I Remember

Gymnastic Marching was born in 1948 and it has been going on since then. I conducted it every evening up to December 1958. In the early days Mother would watch it from the beginning up to the end for about 45 minutes every day. First we had the March Past when Mother, standing in front of the map of India, would take the salute of all the groups. After the March Past Mother went to attend to some work and I called her to take our "concentration" after the Gymnastic Marching was over. She would again stand in front of the map of India as she took the salute.

After December 1958 Mother stopped coming out and I had to remain with her. So Mona Sarkar took up the work of conducting the Gymnastic Marching and it has continued to this day.

When did the Ashram Band come into existence?

When we started route marching on the 13th July 1945, under the management of the French Army of Pondicherry we hired a bass-drum and a kettle-drum from the town and that was our band party. Biren-da played the bass drum and Hriday played the kettle-drum. The following year, in 1946, we did the same thing. Then on 15th August 1947 India got its independence. A few months before that there was some political confusion in Pondicherry and the French stopped organising the route march. It was then abandoned by the French. When Pondicherry became free in 1954 the route march was completely forgotten. But then recently, for the last few years, the French ex-soldiers assisted by the French Consulate and some clubs have been organising a shorter version of the route march on the eve of 14th July.

Seeing our enthusiasm to build a band in the Ashram a group of Mother's devotees who had organised a centre at Calcutta called "Mother's Centre" promised to help us. They sent us instruments from Calcutta; a big number of

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drums (bass-drums, tenor-drums, side-drums and kettle- drums), several English bugles and a good number of brass flutes. They also sent us a teacher called Mr. Paul who stayed here for three months and organised our band party. The "Mother's Centre" also paid the salary of this bandmaster.

So Mr. Paul came and started his training. Previously we had received two small bagpipes from England but we did not know how to use them. Mr. Paul knew how to play the bagpipe and made them work. One day, while Mother was distributing groundnuts in the Playground, Mr. Paul played the bagpipe during the whole time of distribution. In those days all the Groups would stand in formation for Mother's groundnut distribution and Mother went from Group to Group and person to person distributing groundnuts to each member.

Mr. Paul gave his training and went away after three months. We had then an amateurish band party which we were not satisfied with. We wanted a regular brass band archestra.

The "Mother's Centre" of Calcutta promised to help us in building up a regular brass band orchestra also. They told us to get all the instruments from France which they would pay for. Our bandmaster, Selvanadan, had then just retired from the French Army in Pondicherry and joined us. He was the bandmaster of the Pondicherry Army. With his help we made a list of band instruments and sent our order to France.

But very soon there started internal quarrels among the members of the "Mother's Centre", and it was disbanded. Finally we purchased the brass band instruments in France with Mother's money and all the instruments arrived in the middle of November 1950.

Then Sri Aurobindo left His body on 5.12.50 and His body was put in Samadhi on 9.12.50. After that when regular life started in the Ashram Mother distributed the

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band instruments to all those who wanted to join our band party. Our brass band orchestra party started under bandmaster, Selvanadan.

What was Udar's responsibility and contribution in shaping the physical education?

Udar played a great role as an organiser and administrator in the formative years of our Department of Physical Education in the Ashram. I took up the work in 1945. Udar joined me when we got the Tennis Ground in 1948 and were extending our programme. We were at that time an inseparable pair. Both of us were guided by Mother. I would tell Udar my ideas and he would plan them out. He proved himself to be a very good organiser and administrator. He founded our office, regular filing system, regular record keeping system and all the paper work necessary for an organisation. With his help I could plan our normal programme, competition programme, seasonal programme and yearly programme. He planned, organised and conducted our various activities. He worked out the details and some of his methods are being continued even today. He was an engineer and so we fully utilised his talent in manufacturing our equipment and various instruments. He laid the cinder track and produced our football ground of beautiful lawn from a fodder land of our dairy. Even the basic plan for our swimming pool complex was made by him.

He was the captain of Blue Group and led the group in the daily and special March Pasts. Up to 1959 he was everything in physical education in the Ashram. Then he shifted his line of action and went to construct Laljibhai's Sugar Mill. We then had our different vocations and parted as friends. But I must say that because of him physical education in the Ashram is what it is today, without him I could not have done much.

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How and when were the Playground, Sports Ground, Annexe and Tennis Ground acquired?

Mother offered the Playground to us in the beginning of 1945. We got the Volleyball Ground in 1946. Then we got the Tennis Ground in 1948, the Sports Ground in 1951, the Annexe and basketball courts in I960. We got the swimming pool in 1957 and the Dojo came some time in 1958, Corner House came into existence in 1967 and the gymnasium complex in 1986.

Why was Comer House created?

When I came here and started physical education work I felt that the three meals served from the Ashram Dining Room were all right for the grown-ups and sadhaks but they were not sufficient for the growing young children engaged in physical education activities. Mother supported my view. She once said that somebody must take interest and busy himself with this work of giving nutritious food to the children.

Gradually we started tiffin before the physical education activities, snacks after exercises and games and the distribution of eggs. These were meant for the young but adult sadhaks were also given some facilities.

