[10th August 1933 was the day Krishnalal first stepped into his guru-griha*—the ultimate home of every seeker. His diary entry of 1933 reads:*
In one and half years of my acquaintance with Leelavati-ben [Mrs. Purani] at Ahmedabad, higher sentiments for Art and Yoga were awakened in me. I turned towards Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. A scrutiny of my past life made me feel the help of an Unknown Force. And I was made to feel that Sri Aurobindo's Yoga was the only true path for me. I also got some spiritual experiences under her guidance. Finally, with the help and guidance of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, I could leave for Pondicherry, in spite of very adverse circumstances, for Their Darshan.
August 10, Thursday: I got down from the train at Pondicherry in an emotionally charged condition. After booking in the hotel, as I was making arrangements for my bath, Ambubhai came. I was seeing him after many years. His ways of talking, his style of walking were still the same, but with something powerful added—the light of Yoga. I had suppressed my emotions about my leaving Ahmedabad since the last three days. They gushed out in the afternoon in Nanubhai's room in a cascade of weeping. Now I am at peace. I did not receive permission for the Mother's Darshan today. But I saw Her as a shadowy figure dressed in green-coloured clothes in the pale evening light when She came out to walk on the terrace. The food here is very simple, tasty and nutritious. Though there is no allure of strong spices, I have taken to it as if I have been eating it since a long time. Ambubhai took me for a walk in the evening and I understood that gradually he is trying to influence me to remain here for a long stay. I also met Pujalalbhai in the afternoon. He still remembers our family with great warmth and affection.
August 11, Friday: I had sent a note last night requesting permission for the Mother's Darshan. Accordingly I received it today. There is no ritual as such for the pranam. Mother was distributing flowers to everyone from the terrace. Instead of going to receive the flower, I took a good position for observation. I have no words to describe Her. A person of a delicate build, a smiling face like that of the Goddess of Compassion. A chaitanya (Consciousness) from which world? I cannot understand.]
12 Jan. 1965:
Mother, Bharati-di wants to publish a book in French of Indian mythological and other stories. She wants to have it published in a foreign country—Japan, France or Sweden. She wants to have it illustrated by me, because there are many stories with animals and birds as characters. Satprem had approached me on behalf of Bharati-di and suggested about my taking up this work. I do not have time enough to attend to that work, so I agreed on condition that I may do the illustrations gradually as I find time. I have illustrated 5 or 6 stories, out of 38, which she has liked. I send them herewith to show to Mother. I think she will get some royalty on the book. The publishers also pay for the illustrations. We have not yet talked about the remuneration for this work. If some money is earned through this work it may be helpful in furnishing the studio.
File with 'B' will have numbers B.1, B.2, B.3, etc., and so on with all the files. In this system the advantage will be that any new flower-plate can be added at the end in its own particular file, instead of at the end of the whole lot. E.g. if the new flower is 'Divinité' and we have 50 plates in the file 'D', then the plate of 'Divinité' will be numbered D.51. In the new edition of "Le Rôle des Fleurs" corresponding numbers of these files can be introduced. Richard is ready to help in rearranging the numbers.
Mother: Very good. You can do so. I have already asked for the necessary files for the arrangement. Blessings.
11-11-1965:
Yesterday at noon-time I was resting—not in deep sleep. In dream or in an experience I heard someone knocking at one of my closed windows on the road side. I did not pay attention. It was as if somebody had come to the open window from the other side. I did not see anybody but I felt I was lifted swiftly and carried up in the lying down position in space—nothing was there. I had become very big in size. I was being turned round and round [sketched in the margin is an arrowed whirling-circle—the arrows pointing to its movement from the inner smaller to the outer larger circles] vigorously. I felt as if I was merging in the space. At that moment I became conscious of a slight fear of the whole movement. But soon I decided to allow it to continue. But the movement slowed down and I was brought down and laid in my original place and position.
(Compare this to his experience of the day he received the news of the death of his child and of his brother (whose calls for a visit he had not satisfied) cutting off the relationship: "…I thought it good to remain quiet. So I went to my room and began to aspire for peace. After some struggle my mind was thrown in the background, and I felt my head very light and cool. I felt also Mother's presence and her aspect in vision—there were different lights and visions too. In between, I had lapses when some hostile atmosphere was trying to attack me especially a black shadow was covering the right side of my body. By asking for Mother's help I was protected from all that. One hour passed like that, still I tried to separate myself and go deep. And quite a new experience, for me, began. My physical body seemed to be sinking somewhere and becoming smaller and smaller and some body like a vibration separated and seemed to be revolving just over the physical body. I felt a great pressure of that vibration as if it will break me down. At that time I remembered that I had such experiences before when I used to suffer from fever. The vibration-like body seemed big like an elephant in proportion to my physical body which was like that of an ant."
Sri Aurobindo: "The experience must have been that of your vital being coming out of the body and standing above it.)
Was it to be continued without fear?
Mother: It is always better not to fear. Without the fear you would have known what to do or even done the right thing without thinking about it. —Blessings.
[?June]:
Mother, I pray for Mother's Blessings On my birthday the 1st July with pranam Krishnalal.
