Nirodbaran's Correspondence with Sri Aurobindo

  Sri Aurobindo : corresp.

Nirodbaran
Nirodbaran

Nirodbaran's correspondence with Sri Aurobindo began in February 1933 and continued till November 1938, when Sri Aurobindo injured his leg and Nirod became one of his attendants. The entire correspondence, which was carried on in three separate notebooks according to topics - private, medical, and literary - is presented in chronological order, revealing the unique relationship Nirod enjoyed with his guru, replete with free and frank exchanges and liberal doses of humour. Covering a wide range of topics, both serious and light-hearted, these letters reveal the infinite care Sri Aurobindo devoted to the spiritual development of his disciple.

Books by Nirodbaran Nirodbaran's Correspondence with Sri Aurobindo 1221 pages 1984 Edition
English
 Sri Aurobindo : corresp.

June 1935

If it is necessary and convenient, why not send Pavitra to the Chief Medical Officer to discuss the matter with him? It depends mainly on the chief than on others.

It is not so pressing. If there were a general rule about the matter, as in France, it would be all right; but a special favour is another matter. We will think twice before we ask—especially as they may look with disfavour on the idea of somebody coming in from outside into the closed medical field here.


From what you say about the subconscient, it would seem that its conquest would lessen and minimise our troubles to a great extent. But are there not periods or moments when we consciously bring back to memory certain things of the past, or are these impressions only due to the waves from the subconscious reaching up?

That is the conscious action of the mind.

I mean are our conscious or unconscious movements entirely influenced by the subconscious?

No certainly not—the subconscious is the evolutionary basis in us, it is not the whole nature. But things can rise from the subconscient and take shape in the conscious parts.

I also understand that this subconscient is more directly concerned with what we may call the more obscure and darker movements of our being. What is then the origin of the higher movements? Where do they remain lodged—inner mind, life and body? Do all the higher impulses—service, fame, ambition, etc., come from these inner planes? In the making of a being, I suppose then, the subconscient impressions and sanskaras of previous lives are carried forward. In that case, how far will it be right if I say that my desires, my impulses, formations and tendencies of lower nature are mostly due to old debts of past life, some due to impressions of this life? What about heredity then? Do we not say that usually sensual parents have sensual issues, etc., etc.,?

Another point—even if this subconscient is managed, is there not also universal nature which acts and reacts on individual consciousness and brings back from somewhere what is thrown away from here?

There are three sources of our action—the superconscient, the subliminal, the subconscient of which we are not aware. What we are aware of is the surface being which is only an instrumental arrangement. The source of all is the general Nature, but the general Nature deposits certain habits of movement, personality, character, faculties, dispositions, tendencies in us. That is what we usually call ourselves. Part of this is in habitual movement and use in our conscious part, part is concealed in the other three. But what we are on the surface is being constantly set in motion, changed, developed or repeated by the waves of the general Nature coming in on us either directly or else indirectly, through others, through circumstances etc. Some of this comes straight into the conscious part and acts there, our mind appropriating it as our own; part comes into the, subconscient or sinks into it and waits for an opportunity of rising up into the conscious, part goes into the subliminal and may at any time turn up or may not. Part passes through and is rejected. It is a constant activity of forces supplied to us out of which (or rather out of a small amount of it) we make what we will or can. But in reality it is all a play of forces, a flux, nothing fixed or stable; the appearance of stability is given by constant repetition and recurrence of the same vibrations and formations. That is why our nature can be changed in spite of Vivekananda and Horace and the subconscient, but it is a difficult job because the master mode of Nature is this obstinate repetition and recurrence.

As for the things thrown away from us that come back, it depends on where you throw them. Very often there is a sort of procedure about it. The mind rejects its mentalities, the vital its vitalities, the physical its physicalities—these usually go into the corresponding domain of general Nature. It all stays in the environmental consciousness, which we carry about with us, by which we communicate with the outside Nature, and persistently rushes back from there—until it is so absolutely rejected that it can't return. But when what the mind rejects is strongly supported by the vital, it sinks down into the vital, rages there and tries to rush up again and reoccupy the mind. When the vital rejects it, it sinks from the higher to the lower vital. When the lower vital too rejects it, it sinks into the physical consciousness and tries to stick by inertia or mechanical repetition. Rejected from there it goes into the subconscient and comes up in dreams, in passivity, in extreme tamas. The Inconscient is the last resort of the Ignorance.