Then an idea came to have a special dining room and kitchen for the growing youth, which would provide them nutritious and tasty food. Mother gave her full support and help and the Corner House was born. Though it was meant for the young, a concession was made for those who worked for the children. So teachers, captains and sadhak-workers who worked for the young were also extended the Corner House facilities.

Why was meat introduced in the Corner House? What did Mother have to say about serving non-vegetarian food to the students?

Refer to Part I, page 116.

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We all know about the visit of the Russian Gymnasts. How did they come to the Ashram? Did Mother have anything to say about them?

After 1947, when India became free, Rajkumari Amrit Kaur was the Health Minister of India. To improve sports and physical education in India she had made a scheme which was called Rajkumari Amrit Kaur Coaching Scheme. One of the items in the scheme was to invite world-famous teams of various sports from various countries to India to give demonstrations to the Indian public. It was thought that this would develop awareness of sports in India.

So a Soviet gymnastics team came to India and went round giving demonstrations in some important cities. They were to come to Madras too. Sri Anil Kumar Jauhar who was staying at Delhi had a good contact with the Gymnastics Federation of India. He sent a proposal that if Mother agreed, he could arrange to send this Soviet gymnastics team to the Ashram after their programme in Madras. Mother agreed and the Soviet gymnasts came to the Ashram on 2nd April 1956.

Mother once said to me that the Russians were mystic people. She praised their proficiency in music also. Mother wrote an address which I read before the Russians at the commencement of their gymnastics demonstration. It was published in the Bulletin.

What was Mother’s opinion on matches with outside organisations? Why were they stopped?

When sports started in the Ashram the first important activity was football. We formed a team which was called J. S.A.S.A. (Jeunesse Sportif de L'Ashram de Sri Aurobindo).As we had no grounds of our own at that time we played on the grounds of other clubs whenever we got an opportunity. Very often we used the Military Ground, where

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they are presently building a big stadium. Benjamin was the president of our club and he arranged games on grounds of various clubs.

A football team means football matches, so, from time to time, we would play matches with different teams in the town.

When the Second World War was over in 1945 the French sporting authorities started organising tournaments again and we took part in them. We had several races on the beach road on the 13th of July and on the 24th of November and this continued for some time until the French went away. They even organised a big athletics meet which was held in the Military Ground. The Pondicherry Military were the champion and the Ashram was the runner-up. Naturally Mother gave her sanction when it was expected that the outcome would be good.

Our last participation in the town matches was in the final of the football tournament with our team on one and the Pondicherry Military team on the other. As it so often happens everywhere some rough play started which developed into a big fight. The spectators also became excited and some of them became aggressive when they saw an Ashramite on the road near the football ground. It was a very unpleasant experience and so we stopped participating in outside tournaments from that time in order to avoid such incidents.

In those early days physical education in the Ashram was not as well organised as it is now and so our people, both players and Ashram spectators, enjoyed the matches with outside teams very much. But there were various conveniences also and so, in order to avoid all these troubles, we had to stop them. Mother has given us a very great ideal to achieve through physical education. As it benefits both health and physical fitness our students participate in it as a part of their education and sadhaks as a part of their sadhana. Our present programme is abundantly satisfactory

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from every angle, therefore there is no need to invite trouble and divert our attention from our original goal. If we again join outside matches and tournaments the following things are likely to happen:

Our objective would be to win, therefore, we have to make the best teams possible. That would make us concentrate on a few elite athletes and the rest of our students would gradually be neglected.

Whenever our team would go for a match all our members, both students and sadhaks would also like to attend. It would then be very difficult to keep our members busy with their own physical education programme. Our big organisation would then go to waste.

There would be a constant clash with the programmes held in the Ashram and outside. Both may fall on the same date and that would bring in confusion, diverting our attention from our goal.

There would be a free mixing between our youth and the youth of the outside world. Our way of life is different. Free contacts with outside youth would bring in certain habits and an outlook on life which may not be quite conducive to our ideal.

Free. mixing also will bring in serious boy-girl problems which would be impossible for us to deal with.

Our children in the Ashram have grown up in an atmosphere of maximum security. They also enjoy great freedom. They do not know and would be unable to defend themselves should physical and moral dangers come from unexpected quarters.

In what sort of sports activities did Mother participate?

As far as I know, Mother played tennis and did cycling in her youth. She did a "tour de France" on her cycle. In her childhood she had done plenty of skipping, played croquet, took part in rhythmic activities and childhood games. Mother was always busy with her work. She did not find sufficient time to concentrate on sports.

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How and when did the 2nd December celebrations start? Why were people from outside invited?

The first 2nd December programme was held in 1944 in a modest way. There was only a cultural programme then. The physical demonstration programme started from 1945. Our friends, staying in the town, wanted to attend it and so they were invited. Later a big government official of Pondicherry insisted that he must be given a formal and official invitation with his designation printed on the invitation card and making him the chief guest. Mother did not like the idea. Since then we do not invite anybody but issue our passes to whoever wants to come and see our programme.

Though the Ashram was one of the pioneers in sports in India, why is it that none of our boys or girls ever made a mark on the national level?

