At the feet of The Mother and Sri Aurobindo

08 November 1932

MYSELF: There is still a strain of discontent. Of course I have to work, the force for it is there, a new ardour, but an inner discontent is flowing on like an undercurrent. Meditation also was not a success the last two or three days. I sit for it all right but float on the surface. Whenever I concentrate to go deep inside, I come out bounding like a spring. This is what is now going on. When I shut my eyes to meditate, the physical mind becomes active and pushes me always to the surface and I feel a kind of heaviness near the forehead, as if some movement were going on there.

Before, I used to have good meditation; what has happened now? I feel very cheerful and enthusiastic when at work, the mind too is quiet. But all the trouble starts with meditation and brings a sort of discomfort. Is it true, Mother, that if one tries to meditate, the consciousness goes downward? Whatever the truth may be, you know where lies my defect.

SRI AUROBINDO: It is on the surface that the transformation is done. One comes up to the surface with what has one gained in the depths, to change it. It may be you need to go in again and find it difficult to make the movement back quickly. When the whole being becomes plastic you will be able to make whatever movement is needed more quickly.

(8.11.32)