After my first coming to the Ashram in 1942, we started coming to Pondicherry once or twice almost every year. In 1945, we came to Pondicherry in the month of February. One day I went for the Mother's darshan. She was sitting in the Meditation Hall and blessing everyone. As soon as I arrived in front of Her, She placed a bright red rose in my hand and said, "Always keep this rose close to your body." I returned home and told Ma about the flower. Ma said, "Keep the rose carefully. In Calcutta I will make you a locket to attach to your gold necklace. Keep the rose petals inside this locket and in this way the flower will always remain close to your body." Accordingly, on our return, Ma got a locket made and put the dried flower petals of that red rose inside it and from then I wore this locket on my gold chain all the time. The Mother had given me the rose in February. The incident with Bhairavi took place that year in December. I was not able to come back to the Ashram in between.

That year for the New Year's holiday, we had gone to Balthazar. A beautiful house, named Lalkuthi, had been rented for our stay there. From the gate a pathway paved with small stones led to it with rose gardens on either side, bursting with

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innumerable roses of different hues. I had never seen suchbig attractive roses anywhere in Calcutta! Their fragrance and beauty completely transformed the atmosphere of the house. I continued to wake up early as I did in Calcutta. I would go out all by myself to a Krishna temple nearby and sit there quietly. In those days Balthazar. had not been touched ye by the urban air and had a charming rural feel. Tigers were reported to enter that area from time to time and attack the residents. In the morning, the air used to be absolutely still and no villagers or animals were up and about yet. I loved going to the temple at this time. I would open the temple door, ring the temple bell loudly and enjoy its sound reverberating in the quiet air.

One such morning, putting on my overcoat and cap, I walked up to the temple. Hardly had I entered and rung the temple bell that a Hindi-speaking priest came out. Seeing me there, he asked affectionately, "Little girl! What would you like to eat today?" "Shin agar and Lebbie!" I replied. The priest told me in broken Bengali, "You sit here. I will quickly go and get you breakfast." And he disappeared. Slowly I climbed up the few stairs and arrived at the Krishna temple. The whole temple and the corridors around it were constructed with white marble. Inside stood a beautiful statue of Sri Krishna wearing a golden silk dhoti and his upper body covered with a golden cloth. He was adorned with gold and pearl ornaments and he held his flute. The temple inside was decorated with roses and marigolds and the air was fragrant with incense smoke. I bowed down to the deity with folded hands, sat at his feet and tried to meditate. I just loved this whole ambience. I had heard this word 'meditation' very frequently at the Pondicherry Ashram. So I kept looking at Sri Krishna's statue in an attempt to meditate. I sat in this silence for a while. Then suddenly I feltas though someone was pulling me from behind. There was a room behind the sanctum sanctorum that I had never noticed or entered. Today, something was pulling me towards it. This pull was so strong that I could not remain seated for long. I stood up and started walking towards it. I walked down three

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or four steps and found myself in front of a large courtyard. This room was behind this courtyard. Something kept pulling me towards it although I knew nothing about who or what it was. But I kept walking irresistibly towards it. The priest had not returned yet and I was all alone. After crossing the courtyard, I saw another flight of stairs in white marble on the other side. I climbed up and found myself in front of a closed room. There was a half-open window on the right and from it wafted out the aromatic smoke of sacrificial fires. Curiosity took over as I moved closer to the window to see who or what was inside. I went and stood near this window to peep in. A Bhairavi was sitting inside at the opposite end, wearing a red bordered sari and a red blouse. Long, jet-black hair covered her back. The entire parting of her hair was filled in with bright red sindoor. The bhairavi's big red eyes had a terrifying look. She gave me a piercing look as soon as she saw me at the window. And the next moment, I saw her standing outside holding a small bowl of sacrifcial ghee (clarified butter). The woman kept advancing towards me wanting to apply the sacrificial ghee on my forehead. She dipped her thumb into the bowl and moved nearer and nearer towards me. I tried to run away but I felt both my legs fixed to the ground. My legs had become heavy like two columns: was it out of fear or was it from the bhairavi's hypnotic effect, I cannot say. I just could not walk! What was I to do? I was quite conscious of the danger I was in, but the body, cold with fear, was just not able to move. Both my hands were in my overcoat pockets. I forced my hands out and grabbed the locket hanging from my neck and began calling out to the Mother desperately 'Ma... Ma. . .Ma. . .Ma. . .' I was calling Her out with the same intensity that a dying man calls out to God with. . .Ma. . .Ma. . .Ma. . .Ma! I do not recollect how long I kept calling the Mother like that with closed eyes. When I returned to a somewhat normal state I realized that the bhairavi had begun retreating. Her eyes no longer had that fiery dreadful look. Her right hand Was shaking uncontrollably as she had been unable to apply the sacrificial ghee on my forehead. She had not been able to

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even touch me! All of a sudden, she turned her back to me and rushed back into the room, closing the door behind her with a clanging sound. I remained on my feet in that state for some time. Then I noticed that I could move my legs a little although my body felt totally drained out. I felt quite listless. However, I managed to slowly plod out of the temple Walking felt like a torture but somehow I managed to reach home. I rushed straight to my mother and fell into her arms, and then I passed out! I heard later from Dada that I had come into the room uttering 'Bhairavi. . .Bhairavi. . .Bhairavi. . .' and had lost consciousness in Ma's arms. When I came to, I noticed that Ma was sitting beside me and applying cold pads on my forehead. Dada and some other people of the house were standing around us. As soon as I opened my eyes, I saw Dada come near me and patting my head, ask tenderly, "My darling Khuku, what happened to you?" I hugged my brother and exclaimed, "Dada, bhairavi!" I am told that I did not allow Ma or Dada to leave me alone for the whole day. The very next day, Dada sent a telegram to the Mother, "Shobha very unwell. Pray for your blessing."

