Sri Aurobindo's writings on himself (excluding the letters in volume 35) and other material of historical importance.
Sri Aurobindo's writings on himself (excluding the letters in volume 35, Letters on Himself and the Ashram) and other material of historical importance. The volume is divided into four parts: (1) brief life sketches, autobiographical notes, and corrections of statements made by others in biographies and other publications; (2) letters of historical interest to family, friends, political and professional associates, public figures, etc; also letters on yoga and spiritual life to disciples and others; (3) public statements and other communications on Indian and world events; (4) public statements and notices concerning Sri Aurobindo's ashram and yoga. Much of the material is being published here for the first time in a book.
THEME/S
[1]
Pondicherry May 12. 1921
Dear Durgadas
I received day before yesterday your letter and the Rs 400 you sent me. I accept the money and shall use it for the house for those who come to me for the Yoga. The house is taken and will be ready on the 15ᵗʰ.
There is no reason, no just reason for your indulging the state of mind which is expressed in your letter. You write as if you were not accepted and there was no hope for you. That is not so. Those who sincerely give themselves to me, cannot be rejected. All that was intended in what Barin and Satyen have told you, is that you should come with a complete self-giving and a readiness to renounce everything in you that may be an obstacle to the completeness. The main obstacles in you are an emotional self-indulgence and the ahankara of work etc to which you seem to give a greater importance than to the greater and deeper object of the Yoga. Our Yoga is solely for the development of the divine consciousness in man and all the rest is secondary, work only valuable as the expression of the Divine in the individual and it is to be done by the Divine, not with the ego, not as a work that is yours or to be done by you for the satisfaction of the sense of the অহং কর্তা in you. Equally an emotional self-indulgence will stand in the way of the true calm and Ananda which belong to the divine consciousness. If you are ready from the beginning to recognise the difficulties in your own nature, they can be easily removed; otherwise you will have to face much internal trouble and suffering in the
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first stages of the sadhana. The Sangha of our Yoga must be of men who give up the lower consciousness and the lower nature in order to assume the higher and divine. The formation of a commune for the sake of a particular "work" is not at all the true ideal. It is only as we all grow into the Divine that the true sangha can be created. This you ought to understand clearly and try to fix in yourself before you come here. This also you must understand that I cannot reject yourself and take your money. Money is nothing; it is a mere means and convenience which God will give me whenever and to whatever degree he wills for his purpose. It is yourself, your soul that matters.
Try to understand these things in their true light so that you may be ready, when [you come], to receive completely what I have to give you. Meanwhile put yourself in spiritual relation with me, try to receive me with a passive and unobstructing mind and wait for the call to come here. As soon as I am ready, I shall call you.
As for the others of whom you write, you may speak to them of me hereafter, but you must leave it to me to decide about their fitness and what is best for them. All cannot come to me immediately and each case must be decided according to the truth of the being of each and the will of the Divine with regard to him.
Aurobindo
[2]
[29 December 1927]
Answer1
The "Sadhak-Bhav" is Anilbaran's translation of one of several pieces that are being put together and published by Rameshwar under the title "The Mother". There seems to be no great utility in publishing a separate translation of it and the English of it is out of question since that has been given to Rameshwar.
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Anilbaran says his translations cannot be published in book form without serious revision and he is no doubt right. If it is published at all it will have to be given to R, who wants all the things from here that can be given to him.
Some four months ago Durgadas wrote a letter about a friend of his; the letter passed out of my memory and no answer was given. The photograph sent shows nothing. As for the illness, it is evidently a disease of the physical nerves—these diseases attack at various places and create or simulate different illnesses. Probably it is an after result of the ravage on the organism created by the Kalazar. In most cases it indicates a weakness in the vital being which opens it to pressure from hostile influences belonging to the lower vital worlds.
[3]
I had given Barin an answer to your former letter, but it may either not have been sent or else delayed or lost owing to the railway strike.
A paper of the kind you are undertaking is not part of my work. My only work is that which is centralised at Pondicherry under the control of the Mother. What she gives to the sadhaks to do elsewhere or accepts as helpful for the present or the future is part of the work. All else belongs to the old movements or to the outside world. So long as one has the old mentality and is still living the old life, he can always undertake anything of the kind and according to his fortune and capacity succeed or fail. I may give some help if there is any good reason for it, but I can undertake no responsibility for the work or its results.