Mother: Yes. [This is a small handmade paper (h.m.p.) folder: On the left flap is a line-drawing of a man (in brown water-colour), his arms stretched sideways-downward-oblique, standing over a curved line also painted brown signifying, obviously, the earth. Overhead is the Mother's symbol, small and golden, from which rings of gold clouds rise up to descend as waves growing larger and larger, while golden rays are flashing out from the symbol. On the right flap are Krishnalal's prayer and the Mother's writing: 'atheist'.]
27.12.1969:
Mother, I have prepared Blessing-cards for offering on the New Year day. May I come on the 1st January for offering and Pranam?
Mother: All right Blessings [This is a white h.m.p. card cut-out in the form of a rose; darker pink lines stress the petals.]
29.3.1970:
Mother, Let me grow more and more in Mother's consciousness.with pranamKrishnalal
Mother: Love and blessings.
Krishnalal had taught at two schools at Ahmedabad after coming back from Baroda in 1927; and after returning from Shantiniketan, in a college for women. But there was not sufficient freedom for him either to impart what he had acquired or to grow in the direction he wanted. That was when he was turned towards Sri Aurobindo and this brought him to the greatest Artist he could aspire for. In the Ashram, he taught art to many. Here are some relevant portions from his correspondence about his work of teaching art:
[undated]
I have begun the classes…. Should I give them suggestions and make corrections.
[3.10.33]
Mother: Krishnalal, I find that Champaklal is progressing very much since you are teaching him. He would like to have a lesson every day. Can you do it?
[20.11.33]
…I had not the least intention of offending A or stopping him from the class. Was I wrong in insisting on his bringing some work for execution in the class for he did not bring any since last four classes?
[30.12.33]
I feel a kind of movement going on in my inner being…. I keep aspiration for the divine Truth to manifest through my art. When such movement is going on I see hazy forms in a variety of colours coming down but it is disturbed by some mental movement.
Sri Aurobindo: Mother is constantly putting you in relation with a world of true harmony and it is that that you feel trying to come down….
[24.5.35]
Mother will kindly suggest as to how I shall give A painting lessons.
[7.10.35]
…In this way to push their idea of painting—is it good? They were not capable of starting or finishing such a picture. Mother will let me know if such a trial comes from them, should I push it up and help them as I did this time?
[10.1.36]
Sri Aurobindo: What you write about the expression of beauty through painting and the limitations of the work as yet done here, is quite accurate. The painters here have capacity and disposition, but as yet the work done ranks more as studies and sketches, some well done, some less well than as great or finished art. What they need is not to be easily satisfied because they have put their ideas or imaginations in colour or because they have done some good work, but always to see what has not been yet achieved and train the vision and executive power till they have reached a truly high power of themselves.
[1937-38]
Herewith, I send Kamala's drawing book for you to see. I would like to know how you find her work.
[Two of his students speak about Krishnalal]
I started learning from "Monsieur" (as I always called him) from 1962 end at the Delafon Studio. Working with him was quite different from working with other teachers. He never taught methodically. He would just give suggestions and leave it to the student to develop the suggestion. He encouraged me a lot to work in this way. He would always say, "Just go on drawing and painting whatever is there in front of you. Your subjects will talk to you." He did not have many students as such; probably because he never gave any "practical" instructions taking us "step by step" into the world of Art. And that put off most people. He wanted the things latent in each artist to blossom out by themselves. He never let us copy. "Do from Nature"—that was his motto, an echo from his teacher, Nandalal Bose. Identify yourself with your subject. He never interfered while we worked. He would come and stand next to me and watch while I worked and let me go on without a word. Only after I had finished would he give his views and opinions—commend or criticise, as the case would be. To teach me portrait painting, he himself would become the model. He has given me many sittings and I have sketched and painted him in many poses and from many angles.
In March 1982 Krishnalal asked me to help him to finish the Golconde mural. As I had been his student he knew that I had a basic understanding of painting and that he could guide me. Ideally he had wanted many artists to work together on the mural, but somehow this was not practically possible. After working on it for one year he realised that it was not going to be so easy for him to do everything alone. He was already in his late seventies and his eyes were quite weak, so he could not work for long stretches. Having started this project of so huge a proportion, he had to now complete it, in whatever way possible. We know that there is no such thing as chance, but the way things happened, it was clearly one of those instances when the Mother gets her work done in her own inscrutable ways. On the same day, at the same time, both Krishnalal and I were on our way to see Ravindra-ji. I wanted him to give me some work other than what I had been doing and Krishnalal wanted to request him to give him a full-time worker for the Art Gallery who could also be an assistant to him for this specific work. We met at the entrance of the Ashram Main Building and realised that we had both found what we were looking for. Ravindra-ji agreed to both our requests and I started work the following week. At first I thought that I was going to work with him but I soon realised that I was going to learn from him. It was like going back to school because every day there was a new lesson to learn, a new aspect of painting that I had to master. More important than that was all that I heard from him about the early days of the Ashram and how the Mother guided the sadhaks in their inner work. Just being in his presence was enough to learn how to serve the Mother. On the first day when I went to work at the Art Gallery he took me to the place where there was a message of the Mother which was framed and kept on a table. It said "On the physical plane it is in Beauty that the Divine expresses Himself." "Before you start working here," he told me, "I must initiate you." Pointing to the framed message he asked me to think over the meaning of that sentence. "It means…." I started saying, but he cut me short and asked me to think about the real meaning for an entire day. I thought for a whole day about this idea and turned it round and round in my mind. The next day I told him what I had understood. "I think it means that every time we see beauty we are actually looking at the Divine, or at least at one of his faces." He seemed pleased with that. He said, "I am happy that you found that answer. We always think that the Divine is hidden from us and that we can only see him if we are spiritually very advanced. The truth is we can see him whenever we want to see him because he is making himself visible at every moment. If you look for Beauty you will find the Divine in the physical world." The initiation was over and after this he took me to that part of the Art Gallery which was the studio.
