Memories of First Darshan

'Encounter' with the Infinite

It was in 1941 that I first saw the 'siddhi' photograph of Sri Aurobindo in the house of V. Chandrashekharan's niece. His bright eyes transfixed on some distant splendour, he looked a Jnani of the Timeless with a special magnetism of his own, and destined to salvage the human race. An unaccountable wonder captivated me forever. Thereafter I kept my initiation alive by reading whatever little informative literature I could procure from friendly sources. A few booklets on his sublime philosophy and Yoga served only to whip up my hunger for the Illimitable.

Five years later, in 1946, as a student of M.A. Philosophy, I had the singular opportunity of reading the first volume of The Life Divine for detailed study as part of our post-graduate syllabus. And Prof. S. K. Maitra was our esteemed teacher and guide. Indeed it was providential. In a well modulated voice he would slowly read line by line the Master's magnum opus, leaving us all not a little dumbfounded and bewildered — dumbfounded because of the overwhelming theme, and bewildered because we could not understand by ourselves the high argument of the supreme Yogi. Moreover, our Professor would not at all condescend to explain it. With the result that while our interest in the monumental work steadily increased, our enthusiasm was not correspondingly served or spawned. After three months of painful endurance, at the behest of two of my close friends and benchmates, I ventured to request our sage-professor to explain the text to which he said simply, "Even if I explain it now you will not understand it, but a time will come when you will understand everything." The truth is that nothing of Sri Aurobindo can be understood except by the merciful agency of the Mother's Grace.

None of my friends then knew anything of the Ashram at Pondicherry. The stray stories that wafted in the groups were both amusing and mystifying. One such incredible narration bordering on fabrication was that Sri Aurobindo remained in his room ever absorbed in the Transcendent oblivious to the earthly environment. And that during Darshan time he was wrapped up in dhoti by his close disciples and presented as the presiding Yogi-figure of the Ashram. During this period I scribbled a few lines of poetry, entitled it 'Consciousness', and sent it to the Ashram as my humble tribute-offering to the great Master. Promptly I received a postcard from Anilbaran who while acknowledging receipt of my letter significantly observed: "We are happy to note that people in the universities are taking interest in Sri Aurobindo."

I was in the final year of my Master's programme when I discontinued my studies to contribute my wee bit to the freedom struggle in my home State. Soon I got disillusioned by the nature of the struggle, and withdrew to a distant place where I could read all the three tomes of The Life Divine. Finally, I decided to go to Pondicherry to have Sri Aurobindo's Darshan on 15.8.1949.

To go to French Pondicherry in those days it was required to have a visa permit of sorts both from the Nizam's Government as well as from the Madras Central Secretariat. The City Police Commissioner, Hyderabad, very wryly remarked, "Why do you want to go to Pondicherry? Those who have gone there have either never returned or keep commuting again and again." I did not answer, and kept quiet. It was a call — an irresistible summons from beyond. Earlier I had written to the Mother for permission to visit the Ashram. She graciously permitted me to do so. Subsequently I obtained her permission also for my brother, L.

Parc à Charbon was the place of our stay in the Ashram, it already gave us a mystic feel of the unique 'grotto' of dynamic tapasyā.

Here is an intimate account of my adoring encounter with the Infinite — of the meeting of wayside human man with the almighty Divine Man, of a close reckoning of the mystery of new birth of an almost lost soul. Wandering for long through the wilderness of Time the pilgrim had at last arrived at the gates of the Timeless. Voyaging aimlessly across the uncharted seas of stark ignorance he had stepped on the frontiers of infinite Light.

It was the 15th of August, 1949. The Ashram was more like a veritable beehive resplendent with immortal Soma. Seeker-souls from different parts of the world had converged upon the place to drink to their fill the ambrosia of divine life. In the very atmosphere there was the charge of effulgent silence; a celestial peace had precipitated as it were around us all. And we waited patiently and prayerfully for the great event.

In addition to the inmates there were several hundred visitors waiting to have a glimpse of the great Master. At the scheduled hour the queued up devotees fully drenched with devotion started moving slowly in a state of semi-trance towards the Darshan room on the first floor.

