The Story of a Soul

22 December 1955

The ascent to the Truth, however, is steep, and there were innumerable tumbles and tempests. By now I had realised full well that this path was not a bed of roses.

All the time the Mother encouraged me immensely:

My dear child,

Do not give up to the enemy—resist—I am with you for the fight and we must conquer.

I believed that the obscure phases were over. But I was mistaken—those subtle currents were still at work. It was not an open fight, but something occult.

Those hostile attacks gave me a shuddering sensation in the pit of the stomach, and hit hard to shatter my sensitive nerves. The devil was always there to play his hand.

I wanted very much to meet the Mother alone and talk to her frequently. On the other hand, I was scared to go to her, because a weird kind of fear gripped me and intercepted me. I was tugged first one way and then the other. I was mystified. Tears of frustration hazed my eyes. I became more and more aware of both inward and outward loneliness, for which I could find no solution.

On December 22nd the Mother wrote:

Yesterday I had prepared an answer to your letter but it was somewhat severe and when I was to send it I felt pity and thought why not wait until tomorrow, things may become better.

Now I have received your today's letter and though I am sorry to see that this very nasty influence is still upon you the clouds seem to lift a little, and I can write.

One thing you must know, that it is the Enemy of the Divine, the Force that is hostile to all divine realisation, that gives you this fear to see me and wants to keep you away from me.

I may not be able to give you as much time as you wish me to give you, but on your side you must not miss the opportunities given to you to meet me—one word, one contact, one glance can be deeply useful to clear your atmosphere and protect you against the adverse forces—these enemies know it and that is why they are trying to keep you away from me. Do not listen to them.

In the evening I attended her translation class. The tension was relieved.