We worked for two hours in the morning and two hours in the afternoon every day. Very often he painted only in the morning so that his eyes would not be strained. I sat on the floor and painted the flowers while he stood and did the portraits. My work was also to prepare the colours for him. I had to mix a little water with all the main colours and keep them in small jars before he started working. The acrylic paints had come from Holland and if they were not mixed with water regularly they tended to dry up in the heat of Pondicherry. I also had to clean the palettes and brushes when we had finished working.
It often struck me that this is how the Old Masters of Europe worked. They did the main work while their apprentices did all the minor details and helped the artist in general. When I would go to get a bowl of clean water or wash his brushes I always felt that I was the apprentice of a Master, and was participating in the very important work of helping him finish his masterpiece.
The great paintings of European Art were often ordered and commissioned by royalty. In our story too there was a queen. Every two or three months Krishnalal would invite Mona who was in charge of Golconde to come and see our progress. A couple of days before Mona's visit we would start tidying the already very tidy studio. As we hurried to put away the odd art book or the unused brushes we would whisper "Mona is coming, Mona is coming!" It was as if we were saying "The queen is coming, the queen is coming!" Mona, of course, was always happy to see that some parts of the painting were more complete than before. Of all her visits the one which we remembered the most was when she saw that we had put a bunch of daffodils right at the centre of the bottom part of the painting. She at once exclaimed: "Krishnalal, I am so glad to see the daffodils which represent my beloved England. I have to thank you for including them in this beautiful painting."
Watching him paint was a joy. He was so deeply concentrated that nothing could distract him. The Art Gallery was a building whose entire roof was made of asbestos sheets and the sides were made of large glass panes. In the afternoon the whole studio became a furnace. Krishnalal would be covered in sweat but he would be working very carefully on his portraits because they had to resemble the people he wanted to portray. Whenever I was going to start a new flower he would ask me to go and observe it in nature. It was common for him to come back from the Ashram and say, "Go and see the pot of 'New Creation' near the Samadhi" or, "Have you noticed the 'Boldness' near the reading room?" After working with him for two years I understood that he had a "third eye" and that was his power of observation. In a glance he saw much more than what a common man could see and this is what made his paintings so alive.
Sometimes in the afternoons, when we used to finish working early, we would sit and talk about the Mother. One afternoon when he was about to paint the figure of the Mother on the mural I said that the position in which he had drawn her sitting seemed a bit strange to me. Krishnalal then explained to me that in the 1930s the Mother used to sit on a low chair and give blessings. Apparently she used to sit in that position, with only one foot visible so that people could touch it and do their pranams. Sometimes he would tell me what the Mother had said about art. He would often mention that the Mother had more than once said that the artist's hand could develop a consciousness of its own, independent of the general consciousness of the artist, just as musicians have a special consciousness in their hands. Somehow, in conversation or in thought, the Mother was always there.
One morning, he came to paint a little later than usual, after finishing some other work. I had already started my own work and the whole studio was in a mess. All the brushes were scattered here and there, the little pots in which we kept the colours were not arranged on the table, some were on the floor. He looked at me questioningly, as if to say, "What is all this?"
"I have heard," I said, "that Raphael, the great artist, lived in utter disorder. In fact, I have read that all the Old Masters were messy." I thought I had given a very valid justification for my not having put things in their place. I thought he would mull over my unusual announcement. But he did not even pause for a second.
"Yes," he said calmly, "it may be true. But if you are trying to say that because they lived in disorder that is why they were great artists then you are totally wrong. A lot of people in the world live in disorder but they are not all artists. Raphael was indeed a great artist but he did not have the good fortune you and I have of knowing what Sri Aurobindo and the Mother have said about human nature. So, instead of following the examples of the Old Masters' disorderly lives, let us concentrate on what the Mother has said about always seeking beauty and harmony around us. Our aim is to go beyond creating a great painting; our aim is to make all the different parts of our being as perfect as possible. And now, you will please put back all the paint jars that we are not using."