As for the general Nature it is of course the natural tendency of its inferior forces to try and perpetuate their action in the individual, so they return on him when they find their influence rejected. But they cannot last long once the environmental consciousness is cleared—unless the Hostiles take a hand. Even then these can attack, but if the sadhak has established his position in the inner self, they can only attack and retire.

It is true that we bring most of ourselves from past lives. Heredity only affects the external being and all the effects of heredity are not accepted, only those that are in consonance with what we are to be or not preventive of it at least. I may be the son of my father or mother in certain respects, but most of me is as foreign to them as if I had been born in New York or Paraguay.

R complains that his head is aching more than ever—he can't sleep—he feels tired, he feels ill. I may observe that he seems to remain with all his windows closed—not the way to cure headache at any time and least of all in this weather, one would think.

P.S. By the way, on the 1st, I sent the medical reports. They came back without your signature.

I simply forgot to hand them over to the Mother for inspection. Send them again.


S's acidity has come back in full vigour, perhaps due to my fault. I added two more slices of bread at his repeated request and he informs me after two days.

His object in not informing you, Purushottam says, was that you might not stop his extra food!

Secondly he thought he has turned out to be Hercules overnight, went on scrubbing, doing gate-duty and many other exercises without ever asking me.

Purushottam says the work is light, but S purposely turned it into a Sandow exercise making all sorts of motions to give work to his muscles. Motive—to get hungry so that he might conscientiously ask for an increase of food.

I noticed recently a very peculiar movement in me. I could no longer think of you—an absolute indifference, apathy was there. It seemed as if you were before me yet not there.

It looks like the subconscient—perhaps due to my writing about it? But also it may be that the subconscient has become my King Charles's head and I see it everywhere.

What are these things cropping up? How will they end?

Let us hope, in the illumination of the subconscient and a glorious transformation!

Today very suddenly J said, "The Mother is sending you to Paris." I thought the whole thing has somehow leaked out. When I asked him how he came to know about it, he replied, "It is absolutely my intuition." Do you believe it, Sir? Can intuition be so exact?

I am not disposed to accuse the intuition in this case. I suspect R or somebody else of indiscretion with this intuitive outbreak as the result. Not that intuition cannot be exact, but we must not put too much on its poor back.


Another Bengali poem. Please cast a glance at it.

I like your poem very much. The poet seems to have come out after all. So the pains of labour, and even the forceps, were useful. It is the turn of the Yogi to come out next what? Even with a forceps!

C says that dal and cucumber curry give her asthmatic attacks; so she wants double milk instead.

Mother says you should not believe everything these women—they are all hysteric or semi-hysteric and these are hysteric or at least nervous imaginations. If one starts believing and acting on all of them, there will be no end. That is why Mother did not agree to the "more milk."


I was happy to know that you liked my poem, but I accept with much reservation your other statement that the poet has come out, for after a long labour I could not even complete a sonnet. If the poet has come out I think it is a sort of Krishna's afternoon visit to Chaitanya! As for the Yogi, I submit myself to anything,—injection, forceps or even operation; but only do bring him out, please. He is overdue!

Well, at any rate it proves that he is there—for these poems were true poetry—and can come out, even if he has still to be dragged out by the hair of his head. In time he will surely become less shy and difficult. As for the Yogi—well, we will see.


I can't resist the temptation of disturbing your Sabbath, Sir; here is a poem. The forceps were indispensable, but I hope it will be an "Angel"!

It is not bad at all—can be accorded the "order of merit". Traces of the forceps are visible. But if you go on, probably the forceps will not be indispensable.

One point, is there any truth in this "white flame" of the Purusha? The psychic being is supposed to be a flame, but it's also called the Secret Purusha. The image is then correct?

Of course the image is quite legitimate for the psychic being. The psychic being is a Purusha, not a flame—the psychic fire is not the being, it is something proper to it.


We had a discussion on Divine Love yesterday at D's place, Can we say the Divine may love one more than another? The expression would then be a little misleading because it will bring in human comparisons.

Not only a "little", but very misleading.

I would like to ask something about it. It is said that the Divine loves all equally; yet it is a fact that some are dearer to Him than others. I believe, you too say the same thing in the Gita!

