Living in The Presence

Darshan of Mahadeva

We returned to Calcutta after the August darshan in 1943. I was no doubt very young but Sri Aurobindo and the Mother's darshan had changed something very deep within me. In Calcutta, it was my responsibility to organise the puja for Narayan at home before I left for school. After returning from Pondicherry this time I began waking up very early, almost at the same time as Ma. After the bath, I would go up to the second floor to prepare the puja to Narayan. All around it was still quite dark and misty and daylight was just dawning then. One day, after my morning bath when I reached upstairs to prepare for the Narayan-puja, I opened the terrace-door. At once I felt the early morning breeze caress my face. I went out on to the terrace. The morning hush prevailed and the neighbours were still fast asleep. I started pacing up and down the long rectangular terrace and it felt marvellous. Dada's room was at the end of the terrace and he was still asleep. I was looking towards his room when I noticed a person with matted locks, wearing a tiger-skin around his waist, carrying a trident in his right hand, approaching towards me. His face was not quite clear. Seeing him move towards me I was filled with fear. I rushed to Narayan's room and shut the terrace-door. My whole body was shivering. I sat quietly in Narayan's room for a while and wondered, 'Was I dreaming? Or had I truly seen this figure? What could I do? Who could I call?' Naturally I could not make the preparations for the puja. I came downstairs but I was still trembling. I went and told Ma about the whole incident and as I was telling her, Mahadeva's hazy face emerged before my eyes. Ma told me to write about it in detail to the Mother. So I sent a letter through Nolini-da to the Mother recounting this incident

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Dear Shobha,  
    I told the Mother about your darshan of Mahadeva. The Mother said, "There is some truth in her vision."

    The doubt that was gnawing at my heart - was it a dream or was it real - disappeared. There's another thing I would like to add. If there was a Deity that I had loved or worshipped before having the darshan of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, it was Mahadeva or Shiva. Perhaps that was why He had appeared to me in this subtle Vision.

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