Memories of First Darshan

Meeting Sri Aurobindo

VISITORS to Savitri Bhavan quite often ask me whether I met Sri Aurobindo. As I came to Auroville in 1970 at the age of 28, I have to tell them that I was never blessed with his physical Darshan. Nevertheless, I count the day on which I first came to know about him as the turning-point in my life. It was a Sunday afternoon in April 1969. I think the date was April 23rd, but have never been able to verify it.

The spring of 1969 was the nadir of my life. All the things I had placed my hopes in seemed to have failed. I seemed to be caught in a long dark tunnel, with no gleam of light in front, no way out to be seen or felt. Seeking for guidance, I had turned to the Chinese Book of Changes, the I Ching, a great oracle which had given light in the past. The message I received was "It is advisable to meet a great man." This advice only deepened my sense of despair. I felt that I had searched everywhere, and had come to the conclusion that there were no more great men left in the world. In this state of mind, I went to visit someone I knew only slightly — and met Sri Aurobindo!

When I reached my friend's flat I was surprised to find it packed with young people. They were all sitting on the floor, while on the only sofa, at one end of the room, sat two men who seemed much older than any of us. One of them was giving a talk, in clear and understandable English, but with a strong German accent. As he spoke, I had a remarkable experience. As he touched on various topics which interested me a lot, or which had interested me earlier, I had the feeling that all these topics corresponded to rooms inside my head — rooms which had been closed, shut off from each other, but which, as he spoke, suddenly opened up and interconnected . . . and showed a clear way ahead, a way to go on living.

Since I had come into the middle of the talk, I did not know who or what was being spoken about. At the end, as people stood up and began to move away, I rushed up to the man who had been speaking and said "Who was that? Who were you talking about?" — "Sri Aurobindo." I was amazed. For at least 10 years I had been on the look-out, searching for answers. Over the previous three years that search had become intense, a real quest. I thought I had heard of everyone, read everything. How was it possible that in all that time I had never even heard the name of this man who held the key?

Later on, as I began to read Sri Aurobindo's books and learn more about him, I realised that in fact I had heard his name before, and that on several occasions I had been touched by his influence without recognising it. I had even been given opportunities to meet him earlier — but had not been ready. It had been necessary to go down into that blackness, in order to become ready to meet the Great Man who could save me. In fact what the I Ching means by 'a great man' is a realised soul, or more: a vibhuti or an avatar.

So what was the key that I was looking for? Since my teens, in fact since the spring of 1956, when I first began to grow aware of the larger world around my home, my family and school at the time of the Hungarian Uprising, I had felt distinctly that the world could be better, should be better, and that there must be a way to help it become better for everyone, that in fact finding and living that way would be the only worthwhile thing to do with one's life. I had been searching and experimenting, and — as I said before — felt that I had come to a dead end, with no way out, nothing worth living for.

The key that was given on that momentous Sunday afternoon — and how obvious it seemed, once it had been shown! — was that although our present state of consciousness is very evidently unable to cope with all the problems that are confronting it, higher states of consciousness are possible: evolution is not finished, it is on-going; future evolutionary developments will be developments of consciousness; and even now there already exist psychological self-disciplines that can be practised to arrive at higher states of consciousness that are not yet normal to humanity, that are closer to that future consciousness that will command the wisdom and power to fulfil all our dreams and aspirations of a nobler, truer, happier, richer life on earth for all beings. Sri Aurobindo is the Great Man who has shown us this possibility, given us this key to a more meaningful and worthwhile life.

The two men who brought that message to myself and my friends were Dick Batstone, who at that time was looking after the Sri Aurobindo Centre in Bell Street, near to Regent's Park, and the speaker with the German accent, Jobst Muehling. Over the next six months Jobst became a friend and mentor to that motley group of young people. He was in London trying to find a publisher for a very comprehensive compilation he had prepared, drawing on all the then available published writings of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, entitled "The Psychology of Integral Yoga". So far as I know, that book has never been published. But over the weeks and months after that first occasion, Jobst used to come to that same basement flat in Earls Court and read passages from it to 15 or 20 young people assembled there. It very often happened that quite a number of them fell asleep in the course of the evening. Jobst said it didn't matter, subconsciously they would be absorbing the vibrations. But I did not fall asleep — I was soaking up the precious words like a sponge. To this day I feel the benefits of that early initiation into Sri Aurobindo's unique revelation of the planes and parts of our being, and our connection with the unfolding universe.

Outwardly there was no change in my life at first. I continued my work at the Library Association, near Russell Square and the British Museum. This entailed about an hour's journey back and forth on the Underground, during which I read one or another of the books lent to me by Jobst. I remember too reading A Practical Guide to Integral Yoga in my lunch hour. There was a quiet lounge upstairs at the Association, which always seemed to be deserted at lunchtime. There I gazed at the small photo of the Mother printed at the front of the book, and tried to open myself to her. One evening on my homeward journey, I was reading The Bases of Yoga. And suddenly, one of Sri Aurobindo's letters seemed to reveal to me the very reason why I had taken birth this time. It was another overwhelming experience, on a deeper level from that first meeting. Instead of going home as usual, I went to Jobst's place and told him what I had understood. "In that case," he said "Take The Synthesis of Yoga and make it your bible."

At that time there was no bookshop in London where one could buy Sri Aurobindo's books. Instead we sent an order to Carlo Schuller in Zurich. When he sent the book, he also sent a photo of the Mother, and some information about Auroville — a project we knew nothing about at the time but which was to become my home from 1970 onwards.

Of course, in my youthful enthusiasm, I was quite over-optimistic about what I might be able to achieve by following Sri Aurobindo. Now, almost 40 years later, I look back, amazed at how much time has passed since that moment of meeting, and how very little, really, I have been able to change in myself in all that time. But the journey from there to here, under his protection and guidance, has been so rich and meaningful, has brought such hope, even the certitude of a better future, of a certain Victory: although the length of the journey is unsure, the Goal is assured. On this path, no effort is wasted . . .

All gratitude to Sri Aurobindo!

When you have once set out on this path, you will find that no step is lost; every least movement will be a gain; you will find there no obstacle that can baulk you of your advance.

— Sri Aurobindo (Essays on the Gita, CWSA, Vol. 19, p. 95)

- Shraddhavan