The Story of a Soul

02 December 1955

Letters from my family were a relief in my lonely hours.

My third brother Paroobhai, who was very enthusiastic about aeroplanes, wrote to the Mother about taking up flying. She replied:

Tell him to do according to his wish and my blessings are with him.

He did learn to fly, and later had his own small aircraft. He was a very good photographer, and his love of gardening was reflected in his collection of rare rose-plants. He was a hard-working person.

Then a letter came from Laljibhai, asking for a picture of the Mother's symbol, as he wanted to get it made in brass in England. On December 2, the Mother wrote to me:

2.12.55

My dear little child, I am sending you two copies of the symbol. On one symbol I have explained the meaning,

My love and blessings.

Here is the correct design of the symbol.

The central circle represents the Supreme Mother, the Mahashakti. The four central petals are the four aspects of the Mother—and the twelve petals, Her twelve attributes.

It was still raining. The dance-drama "The Story of India's Spiritual Destiny", directed by the Mother, was supposed to be staged on December 1st, but torrential rain made it impossible. Instead we saw it on the 3rd, despite a steady drizzle. It was a magnificent composition: Spiritual light, the creation of the world, Gods and Goddesses, emanations, avatars; at the end Sri Aurobindo's photograph was displayed, accompanied by recitations from Savitri. Later I came across the brochure of this drama, and found at the end these lines from Savitri:

Ascend from Nature to divinity's heights;
Face the high Gods crowned with felicity,
Then meet a greater God, thyself beyond Time.

The Mother kept her promise—she saw me in the Interview Room, and spoke to me about the general meditation she was going to give: she asked me to attend it. I was puzzled about where I should sit. She wrote:

Just now I received your note; it is about the meditation I give on 5th December at 9.30 in the morning. I said to reserve a place in the upstairs Meditation Hall for you. It is there that I sit myself on my chair. If you come early you can sit at the place you choose.

In spite of being early, I found the room crowded. People stared at me and I felt nervous. It seemed too daring to sit near the Mother's chair, so I took my seat a little away from it, against a wall.

The Mother entered the Hall, in a snow-white gown with a fine white smock over it and a matching veil over her head. Her face was sombre. It was the fifth anniversary of the day on which Sri Aurobindo had left his body. She sat facing across the long Meditation Hall the small room where She and the Lord used to give darshan to visiting devotees and the Ashramites. This small room was kept just as it had been, except that now on the big divan there was a huge photograph of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, showing how they had sat side by side to bestow their blessings on all.

We all meditated for half an hour. During the meditation, I opened my eyes frequently to look at her. She was concentrating with her eyes wide open and sparkling like diamonds. Her unblinking gaze was directed at the photograph in the room opposite. It was an invocation. Her Light filled the Hall. Although at that time I understood nothing, I witnessed the unusual atmosphere.