Suresh is not at present "one of us", on the contrary he has left and taken a hostile attitude. Your request to Nalini and others [ ]2 to go over there as editor is made without any knowledge of the present condition of the Sadhana and the present mentality of the Sadhakas here. You write as if all were
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as it was seven or eight years ago, but everything is changed since then and such things are no longer possible.
You write about your pres[ent] [incomplete]3
[4]
It is difficult to understand anything precise from Durgadas' letter. I gather that his personal and his financial condition are not very good and that his inner condition, if not too bad, is not famous, finally that he is empty of vital force and the joy of life. All that, however, is exceedingly imprecise and does not help me to help him. The source of his difficulty is in his mind; it is too full of uncertainties, useless complexities and twistings upon itself and hesitations and খটকা generally, to give his inner heart and life-force and spiritual force a real chance. If he wants effective help, he ought to lay himself open entirely to us and receive without hesitation our influence.
As regards this paper, I cannot say that it has any very particular connection with my work; but under present conditions there is no reason why he should not take part in it.
Finally about Moni whom he proposes to call, write to him that Moni has left us and is no longer "one of us". On the contrary, he has become hostile to us and is campaigning against my work so that there can be no question of inviting him there.
[5]
[June-July 1929]
Nalini
Write to Durgadas (in Bengali) a letter to the following purpose.
It is hardly practicable to send anyone from here so far as Bhubaneshwar to bring him. We had wired to Jyotish Mukherji to stop there and bring him, but Jyotish had started before
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receiving the wire. The next person expected from Bengal is Hrishikesh Kanjilal and we can ask him to do it; but this will take some time. If Durgadas is anxious to come at once, it will be better for him to make his own arrangements in the matter.
As to the money he needs, if he absolutely cannot get from home or his friends, we will see about it. But it will be better if he can arrange, for the expenses of the Asram are heavy and always increasing, and at present money is not coming in freely.
Next, about his stay. In his former letter he spoke of coming for a few days to settle certain matters, but in this letter he speaks casually of not returning; but there is no clear statement that he wants to settle down in Pondicherry for good. The conditions here internal and external have very much changed from what they were when he was here before. The conditions are in many respects much more rigorous and there is a strong pressure in the atmosphere for concentration in the sadhana and for change of the nature. It will have to be seen if he can accommodate himself to the conditions or bear the pressure. If he can, then there can be no objection to his staying here. But those who stay here for the Yoga find usually that other interests that do not come within its scope fall away from them or recede to a distance. If it is decided that he stays, he must be prepared for that change.
He writes in his letter as if he wanted to see me and talk about his paper and other enterprise. But that is impossible. I see no one except on three days in the year, and even then I speak with no one. All that people have to say to me, they communicate orally to the Mother or in writing and, afterwards if there is a decision to be made, it is made by her in consultation with me. There can be no exception to this rule.
As to his health, there is no reason why in itself the subjection to fever, weakness or intestinal illness should be incurable. Only, he must be able to open himself altogether to the Power. When people practising Yoga suffer in this way, it is more often than not because there is a disharmony between the Force that is working in them and some parts of the mind and the vital and physical nature, some resistance or some unwillingness or inability to open up to it. Part of the nature opens, but part shuts itself
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up and follows its own impulses and ideas; a disequilibrium, disturbance or illness is the result. Moreover, if he wants to recover, he must have the faith and the will to do so. He must not always be thinking of death or see it as the inevitable result; he must make up his mind to cure.
Finally, he wrote in his first letter about making a will. What his meaning is, is not clear—in this matter, his ideas and mine differ. But all that can best be settled, when he is here. The best thing for him will be not to make farther hesitations and difficulties, but anyhow arrange or manage to come—once here, there can be, in Chandernagore language, a general "clearance".
[6]
9, Rue de la Marine Pondicherry
July 5, 1929.