Because we do not work on that line. Our aim is to achieve maximum health and physical fitness and to imbibe all that physical education can give to build up high moral and spiritual gains. Our programme is made on this line, giving an all-round training and keeping opportunities open for everybody.

To make a mark on the national sports-scene we need to concentrate on a few elite athletes, giving them specialised training and exposing them to plenty of competitions etc. Then, also, genetics will play a very important part.

Since Independence India has been trying hard to produce world-class athletics, but how many have they produced so far?

The Ashram has been attacked several times in the past and each time you have organised its defence and infused confidence in its members. What do you think was the root cause of these attacks? Does that cause still exist?

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You must have discussed this matter with Mother. What had she to say about it?

We have many friends and admirers of the Ashram in the town. But the vast majority seems to be indifferent. Since a few years, it has been noticed that many local people have started visiting the Samadhi and many attend the Darshans and the "calendar distribution" on 1st January. Their number seems to be slowly growing.

But we seem to have some enemies also who want to harm us and at opportune moments they organise attacks on the Ashram. We have had three attacks so far: in 1947, 1965 and 1979. But the possibility of any future attack seems to be diminishing.

The attack on the Ashram in the past seems to have been the outcome of one of the following reasons —

The North and South sentiment, brought in by selfish politicians to serve their own purpose, gathered force on some occasions, which led to the attack on the Ashram, as the impression was given that the Ashram was a North Indian organisation. But this feeling seems to be gradually decreasing.

The Christian mission here did not like us and in their own way they kept instigating people against us. But this attitude also seems to be changing.

Some commercial people saw in our business enterprises their rivals, and therefore worked against us.

Our paid workers, when dismissed because of negligence of work, bad behaviour or mischievous action, became our enemies.

Any new idea will always have some opposition and we were no exception to that.

Ashramites sometimes behaved in public in an undignified way and that brought a bad name to the Ashram.

Some people and organisations became jealous seeing us so well-off, and that made them our enemy.

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Attacking the Ashram seemed to serve as a great propaganda media to some agitators, as it would focus the attention of the whole of India and the world on their ease.

We have among us some traitors who work from behind to foment trouble in the Ashram.

After the attack on the Ashram during the anti-Hindi agitation, Udar had given a statement from the Ashram's side. Mother had guided Udar to write it. If you collect a copy of that statement, you can get Mother's views on the subject.

We hope and pray for the best but suppose that some time in the future by some force of circumstances we fall prey to such attacks, how should the Ashram defend itself? Have we prepared any contingency plan? Do we possess some equipment for self-defence?

After the first attack on the Ashram on 14.8.1947 the French Commandant Captain Bohar offered to give us 20 guns to defend ourselves in case of any future attack. But Mother refused this offer. During all the three attacks, we organised ourselves very quickly and defended ourselves effectively. Of course during the second attack in 1965 the Indian Army helped us a lot.

Quite some time back, in my Ashram re-organisation scheme given to the Trustees, I proposed to build up a defence squad, with the permission of the Indian Government to meet similar incidents. But like the rest of the proposals it was not found necessary by the management. Or perhaps they found it too much or too difficult to implement.

But I am sure that if there is an attack on the Ashram again we can very soon organise the defence and meet the challenge. Our equipment will be stones, sticks and our physical strength.

It looks like the situation is changing. The Government

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is aware of the situation and at the slightest possibility of an attack they take preventive measures.

The possibilities of future attacks on the Ashram seem to be decreasing.

Photography and Cinema

How and when did photography start in the Ashram?

How were you involved? When did Mother consent to have her photographs taken?

Actually it was Sri Chimanbhai Patel who started photography in the Ashram around 1946 perhaps.

I wanted to have some artistic culture so I proposed to Mother to start photography and clarinet-playing. Mother encouraged me and I began those two activities. As I was interested in photography, Mother gave me the responsibility of looking after photography in the Ashram.

Mother consented to have her photograph taken from 1950 when she permitted Henry Cartier Bresson to take photographs of Sri Aurobindo, herself and the Ashram.

How did cinema start in the Ashram? What sort of films were shown? Did Mother see the films before screening them to the sadhaks? How did this responsibility fall on your shoulders?

Refer to Part I, pages 117 to 122.

Mother

What was the nature of your relationship with Mother? When did she ask you to attend upon her? Did you have any correspondence with her?

My relation with Mother was that of a Mother and child, of a Guru and shishya, of a leader and follower and that of a true friend.

She gradually took me into her fold after she saw me

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for the first time in 1942. From 15th August 1947, she gave me the permission to see her whenever I wanted. The responsibility of attending on her came about slowly.

As I was almost always with her, I did not need any correspondence. I have perhaps a few letters written to me by her.

Can you describe her daily routine?

Mother had various daily routines at various times. They could be divided into five main phases and I can say only what I have seen: (i) up to 1946, when she did not come out from the Ashram main building; (ii) from 1946 when she started coming to the Playground up to 1950, when Sri Aurobindo left His body; (iii) from 1950 to 1958 when Mother stopped coming to the Playground regularly; (iv) from 1958 to 1962 when she stopped coming down from her room on the second-floor and (v) from 1962 to 1973 when she left her body.