That afternoon, as we sat at our little table, we spoke about the Old Masters. Krishnalal then told me that artists, whatever may be their field, open their vital being to many different influences. "The artist lives in his vital, and that is the danger," he said, "because when he opens himself, sometimes a lot of negative forces enter into his being. Most people are not conscious enough to take only the higher things. That is why many great artists used to lead lives where often there were excesses." Around April 1984 we started putting the final touches to the mural, after which all the panels were dismantled and taken to Golconde. After they were installed on the wall, we had to once again touch them up. When the work was over, a coat of special varnish was applied. This turned out to be a most unfortunate decision. Even though the colours were of very good quality, and could withstand changes in temperature, the varnish was not meant to be applied on a work of art. It was the kind of varnish which was then the latest product for finishing the polish on furniture. Being in a partially covered area, a part of the mural is exposed to sunlight and splashes of water in case of rain. In the last twenty years the varnish has started cracking all over but even more on the exposed side of the picture, and as it flakes off it pulls out bits of the paint along with it. Efforts are now being made to stop this deterioration.
When the mural was completed, Krishnalal heaved a sigh of relief, as we had managed to come to the end in spite of many obstacles. It had taken much longer than he had expected, but at least he had realised a long-cherished dream. Something which had been planned in the mid-40s was completed in the mid-80s, all because he had not given up hope. He believed that a work that had been given to him by the Mother had to be completed, even if it took him several decades.
(Reproduced from The Golden Chain, May 2005, pp. 29-32)
Now that the big mural has been installed at Golconde, several persons come to me and praise it. But what most of them appreciate is the size of the picture and the many portraits in it. These points are so very superficial that, in a sense, it pains me. Hence I feel it proper to say something on how best to see the picture.
This painting depicts The Mother's vision which She had wanted to have done and placed at Golconde. It has not at all been done to show the portrait of this person or that person. The picture must be seen as a whole, from top to bottom and from side to side. The main thing, of course, is The Mother's figure. Look how large it is! Vast as Her Consciousness. Her head is touching the sky which is aglow with the New Light which Sri Aurobindo brought down on earth. She is seated in front of the sea which symbolises vastness. Her face is half veiled just as Her real and true personality was hidden from the ordinary sight and understanding. Some parts of Her body which are visible radiate an aura which is so subtle! Her hands are raised to bless all which is a fact so well known to all of us.
It is the presence of such a Supreme personality and Her Blessings that attract and draw humans from all parts of the world to Her. These people (some of whom seem to be known to us) represent some of those who were in Her personal service and were happy to offer to Her whatever they had.
Was it only the human beings who were attracted to Her? Look at the whole world of Nature, the birds, animals, plants, flowers. They are all turned towards Her; see their trust and faith in Her. Does one not feel a happy eagerness in them too? What is that vast sea doing? Have you marked the seat of The Mother? The roses and the tuberoses, what do they signify? There are the two plants and the two creepers at either end of the picture. Their significances are also known to us. They are in full bloom. Why?
If one understands all these things with one's heart one will not go on asking questions. But, on the other hand, one will be absorbed in the atmosphere of the New Light and of calm happiness. One will meditate rather than ask questions, unnecessary questions.
I have done this picture—it is my joy. But not because I have done a "Big painting", but because I have been able to fulfil a wish of The Mother, at least, to some extent because I feel that it is not done so well and is not as perfect as it should be and for this I am a bit sorry. The colours used are the acrylic paints which are very good for a painting like this but they were quite new to me so I had to adjust myself to them and to develop a new technique. The colours dry very fast, even more so in our studio which is very hot. At the beginning there was no big easel for this large painting and so I had to spread the separate boards on the floor and paint on them. Quite a new experience for me to work flat on the floor. But it was done somehow and now the picture is up at Golconde and The Mother's vision has been expressed and it is there for all to see.
Krishnalal-ji, or just Krishnalal as I refer to him now when I speak of him as one of the artists of the Ashram, is "Mota-kaka" to me. In Gujarati, "Mota" means elder and not "fat" as it does in Bengali. He was my father's eldest brother and normally, in Gujarati families, the eldest uncle is known as "Mota-kaka" or "Bapu-kaka".
Mota-kaka was instrumental in bringing me, along with my parents, to The Mother and Sri Aurobindo. He himself had come here in 1933 and settled at Their Feet from his very first visit. My father, Vasudev, adored and worshipped his eldest brother, "Bhai", from childhood. And, when Krishnalal left the family, even though he missed him a lot, he could not do anything to remedy the situation then, as he was too young to go against his family's refusal to accept Krishnalal's decision, and later, by 1942, was totally immersed in Gandhi-ji's Quit India movement.
It was only in 1948, after Independence, that Vasudev could think of visiting his "Bhai" whom he had not seen since 1940. So, in February 1948, he and his family were given permission through Krishnalal to come to the Ashram for a Darshan visit. I was only 11 months old at that time. Naturally, I do not remember anything of that first visit — except what has been recounted to me by my parents and other elders of the Ashram.
This first visit was the turning point in my father's life. He came here primarily to visit a loved brother and also to see a new place. Though he had read some works of Sri Aurobindo as a student, it had not touched any deeper chord in his being. As he went up the stairs for Darshan on the 21st February 1948, he was gawking (as we see tourists doing even today) and observing the faces of the people in the queue coming back from the Darshan. "There was such an ineffable peace and an indescribable expression stamped on each returning face," he recounted to me, "that I was mystified. I wondered what was the source and cause of it. As I entered the upstairs Meditation Hall, I stood on tiptoe and tried to look around the people in front of me to find this cause."