To Durgadas Shett
Hrishikesh has wired on the 2nd from Sherpur (Mymensingh) that he will start in a week and bring you to Pondicherry with him. I do not know if he has written or wired to you, so I write to inform you. Please arrange to come with him, if you are not in a condition to come alone. To bring someone else would be very inconvenient and might lead to awkwardness; for it has been for a long time the rule of the Asram to admit for residence only sadhaks of the Asram itself, disciples who come for a visit or short stay, people who come with special permission for initiation in Yoga, and, in some cases, those who come,—again with special permission,—for darshan on the days in the year on which Sri Aurobindo comes out. Outsiders who do not fall within these classes are not allowed to stay in the Asram, but are supposed to make their own arrangements elsewhere.
There is one thing which I should mention and of which I omitted to write in my last letter. You have written of the
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work in which you have been recently engaged as if it were part of Sri Aurobindo's work and of those who are with you in it as if they were among his spiritual followers or disciples. But in matter of fact Sri Aurobindo knows practically nothing about what you are doing and nothing at all about those who are helping you. When you wrote to him about the "Swadeshi Bazaar" you yourself expressed a doubt as to the possibility of this enterprise having any connection with his work and his reply was that there was none. But as he understood that it was to be a weekly review with a special interest in economics and Swadeshi industry and trade, he could make no objection to your taking it up if that took your fancy. He does not interfere as a rule with the external activities of those who are not members of the Asram and therefore self-bound to its spiritual aim and discipline or who have not made a complete surrender of their inner and outer life to his direction and control. Recently, however, since your last letters to him, Sri Aurobindo has been informed that those who are now with you are political workers of a particular school. If that is so, it is rather surprising that you should still think it possible to connect this work of yours with Sri Aurobindo's. You must surely be aware that he has cut off all connection with politics and that his work is purely spiritual and he does not support or have any kind of connection with any political school or group or party. It is also a rule of the Asram that any one entering it as a member must give up all political connections and cease from any activities of that kind. I write this in order that any misunderstanding there may be should be cleared up, first in your own mind and afterwards here in a complete explanation of all matters when you come.
[7]
Pondicherry 26 November 1930.
My dear Durgadas,
I reply today to your letter; I think my answer will reach you by the 29th instant.
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Of the three proposals you put before me, it is the first, that of a lump sum of Rs 50,000, which recommends itself to me.
The third is hardly possible since it would be extremely difficult and inconvenient, not to say impracticable, for me to realise the rent of a house in Calcutta.
The second proposal seems to me to be a little wanting in definiteness and, at any rate, I would prefer something speedy and final to a temporary arrangement for a number of years. I would not recommend to anyone the acceptance of the Government promissory note at 3½ per cent, if he had a better choice; those of the kind we have had to deal with were worth in the market less than 2 of their face value. Moreover, this is a kind of investment for which I never had any liking. I gather from your letter that you are yourself not at all certain what will be realised from the property coming to you under this arrangement.
There remains the question about the Bank. The simplest way would be to deposit the money in the Imperial Bank, Calcutta, which is in relation with the Banque d'Indo-Chine, Pondicherry, and to send a cheque signed by the Imperial Bank in the name of the Mother (Madame M. Alfassa) which we could easily get cashed here. If the cheque were in my name, it would not be so easy, as my signature is not known to the Bank in Calcutta and I have no account with the bank here nor any transactions with it in my own name. We can however consider this matter hereafter when the time comes and decide on this or any other alternative. I mention it at once because it is the simplest and most convenient and we have employed it already, so that it seems to me superfluous to seek for any other way.
Sri Aurobindo
[8]
Pondicherry. 9.12.30
Your letter of the 3d instant reached me only on the 8th afternoon, owing to the breakdown of railway communications between Madras and Pondicherry. You must have received the
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telegram dated the next morning in answer. I perfectly understand the financial advantages of your second and third proposal, especially the last; but my experience is that clear cash transactions turn out usually to be the best. In these long term or transactional arrangements I have found most often that circumstances independent of the giver or receiver have interfered and upset the calculated advantages. I therefore stick to my original preference.