Her day always started very early and finished very late at night. Up to 1950 her main work was to look after Sri Aurobindo and His needs. Then she attended to the spiritual and material needs of the sadhaks staying in the Ashram. She gave several darshans throughout the day. Thus we had Balcony darshan at 6:30 a.m. Before coming for the Balcony darshan she would meet some individuals. At about 8 a.m. there was the Window darshan. At about 10 a.m. Terrace darshan. After that there was Staircase darshan. At about 12 noon there was Children's darshan. Then for some time we had Vegetable darshan, when she came down near Nirod-da's room to see the vegetable products of the Ashram-farms which were kept in the courtyard in front of staircase. There was even that Cow darshan on Sundays at about 3 p.m. when she came to the balcony to see our cows waiting on the road in front of the balcony. In the evenings she pre-sided over a meditation of people sitting in the Meditation Hall and in the courtyard. Mother came and stood on the

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staircase just behind where her big picture is now kept, and gave darshan in the Meditation Hall. Then she went up and stood at the top of the staircase and people came, one by one, to do pranam.

Four times a year she and Sri Aurobindo gave Darshan to the devotees. Then there was Prosperity darshan on the 1st of every month. She also used to see the books of various departments which contained the reports of the work being done and in which she wrote her instructions. She would see those department heads who needed her urgent guidance. People who had birthdays had their special darshan and disciples with special personal problems went to her for advice.

Nolini-da, Pavitra-da, Amrita-da and some others used to take to Mother the letters of devotees staying in India and abroad, and who placed their problems before her for her advice. On top of all this, she used to write messages for people and for the centres, articles, books, plays etc., guiding and instructing the organisers of the 2nd December programme. She also played the organ and read her message for the New Year at midnight and gave her blessings. For her food, sleep, rest, bath, etc., she had very little time left.

On 2nd December 1946, she came to the Playground for the first time to see the physical demonstration in the afternoon. That year our cultural programme was held at Salle Jeanne d'Arc in the morning. Mother did not go there but she had seen it little by little in bits every day in the I room above the Meditation Hall when children used to go to her at midday. Gradually she started coming out more and more and would see people and follow the Playground and Ashram activities closely.

By this time table tennis had started in the Ashram. There were tables in several houses. In Nanteuille, there was first one and then a second table. Mother started playing table tennis there.

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Then Mother started coming to the Playground more often and giving increasing time to the children. Then we got the Tennis Ground in 1948 and our physical education programme got widened. Mother started playing tennis every day. At 4 p.m. she came out from the Ashram main building to go for her tennis. Then she came to the Playground to see the physical education activities; attend to training and competitions; distribute roasted ground-nuts to all members of physical education; censor films before they were shown to people; attend to the practice of the cultural and physical demonstration programmes for the school anniversary; distribute school and physical education prizes and, before that, she would sign all the Cards, besides doing so many other small things.

Up to 1947 the cultural programme and physical demonstration were both held on 2nd December, the cultural programme in the morning and the physical demonstration in the afternoon. Both took place in the Playground. But it was found too much for the organisers to hold two programmes on the same day. So Mother fixed 1st December for the cultural programme and 2nd December for the physical demonstration and both were held in the Playground in the afternoon. When we got our Theatre and the Sports Ground, the cultural programme shifted to the Theatre and the physical demonstration to the Sports Ground.

On 5th December 1950, Sri Aurobindo left His body and His body was put into the Samadhi on 9th December. When things in the Ashram got settled again Mother started giving herself more and more to the work and to her children.

In addition to all this she started evening classes in the Playground three times a week for the green group children; once a week for the red group boys and girls and twice a week for the grown-ups. She started giving interviews after coming to the Playground from her tennis,

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holding meditation once a week and distribution every day. She used to return to the Ashram very late at night and there again she would see people, give blessings in special cases and do lots of other work. This routine continued up to 3rd December 1958 when her programme changed.

After the programme of the Centre of Education, on 3rd December 1958, Mother became badly indisposed. She had to stop coming out altogether and remained in her room on the second-floor. When she became all right again she would go down to the first-floor in the morning, give Balcony darshan at 6:30 a.m., see some people and then come up and do some writing work. After lunch she would take a little rest before going for her bath. After that she went to the first-floor to see people and this continued up to 5 p.m. Then she came up and I would give her some exercises and make her do some walking in the room. Her exercise programme continued up to the end of 1972.

During this time she used to go to the Playground to attend Darshan March Past and to the Sports Ground to see the final programme of 2nd December. She used to come down to the Meditation Hall to give special blessings on puja days and she used to go to the Theatre to see the Christmas celebrations. This routine continued up to April 1962. Then she was indisposed again and completely stopped coming down from her room on the second-floor.

From 1962 up to August 1972 she used to come out of her rest at about 4 a.m. She would have her morning walk in her room for about 30 minutes. At about 7 a.m. She changed into fresh clothes, etc. and then she had her simple breakfast.

After breakfast she saw people, listened to various problems regarding the running of the Ashram and offered her guidance. She used to attend to the individual problems of

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the Ashramites. Nolini-da, Amrita-da, Pavitra-da and other secretaries communicated to her the news of the devotees staying outside. Many visitors vent to her for darshan and she attended to various other small activities. This continued up to 12 noon.

