Memories of First Darshan

First Darshan

In 1959, I started living at a place called Acharya House on Chetty Street where the main Ashram is located. This housed the Blind People's Association and Mr. Acharya, who was himself blind, was Secretary of the Association and lived in one of the rooms downstairs. There was a Gujarati family who lived in the other rooms on the ground floor. I rented the upper floor which had three tiny rooms, but it also had a wide terrace, which was a boon in the climate of Pondicherry. But the greater boon was that it was close to the main building of the Ashram. Those days the Mother used to give her 'Darshan' to the devotees every morning from the balcony of this building.

At that time, my attraction towards the Ashram was mainly by reading material on Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. The writings of Sri Aurobindo were too difficult for me to understand — particularly his book 'Savitri' and 'The Life Divine' — so I left them for a better period of my life when I hoped to become a little more mature. But his essays were not so difficult. However, the Mother's writings were simple and fantastic. In her simple way, she explained the most intricate of subjects. The added attraction was her Darshan every morning, which I received by standing on the road behind the main building and admiring her wonderful, peaceful and loving countenance.

Now as everyone knows, the Mother used to bless individuals on special occasions. I too desired this "personal" Darshan.

It was 15th August, the birthday of Sri Aurobindo. We lined up in a single file and entered in an extremely peaceful and quiet manner to obtain her blessings. I also went and knelt before her and she laid her hand on my head and blessed me. This was my first encounter. I found an extremely impressive, rather old figure, frail but fairly strong and her deep eyes, looking directly into mine. People — particularly some sadhaks in the Ashram — had told me earlier, "She passes spiritual power through her eyes when she gazes into yours. So do not be surprised and keep looking into her eyes till she herself will indicate that your turn is over." "Imbibe as much as you can," was the consistent advice.

Alas, being what I was, although I saw love and attraction, I did not feel the passing of any power or any supernatural feeling. But one thing was clear — she had absolutely clear, deep and beautiful eyes; very rarely have I seen (in my medical profession) such lovely eyes at that age! There was only a feeling of benevolence and I was tremendously fascinated.

I came back with a deep sense of respect and a sort of attachment, just like a small child for its mother.

The second Darshan came in December. By this time, I had made many friends in the Ashram — I was their physician and it was natural that we often talked about the Mother and Sri Aurobindo. As always, everyone started getting ready for Darshan. However, I had been going daily for her Darshan from the balcony. Those days I was the lone senior physician and work often kept me busy from morning till late in the evening or sometimes even at night. But that day, I was free. My Ashram friends were surprised that I did not go for this 'special' Darshan. They were not happy that I had avoided it and were even annoyed that I missed it, especially since I was free. When asked, I had to explain to them why I had done so.

I asked them, "Do you love Mother?"

They nodded, "Yes."

"Okay, then sit here, in the chair and move your hand two thousand times. How do you feel now? I cannot be the one to create such a strain for her — my mother. By not going, I am reducing the number of times she has to raise her arm and hand. I can close my eyes and easily imagine seeing her today or else go to the balcony tomorrow and have her Darshan."

Needless to say they were dumbfounded.

One of them said, "But the Mother likes it. She loves to bless her children!"

Smiling, I told him that he may be right but I strongly felt I was also not wrong.

- D. B. Bisht

(Mother and Me by D. B. Bisht, published by Sri Aurobindo Society, 2004, pp. 20–22)