The usual charge made by the Bank is 2 as [annas] per cent, which would amount for a sum of Rs 50,000 to Rs 62.8,4 and if the cheque is in the Mother's name (it must be in the form given to you in my last letter, Madame M. Alfassa), they would probably make a reduction in the charges. A cheque from the National Bank would, I suppose, serve also; only there would be more delay in converting it because there are no direct relations of that Bank with the Banque d'Indo-Chine.
[9]
24.4.33.
Durgadas
The Mother's protection is always with you. Trust in her always and call down her peace and strength and light in you to still the restlessness and fill the vacancy with calm and force and joy and ease.
[10]
Pondicherry 30.4.34
Durgadas,
I have received your letter of the 26th. It is not necessary to make any arrangements for the interest—we shall be able
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to manage. What is more important is the way of sending. On no account must you cut the papers in half. It was publicly proclaimed by the Government some years ago—I do not know how it is that so many people are still ignorant of it—that they would not be responsible for cut notes. We have had much difficulty with cut bank notes, and Government paper cut like this will not at all be recognised and accepted. I must ask you therefore to make some other secure arrangement for sending the papers.
You have written nothing about yourself and how you are getting on. I hope you will let us know in a future letter.
[11]
14.5.34
As regards the sending of the Government paper there is a perfectly simple method which will involve no trouble. It is to endorse the Notes in favour of Duraiswami's bank in Madras and give them to its branch in Calcutta which will forward them to Madras. Duraiswami has often negotiated for us large sums in Govt promissory notes and in bank notes through his bank, so there will be no difficulty. I have asked Duraiswami to draw up a letter of instructions so that you will know exactly what to do and I am enclosing it with this. You have only to follow the instructions in his letter.
[12]
I had intended to write to you as soon as I had received your offering, but as you told us not to send any letters before knowing your new address I could not do so. I decided to realise the Government Notes as I was informed that they would lose in value and I have placed Rs 50,000, the sum originally agreed
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upon in the Asram account from which money cannot again be diverted for other uses, and kept the rest (Rs 25000 about) free for use.
I gather from your letter that your health has not improved and is sometimes very bad leading to occasional crises. But from what you describe and from what I know, I believe that this ill-health is due to the weakness of the nervous system—the vital physical and the nervous envelope and not to any specific illness. If so, it can be got rid of by strengthening that part. You should determine on that and dismiss in future any depressing suggestions and certainly never think for this or any other reason of leaving the body. I understand from what you write that inwardly you have progressed and received much help. Since that is so, you have every reason to be confident since you will certainly receive more and not less help now and be able to make the progress which is still needed.
You have not given any indication of what you are doing. You had written before that you had certain things to clear up from the past before you came here. How far has that been done? I see from your letter that you are in difficulties for money,—but why then did you not write? I have no idea of what you stand in need of, but I am sending you a sum of Rs 100 to go on with and you will let me know at an early date what you need. But I must be sure of your address before sending letter and money so I despatch a telegram tomorrow reply paid to make sure of that.
Do not hesitate to write or to ask or tell openly what you need to ask or tell. I wish to have letters regularly from you keeping me informed of all that concerns you. I may not be able to answer always, at least personally, for I am overpressed with work and it is only on Sundays that I am a little free, but whenever necessary I will write and you will get besides whatever invisible help you need from me.
30.9.34.
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[13]
28.10.34
It is unfortunately impossible for me to write letters with punctuality and at length—for most letters written outside I have to rely on Nolini who writes them from my directions and even so nine out of ten have to go unanswered; yet I have not sufficient time for my work. There are only three people outside the Asram besides yourself to whom I make it a point of writing personally, but the result of the conditions is that I can write to them only when I find a little time, usually on Sunday. For the same reason I have to write briefly. But you know by experience that help can come silently and letters, though necessary under the existing conditions, are only a minor help.
As to the past, you have written that your difficulties have been solved. I need not therefore return to that, except to say that I consider you took the right attitude and the right course as regards your share in the family property. I think that includes everything and I need say no more.
