Memories of First Darshan

A Moment So Divine

"And nothing happens in the cosmic play
But at its time and in its foreseen place."
— Savitri (p. 389)

Well then, there I was at last, with all my dreams come true, actually on my way to Sri Aurobindo-Darshan, to Priya-milan, to Divine-milan! Carried by the swift-winged, joy-conditioned chariot of the Divine Mother's infinite Grace, I reached Pondicherry two days ahead of time to be blessed on the happy and most auspicious occasion of the golden-hued Lord's 76th birthday on the 15th August 1948 — the day when the Lord of the worlds seated along with the Divine Mother (it is only by the Mother's force the Divine gives!) would shower His gracious boons and His Divine gifts freely on all who having heard His Call were driven helplessly towards His lotus-feet, either overpowered by the sweet wine of His Life Divine, or charmed by the sweet glimpses of His infinite Grace, or else maddened by the sweet fragrance of His lotus-name!

Sri Aurobindo's Darshan days brought a new magic to the ever enchanting, ever smiling atmosphere of the Ashram; each Darshan Day brought a new sweetness, a new joy, a new light and a new song to the Truth-hungry hearts of His disciples and devotees; hardly one Darshan was over when one would eagerly begin to look forward to the next; hardly one cloud-burst of His Grace was over when the disciples, like the Chataka birds, would eagerly, longingly begin to wait for the next one.

Just one Darshan of Sri Aurobindo was enough to hypnotise a soul into being His willing slave forever, and I had twelve!

The sweet and sacred memory of His most precious last twelve Darshans which I was extremely fortunate to have and of the blessed days and the loving ways He made me His devoted slave forever will ever remain engraved in my heart.

On this gracious day of His most auspicious birthday at about 2 o'clock in the afternoon, with my heart full of love and worship and reverence, I too, joined the long queue of the seekers of Soma wine — His privileged devotees and chosen disciples of calm and open faces — carrying beautiful garlands of fresh, sweet-smelling roses and jasmines and red and white lotus flowers, moving slowly, meditatively to see the one for whom my thirsty heart had come so far. Full of sweet suspense and sweet expectations I reached the top landing of the staircase leading to His chambers, from where one could have a full direct view of His divinely beautiful and sweet and compassionate face. Between Him and me there still lingered about a dozen persons (but who could blame them for their helplessness to move faster from His sweet nearness!). Impatient as my heart was, I bent my head a little to the right and quickly stole my first glance of Him. Ah, sweet beyond words! But He surprised my heart completely and arrested me then and there with His laughing, Heaven-pure eyes which most unexpectedly I found waiting for mine. Having been caught red-handed while stealing a glance of the Lord and happy to be so caught and surprised, I at once pleaded guilty, and then in that fraction of a moment His love-full eyes said "Ah, there you are, come, I was expecting you!" Having been punished so sweetly and so divinely for stealing a glance and crushed completely under the weight of His sweet mercy and kindness and bound forever by the sweet cords of His Love and Light, I moved on towards the Supreme moment of my felicity, prepared for me from all eternity and who knows through what chequered voyages and across what dark millenniums, which brought me face to face with Sri Aurobindo — the most cherished Idol of my heart, the most exalted Lord of all creation! His magnetic and tranquil eyes, His calm, radiant and flame-pure face drenched in Divine beauty and adorned with a pure white lustrous beard and His glorious luminous body spreading out Peace, Joy and Light was a marvel of human and Divine to behold. Within the short moment that one was allowed to quench one's thirst for His Darshan, I drank with my eyes as much of the honey from His lotus-face as I could, but still thirsty, when I prayed for some more, He, the All-Lover, the All-Beautiful, the Golden Purusha, held me fast with His blissful gaze and tenderly, rapturously branded my heart with His Divine Seal making impossible forever my escape! Henceforth, none but Sri Aurobindo could have a claim upon me. Even I myself had no claim upon myself. Sri Aurobindo had made me totally His and forever. His immortal seal on my heart neither Death, nor Fate, nor Time could ever erase! Like a most loving father He had taken me in His boundless heart and given me more than what I was ignorantly seeking for. Like Sri Krishna to poor Sudama for a mere handful of rice, Sri Aurobindo had given me the most precious treasure of His Love and Grace and refuge in His boundless heart for the mere offering of a handful of my heart. It was not easy to move away from His sweet and sacred nearness but a captive and a slave of His Will, I was compelled to move when His love-full eyes tenderly led me to seek the Divine Mother's lotus-feet who was seated next to Him on His right like Parvati with Shiva or Lakshmi with Vishnu, and left me there until our eyes met again exactly a hundred days after.

In the earth's entire history was there indeed ever a moment so divine and so wonderful and so gracious when a man could see God from so close upon earth and himself aspire to become God? Such indeed were the blessings of even a moment's Darshan of Sri Aurobindo and the Divine Mother. The Divine Mother who was there only because Sri Aurobindo was there; otherwise who ever heard of the Divine Mother's Incarnation upon earth in a human body before!

Always, always sweet is the remembrance of Sri Aurobindo's eternally fresh lotus-face, His glorious luminous body and His unforgettable Darshan days!

Always, always sweet is the remembrance of Sri Aurobindo's loving nearness, His loving gaze, His glorious life and His loving Divine Ways!

- G. N. Goyle

(The God-Touch by G. N. Goyle, published by Editions Auropress, 1978, pp. 69–73)