Sri Aurobindo to Dilip - Volume IV

Correspondence 1948

July 10, 1948

I was very much astonished by your letter and the Mother also. There was nothing for her to be angry about with you and she had no such feeling; there was nothing to offend her in such an utterly trifling matter as your not taking salad prepared with olive oil. Mother merely understood from it that you wanted uncooked vegetables and as she could not give salad in that form she ordered Ravindra to give you uncooked vegetables such as tomatoes and carrots. That was all that happened and her conduct would have been utterly absurd if she had become violently offended over it or wanted to punish you for it or for that reason to be cold to you. At any rate I hope that you will accept Mother’s explanation and realise that your idea of her being cold to you at the Pranam was a misinterpretation of her look upon you such as has previously happened and can always happen when the feelings are for any reason perturbed or on edge.

As for the other reason which you have suggested for her supposed displeasure with you, the fact that you don’t join in sports, that is equally untenable. Certainly Mother does not want only sportsmen in the Ashram; that would make it not an Ashram, but a playground. The sports and physical exercises are primarily for the children of the school and they also do not play only but have to attend to their studies: incidentally, they have improved immensely in health and in discipline and conduct as one very valuable result. Secondarily, the younger sadhaks are allowed, not enjoined or even recommended to join in these sports, but certainly they are not supposed to be sportsmen only, they have other and more important things to do; to be a sportsman must necessarily be a voluntary choice and depends on one having the taste and inclination. There are plenty of people around the Mother herself, Amrita for instance, who would never dream of frequenting the playground or engaging in sports and the Mother also would never think of asking him to do it. So equally she could not think of being displeased with you for shunning these delights.

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Some, of course, might ask why any sports at all in an Ashram which ought to be concerned only with meditation and inner experiences and the escape from life into the Brahman; but that applies only to the ordinary kind of Ashram to which we have got accustomed and this is not that orthodox kind of Ashram. It includes life in Yoga, and once we admit life, we can include anything that we find useful for life’s ultimate and immediate purpose and not inconsistent with the works of the Spirit. After all the orthodox Ashram came into being only after Brahman began to shun all connection with the world and the shadow of Buddhism stalked over all the land and Ashrams turned into monasteries. The old Ashrams were not entirely like that; the boys and young men who were brought up in them were trained in many things belonging to life; the son of Pururavas and Urvasie practised archery in the Ashram of a Rishi and became an expert bowman and Kama became a disciple of a great sage in order to acquire from him the use of powerful weapons. So there is no a priori ground why sports should be excluded from the life of an Ashram like ours where we are trying to equate life and the Spirit. Even table-tennis or football need not be rigorously excluded. But, putting all persiflage aside, my point is that to play or not to play is a matter of choice and inclination, and it would be absurd for Mother to be displeased with you any more than with Amrita for not caring to be a sportsman. So you need not have any apprehension on this score; that the Mother should be displeased with you for that is quite impossible. So the idea that Mother wanted to punish you for anything done or not done or that she wished to draw far away from you or to be cold and distant was a misinterpretation without any real foundation since you have given no ground for it and there was nothing farther from her mind. She has herself explained that it was just the contrary that has been in her mind for some time past and it was an increasing kindness that was her feeling and intention. The only change she could expect from you was to grow in your psychic and spiritual endeavour and inner progress and in this you have not failed, quite the contrary. Apart from that, the notion that she could be displeased because you did not change according to this or that pattern and that we could ever dream of sending you away on any such account is a wild idea; it would be most arbitrary and unreasonable.

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As for my going far away, your feeling is based on my slackness in giving answers to your letters but this slackness had no such cause. My love and affection have remained always the same and it is regrettable if by my slackness in answering your letters I have produced the impression that I was moving farther and farther away from you. I think your recent letters have been mostly about persons recommended for Darshan or applying for it or about accommodation, things which have to be settled by the Mother, and these were naturally most conveniently conveyed to you through Nirod’s oral answer. I suppose I must have unduly extended that method of answer to other matters. I must admit that for many reasons the impulse of letter writing and literary productivity generally have dwindled in me almost to zero and that must have been the real cause of my slackness. The first reason is my inability to write with my own hand, owing to the failure of the sight and other temporary reasons; the sight is improving but the improvement is not so rapid as to make reading and writing likely in the immediate future. Even Savitri is going slow, confined mainly to revision of what has already been written, and I am as yet unable to take up the completion of Parts Two and Three which are not yet finally revised and for which a considerable amount of new matter has to be written. It is no use going into all the thousand and one reasons for this state of things, for that would explain and not justify the slackness. I know very well how much you depend on my writing in answer to your letters as the one physical contact left which helps you and I shall try in future to meet the need by writing as often as possible.

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July 18, 1948

I am afraid I can hold out but cold comfort – for the present at least – to those of your correspondents who are lamenting the present state of things. Things are bad, are growing worse and may at any time grow worst or worse than the worst if that is possible – and anything, however paradoxical, seems possible in the present perturbed world. The best thing for them is to realise that all this was necessary because certain possibilities had to emerge and be got rid of, if a new and better world was at all to come into being; it would not have done to postpone them for a later time.

