Nirodbaran's Correspondence with Sri Aurobindo

April 1934

I send a poem. I wasn't happy about it ; it has too much of Rabindranath in it, I think.

I fear your opinion of it is correct. Evidently you have the writing capacity, but it does not come to much—at least in poetry—unless you have something to write of your own. For that you must wake up something in you that is not yet awake.

April 6, 1934

I am much encouraged to hear from you that I have the writing capacity. Since it's there I can hope that it will express itself sooner or later in its own garb and form. The "inner soul of rhythm", originality, etc., come, as you say, by the inflowering by yoga. I can wait my turn for that. But why do you say "you must..."? Doesn't this "must" demand from one a conscious and concentrated effort to avoid the imitation and follow the unhewn path? And can one really do it in that way?

No. Must simply indicates what must happen or should happen. What you can do is to have a will that it should happen, settle within you. The will will bear fruit in time if it is of the right kind and especially if it becomes a Yogic will.

April 7, 1934

I send you a poem. I didn't send it yesterday because it was the day of our vengeance¹⁰ and who knows my little verse may have been the last straw... But since all people profit at your expense, it wouldn't be wiser for me to stand aloof. So the poem and your kind opinion on it.

My opinion is "good, but not good enough"—more stuff is needed. It is good you did not throw your straw on the waters yesterday—the flood might have carried it away into the beginning of next week.

April 10, 1934

Is it not possible to keep C here by Thy all-powerful Grace?

It would mean his cutting all outside ties. So long as the ties remain the financial obligations also remain. I do not think he has advance so far that he can cut away altogether and be free.

J says she was given a very small quantity of curry by A and her appetite is unappeased. It is very sad to see that in spite of your repeated directions and warnings (to the Dining Room workers), they forget this simple thing.

It is because D is no longer there. He was very careful in this matter as in all details—especially there in which the Mother had given special instructions. I shall write to A.

I find it rather inconvenient to imprison these bulky letters in a small envelope. You will see how many folds had to be made, it looks so ugly. Still I do it with difficulty.

Ugliness does not matter in this instance. The envelope system has been instituted so as to save a little the Mother's time in the morning so that she may not have to cut short the little rest she has or else have to come very late for pranam.

April 18, 1934

I had a very unique experience last night, in the realm of poetry.

The inspiration came and as I sat down to write the whole thing dropped, so to say; I simply let myself be led to see how and when it'd end. Never before have I written a whole poem in this way. I was very joyous and recovered all lost hope.

Why is it that people get so much joy out of writing a poem?

It is the joy of creation partly, partly the joy or "enthousiasmos" the sense of exaltation and Ananda which always comes when one is freely and powerfully used by a greater Force.

Does this spontaneous, automatic inpouring depend on some inner state?

It does not depend on any inner spiritual state, but on an opening to some supraphysical plane of inspiration.

April 21, 1934

I had a very peculiar dream last night:

I was going away somewhere much dejected and disappointed. The road I took was most gorgeous reminding me of that of the Lake Districts of Scotland; I had proceeded far; suddenly J came up running and said—"The one whom you wanted has come and is waiting for you." I turned back but found nobody. More disappointed I was just going away when a woman's form with a child in her lap appeared as if from nowhere. I fell at her feet saying "0 Mother, you have come then?" with such an ecstasy and fervour that words can't convey. Are you going to leave me? Will you come often?" I asked. "I shall come nine or ten times a day." With this reply she vanished and the dream ended. Who is this form and what is the meaning of this? And why the child?

The child was your psychic being. It was the Mother you saw and she brought it to you—that is, put you in close contact with it.

I am very, very happy, as if some secret fountain has been unsealed. One should remain as quiet as possible holding within oneself all the rapture, shouldn't one?

Yes

Is this a simple vital joy or a joy of writing poetry?

It is not vital at all, though the vital may share in it.

April 23, 1934

Sending you the poem I had spoken of. What an "enthousiasmos" I felt when I wrote it!

Yes, this time you had undoubtedly a living inspiration

I am happy, happy, but I am afraid at the same time lest it should disappear by some inadvertent action of mine. It is generally supposed that the Divine also deliberately leads us through alternating states of joy and despair to make us strong or to test us. Is it true? If so, I cannot pray to you to give me such an uninterrupted bliss!

It is not a law, but it happens so because of the difficulty of human nature. If all were led by the psychic being with its faith, surrender, one-pointed will to the Divine, there would still be ups and downs of a slighter character, but no need for states of despair.

April 24, 1934

X was coming from the Asram at 9 p.m. and was molested by a ruffian in front of Nolini's room. She called him and then the boy disappeared.

I am simply dumb-founded by the news. To think that someone—maybe a fuffian or a devil—should attack a sadhika under your very roof—is it not surprising? I hear and believe too that you give a veil of protection around us. Is it so ineffective that even when one doesn't go out of one's way, some hostile beings should attack the very physique and especially that of ladies? Then each lady must stop walking alone or each must have somebody by her. I wonder how long it'll take to free the atmosphere from these seen vital forces.

When the sadhaks get rid of the unseen ones in themselves and in the atmosphere of the Asram.

I am afraid there will be now an apprehension and a nervousness among all the sadhikas.

The Mother has constantly told the sadhiksa who approached her about it that they should not be out alone or without a sadhak to accompany them after 8 o'clock—even after dusk it is not so very safe. After 9 o'clock any woman out alone can easily be taken for a bad character and even questioned by the police. The reason is that when the streets are otherwise deserted, it is largely drunkards, bad characters that come abroad or people like the Topa boys who are little better than criminals. Pondicherry is not a place where women can walk about alone at night. Only two or three days ago S asked whether they could not go out to enjoy the moonlight at 9 if there were 2 or 3 sadhikas together and Mother forbade it unless there was a sadhak with them, so they are going with the Doctor.

I do not know why you should consider that a sadhak or sadhika can count, whatever he does and whatever the conditions, on an absolute protection and immunity. There are conditions under which there is an absolute safety—if the sadhaks are sadhaks through and through, if they have a pure and complete faith etc. Or if a sadhika has got rid of sex impulses and sex appeal and lives in the Mother or with the Mother in her, or even if she has a perfect fearlessness, inner strength and courage, then she would be able to walk about unchallenged even in Pondicherry. But conditions are not like that here—as yet at least—the wrong forces are here inside the Asram as well as outside—under such circumstances, the protection, though it can still act, acts on conditions and within limits.

April 27, 1934

X, I think, is more or less free from sex and tries to live in the Mother.

More or less? tries? that was not what I said. I spoke of freedom from sex and living in the Mother.

I cannot forget a nice dream I had in the first year of my stay in England. Buddha was sitting in "padmasan" and was giving me a red lotus. Was it a forecast of my later spiritual life?

I suppose so.

April 29, 1934