Then she had lunch, rested a little, took her bath etc., and then again saw people up to 5 p.m. After that she walked in her room for two spells of 30 minutes each. In between I would give her some exercises for her neck, shoulders, arms, abdomen etc. In the evening some special people came to see her. After that she had dinner at about 8 p.m. Then, after getting ready, she prepared birthday cards to give to people when they came to her in the morning. When she finished her work and was ready for her night's rest, it was always well past midnight.

After 15th August 1972 her health condition started going down very fast and she gradually cut down many of her activities. Then her physical condition became so bad that she could not see people any more and on 17th November 1973, at about 7:20 in the evening she left her body.

What did she say about the World War II? About the Partition? During the Pakistan War? During the Bangladesh War?

Mother has said and written many things on these topics. I do not remember them. But I remember her saying that the asuric force wanted to destroy the Divine's work and so there occurred the Second World War. The partition of India was a mistake. The Pakistan War was the result of that mistake and during the Bangladesh War India got a chance to unite Bangladesh with her.

Can you describe what happened when Sri Aurobindo passed away? What were the changes that came upon her after that? What were her instructions to you? Why

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didn’t you take any photographs of Sri Aurobindo when he left his body? Did she give you any special instructions at the time?

When Sri Aurobindo left His body it was a stunning blow to all of us. But Mother held the rudder firmly and steered us through. There was no confusion at all. Everything became normal very soon and Mother's work continued. Mother did not give me any special instructions except that I had to stand by her side. All her true children felt that they had to do their part of the work as well as possible.

I expected to see Sri Aurobindo's supramentalised body so when He left His body I did not feel like taking photographs.

What was your role in her work? Can you enlighten us on the reference that she makes about a fight in the subtle world where you were the only one who did not desert her?

Like all her children I felt that I had to do my inner and outer work properly and I have tried to execute my responsibility as well as I could.

When her body rested she would often go out of her body and fight with adverse forces in the subtle world. Somebody was needed to take care of her body at that time. She told me that she had full confidence in me and that I was doing my work all right.

I do not remember about the incident mentioned in the question.

When did she decide to withdraw and why? Why did she isolate herself in the last few months? Why did she leave? What are the implications of her withdrawal to her work? What was her main work upon Earth? Did she accomplish it?

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Mother left her body because the body had failed. She had done what she could do in her present circumstances. We have lost her physical presence and we have become leaderless in the material world. That has brought in certain difficulties, not yet so overwhelming, into our daily activities. There is nobody now we can turn to and confide in as regards our woes, both inner and outer, and seek for guidance.

Mother's main work upon earth was to bring down the Supramental Consciousness in the material world so that physical transformation or the divinisation of the body could take place. She has done it and we can see everywhere man's urge for this change and which, therefore, explains the necessary upheaval. Now this new consciousness will go on acting and bring in the promised changes. It is absolutely certain.

Can you describe the period of confusion immediately after? What was your role then? How do you see the future of the Ashram?

There did not seem to be any confusion after Mother left her body. Everything worked out very smoothly and her work continues. I kept my poise and did what was demanded of me.

You have asked me to tell you how I see the future of the Ashram? Well, truly speaking, I do not know.

On l6th February 1934 Sri Aurobindo issued a booklet called "L'Enseignement et L'Ashram de Sri Aurobindo", in order to clear certain misunderstandings existing at that time among the public. It had its English translation also called "The Teaching of Sri Aurobindo and Sri Aurobindo Ashram". Mother told me that though the author of this booklet was not mentioned, it was actually Sri Aurobindo's work.

While describing an Ashram, Sri Aurobindo explained:

"An Ashram means the house or houses of a Teacher

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or Master of spiritual philosophy in which he receives and lodges those who come to him for the teaching and practice. An Ashram is not an association or a religious body or a monastery—it is only what has been indicated above and nothing more.

"Everything in the Ashram belongs to the Teacher, the sadhaks (those who practise under him) have no claim, right or voice in any matter. They remain or go according to his Will. Whatever money he receives is his property and not that of a public body. It is not a trust or a fund, for there is no public institution. Such Ashrams have existed in India since many centuries before Christ and still exist in large numbers. All depends on the Teacher and ends with his life-time, unless there is another Teacher who can take his place.”*

Well, you can draw your own conclusion from the above statement.

Later, this booklet was enlarged and published for the general public under the title "Sri Aurobindo and His Ashram”. In the last few editions the above mentioned passages have been changed and the last line in the previous paragraph has been carefully deleted. The learned editor must have thought himself to be very clever in avoiding this line and bringing in the changes, perhaps thinking that it could change the fate of the Ashram. But Truth remains true in all circumstances.

It is absolutely certain that Mother and Sri Aurobindo have shown us our goal; laid the path on which we have to walk to reach the goal; given us the necessary instructions regarding how to walk on this path; given us a place, the Ashram, with wonderful facilities, where we can do experiments with our lives undisturbed and practise their Teaching. And they have kept the atmosphere of the Ashram surcharged with their powerful presence, guiding us at every step, if we keep ourselves open to their Light.

