Moments Eternal

Eternal Sacrifice

My mind often goes back to the memories of that evening…

Pranab had just given the solemn order for ‘Rassemblement’ in the Playground and everybody ran to their spots in their respective group. The Mother came out of Her room and stood in front of the map of India. Four or five of us girls—Minnie-di, Milli-di, Violet, Gauri and I—always waited for the Mother near the map. The Mother came in front of the map of India, stretched out Her arms on either side and said:

“Je suis crucifiée.” (I am crucified.)

Hardly had these words fallen on our ears that we cried out. Without even my knowing, I brought down the Mother’s arms with a brisk movement declaring loudly:

“Never, never! This can never be!”

How mind-boggling! We were speechless with pain and grief. I am crucified! Why did the Mother utter these words ? What was Her sorrow? What was Her pain?

It was but natural to think of Jesus Christ. He had to bear so much suffering and persecution and in the end he was put on the cross. The Mother told us that Jesus Christ had come down to bring Light and Love to humanity on the earth. But man’s ingratitude was such that man crucified him. But it was for this very humanity that his final prayer went up: O Lord, forgive them for they know not what they do.

Many centuries prior to this, another incarnation of the Divine had come down to the earth. His aim was to spread divine Love amongst humanity. But people began chasing him in order to kill him. They inflicted wounds on his body as he continued to flee across the desert. Suddenly in the middle of this barren desert he saw a small bush and ran to rest in its little shade. And in order to protect him from these heartless humans, all of a sudden this little bush became enormous. No one noticed him as they went past this huge bush. They did not have the slightest suspicion that the one they were trying to kill had in fact taken refuge there and was peacefully preparing to leave his body. Each drop of his blood as it fell on the branches of this bush turned into a crimson flower. What an exquisitely beautiful flower! The Mother called this flower Divine’s Love and on Kali-puja day She would distribute this flower to us in a packet as Her blessing. What an amazing incident! We had heard this story from the Mother Herself in the Playground. The Mother also told us that this flower was for us a symbol and an expression of the Divine’s Love. This story is a Chaldean legend.

Love, gentleness, tenderness are not always destined for man. All those who came down here to spread Love, gentleness and tenderness underwent only pain and suffering. That is why when we heard the Mother say I am crucified we could not hold our emotion. A mysterious subtle smile could be perceived on the Mother’s face.

A dream of long ago comes to mind. In the dream I was freely moving in a vast, uninhabited house. On entering a very large room I noticed that seated on a high throne far away the Mother was crying profusely. Both Her hands were placed together on Her lap and Her head was bowed. I had never seen such a picture of sorrow. The Mother went on crying! Taken aback, I stood beside the door. There was not a soul in the house. I could not see anybody in this room either. A massive peace reigned all around. Seeing the Mother crying in such a setting I could not stop my tears. One question kept returning again and again from within: What pain troubles Her? What grief? I do not know how long I remained in this state. Then suddenly I awoke. The Mother was crying! I felt a heaviness the whole day. The dream came back again and again in the midst of all kinds of activities.

I found out only much later by reading about the Mother’s aspect of “The Mother of Sorrows” in Savitri that my dream had indeed some truth and then I understood the pain.

We have seen the Mother’s eyes well up with tears very often. We came to understand only much later that the Mother’s feeling for every human being, every living creature, every plant arose from Her love, tenderness and compassion. She had come down to the earth in a human form. Perhaps that was why Her love and compassion were expressed in tears in order to feel Her children’s pain and suffering.

I have been pity, leaning over pain

And the tender smile that heals the wounded heart…

(CWSA, Vol. 34, p. 504)

And look at the coincidence: the Mother asked me to recite that very passage about “The Mother of Sorrows” from Savitri for the 1st December programme in 1953. Our mother (Bibhavati) had left her body the same year on 12th October and we were quite stunned and pained by her passing. As if someone had torn off the skin from my body. And so during this painful period our mother’s illness-racked, pain-afflicted face would naturally come up before me while I was memorising these lines.

One day the Mother took me to Her Interview room in the Playground in order to see how I had been progressing with memorising these lines. After March Past I quietly followed the Mother to Her Interview Room. And there in front of the Mother all by myself I began reciting lines about one of Her own aspects! It is impossible to express in words the pain I experienced while I was reciting these lines:

I have become the sufferer and his moan,

I have lain down with the mangled and the slain,

I have lived with the prisoner in his dungeon cell.

Heavy on my shoulders weighs the yoke of Time:

Nothing refusing of creation’s load,

I have borne all and know I still must bear…

(Ibid., p. 505)

It took me a while to collect myself after finishing the recitation. I saw the Mother looking at me fixedly, Her eyes brimming with tears. After some time She softly said: “The way you felt when Bibhavati left her body, as if ‘someone had torn off your very skin from your body’, I feel that same pain all the time and I bear it. Now you can probably understand how much pain and suffering I must undergo. I quietly go on carrying forever the weight of this indelible pain of the universe.”

I am in all that suffers and that cries.

(Ibid., p. 504)

At these words from the Mother a flooding pain overwhelmed me from within. And I understood why that day the Mother had flung Her arms on either side in front of the Indian map and exclaimed “Je suis crucifiée”. I realised that the Mother was taking upon herself all the pain and suffering and sorrow of creation. And the deep significance of this aspect of the Mother is “the Divine Mother’s eternal sacrifice”.