At the feet of The Mother and Sri Aurobindo

18 November 1932

MYSELF: Mother mine, I have stated one side of the feeling I have with the nervousness or hesitation to confess about my errors etc.; there is another side which is always telling me — why should I be nervous if my errors, my defects or faults are found or pulled out, or why must I feel ashamed if my ordinary nature shows itself to you, when I know you are making me see my ordinary nature in this way for me to become conscious of these things? So then why do I feel sorry? [Here in the margin Sri Aurobindo wrote — “Exactly so, — why?”] On the contrary I should be glad and relieved to see that one by one the defects of my lower external nature are exposing themselves to you to be transformed.

Mother, I am not sure whether this sort of thing may be also a self-consolation for the mistake that is made. I don’t know which is the true movement, because there are so many tendencies to deceive myself that I feel like knowing from you which is what.

SRI AUROBINDO: Of course, one must not make a mistake for the purpose of bringing it out or accept the mistake once made; but if it comes, one has to take advantage of it to change.

(18.11.32)