I don't say ; it is the Gita that says it—or rather there are two separate slokas: one says that the Divine makes no differences—the other says that Arjuna is specially dear to him.

Sometimes I feel that if the Divine loves all equally, even then D and myself, for example, transgressing some vital rules of the Asram, will not be equally treated. In my saner moments I have tried to look at it more rationally.

That does not stand. Sometimes you might get nothing except perhaps an invisible stare; sometimes I might say "Now, look here, Nirod, don't make an immortal ass of yourself—that is not the transformation wanted." Still another time I might shout "Now! now! What the hell! what the blazes!" So it would depend on the occasion, not only on the person.

There are many instances to show that some persons are dearer to the Divine than others. Besides Krishna and Arjuna, we have the instance of Buddha and Ananda.

There is also St. John, the beloved disciple.

Then again, Vivekananda was dearer to Ramakrishna than the other disciples. Chaitanya showered his grace on Madhai and Jagai, but were they closer to him than Nitai?

But he had love for them (তাই বলে কি প্রেম দিব না?).96

Some say that because through one person, chances of manifestation are greater, or because he is more open, or is a Vibhuti, he will be nearer to the Divine. That, I think, can be swept aside since degrees of manifestation can never be a criterion. What is it that determines this—I really don't know.

Of course you don't—nor does anybody. Is love a creation of the reason? or dealt out by this or that scale? Or does the Divine calculate "This fellow has so much of this or that quality! I will give him just so much more love than to that other?"

This question is not only of theoretical interest to us, but also of practical importance, since in our stumblings and gropings the Divine here may have a soft corner for some, and not perhaps for others to the same extent.

All that is rather beside the point. There is a universal divine love that is given equally to all—but also there is a special relation with each man—it is not a question of more or less, though it may appear so. But even that less or more cannot be judged by human standards. The man who gets a blow may, if he has a certain relation, feel it as a divine caress; he may even say, erecting his own standard, "She loves me more than others, because to others she would not [have] given that blow, to me she felt she could give it," and it would be quite as good a standard as the kind treatment one—as standards go. But no standards apply. For in each case it is according to the relation. The cause of the relation? It differs in each case. Cast your plummet into the deep and perhaps you shall find it—or perhaps you will hit something that has nothing at all to do with it.


As usual, in a discussion A lost his temper and hit out at S and made her terribly upset. He remarked to me, "Today I hit out at her deliberately. Always she thinks that we know nothing." You must have been given a report of the incident...

Obviously, there was the intention to strike. That is the worst of these discussions that people can't keep their temper or avoid bringing in their ego.

Maybe you will have to write my version of the affair to D, Whatever be the consequences, I will take them in a true attitude.

I don't propose to do so.


S has got boils. What about giving him vaccine injections?

Yes. Have you not got a counter-smoking injection for him also?

In your letter to J you speak of a "special relation" with the Mother. Is this determined by the need and temperament of the sadhak?

For instance, does the Divine say—this man needs to be patted a little, that man humoured, the other requires "an invisible stare" etc.? Is it that? I don't think so.

The need and temperament are one element only. It is the relation as a whole from which everything flows. These things are not arranged by some mental reason or calculated intention. The source is deeper and it is a reality behind that acts.

Some say that the Divine Love is like a rose; those who come nearer to it, that is, open themselves more, necessarily get more of it.

Of course—but those who don't open themselves get it too without knowing it often. Unfortunately many don't recognise or appreciate their good luck and may even go grumbling and bumbling of into the darkness.

But I say that the Divine Love is a rose which is impersonal as well as personal.

Of course.

Some people are of the opinion that those in whom the psychic has evolved through many births will come nearer to the Divine, and will, therefore, be dearer to Him than others whose psychic is still a child.

The psychic is always a child—बालवत्97—only it can be a very wise child.

If I may make a personal allusion—I have all of a sudden been the recipient of your jokes and humour denoting an intimacy. What can be the reason for it? Is it because my psychic development needs it? Is it because I have to be handled only in this way?

All these wise reasonings are rubbish. You are x and therefore you get yz, that is all.

You asked me to cast my plummet into the deep to find out the reason. But the "deep" is too deep for my plummet.

For any mental plummet. It is not the mind that can discover these things.

