The Mother : Contact
THEME/S
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Mother - So, what is your question?
I - Mother, is it necessary to have an outer relationship with you?
Mother - Outer relationship! What do you mean? Here I have an outer relationship with everyone. They all come to me daily and go back with the flowers I give them. I - No, Mother, I don't mean that. What I meant is a close relationship. Mother - Oh! That is not necessary all the time. What is truly needed is to build an inner relationship with me. Keep always trying to build that relationship. Always try to feel my presence deep within you. I - Yes, Mother, I do try to remember you all the time, but... Mother - But you cannot keep me there.
Mother - You have to keep practising this. That is extremely necessary otherwise someone can stay close to me for many years but his concentration will be elsewhere. I - Mother, you had once said in the class that many have the aspiration, but they lack the receptivity. That is why your force cannot work in them. Mother - (Looking straight into my eyes) I said that many have the aspiration, they aspire and I even send my force to them but they are unable to receive that force because they lack receptivity.
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Mother - But you do not get any answer to that? I - (Hesitatingly) No, Mother, not quite. I am unable to understand whether I am receiving something! Mother - Listen, do you remember the condition you were in when you came here? I - Yes, Mother.
I - Yes, Mother. Mother - Now do you see any difference between the two states? I - Yes, Mother, a big difference!
I - Sweet Mother! (touching the Mother's feet) So I am receptive! (And my joy spilled over!)
I - Then what has he said? Mother - He has said that for the complete transforma-
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Mother - Depression? I - Yes, Mother. When I come to you, I see people spend such a long time with you. They receive so many flowers from you. And when I see all this, I think I am totally unworthy. I feel I will not be able to do your Sadhana. I am not fit for it!
I - Mother, I go to the Meditation hall and sit there in order to meet you and when I am not able to see you, sometimes I become so discouraged that I run out from there!
I - I don't know Mother, but I suffer a lot.
Mother - Don't depend on this body of mine. Try and find me here (anal saying this She placed Her hand on my chest
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Then, once again the Mother looked into my eyes. We sat in silence for some time after which we resumed our conversation:
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Mother - Then, why do you talk? I - Mother, I do try not to talk too much... Mother - So, who is it that makes you talk? I - Mother, when I am in the class or when I am in the Playground with other girls or when I am in the midst of other people, I feel forced to speak. They too speak a lot and I also join in. Mother - Yes, people do that a lot here. They go to other people's houses, gossip and speak rubbish and in this way spoil their sadhana, waste their time and energy. Don't talk. Just remain silent. Speak only when absolutely necessary. If you need to speak with regard to your work, then it is all right. Don't speak otherwise. (Looking at me very intently) Don't speak when it is not necessary. Have you understood? I - Yes, Mother. Mother - Try and remember this. I - Yes, Mother. For some time, silence reigned again. The Mother kept looking straight into my eyes while I looked at Her. Then the conversation resumed: I - Mother, I feel very scared to tell you something, but I cannot help telling it to you. This has been disturbing me very much. Mother - Tell me, what's happened? I - Mother, I do not know if this is a dream or some subtle Vision or something created entirely by my imagination! When I lived in Calcutta, these incidents would unfold before my eyes quite suddenly, from time to time, and forgetting everything I would get lost in them. This would happen while I was working or studying and these incidents had no connection at all with me. My work would be interrupted, my revisions would stop, so much would I get carried away by them. This would last for some time, and then these scenes vanished. I Would get back to whatever I was doing. This hasn't stopped even after coming here.
