Today's birthday (14.12.1954) will remain in my memory for a very long time. The day passed off very peacefully. Right from the morning for some inexplicable reason, I kept feeling that this day was going to be very meaningful. In the morning, I went for the Mother's Balcony darshan, feeling very tranquil and indrawn. After that, I got down to my daily activities, remembering the Mother in a very conscious way. Before the Mother left for Her game of tennis in the afternoon, I went and stood in front of the staircase door next to Nirod-da's room, hoping to see the Mother there. At the assigned time, the Mother came down and as soon as the door of the staircase opened, the Mother's glance fell on me as I was standing right in front. The Mother's gaze fell on me in a way as if she was looking for me. She raised Her right hand in my direction and greeted me with Bonne Fete. The Mother came from the door to the verandah, and approaching me quite close wished me once again Bonne Fete with an intent gaze on me this time. My being was filled and my heart felt fulfilled with the Mother's darshan. In that silence, I prayed to the Mother, Oh, sweet Mother, make me yours! The Mother's eyes were still on me. Once again from deep within my being, a silent prayer rose again, Oh, sweet Mother, turn my entire being towards You. Make me yours! This silent prayer kept echoing deep within my heart. The Mother smiled sweetly at me, cast a significant look as if She had accepted my prayer and keeping that sweet smile on Her face, She moved on towards the car where Pavitra-da was waiting for Her, next to the verandah. The Mother got into the car and proceeded to the Tennis-ground. Some people around me Wished me Bonne Fête, some others, keeping the sweet memory of the Mother's darshan in their heart, left silently. I remained there, all alone, as if held in thrall! I had not learned to write poetry then, but if I had I would have perhaps exclaimed in these later words of mine:

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    Deep Within my heart's night-sky
    You light the way, like lodestar high
    Ever bright in Truth's waxing Light
    Freeing me from falsehood's prison-night.

Deep within my being's folds
    Dust piles up as Time unrolls,
    You 've come 'n cleared it all, behold!
    With your sweeping sparks of liquid gold!

    At the altar of my heart, I know
    Your Love will ever upward grow,
    Like lodestar it will ever glow,
    Like pure spotless blazing snow.

    Upon this earth, this longing heart
    Has kept me going from very start,
    O Mother! I yearn in every part
    To enthrone You in my deepest heart.

    I started walking towards the house, since I had to go for the Group activities. I changed into my sports uniform and left. On returning home, I took the box with the salwar-kameez I had stitched for Her, along with some flowers, and headed for the Playground. The Mother used to normally see us on our birthdays in the morning. I don't quite remember why, but the Mother had asked me that year to see Her after the groundnut distribution at the conclusion of the Marching in the evening. After the day had passed in recollected tranquility, the time had come for my meeting the Mother. I approached the Mother after She had finished distributing groundnuts to everyone, holding a bouquet of flowers and the box containing the salwar-kameez.

    "Bonne Fête, mon enfant" (my child)! the Mother greeted me. She opened the box and looked at the salwar-kameez, "It is very beautiful!" She handed the box to Amiyo-da who was standing next to Her. Then, I offered to the Mother, first the

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Receptivity flower followed by the roses and many other flowers. Then, I prostrated myself at Her feet. She bent down and placed Her hand on my head to bless me. As soon as She had removed Her hand from my head, I stood up. From among the flowers I had offered Her, She chose Receptivity, Sincerity, Transformation and Promise of Realisation and gave them to me one after another. Then, She took two fat books and a bagful of toffees from Amiyo-da, and gave them to me. All that She had given me was spilling over in my hands! Then, placing both Her hands under mine, She looked into my eyes with deep concentration. Our eyes seemed to be interlocked! At that moment everything just vanished - the Playground, myself, the people around, the earth, there was just nothing in front of me - only the Mother and Her two eyes! "My dear child, aurevoir!" she said and went into Her room in the Play-ground. I came back home.

    I quickly had a shower and got ready because Nolini-da and Amrita-da were to come home for dinner. Nolini-da's son, Ranju-da and a very close friend of our family, Rajen-da, also came with them. They all arrived on time. Nolini-da gifted me some of his books along with a sheet of paper, and blessed me.
Two lines of a poem were written on the sheet:

    Hear, O hear, the divine voice intense,
    The Mother's Light shall Death's darkness end.