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It is, as in Yoga, where things active or latent in the being have to be put into action in the light so that they may be grappled with and thrown out or to emerge from latency in the depths for the same purificatory purpose. Also they can remember the adage that night is darkest before dawn and that the coming of dawn is inevitable. But they must remember too that the new world whose coming we envisage is not to be made of the same texture as the old and different only in pattern, and that it must come by other means – from within and not from without – so the best way is not to be too much preoccupied with the lamentable things that are happening outside, but themselves to grow within so that they may be ready for the new world, whatever form it may take.

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October 17, 1948

The Mother has had read to her your letter of yesterday night and I am now writing to you her answer. She had taken Timirbaran’s arrangement of the Bande Mataram song as something to start from, not because she is perfectly satisfied with it, especially as part of it was unsuitable for the theme of Anu’s dance, but more as a pis alier, since it was the only orchestration then available. She had arranged the theme of Anu’s dance, but she had finally decided nothing else and had kept herself free to arrange things for the best in a concrete way for the success of the dance. But if you take up the theme and orchestrate the Bande Mataram song for it, nothing could be better. The Mother will explain the theme of the dance to you personally in its five parts and you can see for yourself what would be needed and arrange it. Mother has especially noticed the middle, the free and flowing part of the song as especially suitable for the theme; the only difficulty would be the last part which has not the necessary strength; but you yourself could put the needed strength into it and with proper execution everything could be satisfactorily arranged and the dance could be made a great success. The Mother is ready to send Sunil³⁸ and his people to you with the necessary directions to hear your music and follow your directions about it for the execution and if everybody proved amenable and did his part, all could be satisfactorily done.

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The difficulty is not there, but it lies in Sunil’s apprehension about his being able to command entire obedience or sufficient obedience from all the members of his company. He has already had apprehensions of the kind for another dance, not being sure of their acceptance of his arrangement of the music. But here he is still more apprehensive of the resistance from some for the reasons of which you yourself have spoken. He himself is perfectly willing and he is always amenable to any direction given to him by the Mother, but he is afraid of meeting with opposition, even a flat refusal from one or two of his orchestra who are not always ready to accept his directions as all should from the head, who should be in the position of a captain, obeyed by all if there is to be any success. We can hope for the best and see if the difficulty can be overcome and the apprehension falsified; though where egoism and prejudice are very much alive, the hope may be disappointed. If it turns out to be so and his directions and the Mother’s are not followed, if the opposing egoism proves too strong, then the only course would be for the Mother to give up the idea of Anu’s dance; she will have to tell Anu that in these circumstances and with so much egoism about, nothing else can be done. It will be a disappointment for us all; but we can do our best and, if it has to be given up, the fault will lie elsewhere.

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October 30, 1948

The Mother has given for your perusal an account of the theme of Anu’s dance. It runs into three scenes. In the first the curtain rises showing India in slavery and bondage. Then she awakes and tries to throw off the yoke; the spirit of fight grows. In the second scene liberation has come and its joy and the action of a free people. But she is faced with all sorts of problems such as financial crisis, division, corruption and moral degradation, etc. She looks to every side for a solution, but finds no way out. The confusion grows worse and worse. In the third scene, faced with all these difficulties she aspires and becomes conscious of the soul of the all-pervading Mother and feels a growing union with that soul. She finds out her spiritual mission in the world and by it realises the complete unity of the country. From the moment she becomes conscious of her soul, chorus begins rising into a great force and enthusiasm.

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November 11, 1948

I must say that Mother was taken aback by your letter, for she had never in these days felt or shown any coldness towards you and had not the least reason for any feeling or action of that kind. On the contrary, she remembered having felt this morning just the opposite and looked at you with a smile full rather of warmth and affection; it is surprising that you should have missed this and got instead an impression of coldness and displeasure – for that there was no ground at all. She had no reason whatever for coldness; she has felt that you are progressing and has been very much satisfied with what she knew of your work for us and, especially, she had been highly pleased by your music. The strangest thing is your notion that she could be displeased by Krishnaprem’s coming; it was on the contrary a source of great satisfaction to her. Anyhow, I hope that you will take my assurance that there was no coldness on the Mother’s part and there was no ground for it and dismiss all feelings of depression due to this cause and go on happily with your work of which we both approve and appreciate its importance.

About Miss Chadwick’s experience – I was perhaps hesitating as to what to write about it because I felt that I had not been able to make clear to myself all that it held in it and was trying to form a more complete idea of its spiritual values and the influence it had on those touched by it. But, apart from that I have had to do for some time past some very urgent work in connection with proofs and manuscripts for the Press. I hope to have finished with that in a few days for the time being at least and I will then write what I have to say about Miss Chadwick. I hope you won’t mind a little more delay.