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I - Suddenly, I see before my eyes a huge palace, absolutely marvellous and exquisite! I see a very well-furnished royal court with a queen seated on an imposing throne. She is my mother. I am her daughter, the royal princess of that kingdom. I am wearing a lovely pale blue Banarasi silk sari with golden zari-work on it. I am a young princess and am conscious of my beauty. I am bedecked with jewelry. My mother, the royal queen, is also dressed in a maroon-coloured Banarasi silk sari and wears a lot of rich jewels on her. Mother, this queen is actually the mother of our Ramanathan who resides in the Ashram. She is Tamil. It is she I see as the royal queen. I used to see her also in Calcutta. Seated on her throne, she is surrounded by ministers, as she listens to her subjects who have come for an audience with her. From time to time, she turns to her ministers to speak with them about matters related to the kingdom. I am watching her from a distance, from a very large verandah that is on the first floor of this palace. Standing in the verandah, I can see a part of the palace and the royal attendants bustling about. Everything about this scene is extremely refined, the palace, the court, the Queen-Mother and I! The Queen-Mother truly looks like an Indian queen. Whenever this scene emerges before my eyes, Mother, I just forget everything! I totally lose myself in it! I become another person when I see these scenes. Not mad exactly... but I become someone else! As if I was no more in this present existence. The other day, this happened to me in the middle of my physical activities in the Sports-ground. I had to tell the captain and leave the ground and sit out for a while. The captain and some other girls began wondering what had happened to me. I could not tell them anything. What is all this, Mother.? Why does such a thing happen to me? Mother - This is a memory from your past birth. In some past life you lived in that palace, you were a royal princess.
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I - Mother, now I would like to ask you something about my dance. Have you taken any decision? Mother - No. I - Mother, I have thought a lot about a particular subject. If you allow me, I can read out what I have written. Mother - Yes, read it out. I read out what I had written, Fall from Heaven. Mother - Yes, it is good. You can put this up. I - Mother, how can I show the second part? How can I portray human desires and passions? (The Mother kept quiet for some time, as if in thought.) It isn't possible to show human love on the stage. Mother - No. I - We cannot even show You on the stage. Mother - You can do one thing: you can place a photograph of mine on a small platform on the stage. And as She said this, Her eyes closed once more. She went into a trance with Her right hand resting on my head. I was seated at Her feet. After some time She reopened Her eyes and removed Her hand from my head and gave me one more of Her unbelievable smiles. From Her look, I gathered that She had not come out of Her trance-like state quite completely. And soon enough, Her eyes closed once again. This time, Her hand was not resting on my head. That's why I could look at Her to my heart's content, my eyes fixed on Her unblinkingly. Nothing else existed at that moment. The Mother was all I could see. How exceedingly divine, Her beauty! Even in a human body She looked sublimely divine. The very image of the Divine Mother! It was unimaginable! Truly unimaginable! For an instant I was immersed in the Mother. And it became clear to me that anyone who has loved Her can never be enticed or imprisoned by anything the world can give. One day
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Today, 50 years on, as I have sat down to write about the Mother, I remember that auspicious moment when the Divine Mother acceded to my prayer and gave me a little of Her invaluable time and lent me Her ear. Today my heart overflows with measureless gratitude from the deepest recesses of my being. Let me share my feelings through a poem that I wrote later:
If ever I stray from You, far away, Or the lute of my heart jar in its art, I beseech you, my Mother, Ah! forget me not! Keep holding my hand, Ah! Abandon me not! Ah! Abandon me not!
If love of man push me, To pursuits illusory; If my love-filled heart Can love no more impart; Know still, O my Mother, Of You I am a part. Know still, O my Mother, Of You I am a part. Of You I am a part.
Life after life, age after age Trash has piled up On my being's stage. In Falsehood's maze If I lose you ever All knotted in a daze, Keep holding my hand,
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Mother! Abandon me not! Ah! Abandon me not!
Mother - Don't make the dance too long. I - No, but You did not tell me how I could portray the second part. Mother - If you want to show all that, then the dance will become too long. Prepare a simple dance. It is a young girl who is dancing with simplicity and devotion. Then suddenly, she feels that she is looking for something else. Her mind is all aflutter. She goes here and there, looking for something. In the end, she realises that what she had sought, she did not get. At that point (here the Mother sit: up straight in Her chair and Her face becomes radiant), she turns towards the Divine for help. She keeps aspiring and she aspires to the Divine. In the end, her deep aspiration leads her to overcome her problem.
