My Savitri work with the Mother

12 February 1958

The next morning, as always, a card and white roses came from the Mother.

It was pretty difficult to leave Golconde, because in my apartment I would be all alone. I felt extremely dejected. But I could not help it—I decided to leave Golconde the very next day: 12th February. I got busy packing my belongings in a small case with tears in my eyes. In the evening I expressed my feeling to the Mother: "I feel awful to leave Golconde where I have stayed exactly three years. Mother, I do not really know how I will manage to run my apartment. I will certainly be lonely. What should I do?" My eyes glazed with sudden tears. She drifted into a trance. On waking she spoke soothingly:

Last night I went out in my subtle body. I took your consciousness from Golconde and brought it into your new apartment. It was so quiet and packed with a peaceful atmosphere. I sat on a divan in your sitting room as I had sat in reality when I had declared the apartment open yesterday.

You know, mon petit, the sitting room was filled with those beings whom you had drawn in your note-books on tinted papers. They came one by one from the books which are with me now, and assembled in the sitting mom. I wanted to be sure whether they were real. So I closed my eyes and saw with an occult eye that the books were absolutely blank, because the beings were sitting with us. We all meditated for half an hour. After that, I took back your consciousness to Golconde. When I came back to my apartment, I saw that those figures had returned to the books. Truly it was very nice.

I was amazed to learn all this from the Mother and wondered how the beings I had drawn could come out from the books. But I had heard many a time the Mother saying, after seeing the sketches and giving them meanings, that they were living. Spiritual occultism and its mysteries are incalculable. Much later, the Mother gave back to me all the note-books of drawings and asked me to keep them intact and preserve them preciously.

She held my hands and looked at me, her eyes shining like shimmering onyx. I raised my eyes to meet hers, and said: "Mother, I don't understand why in spite of my disbelief, scepticism, lack of faith, I pine for the Divine and that ardency brings tears to my eyes. It will definitely take ages for me to realise the truth of occult things and read the riddle of this life. Sometimes without rhyme or reason I weep. What is the cause? Am I mad?"

Her face broke into laughter when she answered:

No, my child. Tears sometimes fill your eyes when you have the intensity of Truth in you.

Everything was too much for me to grasp.

The following morning I received a card from the Mother, depicting a moonlit river; a number of deer stood on its bank. She had written on the card:

To My dear little child Huta

With a quiet and strong peace of eternal compassion

Alas! Peace? Where was it? It was not easy to obtain the divine peace. I had to pay a heavy price for that blissful peace. I had been desperate to get it back ever since I had lost it. The Mother had given me a unique experience in 1956 only for half an hour or so. I felt the pain of the loss almost beyond bearing and then the inability to achieve that state. Dull depression, anguished heart and restless mind had pinned me down for the past two weeks.

Indeed, with much regret I went to stay in my new house. I was totally at a loss in my big apartment. I did not really know where to start and where to end. I flung myself across my bed and lay there, too stunned by the swift passage of events and my own emotional turmoil even to cry.

I wanted to forget my difficulties, troubles and sufferings. So more and more I occupied myself in drawing pictures in my note-books. I sent some of them to the Mother. She remarked:

These pictures, as usual, are very good and full of promise for .future realisation.

Realisation? All these words seemed void, vain. How could I ever realise anything when I had lost peace of mind?

I started a new series of drawings. They were the expression of my psychic being. The Mother concentrated on them and wrote their significances which were too mystifying for me.