Memories of First Darshan

You Are My All

In 1920 I heard Sri Aurobindo's name for the first time. I heard that Sri Aurobindo, a political leader, was doing yoga and always remained six inches above the ground! Naturally I was impressed by this. But slowly the memory faded. Then I heard his name again. In our school we had several boy-scout troops. Each of them was named after some great person — Vivekananda Troop, Tilak Troop, etc.; our troop was called "Aravinda Troop".

. . .

The aunt of our Kamalaben, Bhaktiba, was fond of me. I worked with her, as a volunteer works for his leader. In January 1924 Bhaktiba returned from a visit to Pondicherry and went to stay at Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel's house. One afternoon I was spinning cotton in my hostel, for it was my day to do twenty-four hours' non-stop spinning. Bhaktiba sent Sardar Patel's nephew to me with a message, though it was four miles away from Sardar Patel's house. He came and said simply, "Bhaktiba has come from Pondicherry. She wants to see you."

I was spinning. The word "Pondicherry" went on re-echoing in my being. And in one moment everything else dropped away. . . . Everything was obliterated from the canvas of my consciousness. Only one thing remained: Pondicherry.

In this state of mind I went to meet Bhaktiba. She knew of my inner aspiration and my way of life. I would have done anything for her. She said, pronouncing my old name, "Chunnibhai! your place is not with us. Your place is with Aravinda Babu. Go to him."

I was only a youth. She was telling me to go to Aravinda Babu, but how should I go? Bhaktiba got permission for me from Sri Aurobindo and arranged everything for my trip. On 11 July 1924 I reached Pondicherry with my wife Kashibai — we had been married at the age of eight.

We arrived at the Ashram and sat at the place where the gate-keepers sit now. Amrita, then a young lad, came and said, "Chunnibhai, go upstairs. Sri Aurobindo is waiting for you." We both went up.

Dark-complexioned and lean, he was sitting in a massive chair. He asked, "Why have you come?" I answered, "For yoga." "What do you know of yoga?" he asked. But before I could answer he started speaking about yoga, and continued for almost an hour. He said many things, but I remember only this: that my heart simply became his and has remained his up to now, even after sixty-five years. People have questions and doubts, but no doubt ever arose in my mind, my heart never questioned. I felt, "You are my all. This is my life, this is my home." I did not call it "the Ashram", I called it "home". I had this unshakable conviction: "Sri Aurobindo is my Lord and Pondicherry my home. Whatever they have belongs to me. So I do not have to think of anything."

Kashibai offered her gold bangles to Sri Aurobindo. He asked, "What shall I do with them?" I replied, "You decide. If you want, sell them." And that one Darshan changed everything. Everything was settled.

. . .

For me, even before I came here, Sri Aurobindo was more than Lord Krishna.

Sri Aurobindo named Mirra Alfassa as the Mother in November 1926; but for me she had been the Mother since my first visit in 1924, even though I had not seen her then. In 1924 she was living in seclusion and people had to take special permission to see her. To some it was a question, "Who is the Mother?" but never for me.

- Dyuman

(As recorded by Shyam Kumari in How They Came to Sri Aurobindo and The Mother, Volume 1, published by Mother Publishing House, Bombay, 1990, pp. 1-3. The text was drafted by Shyam Kumari and seen and approved by Dyuman.)