* Italics added

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Now all depends on us. If all of us can execute our share of responsibilities to the best of our ability, new vistas will open before us and the Ashram will play a very important and leading role for the progress of humanity. If we fail, all the facilities will be denied to us and the Force, brought down by Mother and Sri Aurobindo, will still continue doing its work, elsewhere, wherever It finds sufficient aspiration and sincerity.

We have committed ourselves to the work of Mother and Sri Aurobindo. If we are truly worthy of the Grace and Compassion that Mother and Sri Aurobindo have poured on us abundantly, we must remain absolutely loyal to them. Individually and collectively, we must do our inner and outer work, with absolute dedication and efficiency, and then wait and see what happens.

Mother will never fail her children.

(69)

Some time back two officers of the Indian College of Defence Management visited the Ashram. They submitted a questionnaire to eight or ten people in the Ashram. Many people liked my answers and that is why am I including them here:

Q: Every Indian feels that he has drifted from his rich heritage of culture and values. Yet, on questioning he is unable to postulate from what be has drifted and towards what. Is it possible for you to elaborate what these values are that we appear to have drifted from?

What would you ascribe as the dominant reasons for the shift and how pronounced is it in our population?

A: Times have changed and with that have changed the values of life. Principles that kept man together, do

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not work anymore. Nor has man found new values. Hence this feeling of vacuum and void. It is the problem with the whole of humanity.

Q: In clarification of the earlier question would you agree that an increasing degree of materialism coupled with a shift from spiritual education have been the most important causation factors?

A: There is a seeking everywhere and man is trying to find a way out. He experiments with whatever idea comes to his mind. Some try new things, some try to revive the old ones. Materialism and religious education are only two examples of these.

Q: Since change is an unavoidable social phenomenon would you care to comment as to whether these changes in our value system are desirable or otherwise?

A: Truth is progressive. So, with the change of time man must try to find out greater and higher Truths. There cannot be any undesirability about the changes.

Q: If undesirable, would you kindly elaborate on the consequences thereof and suggest measures by which we could bring about a restoration or renaissance of our earlier cherished values?

A: X

Q: If you feel that such inevitable changes have been in consonance with the process of socialisation, would you care to suggest measures by which we could reinforce these new sets of desired values?

A: Man has to be spiritualised. At the same time man has to achieve material perfection in every domain. Matter and Spirit must work together. There lies our salvation.

Q: For the measures suggested by you, both for

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restoration as well as reinforcement, what modalities would you recommend in terms of education or training? Should these be formal or informal, structured or unstructured?

A: The approach must be from both sides - individual and collective. Each individual must try for his inner and outer progress. At the same time, by his example and teaching he must exert his influence to bring about spiritual and material perfection in the collectivity. Various methods can be followed depending on the peculiarities of each circumstance.

Q: Linked to the earlier question, which would be the most appropriate agencies or institutions that could be tasked for the same?

A: Old and existing institutions working in the field of various forms of education, must adapt to the new ideas and change their methods. New centres must also be opened to create new avenues.

Q: In all forms of organisation in life including the family unit there has been an identification of the karta figure. Our value system has suggested a pragmatic subservience to the same and in response that karta figure reciprocates by granting boons, favours and sustenance. Is this concept relevant in today's context; if not, what should be the type of alignment?

A: In every field of human endeavour there must be good leaders and good leadership. Kartas are nothing but leaders. So the karta element cannot be ruled out. The most important thing is that the right man must be put in the right place.

Q: In organisation life, growth, development and achievement of aims are in .direct proportion to the degree of human responses from the individuals, who

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man these organisations. For optimal results what, in your opinion, should be the role of the leader and his code of conduct in running his organisation?

A: The task is heavy and difficult. There must be a good number of intelligent, progressive, honest, dutiful and capable people, dedicating their lives for the cause, and be living examples of what they say and teach; and they must exert their influence to create a new world order.

Conclusion

Truth is active, and whether we want it or not, it will go on doing its work and will establish itself.

If we follow the evolutionary process, we would see that whenever there was a change in world circumstances, those who could change and adapt themselves to the new ways, survived as better species, and those who could not, perished. Now we see a similar change in the world; it is more in the psychological field. So, if we want to survive, we must change according to the need of the hour and continue our existence as improved beings.

Now has come the age of higher Truth and greater sincerity.

(70)

I was requested to say something about the later part of Mother's life. And so, as a result, on 4th December in 1973 I spoke a little. I hope the readers find these words useful.

Dear Friends,

Being advised by my elders and with their blessings, as well as requested by my friends, brothers and sisters, I now present myself in front of you to say a few words about our Mother.

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I must tell you from the beginning that what I shall relate will be what I have seen and felt personally. I am sure another person in my place would have seen and felt in a different way and I do not wish to go into a controversy about it. I shall be faithful to my own feelings and observations.

After Mother left her body on the 17th of November, I have met people in small groups and answered their questions. I have now an idea of the pattern of questions people generally ask. I shall take up some of them and try to say all that I know.

The first thing people ask is: "Please tell us something about the last days of Mother."