When Vasudev reached the Source, he was bowled over and "that ineffable expression was stamped forever on my face, too!" And thus, after annual visits in 1949 and 1950, we came to settle here permanently in November 1950.
And now began my acquaintance with Mota-kaka. My name till then was Mamata, but there was already another Mamata residing in the Ashram (for the old-timers' information — Dhrubajyoti's daughter). In those days, people in the Ashram knew each other by their first names, surnames were not used. To avoid confusion, there was an unwritten convention that no name should be duplicated. It was Mota-kaka who decided that my name should be changed. "Call her Samata (equanimity) now, as you have come to do sadhana and let go of attachment (mamata)," he told my parents. Thus it was Samata who remained, though Mamata had come here.
This change of name must have taken place some time in early 1951, because in the Register at the School, next to the date of my school admission — 20.12.1950 — under "Name" Mother has written "Krishnalal's niece".
All through the childhood years, the impression of Mota-kaka on my young mind was always of a Great Personage, inspiring awe, to whom one looked up for advice and guidance and never dared to disregard that advice. This could have been because of my mother who always gave him that kind of traditional respect where the younger sister-in-law could never sit down when the "Jyestha" was present in the room.
I remember one of my birthday parties. I may have been around eight or nine years of age, very innocent and callow. Among the invitees were my age-group friends as well as my elders — my father, Mota-kaka, Ambu-bhai Purani, Vishnu-bhai, Pujalal, Ambelal Mehta. As was the custom then, in the Ashram, the children came first bringing small presents thoughtfully chosen by their mothers. There was a piece of silk cloth to be stitched into a dress, a box of biscuits, a packet of brightly coloured ribbons — cute and small objects which a little girl would love to use. My friends had "group" so they ate first and went away, then the elders were served. They too enjoyed all the goodies my mother had prepared.
Then started the fireworks and, I think, it was Mota-kaka who set them off. Very casually, he picked up the dress-piece and told the others, "Look how nice this colour looks on me. I think I will take it to the tailor and get a shirt made from it." I went red in the face from anger, how dare anybody touch my gifts! But this was Mota-kaka and how could one say or even think anything against him! The others picked up the cue and soon all of them (including Purani-ji and Pujalal-ji!) were picking up one item and then another saying this suited him or that this box of biscuits tempted him too much to leave behind. I was too young to understand this mild ragging and thought that they really would walk away with my gifts. I put up with the teasing for a while, entreating my mother to stop them. She tried to tell me that it was only a huge joke played by all of them and that they would not take anything away. But it would not have been me, if I could understand or accept that. Finally, I got so upset that I literally, physically, pushed each one out of the house and bolted the door from inside to make sure that they did not return.
As I grew up, I did not have much daily contact with Mota-kaka. Only "events" connected with the Great Personage remain in my memory.
Every Prosperity Day, he would offer to the Mother a flower painting which would first be exhibited in Purani-ji's room from 2 to 3.30 in the afternoon. Along with others, I too would go to see the painting and admire the vivid rendering of the flower depicted, though I was too shy and considered too young to express my admiration.
Sometimes, there would be a letter from our family in Ahmedabad. As a very responsible head of the family, he would come to our house and read it out to us and then leave after partaking of some snacks with us.
After The Studio was officially started at Delafon in 1963 all this letter-reading was shifted there. As also birthday meetings — his and mine.
I remember how he would be sitting in his usual chair near the entrance dressed in a white dhoti and shirt. He would look up as I entered and call out sweetly, "Bonne Fête! Bonne Fête!" After the greetings were over there would be the presentation ceremony — a little sketch or a small miniature-sized painting. Then, there would be sweets to share, sweets made at home with a lot of care and love by my mother. I would offer whatever I had brought in a tiffin box. My father would eat his share very dutifully, without any comments or words of appreciation. Not so Mota-kaka. The artist in him would come in front here also. He would first observe it from all sides, take delight in its shape and colour and appreciate all the good points. Then he would take a small bite and enjoy its taste and flavour — that was the sweet-maker's son in him — and finally give his verdict about the success of the sweet. I would feel so happy that he had appreciated the sweet and given it Pass Marks!
In January 1965, by chance it happened that my parents had to go to Ahmedabad — my mother to attend her brother's wedding and my father to organise an exhibition of Mota-kaka's paintings. Up to then, whenever my mother went out of station, I would stay with my father. This time both of them had to go, so what was to be done for me? I was eighteen years old and I felt confident that I could stay alone, but my parents were not so sure about this arrangement. So, the next and only relative, Mota-kaka, was asked to help out. Would he be agreeable to be in loco parentis to an eighteen-year-old girl? Poor dear, he was in a fix! A person who had been habituated for the last 32 years to live alone without any familial entanglements and responsibilities, would he be up to it? Finally, it was decided that for the daytime I could be on my own in my house, and only at night I would go to sleep at his place. The Mother was informed accordingly and She gave Her approval.
Everything was working out well, as per plan, with me staying at home, taking my meals in the Dining Hall, and even trying out my hand at some sort of elementary cooking, and at night, after "group", meditation and dinner, to Mota-kaka for the night. But the ghastly night of the 11th February 1965 intervened.