I am sorry to hear of your continued bad health. There is evidently a weakness in your aura or nervous envelope which allows these invasions of the forces of illness. That can only be set right by a strengthening of this nervous envelope. That can be done partly by a healthy climate and a life without anxieties, but the only radical cure is to bring down the strength of the higher consciousness into the nervous being and the body and refortify the nervous envelope. This depends on the progress of your sadhana. Meanwhile report to me from time to time the state of your health and I will see what can be done.
I have read carefully what you have written about your sadhana but I should like to know more precisely and specifically the exact stage you have reached and how the Force is working in the different planes of your being.
I would also like to know whether you would care to receive the letters on Yoga (usually called messages) circulated in the Asram? Not many go out nowadays, but sometimes I write still
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and one here or there may be useful to you. If so, I will ask Nolini to send to you. However, most of those recently written are being published shortly in a book to be called "Lights on Yoga".
Finally about your idea of marriage. On this I should like to have more precise information about the girl and, if possible, a photograph of her. It is evidently a step of great consequence that you propose. Is it the life of a householder you propose to lead or is the marriage solely with the idea of sadhana in life together?
[14]
[January 1935]
I had intended to write about your sadhana, but, as recently there have been many difficulties in the work that I had to overcome, I could make no time.
In answer to your last letter I would say that when you have had the experiences and realisation you have described, nothing ought to discourage you. It is true that even after one has the consciousness in the inner being, it is still difficult to bring out it or its results in the outer being and the life. But that is a difficulty which all have and it can be overcome by patient sadhana and time.
One thing these realisations ought to remove from you—the idea of giving up the body. Once there is the inner consciousness established, the possibility of realisation in the outer life [ ]5 is established also and, whatever the obstacles and difficulties, the disappointments from people or circumstances, the idea of giving up the body ought not to arise.
Two things especially are needed for the life-realisation to take form, an entire faith and equality of mind—not disturbed by anything that may happen, knowing that all happens for the best by the inscrutable Will—and the instrumentation of the Divine Force in the adhara. These must be established in the
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inner being, but also as much as possible in the outer nature. Men and circumstances may not come up to your expectation or to your demand on them—they seldom or never do, but it is not on them but on the Divine and on the Divine Force acting in you that must be your dependence.
Your letter about the sadhana made everything clear and precise as to inner things—but there is not the same clearness and precision about your outer life. What are your present circumstances—what you wish and intend to do, that is what I would like to know more clearly. Especially one thing, what I should do for you on the material plane. When you sent not only the Rs 50,000 first promised for the Asram, but the rest of your share of the estate, you wrote that you had kept something for your needs and would write whenever you needed anything more. I have also arranged on that basis. But I know nothing of what are your needs or how you would like me to meet them. I gathered, I do not know whether rightly, from something you wrote that my sending an insured letter raised comments. I would very [much] like to know what precisely I should send, at what intervals and in what way. It would set my mind at rest if I knew this, for it is difficult to act in material things without such precisions. I hope therefore you will not mind my asking.
[15]
27.1.35
I have written to you in my last letter about sending money—I would have sent at once on receiving your letter of the 14th, but you have asked me not to do so till you write to me—you indicate also an uncertainty about your address. I hope you will write at once and let me know what you need. There is no reason why you should have to rely on others. But I am in ignorance about your needs and had therefore to depend on your writing to me about it. If a clear and precise arrangement can be made
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so that you may not be in embarrassment at any time, that will be the best. Otherwise you ought not to hesitate to write to me each time as soon as it is necessary.
I do not know also very precisely what kind of work you envisage. Your letters have not given me any definite idea. Here in the Asram all is confined to the preparation for the spiritual change which is the object of the Yoga and work is only a field of practice for that change of the nature. It is a hard thing to achieve, our difficulties internal and external have been many, but until it is accomplished we have denied ourselves any other definite work, except some publication of books,—because the base must be there before there can be any structure. Apart from that, any work in the outside world can be taken in the same way as a field of exercise for perfection, for the harmonising of the inner growth and the outer action. But this is the general principle—the other question is that of the precise field and direction you want to choose.
