At the feet of The Mother and Sri Aurobindo

26 December 1932

It is again the old vain imagination prompted by an uprising of the dissatisfied desires of the vital nature. The Mother had no idea of an ironical smile and there was no reason why she should show any irony. There was nothing that you had written that was wrong and there was nothing that you had done. But evidently the old wrong attitude of desire must have been waiting for its opportunity and it gave the opportunity also for the old vital to rise and indulge in its accustomed movements. It is this vital that suggested to you the ironic smile and made your mind accept it so that it might have an excuse for its movements. It is also evident that it was the pressure of the desire coming up from below that removed the Ananda. The psychic Ananda and the desire of the complaining and clamouring vital cannot go together; if desire comes up, the Ananda is obliged to draw back — unless you reject the desire in time and refuse to make any compromise with it. Especially when the Mother was giving you wideness and peace and intense Ananda, it was irrational in the extreme to give room to an external desire and sacrifice all that for its sake.

It is well that this time you did not continue to justify the demand and desire and made a movement quickly to recover. But next time it arises — if there is a next time which ought not to be, — you should throw it away at once instead of harbouring it even for a moment. It is only so that you can have a continuous and unbroken progress.

P.S. Of course your experiences were perfectly genuine — there was no exaggeration.

(26.12.32)