Memories of First Darshan

As I Remember

I came to Pondicherry on the 19th of July in 1923.

I was in contact with Sri Aurobindo through Barin [Sri Aurobindo's younger brother]. Previously on seeing a photograph of mine Sri Aurobindo had written to Barin giving, first, the Mother's (she was called Mira then) reading and then his own comment. The Mother's reading was: An extremely interesting head; highly psychical personality; the danger for this type is in the body which may be consumed by the intensity of the psychic flame.

Sri Aurobindo's comment: Calmness, peace, descending into the body will make it immune from all danger. They are indispensable in this case.

He had added in the letter that he would call me as soon as it was possible. A telegram arrived and I left for Pondicherry. I was 22.

On arrival at the station, I was told by the person who had come to receive me what an unlucky man I was. For Sri Aurobindo had not been well for the previous two or three days and there were no sittings for meditation. However, on reaching the house where Sri Aurobindo was living, I met Amrita who was rushing upstairs with ten daily newspapers. I told him to carry my message to Sri Aurobindo. He nodded but told me, "It won't be possible." Hardly a minute had passed before he returned to say that Sri Aurobindo himself asked whether Kanai had come. Amrita had been asked to send me upstairs. As I went up I was very nervous. I saw him in the present Prosperity verandah on his throne-chair, a majestic personality with his beard. He looked and nodded. I forgot to bow down to him and sat by his side on one of the few chairs that were spread.

Sri Aurobindo: Have you anything to tell me?

I: Yes. (I answered and kept silent for a minute.)

He repeated the question very sweetly. Still I couldn't talk. Then he looked at the time-piece and said that he had to go by eleven o'clock.

Then I asked:

I: Can I practise this Yoga?

Sri Aurobindo: Yes. Your being has come from a very high plane.

I: My nervous being is very weak.

Sri Aurobindo: That doesn't matter. My nervous being also was weak, and Mira's nervous being too was weak; but we have become strong now. I think after sometime you too will be all right.

I turned to go.

He cleared his throat and I looked back.

Sri Aurobindo: You have come for a few days. Come at 4.30 for meditation.

I turned to go. Again he cleared his throat and as I turned, he said to me to come in the morning after Amrita brought him the papers and sit by his side.

I came back at 4.30 in the evening. It was the first time that I saw the Mother. She looked at me for a second. She was very beautiful, looked much younger than her age. There were two cats on her shoulders; I looked round and saw there were two or three more about her. One of the cats from her shoulder jumped on Sri Aurobindo's throne-chair. Mother called it back.

The Mother had come with a plate containing incense sticks, match box etc. After the Mother left Sri Aurobindo opened the conversation asking me:

Sri Aurobindo: How is Motilal Roy?

I: I have not heard anything about him for a long time.

The meditation started at 5 and continued till 5.30. I observed that Sri Aurobindo had kept his eyes open. The others around meditated with eyes closed. There were hardly 13 or 14 of them.

Thereafter Sri Aurobindo went in for fifteen minutes for coffee.

The next morning I went up after Amrita came down and sat by the side of Sri Aurobindo who remarked that one or two persons might come but that should not disturb me. I was told to remain till 10.30. During the meditation I had a very good experience.

Sri Aurobindo: Anything to say?

I told him that I had a grand experience of peace etc.

Sri Aurobindo: It is your higher mind getting supramentalised.

After two or three days I told him that I was feeling a being, a mighty being behind me. If that being looked at me all difficulties vanished. Sri Aurobindo heard and nodded.

*

Some days thereafter, I told him that I had to leave as I had come prepared only for a few days.

Sri Aurobindo: Once you have taken up my yoga, I won't leave you so easily.

I understood that he did not wish me to go. I had with me fifty rupees intended for the return fare. I asked whether I could give [the money] to him. He nodded and asked: "But you require some pocket money."

I replied that my friends would give.

Sri Aurobindo: Are you sure?

He repeated this question twice. On my replying in the affirmative he said it was all right.

— Kanailal Ganguly

(Breath of Grace, edited by M. P. Pandit, published by Dipti Publications, 2002, pp. 34–36)