At the feet of The Mother and Sri Aurobindo

08 September 1932

MYSELF: Mother Divine, Sri Aurobindo has mentioned my wrong movement. May I know when it came about? I am asking because I want to be clear about it. I remember that just before my shifting here I had the wrong movement and recognised it there, and I remember writing to you all about it. I also realised afterwards the wrong movement of all my ambitions etc. (what Sri Aurobindo has mentioned) and experienced what should be the right attitude and offered myself to be put anywhere in any way you decided. After this experience I was trying to remain in that consciousness, and about this also I wrote to you. After that I don’t remember having any craving or eagerness for such things; on the contrary I was ashamed that I had written so many letters about them. That is why I am writing to you to know when the wrong movement stepped in. I mentioned in my letter of yesterday a rising of excitement sometimes, but that was of this character — to do what has to be done hurriedly — and I was always drawing myself back and trying to remain in that experience-consciousness. So is it the effect of that wrong movement that is still going on? Or did it appear again without my sufficient knowledge and recognition when I was moving to the new place?

SRI AUROBINDO: It was before when you were still in the other house, but something of it continued afterwards also — your excitement was the result of that feeling suppressed but still there, at least in the subconscient vital, and the desire to finish quickly is the result of a desire to get rid of the occasion of this want of the entire inner clearness and quietude. You are not yet entirely conscious of what is there in your physical and vital physical consciousness when it is not formulated to the mind and higher vital consciousness.

(8.9.32)