On entering the front room, to my utter surprise, I found it fully charged with golden light. The meagre furniture, the windows and walls seemed to radiate a powerful vibration. Verily, it was a chamber of golden sunshine. Very soon I discovered the radiant source. It was Sri Aurobindo sitting in an empyrean posture in the adjoining front room facing the approaching devotees. Lo and behold, I saw the one and only God — the Purushottama, the Golden Purusha. I was deluged by a flood of deep silence and honeyed light. There was installed in our midst the very embodiment of celestial splendour — a Guru with sublime dimension, a God with infinite span. The cosmos itself was like a temple built in honour of his advent, and I felt certain that a thousand suns must have borrowed their radiance from the glowing face of Sri Aurobindo. The wonderment is too towering and massive for words!

Divi sūryasahasrasya bhaved yugapad-utthitā
yadi bhāḥ sadṛśī sā syād bhāsas-tasya mahātmanaḥ.
(Gita, XI. 12)

If the light of a thousand suns were to flare forth all at once in the sky that might resemble in some measure the splendour of that Supreme Being.

His eyes of light had transformed me into a transparent facade, his distant luminous look transported me into another world of pure consciousness. The exhilarating and extraordinary Vedic experience, once again came alive and vibrant before my soul's eyes:

Idaṃ śreṣṭhaṃ jyotiṣtāṃ jyotir-uttamaṃ viśvajid dhanajid ucyate bṛhat
(RV X. 170. 3)

It is this Light, the best and foremost of all Lights, the Veda declares, is the all-conquering and radiant winner of felicities many.

The Supreme, for the ancient Rishis, is suffused with light; he is the perennial source and the unbounded body of light. Diffusing glory and grace, the All-Creator is the apotheosis of infinite radiance:

Vibhrājañ jyotiṣā svar-agaccho rocanaṃ divaḥ
yenema viśvā bhuvanany-abhṛtā viśvakarmaṇā viśvadevyāvatā.
(RV X. 170. 4)

Illumining the universe with thy radiance Thou hast scaled the shining score of heavens. It is by Thee that all living beings are supported, Thou art indeed the all-Creator and the divine substance of everything.

His lambent looks penetrating through all inner spaces, indeed he appeared as the very embodiment of the Infinite and Eternal. He was here upon earth to give a new lease of life to earth itself and radically change forever its course of evolution. Seized with an unnameable beatitude I felt pulled towards his radiant feet in utter gratitude.

After seeing Sri Aurobindo on 29.3.1914 the Mother wrote in her diary the next morning:

It matters not if there are hundreds of beings plunged in densest ignorance. He whom we saw yesterday is on earth: His presence is enough to prove that a day will come when darkness shall be transformed into light, when Thy reign shall be indeed established upon earth.

And what must have happened to the limited and vainglorious mortal human mind of a university educated youth? A tidal wave of super-reason had swept him off his feet. No longer was seen anywhere the rule of limping dialectics, only the logic of the Infinite reigned supreme. The very presence of the Supreme had melted down all that dross and gross of his embodied existence. Verily, it was an alchemy of Grace! Did not Sri Aurobindo precisely come for that, come to totally transform, nay to spiritualise our inconscient earth?

By the side of Sri Aurobindo, to his right, was seated a figure of tangible Love and Grace wrapped up in sheer compassion — the Mother of infinite felicities. With folded hands, totally soaked with the sovereign radiances of the twin infinitudes, I offered my humble Pranams to Them from an intimate distance as no one was allowed to touch Their hallowed feet. The world around had lost its solidity, Time itself had stilled, and I returned to my lodgings in a state of mystic somnambulism.

In the evening I went to the nearby beach; sitting on the seafront wall I watched the immense expanse of waters. But compared with what I had seen in the morning it was a mere play-plaza.

Nearly thirty years later when I happened to narrate to N my 'golden' experience of Sri Aurobindo, he listened with solicitous silence, and thereafter asked me to repeat what I had seen of the Lord. Yes, he was of golden complexion, radiating golden light — the supreme Sun of all suns. Many years of intense Yoga had indeed mellowed down his otherwise light brownish dark complexion but still he was not golden yellow as I had seen him, said N. He then added: "Once he (Sri Aurobindo) told us that his subtle physical body had that complexion." Nevertheless I had to go by what my eyes had seen, pratyakṣa pramāṇa. When I had the unique good fortune of having his darshan again in August, 1950, then too I saw him as before as the ultimate of golden radiance. What could be seen only after absolute and impeccable purification of the senses and by deep and profound reflection was revealed to me by his transcendent Grace.

My adoration and my gratitude are laid at his refulgent feet.

- V. Madhusudan Reddy

(The Alchemy of Her Grace – Grateful Remembrances by V. Madhusudan Reddy, published by Institute of Human Studies, Hyderabad, 1996, pp. 1–8)