It was a Meditation day — a Sunday, I think. Before the meditation, I used to stroll on the street in front of the Playground with some of my friends, as did many others. As we crossed and re-crossed the Nehru Street at the eastern end, we saw the market corner on Mission Street aflame with the anti-Hindi riots. We looked and wondered what it was all about; but I was also afraid, though I did not dare express my fear.
At 7.45 p.m., after concentration, everybody went into the Playground for meditation. And it was at this time that the riots spread to the Ashram side, the burning of the Ashram post office first and then the attack on the Ashram Main Building. But by then our young boys had been called to the Guest House and issued lathis to go out and fight the rioters. There was Bor-da (Tejen-da), standing at the wicket door between the Playground and Guest House, calling to the boys, "Esho, esho, mayer jonye rokto debe, bolidan korbe" (Come on, come on, you have to give your blood for The Mother; you have to sacrifice yourself for Her)."
I was scared, really scared. My parents were not here, I could not run for reassurance to them. Mota-kaka was present in the Playground, but in the dark where to find him? I did not know where he usually sat. And, even if I could locate him, he would surely scold me for being frightened. That's what I thought! But what a surprise awaited me.
Late in the night, as soon as we were allowed to move around in the Playground, I suddenly saw in the dark, the very familiar figure of Mota-kaka weaving through the people in my direction. I also started moving towards him and when we met, what gentle warmth enveloped me! Very softly, he said "Are you all right, Samata? Don't be frightened. We are all together here and The Mother is there to look after all of us." I heaved a great sigh of relief, but still I could not overcome my inhibitions and cling to him as I would have done to my mother.
The next day, late in the morning, when permission was given to go out in the streets, he took me home to check that our house was safe because he knew I was worried about it. Then, from the 12th to the 19th February, everybody was accommodated for the night in the Ashram Main Building or the Playground. Since my mother had returned by then, Mota-kaka, I think, must have been most relieved to be rid of his parenting responsibility!
It must have been in the late 60's. Mota-kaka was taking homeopathic treatment from Sudhir-da (Mona-da's father). I do not recollect exactly what his health problem was — it may have been the eczema around his right ankle that he had suffered from for years or it may have been something else. The first time I came to know anything about it was when I saw him go around the whole day with a handkerchief wrapped around his right middle finger. I asked him what the matter was. He answered casually that he had hurt his finger slightly. A few days later, the handkerchief was still in place, so I asked my father about it this time. He explained to me how the homeopathic medicine works by getting rid of the body's poisons and that for Mota-kaka the poison was draining out through a septic point on the finger. By then the whole finger (and he had the long fingers of an artist) from the tip to the base was as if covered by a glove of pus and swollen to double its normal size and constantly throbbing with pain. Sudhir-da would look at the finger everyday and say, "Oh good, good, the poisons are coming out. Let them come out." So Mota-kaka quietly, uncomplainingly, put up with the pain, because his doctor said it was good for him. And it took a full six months for the finger to heal completely.
Just imagining what pain he must have suffered, makes me shudder even now. The smallest boil near the nails is so painful, and a "gloveful" of pain! ... Since then I had always been scared of homeopathy, though now I have overcome that apprehension.
But could an artist sit without doing any painting or drawing for that long a period? Of course not. The right hand was in complete disuse. So what did he do? He simply started using his left hand, and eventually managed to write and even draw almost as well as with the right hand!
Again, it must have been in the late 60's that he underwent a cataract operation of both eyes. At that time, the Ashram did not have the facilities it now has for eye-treatment. But Krishnalal had the good fortune of being operated on by Dr. Jayavir Agarwal of Madras, who was a good friend and admirer of his. On both occasions Dr. Agarwal personally came to Pondicherry and took him to his clinic in Madras for the operation, took care of him in his own home and brought him back after ten days or so.
Naturally, during the recovery period, Mota-kaka had to stop his painting activities, but afterwards he could no more do the fine work he did earlier. Interestingly, though, his largest work of art — the mural painting at Golconde — was done between 1978 and 1984.
During the 70's, his health started deteriorating. He contracted T.B. and was admitted to JIPMER Hospital. Of course, T.B. treatment is now far more advanced than in the 1940's, when his wife, my Kanta-kaki, contracted it and died of it, and so, unlike her, he recovered completely though it did leave him physically weak.
In the following years, most probably after the completion of the Golconde mural, he started having some cardiac problems, suffered a minor heart attack and was hospitalised several times. During this period, I remember telling my friends that Mota-kaka has been continuously in and out of the Nursing Home. We could see that he was physically weakening but the indomitable spirit that he was, refused any sort of help or support, even from his dearest brother. Whoever asked him how he was, would get the same answer, "Oh, I am fine! Do you see anything wrong with me?" My father was rather concerned about this and complained to me that Bhai would not even allow him to hold his hand when he was feeling weak or even when he stumbled while walking.
