At the feet of The Mother and Sri Aurobindo

25 October 1934

MYSELF: Mother dear, you are revealing so much to me from within myself! So many things are showing themselves in the consciousness like a cinema! Occasionally, the physical wants to be lazy, unwilling and obstinate — but by your Grace the psychic being will not allow it at any cost; it makes the physical do its will. When such darkness comes like a wave, the part that used to be disturbed gets ready to respond, but the Helper from behind exposes the movement and places it before my consciousness so that I can see that I have already become detached, there is no link with it. “It has come from somewhere, let it pass” — this attitude prevails and I remain completely untouched. I watch all these movements and how I react to them. My feeling towards you gives great joy and satisfaction. All hurry-scurry, all impatience etc. seem to have been drowned in the wideness of peace. But one part is still there which seeks some room to indulge in its vagaries and is happy to work hard to satisfy them. I want to draw your attention to this aspect. Another thing I notice nowadays: whenever something seems impossible to me, I try to ignore this ‘I’ and open my inner being towards your light so that a descent may take place from it. I feel such a movement within and wish to concentrate on it. In other words an aspiration rises to invoke something above that will give me what I am lacking. Is it all right? At every step it makes me realise that my petty capacity can do nothing. So long as I feel any power as mine, how puny it looks!

SRI AUROBINDO: It is the right fundamental consciousness that you have now got. The tamas and other movements of the lower universal Nature are bound to try to come in, but if one has the calm of the inner being which makes them felt as something external to the being and the light of the psychic which instantly exposes and rejects them, then that is to have the true consciousness which keeps one safe while the more positive transformation is preparing or taking place.

That transformation comes by the descent of the Force, Light, Knowledge, Ananda from above. So you are right in your feeling that you should open with a quiet শান্ত সমাছহত ⁸ aspiration or invocation for the descent of the Light from above. Only it must be an aspiration in this calm and wideness, not disturbing it in the least — and you must be prepared for the result being not immediate — it may be rapid, but also it may take some time.

(25.10.34)