I cannot forget even today that radiance in Her face. How utterly enchanting She looked, celestial, incomparable! Mother - You will need to find some good musical accompaniment.
I - Mother, I love Sunil-da's music very much. Mother - Yes, you're right. Sunil will be able to do it. Request Sunil to compose something for you. I - Mother, will he accept if I tell him.? Mother - You're right (laughing!) I will tell him. She once again looked intently into my eyes. I too just kept looking at Her with all my concentration, as if nothing else, no one else existed before me. There was only the Mother, only Her. Mother - So, shall I get up, my child? Have you anything else to ask? I - Yes, Mother, there is something else I would like to share with you but I feel very scared to tell it to you! Mother - Tell me. I felt as if the Mother had penetrated into my being and was extracting this out of me.
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Mother - What do you mean by 'attracted'? I - If I feel some tenderness for someone, if I feel love for him, a love that might obstruct my self-giving to You, then should I detach myself from him or should I keep nurturing that love? Mother - Who is it? I - Mother, you will scold me if I tell You his name. Mother - No, tell me who it is.
I told Her his name. At once She became quiet and did not say anything for some time. I felt She was in deep thought. Then, She asked me, Mother - Where do you meet him? I - When I go to the Tennis-ground for Group activities, or when I go to the Ashram for Your darshan, or sometimes I cross him in the street. Mother - Do you speak to him? I - No, very rarely, very little. I have no real relationship with him. I feel love for him from a distance. The aspiration I strive to awaken in me, I see that in him. That is why I feel this love for him. If I can develop a kind of friendship for him, then I feel it will be better for me. (Touching Her feet) All these feelings, I have them from afar. I have no physical relationship with him. After listening to me, the Mother remained silent. She closed Her eyes and went into a trance. It was a deep trance, for I felt She had gone away very far somewhere. I remained seated, stiff with apprehension. Regret entered my mind: why did I have to tell Her about all this? Had I kept quiet about it, what would have happened? Nothing had really happened, after all. It was just my mind's imagination. I was agitated with all these thoughts rising within me. Why had I spoken to Her? It was, after all, such a trivial matter, then why did I blurt it out to Her? The Mother now opened Her eyes and came back to her normal state. Looking at me, She spoke:
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Mother - No, no. All this is full of pain and suffering. It would be better for you to stay away from all this. (Looking at me intently) Human love is full of pain and suffering. The Mother went into trance again. When She opened Her eyes they were filled with motherly tenderness. Very sweetly She said to me: Mother - Let him quietly go on with his life. You go on quietly with your daily activities. Any attempt to come closer or to build a relationship between the two of you will not lead to peace of mind. I - We have no real relationship, Mother. I have no connection or communication with him. We meet only rarely and we exchange just a few words. There's just... Mother - What just? I - When I stand in front of You, then this insignificant love of mine torments me to no end, it rises like a mirror before me, and tries to destroy my discernment and my sincerity. It keeps taunting me by saying, 'Where is your self- giving to the Mother?' (Placing my hands on the Mother's feet) What should I do, Mother? How can I drive this away.? Mother - Don't think about him, don't look at him. Imagine he does not exist. Slowly it will disappear. The Mother sat up straight and once again looked intently into my eyes. Seated near the Mother's feet, I placed my hands on Her lap and kept looking at Her. The Mother took some flowers from a tray next to Her and gave them to me. Among the flowers She had given me I recognised two, Peace and Purity. Then She gave me one more flower whose spiritual significance I knew, Simple sincerity. Then, She asked me, Mother - Have you understood what I told you? I - Yes, Mother. Mother - So, then, aurevoir! The Mother got up and I too at once got up with Her. Then, I bowed down at Her feet and told Her: I - You have given me the opportunity to dance in the 1st December programme. What You want is not possible to
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