All of you know that at the beginning of April this year, Mother became unwell while she was giving blessings. We stopped this as well as the special interviews. She took to her bed, she rested more and after a few days she became a little better. She wanted to see people again as usual, but immediately she understood that it was no longer possible. So she saw only a dozen people, who used to come to her daily for work. She went on attending to that.

It continued like that for some time but, to be exact, on the 20th of May, at about 9:30 p.m., when I left her room to go to the terrace after Champaklal-ji had come in, I was suddenly called to see what had happened to Mother. I found her extremely restless, a bit dejected and, I must say, annoyed with herself. At least that was what I saw, what I felt. She said she didn't have any control over her body. From then, she completely stopped seeing people and almost all the time remained in bed with her eyes closed. In the beginning, she refused to take any food or drink, but somehow we persuaded her. Things went on in this way.

According to Dr. Sanyal's advice we were to give her about 20 to 25 ounces of food everyday. It consisted o

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a little vegetable soup, milk with some protein compound, a paste made of almonds, mushrooms, artichokes or things like that and some fruit juice at the end. She took them all right; and sometimes the quantity was just what the doctor had suggested, sometimes it was more, at other times less. All those who were in the courtyard below must have heard how we had to fight with her to make her eat a little. This continued for quite a long time. On the 10th of November, we noticed that she developed a kind of hiccup.

Actually, we had seen this kind of hiccup about eight or ten days earlier but then it lasted for a short while. This time, I noticed this hiccup coming soon after her lunch, I think it was 12:30 p.m. or so, and in the evening when she started taking her dinner it was still there. Then the doctor examined her and found that her blood-pressure was very low, her heart extremely weak and there was a frequent missing of beats. In fact, the heart started failing from that time. That day, and on the following two days, she took very little food. On the night of the 13th, at about 10 o'clock, she told me to lift her shoulders up from the bed. From 10th November onward she remained all the time in bed. After the doctor had examined her he said we should not bring her out of her bed any more. On the 13th night, at about 10 o'clock, she asked me to just lift up her shoulders so that she might take a sitting position for a little while. I did so. Afterwards, she told us to lift her legs also a little. I did that, too. Then she asked that her whole body be lifted from the bed. With Champaklal-ji on one side and I on the other, we lifted her. I noticed that she was finding it very comfortable. But we could not hold her in that position for long. After a few seconds we lowered her.

I must tell you that she had developed some bedsores on her back, on her hips and on other parts of her body. She would remain constantly in one position, semi-reclined,

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leaning on the raised back of the bed. That habit she had formed probably from her early youth or childhood. As she lay only in one position, we could not give relief to the pressed parts. And our lifting her must have given her some comfort. She asked that night, after every ten, fifteen or twenty minutes, to lift her up. So the whole night, from 10 to 4 o'clock, every few minutes, Champaklal-ji and myself kept lifting her up from the bed. At 4 o'clock she went to sleep.

That day, the l4th, she was more or less normal. She took some food and the day passed quite well. Then at night she started telling me again to raise her shoulders, her legs and later her whole body. We did that several times. Then she said, "Make me walk." We were hesitant, but as she insisted, we lifted her up from the bed. She could not walk, staggered a little, almost collapsed. Seeing this, we put her back in bed. We saw that her face had become absolutely white and the lips blue. Then we decided that whatever she might say, we must not take her out from the bed again to walk. She took about twenty minutes to recover; she started saying, "Lift me up again, I shall walk." We refused. She asked us why we were refusing. We said, "Mother, you are in such a weak condition that it will do you harm." Then she said, "No, lift me up." We did not. She began to plead, sometimes shout. All this continued until fifteen minutes past one. At that time we thought we would give her some sedative, so that she might rest quietly. Then we gave her Siquil as the doctor had prescribed. It took her about 45 minutes to become quiet and she slept from 2 to 4 o'clock, but after getting up she started saying, "Pranab, lift me up and make me walk. My legs are getting paralysed; if you help me to walk again, they will become all right." But we did not listen. After the first frightening experience, we had to remain quiet. She went-on entreating till about 6 o'clock when she fell asleep.

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The 15th passed off quite well. She took more food than usual. At night again she began asking me to lift her up. We lifted her up, then she wanted us to help her to walk, we refused to do that. We said, "Mother, you should not walk." She immediately obeyed us. We had to lift her up several times and the night passed off smoothly.

That was on the 15th. From that day she became absolutely obedient. Whatever we told her she did; she ate the food we gave her and she did whatever we suggested. The l6th also passed nicely.

The 17th morning passed very well. Every morning we gave her a laxative. She took it without any objection that day. Her breakfast she took very well, lunch also. Then when Kumud and Champaklal-ji had left after her lunch, I was with her; I noticed that she was making some strange sounds, and sometimes lifting her hands, but as she used to do this often in her sleep, I did not pay much , attention. I left at 2 o'clock, when Champaklal-ji and Kumud came. I reported to them what I had seen. When I came back at 5 o'clock, Champaklal-ji told me that he had seen the same thing, but sometimes Mother had been shouting a little louder. I was with her from 5 to 6:30. At 6:30 Champaklal-ji and Kumud came. As I was leaving, Mother called me and said, "Lift me up." Again from two sides Champaklal-ji and I held her and lifted her up. Then we lowered her on the bed and I left. At that time Kumud as usual asked her if she would take a few spoons of glucose water. Mother said, "Lift me up." Kumud lifted her shoulders up. Mother wanted that her whole body be lifted. So that was done.