(Nolini-da)

What a matchless treasure was this blessing from Nolini-da ! We all sat down and talked about so many different things that we did not feel the time pass. It was a great experience and a good fortune to have the company of both Nolini-da and Amrita-da together, They finished dinner and went back to the Ashram. Now, my eyes went directly on the two books the Mother had given me. I was really curious to see the books She had chosen for me: Sri Aurobindo on Himself and on The Mother. As I opened the first page I was taken aback! This is What I found written on the page:

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("To Savitri

14.2.54

with blessings

The Mother")

I just could not make head or tail of this! I held the book close to my bosom and sat like that in silence for some time. I don't remember what happened next. The next morning, I took the book with me and rushed to see Nolini-da as early as was reasonable. I stood quietly outside his room. After some time, Nolini-da came out into the front room and took his seat. Seeing me standing outside, he called me in. My whole body was trembling. Overwhelmed by fear and emotion, I opened the first page of the book and gave it to Nolini-da, "Nolini-da, Mother gave me this book yesterday. Just see the name She has written by mistake." Nolini-da read what was written on the page. I repeated, "Why did Mother write this name, She knows me, doesn't She? How could She make such a mistake?" Nolini-da replied quite firmly, "Is the Mother human that She can make a mistake? There can be many reasons for Her to write this." "What reasons?" I asked Nolini-da at once. "How would I know?" he replied. I was quite nonplussed hearing Nolini-da's reply. Had the Mother really intended to write this name and this date? How would I know the truth?

I remembered Champaklal-ji. I went at once to see him. He was busy working on the first-floor. I asked him, "Champaklal-

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ji, would you have a little time? I would like to ask you something." "Yes, go on," he replied. "Yesterday was my birthday," I told him, "and the Mother gave me two books. Could you tell me, Champaklal-ji, what exactly happened in the Mother's room when She signed these books?" "What would you like to know?" Champaklal-ji asked me. "I want to know who selected the books that the Mother signed for me and what happened when She was actually signing them," I said. Champaklal-ji closed his eyes, and thought a little, then said, "Yesterday, like every day, I told the Mother the names of the people who had their birthday, 'Today is Shobha's birthday, Mother, would you like to give her any books?' 'Which Shobha? Our Shobha?' the Mother enquired. 'Yes, Mother, our Shobha,' I answered. The Mother thought for some time, and then said, 'Give me The Life Divine and Sri Aurobindo on Himself and on the Mother.' I did as told. She wrote in the first book and kept it on Her table. She placed the second book on Her lap, and went into a trance. On returning to Her normal state, She signed the second book. That's all I know." I asked Champaklal-ji, "Did you open the books to see what She had written?" "No," he replied. So I opened the first page of the book and showed it to him. He kept looking at the page for a while, then said in a voice full of gentle affection, "Shobha, you are most fortunate. The Mother has never given such a name to anyone before. You are exceptionally fortunate." Thus, even from Champaklal-ji, I failed to get a satisfactory answer. My last resort was the Mother Herself. But where would I pluck enough courage to ask the Mother? I single-pointedly tried to quieten my mind. What had happened, had happened. I strove to be as calm as possible. A day went by, then a second day, but the mind's restlessness did not quite slacken. 'Why had the Mother done this' kept buzzing in my head.

In the end I decided that come what may, I would ask this question to the Mother one day. If She were to scold me, I would take the scolding. I was just not able to control myself. Finally one day, finding the right opportunity, I asked the Mother, "Mother, why did you give me this name?" I felt

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as if the Mother knew that I had come to ask Her this question. For a few seconds, She looked at me in a significant way, then She said, "One day, you will understand. Keep it as your sacred name."

Today almost sixty years have passed and I still have not been able to unravel the mystery.

Many years after this incident, Nolini-da called me and said, "Shobha, the book Mother had given you in the name of 'Savitri', you can send that book to the Archives. Let it remain there." With deep-felt emotion I replied, "As long as I am alive, Nolini-da, let this book remain with me. It can be handed over to the Archives afterwards." I have treasured this book as a testimony of the divine Mother's Grace.

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