At the feet of The Mother and Sri Aurobindo

29 August 1936

MYSELF: Mother, if I could have followed the line Sri Aurobindo has indicated, then by now I would have succeeded a lot, but in fact nothing has been done in that respect. Nevertheless, I have gone on trying according to my way of understanding. But you know what our efforts come to. Hence so much suffering for not being able to do as well as I should. I shall, however, try anew to follow on Sri Aurobindo’s directions, but again how difficult!...

Dear Mother, my condition is still not settling down. Rise and fall, well and not well, urge and again no urge for sadhana or change — this is the state. At times the prayer is moved by emotion, at others it is only a string of words. Can’t get hold of the right thing through all these fluctuations. Will these ups and downs go on forever?

SRI AUROBINDO: It is an oscillation due to something in the resistant part (not the whole of it) being still dissatisfied at the call to change. When any vital element is disappointed, dissatisfied, called or compelled to change but not yet willing, it has the tendency to create nonresponse or non¬cooperation of the vital, leaving the physical dull or insensible without the vital push. With the psychic pressure this remnant of resistance will pass.

(29.8.36)