Nirodbaran's Correspondence with Sri Aurobindo

August 1934

Last night as I was going to bed, I prayed for your light in the subconscient. Strange to say, all the troubles and turmoils were thrown up in response as it were, to the prayer. I had even emissions in dream. And this has happened more than once. Is there any coincidence or is really the effect of your response?

The prayer brings a Force which presses on the subconscient and by that pressure these things come up. The emissions are of no great importance provided they are not frequent, but they indicate the presence of the sex-impulse there. Many are able to get a control by putting a strong will on the sex-organ or sex-centre before sleeping, but then succeed only after a time. With some it does not succeed because the will in them is not strong enough or not trained up or they have not the habit of controlling the lower movements.

August 8, 1934

During this Darshan, instead of Ananda, Force or Light I felt a great dryness.

It depends upon your condition whether the Ananda or Force or Light descends or whether the resistance rises. It is the resistance of the ordinary physical consciousness ignorant and obscure that seems to have risen in you. The period of the 15th is a period of great descents but also of great resistances. This 15th was not an exception.

It is exactly one and a half years since I have been here. Unfortunately I cannot detect any sign of progress, everything is status quo, so to say.

You have had some experiences which are signs of a future possibility. To have more within the first 1½ years, it would be necessary to have the complete attitude of the sadhak and give up that of the man of the world. It is only then that progress can be rapid from the beginning.

I was simply staggered by C's sex abnormalities and would absolutely despair of him unless I knew that your protection and blessings are with him.

Yes, he is a phenomenon in that way—but there is something very sincere somewhere in him. Let us hope the inner man will soon get the better of the outer.

August 17, 1934

I would like to know why the resistance rushed up on 15th August. You said it depends on one's condition. It is true that I indulged in food or in mental questionings and these last few months were very lax.

Laxity and a self-externalising consciousness more occupied with outer than with inner things.

I have resolved to abstain from/ Sunday indulgences or make them as infrequent as possible. I have already resisted many hankerings for a cup of tea.

About food, tea etc. the aim of Yoga is to have no hankerings, no slavery either to the stomach or the palate. How to get to that.point is another matter—it depends often on the individual. With a thing like tea, the strongest and easiest way is to stop it. As to food the best way usually is to take the food given you, practise non-attachment and folloW no fancies. That would mean giving up the Sunday indulgence. The rest must be done by an inner change of consciousness and not by external means.

After Darshan, I have been trying every day not to go to D's, but somehow find myself there...

If you get something by the darshan, it is better to go home and absorb it; if not, it does not matter. Only you have to take care not to absorb deleterious influences at the gathering—I mean, moods of doubt, depression, indifference to things spiritual etc., etc.

There are some people who are very free with their palate and yet are not the worse for it.

How do you know they are not any the worse in the Yogic sense?

This is what you mean, I suppose, by the term "complete attitude of the sadhak"—giving up all these things. If not, I would request you to elaborate it a little.

All these are external things that have their use But what I mean is something more inward. I mean not to be interested in outward things for their own sake, following after them with desire, but at all times to be intent on one's soul, living centrally in the inner being and its progress, taking outward things and action only as a means for the inner progress.

The question of food is to some extent within one's control, but what to do with the habitual movement of the mind?

Detach yourself from it—make your mind external to you, something that you can observe as you observe things occurring in the street. So long as you do not do that, it is difficult to be the mind's master.

People say that one shouldn't read when one is at work I have already told you that I read.

Usually reading when at work is not desirable. I don't remember just now what your work is.

August 21, 1934

When I have given up all reading, and taken up work seriously, just then an accident!¹² People say it is a good sign! I attribute it to my carelessness.

How?

It should rather be a warning to be careful than a good sign.

Tomorrow being Sunday, may I take rest?

It is better to take rest, if you feel better when at rest.

August 25, 1934

I could not sleep last night, though there was no pain. In the afternoon I had a cup of tea. Do you think it was responsible?

It is true that a sense of nervous exhaustion sets in after taking it. I wanted to stop it after your writing but here I am again!

Certainly, you should not have taken tea in these circumstances. It is not good for the nerves.

All trouble comes at night! I was a little mortified to think that you can't or won't give me some sleep. After all, I may be responsible for it.

It is your nerves that are responsible—they have too little resistance probably to pain and illness and are too easily restless. Relax yourself at night and don't struggle to sleep—but relax with all the mind and nerves and body quiet and let sleep come.

August 27, 1934

Looking at my wound, one would think that it is the work of some hostile force which while being compelled to leave me, gave the last kick in parting. Some say it is. Do you think so?

These things usually come from some adverse force.

Many people show signs of progress after an illness. May I not expect some? Give me thy blessings that I may be cured without any complication setting in.

It is true that one can use an illness in that way—though to advance without illness is better.

August 31, 1934