After she had been lowered on the bed, Andre-da came in. A few minutes later Kumud noticed that there was some sound coming from her throat and the head was moving in a certain way which she did not like. She consulted Champaklal-ji and then sent for Dr. Sanyal and for me.

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I arrived at about five past seven and saw that Dr. Sanyal was already there examining her. Dyuman-bhai also had come. I went and felt Mother's pulse. It was still there, beating at long intervals. There was still some respiration. But slowly everything stopped. The doctor gave an external heart massage to her. It had no effect. Then he declared that Mother had left her body. This was at 7:25 p.m. Then, being present and feeling my responsibility, I thought about what I should do. At that time, there were present Andre-da, Champaklal-ji, Dr. Sanyal, Dyuman-bhai, Kumud and myself. I talked with Andre-da and told him that I wanted to wait for some time and then take Mother's body down, place it in the Meditation Hall for people to see. We would keep the body in such a way that it was not disturbed, then we would decide what to do. Andre-da agreed to my proposal. He wanted to remain with us but as he was not well, I suggested that he should go home and take rest and come back the next day. He left. We remained there and discussed what to do.

Now we thought that if people immediately came to know about Mother's passing, there would be a big rush, and the crowd would all clamour to see her. There would be noise and shouting and tremendous confusion. So we thought of keeping the event secret for some time. Also Dr. Sanyal said that we must not disturb the body in any way for several hours. So Mother was left as she was and after 11 o'clock, when the gate of the Ashram was closed, we cleaned her body with Eau de Cologne, put a beautiful dress on her, arranged everything and then Dyuman-bhai and I went down and called Nolini-da. Nolini-da came up, saw everything, and asked what we were going to do. I mentioned my plans to him. He said Mother had once told him that if it seemed to us that she had left her body we should not be in a hurry-, but see that her body was properly kept, and then wait. I said, "We are just about

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to do the same. We have cleaned her, otherwise ants and insects would have come. We have put on her a new dress and we shall carry her quietly, carefully downstairs and lay her in the Meditation Hall. After some time we shall call people." He agreed to our proposal. We came down, Dyuman-bhai, Bula-da, Nirod-da, Kumud and myself and arranged the place with the bed there as you saw. At about 2 o'clock we brought Mother's body down, placed her on the bed, arranged everything. Then I went out, called Mona, told him to come and see me with four other boys, five of my lieutenants, so to say. When they came I explained to them what to do: to call the photographers first, then to call the trustees, then all those who were very close to her. I told them also to organise volunteers to look after the work that was coming. They went out and did their work wonderfully well. Then, from 3 o'clock, the people who had been called started coming. While we were upstairs, we prepared some kind of statement that would go to the Press and to All India Radio so that no wrong information might go out as it had happened some time back. Our draft of the statement we got corrected by Nirod-da and gave it to Udar to circulate. At 4:15 in the morning we opened the gate of the Ashram for people to come in and have a last Darshan. You know everything that happened afterwards.

The next question people ask is: "Did Mother give you any indication that she was going to leave her body?"

To this I would say, "No." She fought and tried up to the end. She had a tremendous will and she was a great fighter and she fought and tried to do what she had taken upon herself. She suffered a lot, there was much suffering. Once, a few years back, when she was suffering terribly, she sometimes said that perhaps death would not be so painful, death would perhaps be better. But she never said that she would like to leave her body. And the explanation for her suffering, I can give like this: because she

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resisted, because she fought, she suffered. If she had yielded to what we call natural laws, that is, decay, disintegration and death, there would not have been so much suffering for her. But that she did not want; she tried, she fought and she suffered and showed us how suffering could be taken.

Another question asked is: "Did Mother say anything before leaving her body?"

To this also I say, "She said nothing." In fact, during the last six months that she was confined to bed, she spoke very little. Most of the time she remained with her eyes closed. At regular intervals we raised her from the bed, gave her food and drink, cleaned her, put a new dress upon her... . Whatever she said was mostly about her body, that she was feeling pain, she was feeling cold, she wanted water or asked us to place her in such a way that she did not have pain but could be comfortable. This is all that she said. She never said anything about our work, about the Ashram or about anybody. One thing she repeated to me often, quite some time back, and to some other persons also. She said that all the work she was doing on her body could be spoilt in two ways; one this force she was pulling down on her could be so strong, so great, that the body would not be able to tolerate it and the body might fail. That was a possibility. The second thing was that if ever she went into a deep trance and it looked to us that she had left her body, then if by mistake we put her in the Samadhi, that would absolutely spoil her work. And she gave instructions that we should give the body necessary protection, we should watch, and only when we were absolutely sure that she had left her body should we put her in the Samadhi. I think we have done as she wanted.

About the first possibility that she mentioned, it is left to you to find out and draw your own conclusion. But it is quite certain that she did not want to leave her body

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