As to your ill-health, what do you wish me to tell you? Treatment (if it is good) and change of climate when necessary suggest themselves; but at bottom the difficulty is a difficulty experienced by us all—the disharmony between the light and power that is coming down and the obscure body consciousness which is accustomed to respond to disharmonious forces. It is precisely this point at which we are labouring here—and, as always happens, the difficulties to be met become immediately acute. Take treatment if you find it helps you and change climate; but the inner victory here is the means of the final solution.
[16]
Pondicherry 24.2.35.
I was unable to write all these days as it was round about the 21st of February and at that time we are overflooded with
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people and letters and work of all kinds. I am still unable to write more than a few lines.
I am sending you Rs 100 by money order and I shall send the same sum from time to time. I now understand clearly the conditions of the past and what happened—those of the present are not quite as precise to me. I hope that if the money is exhausted before you receive the next instalment or if you need some special sum for a special purpose you will without hesitation write to me.
About other matters I hope to write more at length when I find a little breathing space.
[17]
I received your letter from Dehradun later than the day you had fixed for your departure, so I had to wire to ascertain if by any chance you were still there. Your frequent changes of address have stood in the way of any correspondence from here. It is impossible for me to write promptly and by the time I have written, you have generally moved away with no precise indication of the new address. I had sent you a money order for Rs 100 and a letter to Benares, but they were crossed by your letter announcing your departure and came back to me.
I had always wished to send you money for your expenses, but I did not know what you needed and it is difficult for me to fix anything,—that was why I had asked you. I have sent Rs 100. I do not know if Rs 50 a month would be sufficient; if it is not, you must not hesitate to tell me. You can also let me know the amount you owe to your friends so that I may remit the sum to you. All that is simply a matter of clear understanding and arrangement.
I am less clear as to the place where you should stay. If the atmosphere of the Asram were less troubled and there was less illness and attacks of turbulent forces, I would ask you to
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come and stay here. But considering your bad health and the sensitiveness and delicacy of your vital nature, I hesitate to do so, because I do not know whether you would be able vitally and physically to be at ease amidst this fierce struggle of forces on the physical and lower vital plane. On the other hand I am not fixed as to what climate or surroundings would suit you elsewhere or of any place where you could have what is necessary for me. If you could let me have some information as to possible places and their circumstances, it would be easier for me to decide.
You need not think that I am likely to abandon you or withdraw my spiritual and practical support for any reason or that I find any fault with you. You may be sure of my help and blessings always. In the inner being you know that I am with you, in the outer life I hope that developments will soon take place which will make it possible for the nearness to be externally realisable.
1.12.35
[18]
I am afraid I have delayed too long in sending you money. I hope you have not been put to inconvenience. In the heavy pressure of work I had not realised that so long a time had gone. I am sending a money order.
I have been unable to make a satisfactory arrangement anywhere for your staying. The only one that looks possible is an offer of Srish Goswami (formerly of Howrah, now in Jalpaiguri) to take a house for you near his in Jalpaiguri and look after you. He had not at that time room in his own house, which would have been the best arrangement. I do not know how Jalpaiguri would suit you. If you think it feasible, I can ask him to make the necessary arrangements and you can join him there as soon as things are ready.
I write this briefly only, so that the post may not be delayed.
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I shall answer your last letter before the 21st as I hope to have a little more time now.
12.2.36.
[19]
Pondicherry 8.6.36
I am glad you have informed me of your new address, but regret to see that the condition of your mind is so depressed and hopeless. Suicide is no solution of any spiritual problem or difficulty—it does not liberate from suffering after death, for the suffering in the vital continues; nor does it prepare better conditions hereafter, for the conditions created for the next life are worse and the same difficulties present then for solution. All suggestions of suicide come from a hostile force which wants to break the life and the sadhana. I hope that you will put away this thought from you altogether and for good. There is only one way [for]6 the sadhak and that is to maintain his trust in the Divine through all difficulties and sufferings, try to gather more and more fortitude and equality and freedom from all attachments till there is that strength and calm within on which the realisation can be securely founded.
As to the question you put me it is in the affirmative. Whatever help I can give you, I will give.
I do not write any more now than what is necessary as an answer to what you have written in your letter, so that this may not be delayed in posting.
I send my blessing. There is a Power of which you have at times been conscious which can carry you through. May it restore your faith and reliance and lead you to the conquest of yourself and Nature.