Christmas Day, 1989. There were the usual celebrations at the Theatre. Krishnalal also went there and joined the queue for the gifts. Around 7 p.m., we came back from the Theatre in the Ashram bus. I was in the bus with my mother and Mota-kaka was on his own among the other Ashram members. The bus stopped at the corner of the Embroidery Department and we all got down. My mother asked me, "Don't you think something is wrong with Mota-kaka? He looks rather lost and doesn't seem to get his bearings." We went up to him and asked him, rather hesitatingly, if we could help him get home. To our utter surprise he accepted the offer as, he said, he could not figure out in which direction his house was. So we went together, on the pavement. When we reached the godown gate of Counouma's house he stopped there, leaning on the gate, saying that we had reached his house. Evidently, he was completely disoriented. We explained that we still had to go a little further, and led him up to the gate of his building. By then he seemed to be more focused, for, with a little embarrassed smile, he told us that now he would find his way upstairs to his room. I was doubtful and wanted to accompany him right up to the door of his room. But he was adamant and we had to leave him at the main gate. Little did we realise then that this was the beginning of the end.
The next morning I went to The Studio to ask about his health. Oh! He was fine. Nothing wrong with him. My father, who was sitting next to Mota-kaka, looked at me rather curiously because he did not know anything at all about the previous evening as Mota-kaka had not mentioned anything to him. I told my father about it later when Mota-kaka was not present. He was also worried, but there was nothing we could do about it.
Ten days later, on Friday, the 5th of January 1990, Mota-kaka suffered a massive heart attack around 10.30 in the morning.
The previous evening around six, he had gone to the Ashram as usual. After pranam at the Samadhi, he was on his way to Ambu's place at Nanteuil where he would take a glass of Bournvita before going on to Corner House for dinner. But he could not make it on his own till there. Suddenly he felt very weak and stood clinging to the wall of the Playground. Somebody was passing by and Mota-kaka asked him to help him reach Nanteuil. The gentleman obliged and helped him up to there. Ambu took one look at him and made him lie down immediately and called for the doctor.
Dr. Dutta reached around 7.30 p.m. After a brief examination he advised him to get admitted to the Nursing Home. He was taken there by car, given medication and put to bed.
The next morning he woke up around eight and as he was feeling better he was allowed to have a bath. After that he was feeling hungry, so asked if he could have an omelet with toast. He ate this breakfast happily and then lay down to rest.
The heart attack struck him just a little later. It was a massive one and he had to be sedated immediately as he was in extreme pain. My father was sent for. He went to the Nursing Home immediately and met the doctor. Dr. Dutta told him that medically they were doing everything, but Mota-kaka's condition was such that our prayers would help him the most at that juncture.
So my father came away. After his lunch, around noon, he came to inform me about all this. It was such a rude shock when very baldly, without any preamble, my father told me, "Samata, Mota-kaka has suffered a massive heart attack and the doctor says that now only prayers will help."
"But, but…, shouldn't you or someone from the family be near him?" I stammered.
"No, he is unconscious now and we cannot do anything for him except pray, so why stay there?"
I kept quiet and he went away. I told my mother about Mota-kaka. She was also upset and agreed with me that someone should be near him in case he would want to say something when he came out his unconsciousness. I quickly finished lunch and rushed to the Nursing Home. I reached there around 12.50 p.m. I approached his bed in the emergency room and found him as if asleep quietly, hooked up to all sorts of gadgets and machines — oxygen mask around his nose, saline drip in the arm and other monitors showing his heart rate and blood pressure minute by minute. Dr. Salila was there checking all the medical parameters. She explained to me all that they had done up to then and showing me the blood pressure indicator, told me to keep an eye on the figures there because the blood pressure seemed to be dropping. I felt uneasy about that and I asked her if I should send for my father immediately. She said it was still not too bad although he was in a very critical condition.
Then she went away and I sat down near his head thinking it would be a long vigil. But it was not so. I found that the blood pressure was dropping rather alarmingly. The lower (diastolic) figure was dipping even more, it had touched 70 and was soon nearing 65. I thought surely this was not a good sign at all. I called Dr. Salila to the bedside and asked her opinion as to what I should do — should I call my father. She left the decision to me. Finally, at 1.50 p.m., when the B.P. had touched 60, I told them to fetch my father.
But my father could not reach in time. At 2.10 p.m. exactly, Mota-kaka breathed his last very quietly. There was a long exhalation and all the monitors showed straight lines. After a few seconds, he drew a small breath, like a soft sigh and then everything sank into the eternal silence. He had never opened his eyes since 10.30 a.m.
Five minutes later, my father entered. All I could do was to point towards the bed. I could not speak at all. The stillness of death was palpable in the room and he guessed at once what had happened. Yet the heart could not accept the finality.
"Bhai? Is he gone?" He asked me hoping that I would contradict him.
"Yes, just five minutes ago," I whispered.
My father was upset. I could not help telling him then that he ought to have stayed near his brother, for then, perhaps, he could have held him back from slipping away so fast. "But I thought he still had a lot of work to do, so he wouldn't go now," he said regretfully.
As Mota-kaka lay in his room on that evening of 5th January, 1990, he looked so gloriously handsome — not an old fragile man of over eighty-four, but young and beautiful like a sun-god. Even today, seventeen years later, I can clearly see that beautiful face and feel again that sense of romance that it aroused in me at that time.
