At the feet of The Mother and Sri Aurobindo

Part - IV

From my childhood I have been hearing that God is all compassionate and is an Avatar of compassion. When I came to Pondicherry I had the direct perception of that by the gracious touch of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo. During my Ashram life of over 56 years they have poured upon me numerous experiences which cannot be shared with all. But I shall reveal one experience and shall then close my casket of reminiscences.

A few months after I had arrived here, I started feeling a sort of uneasiness because I found that I could no more be moved or touched so much by the name of Krishna nor could I sing the songs about him as I used to do. Love, devotion, tears in the eyes, exhilarating states of the heart and mind were diminishing slowly and in their place emotions were crystallising from the very depths around the Mother and Sri Aurobindo. While singing about them I felt as if all the inner doors had been flung open. The entire inner being came out with an intense feeling which is beyond description. The feeling I used to have while singing Bhajans and Padavali Kirtans on Krishna were now very much less intense, as if practically absent, and the change brought about an inner conflict for some time. I thought: “They are all divine, only different in form and name and aspect. Why then regarding one I should have so much feeling and none regarding the other? Why should it diminish?” This tormented me for quite a long time. Then I had a splendid experience beyond my expectation while meditating, which removed all my doubts and resolved all my problems. I need not explain the experience, I need only mention that the experience was wonderful, ineffable! — I had a vision of Sri Krishna. There appeared before me a Radiant Image agleam with blue light! At once my whole being fell prostrate at his feet with tears flowing and went on repeating with both my folded hands outstretched — “Oh my Lord! my Beloved God!” In that utterance I felt such an unknown exquisitely sweet feeling of ‘oneness’ with him that I plunged into a sea of marvellous delight which took the form of this exclamation, “Oh, how intimate, how intimate! so intimate that in the whole world there can be none so much my own!” Nothing more can be spoken about that feeling of “oneness” and “ownness.” That feeling of “ownness” is composed of elements other than those that give us the feeling of any earthly “ownness.”

These elements have no existence here, only the Divine Himself comes so close that it is He who brings this feeling along with Him and infuses it in us. They are altogether of a different order, of a different world — filled with the supernal touch of some rare mood of Heaven! Overwhelming me with this inexpressible feeling he vanished conferring these benedictions — as if a standing Call for the awakening of a new consciousness to the coming Dawn of Sri Aurobindo’s future Supramental manifestation: — “Why this lassitude? I am united with Sri Aurobindo.” I wrote everything to Sri Aurobindo and asked him, “How shall I, so unfit a person, so poor a sadhika, take this experience? Have I understood it rightly?” He answered: “Who else can unite with me except Krishna?”

OM Anandamayi, Chaitanyamayi, Satyamayi Parame
OM Namo Bhagavate
OM Sri Aurobindo Sharanam Mama.