That day, the priest of the temple came to Lalkuthi and requested Dada very insistently to take me once to the temple. Bhairavi was in the throes of death and was vomiting blood. She desired to see me just once. Dada just refused to let me go although at that time nobody in the house was even aware about what had happened, what I had gone through in the temple. But Dada had guessed that my state had something to do with this bhairavi. So in a forceful manner he threatened the priest,"I will get both you and the bhairavi arrested by the police tomorrow! What have you done to this little girl that she has been reduced to this state? Tell me what have you done? What?" With folded hands the priest pleaded, "Babu, I swear I know nothing! I had gone to get some breakfast for the little girl. When I returned I did not find her! The bhairavi was screaming away inside. I went in to check and I saw her wailing and shouting 'that girl...that girl'. Babu, shall I tell you something? The bhairavi is going to die and if she curses

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the little girl before dying, it will be very bad for her. That's why I am begging you to get the little girl just once to the temple. You can be with her. I will also be there with you. Both of us will see what the bhairavi wants." Finally, Dada accepted the priest's plea and took me to the temple. We saw the bhairavi stumbling from one end of the room to the other and throwing up blood. Her face, her clothes, the room was full of blood. Just as I entered and stood in the room the bhairavi began dragging herself towards me. She no longer had that terrifying look or power. She was losing her force and dying. With great effort she tried to touch my feet. Frightened, I withdrew closer to Dada and hugged him tight. Then, looking at me the bhairavi said, "My girl, who are you?" "She is nobody," Dada at once retorted, "she is just an ordinary little girl. The strength that is inside her is the power of the divine Mother of Pondicherry. You tried to fool around with Her.? Just see your condition!" In a fading voice, the bhairavi answered, "Babu, please forgive me. Please forgive me!" Dada said, "There's no use asking me for forgiveness. You must ask the Mother for forgiveness." And saying this, Dada pulled me away from there.

We came back home. I was still feeling rather unwell. Dada had written to the Mother about bhairavi's illness and her asking for forgiveness. A few days after this we returned to Calcutta. What happened to the bhairavi we do not know.

I was still very young in mind and had not developed the capacity to think deeply about anything. But everybody at home was asking the same question: why had the bhairavi acted in that way.? Dada explained that the Tantriks and the bhairavis in those days used to hypnotise and then sell little boys and girls for their practices. The bhairavi had not realised that her attempt would lead to such dreadful consequences.

After returning from Hazaribagh, another incident took place in Calcutta. Though it was not similar to the incident With the bhairavi, it made me very sharply conscious at that young age of the divine force and influence of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.

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My mashima (Ma's sister) had taken initiation from Balananda Giri's main disciple, Swami Mohanananda. She was most keen to take Ma and me for a darshan of Swami Mohanananda. After returning from Hazaribagh, on Mashima's repeated requests, we finally saw Swami Mohanananda when he came to Calcutta for a few days. The three of us went for his darshan one afternoon. He was as well-known as his guru. On arrival, we met a huge crowd of people, groups of his Bengali disciples. They had all come to catch a glimpse of their guru. There was a very long line snaking its way towards the Swami-ji. We too joined the line. We could see him from far sitting on a throne-like seat dressed in ochre silk. He had a very lovely face, fair and long-haired and wearing a rudraksha necklace. He inspired devotion. After a long wait in the line we finally arrived before him for the pranam (salutation). I was first in line so Mashima came up in front and told him, "Baba, she is my niece." And then she whispered into my ear, "Bow down to Baba." I proceeded to do my pranam when Swami-ji stopped me with both his hands. My eyes met his that were very tranquil. Then he spread his arms towards the sky and smiled sweetly. I came away. Now it was Ma's turn. Mashima informed Swami-ji that she was her elder sister. My mother too, Swami-ji greeted with folded hands. Then he spread both his arms Skyward and bowed again. Seeing him do this salutation, Ma and I, we too bowed looking Skyward. In the midst of that huge gathering of people, Swami-ji' s not permitting Ma and me to touch his feet seemed most significant.

Sri Balananda Giri and Swami Mohanananda were both beings of a certain spiritual accomplishment. On the strength of their spiritual vision, they had certainly seen Sri Aurobindo's and the Mother's Presence around us. And for this reason he had bowed down to this Presence within us. Needless to say that this experience opened for both Ma and me another door within.

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