At the feet of The Mother and Sri Aurobindo

26 August 1933

MYSELF: Mother, we struggle so much over your outer contact, but the inner contact is of no less importance. Then why don’t we yearn for it as much as we do for the outer contact?

SRI AUROBINDO: The outward touch is helpful, but the inward is still more helpful when one is accustomed to receive it with a certain concreteness — and the outward touch is not always fully possible, while the inward can be there all the time.

MYSELF: Mother, very often I observe that those persons with whom we live have ways of life different from ours. These don’t quite agree with our ways. For this reason an irritation is caused and a kind of uneasiness lingers in the mind. Is there a way to get rid of it at the very root?

SRI AUROBINDO: What you say is right. Those one lives with have always some ways and manners that do not agree with one’s own and may grate on the mind. To observe quietly and not resent is part of the discipline in life. Not to be moved or affected at all but to see with equanimity the play of one Nature in all is the discipline of sadhana.

MYSELF: My vital (external) seems to be like an untrained horse — so impulsive that it is hard to control it. It will not come under any discipline easily, and is happy to roam about at its sweet fancy. However, since you have said that the external vital must undergo some discipline, I have taken up an attitude to follow regarding work. It seems some good result is coming, thanks to your Grace.

SRI AUROBINDO: It is true that for the external vital an outer discipline is necessary for the purification, otherwise it remains restless and fanciful and at the mercy of its own impulse — so that no basis can be built there for a quiet and abiding higher consciousness to remain firmly. The attitude you have taken for the work is of course the best one, and applying it steadily the progress you feel was bound to come and is sure to increase.

MYSELF: I see very well that my consciousness has become externalised. When shall I become free from taking interest in the discussions and criticisms made by other people? One part of mine is very eager to join in the discussions. Now it is kept down; otherwise it will pop up at any opportunity. At times in moods of confidence I feel that I have nothing to do with these things. But alas, the moods don’t last and I lose my proper condition. However, when a veil falls upon the light of awareness, it produces a suffocation and I cry, “Oh how I wish I could get out of this intolerable situation!”

SRI AUROBINDO: It is also better to be more strict about not talking of others and criticising them with the ordinary mind — not only in the case of Y and X but all. It is necessary in order to develop a deeper consciousness and outlook on things that understands in silence the movements of Nature in oneself and others and is not moved or disturbed or superficially interested and drawn into an external movement.

Dismiss all that and get back into your poise.

(26.8.33)