P.S I send you a money order for Rs 100. I hope it will find you.
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[20]
Pondicherry 29.6.36
I got your letter late and could not telegraph on Saturday, but as you mentioned Monday morning, I sent an urgent wire the first thing on Monday (this morning). I am writing you a letter (referring back for the purpose to your past letters so as to understand better if I can what you say on certain matters here), but as this takes long, I could not finish the reply—so I am writing this in the meanwhile. If you cannot wait (you speak of going away on Thursday) as I have asked in the wire, at least let me know that you have gone and give me your new address so that I may send it there.
Meanwhile very briefly I may say that I have failed to grasp clearly and distinctly what is the offence you consider yourself to have committed against the Truth (your Truth) which demands a punishment, no less than death. You are nowhere explicit in this matter so as to say to me "This or this is the offence and this the Truth against which I have offended." You touch on several points, your own offence, the evil men have done you, the evil I myself have done you (of which I was myself perfectly unconscious and certainly had no intention to do any,) the proposed marriage and my withholding of sanction, but on no point are there any precisions. I have therefore to answer in a general way and that cannot be very satisfactory to you.
Nevertheless let me say at once that suicide or letting oneself die—it comes to the same thing—can never be in my eyes a step in consonance with the Truth of things—it seems to me to be in itself an offence against Truth. If a punishment is to be inflicted on oneself for anything, it should be in the nature of an atonement—but the only atonement for a fall from Truth (supposing that there is one) is to persevere, to correct, to attempt again resolutely to embody the Truth in one's life till it is done.
Then again, for your marriage, if you firmly feel that to be
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the Truth for you or an indispensable part of it, I would be the last person to dissuade you from it. I have not done so and have left it to the Truth in you to work out your course as it did formerly in other matters. For the rest I shall explain what I mean in the longer letter. I write this only to make it clear that there is no opposition on my part, if your being demands this as a step to be taken in pursuit of its inner need. There is no reason, if that is a main point where you feel yourself unfulfilled, to despair and seek an issue out which is no issue.
Try to calm and control the agitation in you and do not allow yourself to be swept towards decisions which merely mean failure and disaster.
[21]
21.7.36
I have received your letter today and am sending the money, Rs 100 for July and August and Rs 150 for extra expenses, 250 in all. This is only to announce the despatch; as I do not want to delay it I do not write a letter.
I trust that the despair of the future will go and give place to renewed hope and strength to face life and journey towards the divine realisation.
[22]
25.6.37
I received your letter and take the opportunity of the first leisure I have had since to write just a line in answer.
I am glad to know that all is right and there is no such trouble or difficulty as you apprehended. I shall certainly do what I can spiritually for her welfare in the future.
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Convey my blessing and the Mother's to all your friends who have helped you. With yourself our love and blessings.
[23]
Pondicherry 24.5.38
I was glad to receive your letter and have news of you after so long a time. In your letter at the end you express your wish to live independently in a solitary place if you can get the help you need for that. I shall willingly give you all help for that. Will you let me know at once more in detail where or to what kind of solitary place you wish to go and what help you need (special and standing monthly expenses included) and I will see immediately to provide you.
If you wish at any time to come over here to the Asram for a period or permanently, you have only to let us know. It is not a solitary place—there are now some 170 people living a collective existence though each has his separate room and can, if he likes, live a retired life there; but it is not an independent and solitary life such as one can have when living apart in one's own individual way. Whenever you feel inclined, you might come here and see what it is and whether, in its present form, it will at all suit you. Later on, when we have the means, I hope to have a more elastic organisation when different ways of living, separate or close, may be possible.
As for what I wish about you, it had always been my intention as soon as I could do so in a way satisfactory to you and suitable, to ask you to join the life and work that I am preparing. I have not asked you so far because there is only this Asram where people are being prepared and nothing but the small internal work of the Asram itself—I did not want to start anything larger before everything was spiritually and otherwise ready. But if at any time you feel inclined and able to fit yourself
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into things as they are here, I shall be very glad to call you here at once. That would be altogether for you to decide in full freedom according to the needs of your nature.
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