Samata
All that denies must be torn out and slain And crushed the many longings for Whose sake We lose the One for whom our lives were made. - Savitri, Sri Aurobindo
This he copied out in bold, unornamented letters, almost one inch high, on an 8 × 12 inch white piece of art-board. Under this firm resolve, the Mother wrote "Blessings" and put Her signature.
He kept the card beside Her photograph and Sri Aurobindo's in the book-shelf on his table.
And there stands against it, even today [6 January 1990], a peacock feather symbolising Victory. It was the shape of this feather that inspired the signature he used to put on his paintings: Victory to the Divine Mother!
In August 1933, he once and for all left the family he was born in, to join for ever the Mother's eternal, all-inclusive Family.
On 5th January this year [1990], he suffered a massive heart-attack. For an eighty-four year old body, weakened by numerous illnesses, it cannot have been a light affair, but his face betrayed no struggle, only showed his usual serene detachment. Then, as was his wont, he did not allow the presence of others to distract him from the ONE for whom our lives are made. Quietly he slipped away.
As he lay on the cot in his room on Epiphany Day, one could see that his body had grown young, as do the bodies of all children of the Mother at that stage of transition. But, in addition, he seemed to be soaring upward, his limbs redolent of the young upward-rising figure of Joy he had once painted. Out of a great uplifting Fire, the figure ascends the skies of God. The painting carries the inscription, penned in November 1956, in the Mother's hand:
Sunjoy
Sunjoy: Krishnalal-kaka and Pujalal-kaka agreed to be our guardians when my brother and I were admitted to the School here in November 1952. My father, Vamanrao, and his brothers 'grew' up in the same akhada in Sarangpur, Ahmedabad, as Krishnalal-kaka and his brothers. Pujalal-kaka, appointed by Ambu-bhai (Dada-ji to me and hundreds of others), was the first instructor of this akhada.
By Aditi Kaul
During the early revolutionary struggles in India, some gymnasiums (akhadas) were set up with an intention to prepare the youth for fighting for the freedom for their motherland. In one such gymnasium set up by A.B. Purani, one of the foremost disciples of Sri Aurobindo, there was a young man named Krishnalal Bhatt. Born on 1 July 1905 in Gujarat, Krishnalal was a young enthusiastic boy who joined the gymnasium (akhada) with all the vigour to do something for his country. However, during his training in the gym, he discovered various facets of his personality; art was one of them. He later went on to study and teach art formally; his education included studying art at Shantiniketan under the renowned artist, Nandalal Bose. After a few years of learning and teaching art, he once again crossed paths with A.B. Purani, who was by that time (1933) living in the Sri Aurobindo Ashram at Pondicherry. Purani invited Krishnalal to visit him. Little did he know that one casual visit to the Ashram would change the course of his life. During his visit to the Ashram, Krishnalal had the darshan of The Mother, an experience which he described as the vision of a goddess, and that when The Mother smiled and threw a flower to him, he knew that a contact had been established between them. The freedom in the atmosphere of the ashram was something the artist in him found extremely fulfilling and the fact that a lot of importance was given to beauty and art in the ashram made him connect instantly and decide to stay longer. During his early years at the ashram, he often found himself in conflict with the worldly duties he had left behind, but he received constant reassurance from The Mother, who told him that the Ashram was the place for him. The Mother’s reassurance helped him overcome the initial inhibitions, and he completely immersed himself in his work at the Ashram. The Mother always gave him specific tasks that kept him occupied and trained his mind to be concentrated on one thing at a time, specially the piece of art he would be working on.
Krishnalal was the chosen instrument to bring in beauty into the spiritual community of the ashram. He went on to paint almost everywhere in the ashram: the reception room, the panel that separated Sri Aurobindo’s and The Mother’s rooms, the panels in The Mother’s room, and many other places. Once The Mother asked him to paint a desk calendar for Sri Aurobindo, for which Krishnalal chose the theme of cats. He painted them in different positions and with different expressions, in groups or alone. He also had some correspondence with Sri Aurobindo, and Sri Aurobindo appreciated his work. He also taught art to the senior students at the Ashram school. He would deeply engage himself in painting curtains with different landscapes for the ashram theatre performances. Krishnalal was of the opinion that one must train the eyes to observe, before one can train the hand to hold the brush, and his paintings were nothing short of being a proof of his opinion. From painting landscapes on small cards to painting on bedsheets and handmade paper, his work reflected his spiritual journey.
His last major work which took him more than 3 years to complete was the Golconde mural. He painted a scene so alive and reflective, in which the whole world was coming to the Mother and asking to be blessed. When in 1960, the ashram gallery was established, he was made its in-charge, where he served until he left his body on 5 January 1990. His life is a true example of someone whose outer expression was the manifestation of his inner experience; he lived a life totally dedicated to the service of The Master and The Mother. He brought beauty to the ashram community, which continues to inspire everyone.
Reference: Sunayana Panda > Seven Dedicated Lives > pp. 37-46
Home
Disciples
Krishnalal Bhatt
Books
Share your feedback. Help us improve. Or ask a question.