I don't want to know the cause of the relationship. All I say is that a personal relationship does exist with some which is different from the impersonal relationship of love.

That is of course quite true. Why not leave it there?

R is shouting that he has worse headache than ever and also fever.

T has been asked to show her mouth to you, so that you may see what is the matter. She was taking no food at all, so Mother told her to take liquid food and gargle immediately afterwards. She says as a result her mouth is worse and all swollen.


S has again the pains and the [...]98 etc. Has she taken her course of Fandorine? (I may add in strict privacy that this has happened after a quarrel in the D.R., a revolt of feelings against the Mother and a day and a half hunger-strike; but as this is Yogic or rather unYogic and not medical, you should pretend not to know anything about it.)

I leave your "special relation", but I have to discuss a little about your Force. I feel that your Force gives us the necessary inspiration for poetry, but I often doubt that you send it in a continuous current.

Of course not. Why should I? It is not necessary. I put my Force from time to time and let it work out what has to be worked out. It is true that with some I have to put it often to prevent too long stretches of unproductivity, but even there I don't put a continuous current. I haven't time for such things.

If the current were continuous, we would nor write just 15 to 20 lines at a stretch and then go on for days together producing only 3 or 4 lines.

That depends on the mental instruments. Some people write freely—others do so only when in a special condition.

Had your special Force been constantly acting, why should we have this difficulty? We should be able to feel the inspiration as soon as we sit down with pen and paper, shouldn't we?

No. At least I myself don't have continuous inspiration at command like that in poetry.

I don't think a latent faculty brought out by Yogic Force would achieve such a height of perfection as a faculty which manifests in the natural way.

Of course, not so long as it is latent or not fully emerged. But once it is manifested and settled, there is no reason why it should not achieve equal perfection. All depends on the quality of the inspiration that comes and the response of the instrument.


While I was having my afternoon nap, I felt some rays of the sun trying to pierce my brow. It means something, I suppose?

It simply means that some rays of the light of Truth are trying to get inside your skull. As you say "trying", I won't commit myself farther than that. Strictly speaking, as it was the brow, it means trying to get into the inner mind and light it up a little.

You said on the previous day that the quick emerging of a faculty depends on a favourable adhar. But on what does this favourableness depend? I thought it is all an asset of a past life due to which it becomes easily manifested in the present life...

How can one say on what it depends? It depends on all the past and all the future and on what is behind the present also!! The mental instrument is what has been formed for the present life—naturally if it has by present nature a marked beginning of capacity in a certain direction, it will be more easy for something that is pressing to manifest, to develop through it than it will be for an instrument not so naturally responsive. But "more easy" is all one can say. It does not follow that the facile instrument will do more than the difficult one. There are poets who produce with no difficulty; there are poets who produce with difficulty; there are poets who produce with occasional facility and customary difficulty. All kinds go in to mix the cosmic hotch-potch.

R says he is well today, free from his headache.

Perhaps that is why he proclaims that he is sad. He evidently means to become "artistic" in temperament. It is well known that you can't be an artist unless you are a prey to fits of romantic and meaningless sadness.

S didn't take full course of Fandorine, nor did I think it necessary, for she responded well and I thought her ailment was slight. Now I shall continue the course for a month.

It is a longstanding ailment and used to be before very violent, so a full course is, I think, necessary.

M complains that he is under treatment for his eruptions for 2 months and shaved his head 5 times—still he is covered, whole head with "irruptions" on face and elsewhere. Then?

We have been told about I.K. that she is in a bad state of health, much affected by profuse leucorrhoea (for which her self-chosen remedy is not to eat), but also there is often no urination for 2 days (this is hearsay, so perhaps an exaggeration). Please look into the affair.


I am at the end of a long poem ; have been working at it for many hours, but could not extract anything.

But what did you extract? Not even words? What a constipation!

I thought what a waste of time! Should one sit down to write without any inspiration seeming to drop?

I suppose you have to go on sitting down, until the inspiration gets converted and drops as soon as you sit.

You can't say that there is no application. But is it the right method, I ask?

Try, try again—as the spider said to Bruce.

Previously I was sleeping like a dog and now I am working like a bull.

The Bull is the mother animal

A flood of energy is there, but to what purpose?

O Force, Force,
Can you ever break this coarse
Tough stuff?

