Nirodbaran's Correspondence with Sri Aurobindo

August 1933

Mother did not put her hand on my head during pranam. I hope it was not due to any wrong movement in me?

No. It was merely because Mother was in trance.

I hear N is going away. It is very surprising and painful to find that one who has been apparently so earnest and sincere in sadhana should have such a sad failure.

What do you mean by "sincere"? If one does Yoga in order to be a great Yogi or in order to satisfy the sex impulse in the vital, that is not sincerity. It is what N started doing. Farther he began to have wrong experiences and when he was told so, instead of putting himself right, he began to conceal his experiences from me—which shows that he preferred his egoistic satisfaction in getting experiences to the Truth—and that too is not sincerity.

I have the idea that since we can communicate everything to you by prayer, why need we write? But then it can also be said—why not write? Do you think something is trying to hide under the cloak of this argument?

It is always well to write what goes on in you—but it need not be done every day. The essential is to keep nothing concealed.

August 4, 1933

May I do an extra pranam for C and P?

Yes, provided you do the two in one minute. Even with one minute for each we are threatened with a 7 hour sitting. There are 500 people.

August 12, 1933

Chandu has sent two rupees on the occasion of his birthday—26th August. May I send you some flowers?

Yes.

With the money shall I buy fruits or sauce or pickles?

No sauce or pickles at any rate. Fruit if you like.

I have asked X to come to my place whenever she likes, but she says it will go against your order.

There is no objection to her going—the objection was to talking etc. in such a way as to disturb A.

I want to learn some instrumental music: esrāj or tablā. For the first S is the only instructor, I don't know if she'll be willing to teach and for the second A. Will you kindly suggest something?

For tabla A is sufficient. I don't think S will be willing to teach. So—

August 21, 1933

I am often troubled by sexual thoughts

How to get rid of them?

To think too much of sex even for suppressing it, makes it worse.

You have to open more to positive experience. To spend all the time struggling with the lower vital is a very slow method.

August 24, 1933

How to open oneself to positive experience? Please tell me.

By remaining quiet and aspiring for it—knowing that it is waiting there above. Also think more of the Mother and less of your vital impulses.

August 25, 1933

How narrowly I've lost my chance for pranam! Will you give me some consolation by sending a flower for me?

Yes

D is of the opinion that one has to do studious sadhana by constant writing and reading etc.

D's idea may be good for one who is a writer by nature and has to cultivate his gift—your case is different—and you have first to develop the inspiration, otherwise your writing will be only a mental exercise.

August 26, 1933

I am sending a poem which visited me while I was lying in bed at 10.30 p.m. It took me two hours to complete it and many more, brooding over it. Has it any inspiration or is it a mental galley-slave labour?

It is not at all bad as a beginning—there is at least an opening for inspiration there.

It struck me suddenly that instead of seeking for dazzling experiences, I should aspire for more important things like light, force, calm, etc.

Yes, those are more important things to aspire for. The rest is not excluded but should be subordinate.

August 27, 1933

Then again the same difficulty of transmission appears to hinder the proper finish. Will you tell me where the defect lies—little mastery over language, style, or insufficient inspiration?

All writers have the difficulty—it is the tamas of the physical mind which finds it difficult to transcribe the inspiration.

Is it bad for our sadhana to think much about the rhymes, words and ideas of these poems? But I find this a wonderful escape from the prison of thoughts of the lower vital.

It is certainly better than being occupied with the lower vital.

August 29, 1933

Mother, I had been expecting that after getting your touch, I would sit down to write poetry; but I failed to secure the thing I was seeking for in your touch. And then I began to think, with a depressed heart, what is precisely wrong in me. Do you like us to ask for your power and force for writing poetry etc.?

The depression is quite out of place—of course it came because you had a rajasic expectation which got disappointed.

In the Pranam the Mother puts her force for whatever she sees to be necessary in the sadhana. She would not do it specifically for giving you a poetic inspiration. For that you have only to keep yourself open and it will come of itself whenever it is due. But there should be no over-eagerness—a harmonious listening quietude is the best medium for the rush of inspiration to come.

August 30, 1933