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November 15, 1948

I don’t know whether I can throw any positive light on Miss Chadwick’s mystic experiences. The description, at any rate the latter part, is not very easy to follow as it is very allusive in its expressions and not always precise enough to be clear. The first part of the experience indicates a native power of healing of whose action she herself does not know the process. It seems from her account to come from something in herself which should be from the terms she uses a larger and higher and brighter and more powerful consciousness with which she is in occasional communion but in which she does not constantly live. On the other hand another sentence seems to point to a Godhead or Divine Presence and it would be then not so much within as above. The language later on would seem to indicate such a Presence giving commands to her to guide others so that they might grow in consciousness. But she distinctly speaks of it as a greater “me “ standing behind a blue diamond force. We must fall back then on the idea of a greater consciousness very high up with a feeling of divinity, a sense of considerable light and spiritual authority – perhaps in one of those higher spiritual mental planes of which I speak in the Life Divine and the Letters. The diamond light could well be native to these planes; it is usually white, but there it might well be blue; it is a light that dispels or drives away all impure things, especially a demoniac possession or the influence of some evil force. Evidently, the use of a power like this should be carefully guarded from the intrusion of any wrong element such as personal love of power, but that need not cause any apprehension as a keen inlook into oneself would be sufficient to reject it or keep it aloof. I think that is all I can say upon the data given in her letter.

As to Tatachari, his proposals will be before the Mother, but we are also in communication with Mrs. Montgomery about the proposal of [Harper]. I don’t think that anything final can be said yet; the Mother will see and decide at the proper time.

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November 28, 1948

(About Krishnaprem)

I don’t quite know what to write in the few lines you asked from me or how to write it. Perhaps I could only repeat from my side what he has himself said about establishing a contact. But a spiritual contact cannot be easily defined in mental terms, they are usually insufficient to express it. If it is some impressions about himself or his spiritual person or his more outward personality that you are thinking of, there too I find them difficult to put into language; these things in a moment like that are felt rather than thought out and it may not be easy to throw them into mental form at once. Perhaps the only thing I could say is that they have confirmed and deepened and made more living the impressions I had already formed about him from his letters to you and what came through them and from such psychical contact as I had already made from a distance – I mean the physical distance, for the contact itself is not distant. You know very well the value I have always put upon his insight into spiritual things, the brilliance and accuracy of his thought and vision and his expression of them – I think I described it once as pasyanti vak – and on as much as I knew of his spiritual experience and constant acquisition and forward movement and many-sided largeness. A closer perception of the spiritual person behind all that is perhaps the one thing that I could add to it, but that is something more than a mental impression. I think this is all I can write at present and I hope it will be enough for you.

December 3, 1948

It seems to me that Krishnaprem has seen very clearly with his usual accuracy and his mind of sight, pasyanti buddhi, the truth about yourself and your sadhana. I think that you could not do better than accept his diagnosis and follow entirely his suggested treatment. Especially you should accept his assurance about the final result and give no room in your mind to any doubt on that point or any disposition to give up your own case as hopeless. To my eyes you seem to have been making very good progress in several directions and I have no doubt about your emerging from your difficulties into the light.

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I don’t think there is any real impasse, I mean no inescapable hold-up on the road from which you cannot get out; it only seems to be to you like that because of the difficulties created for you by your intellect. It is because of its preconceptions and fixed judgments that you cannot make the equation he considers needful for you. The intellect is full of things like that and cannot by itself see truly the things that reveal their meaning fully only in the light of psychic or spiritual truth; the equation he speaks of belongs to that order. The intellect is of use for perceiving material facts and their relations but even these it cannot be relied on to see rightly in their total reality; it may see rightly, but as often wrongly and always only partly and imperfectly. Moreover, as the modern psychologists have discovered, it sees them coloured by the hues supplied from its own individual temperament, its own psychological personality and from its own peculiar angle. It thinks it is seeing guite objectively and impersonally but it does not so see and cannot so see; a dog might as well try to escape from its own pursuing tail: the human intellect’s thought and sight cannot escape from its own subjectivity and colouring personality. The deeper and more accurate view of things can be more easily attained by the mind of sight which Krishnaprem has so much developed, pasyanti buddhi. You may say that you have got only your intellect to help you with its judgments and opinions: but mental judgments and opinions, well, they are always personal things and one can never be perfectly sure that one’s own are correct and the judgments and opinions of others which differ widely or even diametrically from one’s own are mistaken. But you need not be always solely dependent on this fallible and limited instrument; for, although you have not developed the mind of sight as Krishnaprem has done, it is certainly there. I have always seen that when you have been in a psychic condition with bhakti or the higher part of the mind and the vital uppermost in you this mind of sight has come out and your ideas, feelings and judgments have become remarkably clear, right and often luminous. This has only to develop, you will then be able to see more clearly what Krishnaprem sees and many of your difficulties will disappear and the equation you want to make may become clear to you.

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As for surrender, you already have it initially in your will to serve for the sake of service without claiming reward or success and without attachment to wealth or fame. If you extend that attitude into your whole sadhana, then realisation is sure. In any case, you should throw away all obsession of the sense of failure or the impossibility of success in your sadhana. Krishnaprem is surely right in telling you when the grace is on you and what he names as the Radhashakti is there to give you its unseen help that the success of your sadhana is sure and the realisation will come. The impasse is a temporary block, your trust will become complete and the road to realisation clear.

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