Well, if you can achieve poetry like that in English, what may you not do in Bengali?


Can you stretch your hand, Sir, and help me out of this mud of the subconscient, inconscient, universal nature or God knows what?

I am quite willing to stretch out any number of hands for the purpose. Hold on and you will get out.


I send you a small poem, opinion?

It is a very attractive little poem.

But where is the joy of the creator? I don't find or feel any!

It is the medical man with his forceps that comes in the way of the Ananda, I suppose—too much occupied with the doubt and difficulty of delivery. But the poet is there beyond a doubt now. So buck up, knock off the Man of Sorrows from your shoulders and go cheerfully ahead.


You have often spoken of the Man of Sorrows in connection with me. But I was a cheerful fellow at school and college. So I ant afraid he is a contribution, partly at least, of your Yoga.

Not of my Yoga, but of the blasted atmosphere that has been created here by the theory that revolt, doubt and resultant sorrow and struggle and all that rot are the best way to progress. The Asram has never been able. to get out of it, but only some people have escaped. The others have opened themselves to the confounded Man of Sorrows and got the natural consequence. But why the devil did you do it? The Man of Sorrows is a fellow who is always making a row in himself and covering himself with sevenfold overcoats of tragedy and gloom and he wouldn't feel his existence justified if he couldn't be colossally miserable—when he gets on people's backs he puts the same thing on them. Yoga on the other hand tells you even if you have all sorts of unpleasantnesses to live in the inner sunlight, your own or God's. At least most Yogas do except the Vaishnava—but the Yoga here is not a Vaishnava Yoga.


I had a terrible headache today, especially worse after pranam, till meditation.

What is this really, I am having now and then? If it is yogic in origin, I will have some comfort. Are you breaking some resistances inside? But if you break them in this way, I am afraid, a lot of pains and aches await me!

No. To make people ill in order to improve or perfect them is not Mother's method. But sometimes things like headache come because the brain either tries too much or does not want to receive or makes difficulties. But the Yogic headaches are of a special kind, and after the brain has found out the way to receive or respond, they don't come at all.

I seem to be making some excursions into the world of music, in my dreams. Last night I heard a professional female singer singing and playing. It was so distinct that even when it ceased, the music was ringing in my ears. I thought it was a lower vital enjoyment. The other day I heard songs about you—a higher vital enjoyment, I believe.

Yes, these are excursions into the vital world (lower or higher) or rather worlds, for there are any number of domains there. They are not really dreams—dreams proper belong to the subconscient and are usually a jumble.

You asked me why the devil I opened to the Man of Sorrows. How can I help it when the atmosphere is thick with doubt and depression? Human as we are, it is not easy to be free from them. They are inevitable in the very nature of things, aren't they?

No, not in this exaggerated form—and not with the vital luxuriating and wallowing in its misery. Attacks and perturbations on the surface, yes; but in some they are slight, in others rare and there is a clear mind or clear soul that looks at them and says, "O, you asses!" Mark that only a minority have allowed up the Man of Sorrows on their backs, though others have dallied with him. I admit that recently this minority has increased in numbers—the subconscient, I suppose!

We hear that you also had to undergo a lot of suffering and despair—to the extent of wanting to commit suicide!!!

What nonsense! Suicide! Who the devil told you that? Even if I knew that all was going to collapse tomorrow, I would not think of suicide, but go on to do what I still could for the future.

Give us a vision of your Vishwarupa or the flame or something to save us from being crushed by the Man of Sorrows. Let him be kicked into the dust-bin!

You indeed write very skilfully in the style of the Man of Sorrows That is just his tone.

R has got back his headache! What do you say to my giving him sulphersenol, an arsenic compound injection?

You can; but R has again become irregular,—windows shut, breakfast shunned, evening meal shunned etc., etc. He is really the architect of his own headache. He speaks of sadness, but refuses to give the reason of his mysterious sadness. You will say "The Man of Sorrows", but medically we can't admit this gentleman.


You said I can try sulphersenol, but Mother is dubious about it and thinks of dangers. Of course these arsenic compounds can produce toxic effects, but they are largely used in syphilis and other chronic skin diseases. Sulphersenol is the least toxic, and given in a very small dose, it may not produce any harm.

"May not" is hardly enough. A cure for syphilis can hardly be a neutral thing capable of being tried as a tonic anywhere. The recommendations themselves warn against possible dangers.

They have a tonic effect also. I am willing to go by your decision. At least one injection of Bismuth can be tried, but it is an inferior substitute. So?

Mother would rather you completed the Cacodylate. When it is finished, we will see.


R came at 11 a.m. for injection and he had high fever. Gave him sponge bath and washed the head with cold water, the temperature came down. Now I hear he has again 106°. Given a bottte.of diaphoretic. No other complication except headache. Ice-bag is being given.

Has he been constipated or is he so now? He used to have very bad constipations, but nowadays it is not possible to get anything out of him on that subject. Another thing to be seen carefully is whether there is any danger of meningitis. (But on no account speak to him of this or say anything that would alarm or upset).


Today I went to see a football match ; tomorrow is the finals! Can I go to see it if l can arrange the dispensary work with Rajangam?

The Lord he knows.


All rosy things and poetry have died and the old Nirod-self is the master of the field!

Better turn it out again—it is not a place for it to graze in.


I objected to J having talks and discussions with a friend in the Dispensary. I said they could do it in my bedroom but J got upset and left the place. This has happened more than once. I am very much indebted to her for having brought me here and helping me in many other ways. At times I feel like breaking off the relation once for all. But I fear to give her any such blow as she is very sensitive. What should I do?

You are perfectly right in your objection. It is extraordinary how people here make a personal matter of everything and extraordinary how they want to mix up everything and make একাকার99

As for the rest, well, gratitude is a good thing, but it is after all the Divine who brought you to the Divine and the best gratitude you can show to the instrument is to do what is best for your sadhana as well as hers. It is a little difficult to say what you should do in the case. A quiet friendliness without insistence on either side would be the best thing, if J agrees to it and follows it. Friendship in the big sense of the term is another guess matter; it is an exceedingly difficult affair and needs a gift for it on both sides. From what you say, you don't seem to fit into each other very well and, if so, the chances for it are not very hopeful. To break off altogether seems to be hard, to insist on old ties and make demands is obviously out of place—why not attempt by common agreement a middle way? J's over-sensitive vital? Well, she has to get over it, I suppose—for the sake of her own sadhana.


Shall I try to bear the knocks and shocks when they come, keeping a friendly feeling within Or her? And how much of the letter you have written shall I show her?

I am rather doubtful about the latter. The other process is better at the same time getting J to understand gradually (though as quickly as possible) that there must be a change in the spirit and nature of any relation between you.

Yes, it is after all the Divine who brought me here. But before all was it not her prayer and aspiration for me that was the cause?

As J did not pre-exist before the Divine and it is not she who is managing the affairs of the world, I prefer to believe that it was J who was the instrument of the Divine and not the Divine the instrument of J.

Was it predestined that she should be a link between you and me? Had I really no chance independently? Was our union only a play of forces?

Predestination and chance are words—words that obscure the truth by their extreme rigidity of definition. All is done through a play of forces which seems to be a play of different possibles, but there is Something that looks and selects and uses without being either blindly arbitrary (predestination) or capriciously decisive (chance).

I heard from Jaswant that L and S are two most sincere sadhikas; this seems to have been your opinion.

I am exceedingly surprised to hear it. L, yes—since she had her conversion several years ago, has been single-pointed and single-hearted towards the Mother. But S? She has experiences, but her vital is as vagabond as a butterfly. That is why she does not arrive.

I am in trouble and I don't know if you will help me. Why not?

You know that I have not served or sought any god. Yoga and religion were a repulsion to me. I can't conceive of any Krishna, Shiva or even Buddha helping me—since I have not taken their name.

Perhaps Mahomed?

I have neither any great being nor power behind me which many have, I hear.

[Sri Aurobindo underlined "great being nor power".]

Hallo, hallo! what's that?

I know only you and none else. You may say. "What's the use if you don't keep true to me?" Will you also say, "No such sentiments without fulfilling the conditions"?

The sentiment is all right, but you must either trundle along yourself or allow yourself to be kicked along (excuse the simile) towards the goal—one of the two, what the blazes!

June 30, 1935










Let us co-create the website.

Share your feedback. Help us improve. Or ask a question.

Image Description
Connect for updates