Sri Aurobindo : corresp.
THEME/S
PART V
SEX DIFFICULTY
The sex centre is the physical centre - it happens to be the centre for sex and physical propagation also, but it is not separately and solely the centre of sex. If that were so, there would be no centre governing the physical consciousness, but only a centre governing the sex organ.
The sex exists in itself - put a number of sexual men together debarred from all possibility of feminine society - after a time they will begin to satisfy themselves homosexually.
To raise the sexual impulses and feelings to the head is no way of turning the sex-fluid into ojas. To turn the sex-fluid into ojas is done by Brahmacharya and partly by a special uplifting process which only those who are ready for it and can do it can accomplish. To raise sexual feelings and impulses to the head can only make things worse.
Chastity in body, mind and speech is the usual definition of Brahmacharya.
The cosmic sex tries to push itself into me with a great force.
That is so. The individual in sex matters is only a puppet of the universal sex force.
I do not allow consciously any sexual thought, feeling and impulse. And yet the movement goes on.
It is because it is part of the heredity and has deep roots in the subconscient.
What do you think of my sex difficulty?
I think it is a nuisance.
Whatever gives trouble and interferes with what is to be done is a "nuisance".
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Last night was full of sexual dreams. Can nothing be done to stop them?
The waking vital must first be cleared of all consent to sex.
During dreams it is noticed that my vital and physical express strong desires for sexual enjoyment. In the waking state there is a natural control by the will which goes away at night.
That is because of the imaginations. If one indulges in sex imaginations in the waking, then the subconscient (if not the conscious vital physical) is stimulated, keeps the impression and can send it up at night. You must get rid of the habit of sex imagination.
Sex is more active at present. The subconscient sends up all sorts of past sexual impressions.
Keep yourself detached and refuse to be moved or touched by them.
You wrote, "I do not know any reason - except the push and continued force of the sex-element in the nature." But why is it more prominent and more active than before, even when my present state is of a luminous passivity?
The more conscious you become, the more it is felt so long as it is allowed to stay.
At present I am very busy with other developments, so could you not kindly withdraw this consciousness for a time?
That would mean going backward in the development.
But what is the use of my becoming more and more conscious, if I cannot control it?
Consciousness is necessary - otherwise it would mean that the sex would be there gathering still greater force for future activity. The control is not there because you do not put forth the necessary will-force.
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How is it that the power of becoming conscious increases so much, while that of control so little?
Because of a weakness in yourself which continues to let the thing remain.
Please show me in which way I have allowed it to remain. I thought I had always tried to separate myself from the sex when conscious as far as I could.
Trying in a half way is not enough. There must be the sustained resolution not to allow it. Detachment is only a first step. But something in the vital wants it, therefore your will is lazy about throwing it out.
When I am near women my vital or physical mind takes careful note of their gait, hair or dress. I do not know what the mind means by that. But these perceptions are supported only by the mechanical and restless parts of the surface mind, while the other parts feel much disturbed by them and call them "lunatic wanderings!
There is nothing harmful in such perceptions in themselves; one can observe anything, for the eyes are not meant to be blind. The question is how does the sex-instinct make use of the perceptions.
It is not always the attraction on our part that brings or creates the sexual pull. At times it is the mere presence of some particular type of women that does it. What we feel is our vital energy being drawn out.
Attraction is always the result, not the cause.
How is it my vital feels a special attraction towards some particular women?
Sex-appeal, perhaps - or in Z's case a pull from her.
Sex-appeal? But they are less beautiful than many others in the Ashram!
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Sex-appeal does not depend on being more beautiful than others or on being beautiful at all. It is a power in one vital of raising sex in another person's vital.
I think women are not to be blamed even if they pull consciously. If men want to conquer sex they have to detach themselves from the pull of women and make their vital strong enough to remain detached. Is it not so?
It is right except that the starting-point or rather starting line is the sex-weakness in the man and the woman's pull is only an immediate cause of its activity, not the fundamental cause. Moreover the sexual pull from the woman is not always conscious. Sometimes there is no pull from her; the man is attracted by the mere fact of her beauty or charm or even her femininity only while she herself has no sex desire at all. In such cases the man often fatuously imagines that the woman wants him, though it is quite untrue.
Apart from the sex difficulty of the vital, the body often feels a tendency to throw out something from the sex organ.
Is what is thrown out physical or subjective? If there is a strong excitement some liquid can come out - or in a spasm semen comes out and then it is called an emission. Sometimes semen comes out in certain illnesses by other means.
Is there no physical or psychological way of preventing the semen from being thrown out during sleep?
There is a way, if one can succeed in it - all don't. It is to put a strong will as concrete as possible (like putting a line or current of force) on the sex-organ not to have emission - this force or will is put every night before going to sleep. Some have succeeded in that way. But if one has a great activity of sex imaginations in the waking state, then it is difficult or may be so to control at night. Another thing is to accustom oneself by a will in the subconscient to wake before the emission comes.
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What are mental sex imaginations?
Mental sex imaginations are a form (the most subtle) of subtle indulgence. But if it is accompanied by sensation, then either the vital or physical must also be responding.
I told Dr. R that I get discharge of semen at night, mostly in connection with sexual dreams. He then asked if this happened during the waking state also. I replied, "Never." But there can be no connection between my sex imaginations during the waking state and the discharges, because the women in the dreams at night are not the same as the ones who enter into my imaginations.
It does not follow that there is no connection. These imaginations stimulate the sex-urge and that assumes in sleep the form of dreams with any feminine form known or unknown as the centre. Sometimes even the forms are vague, it is the dream of touch etc. that causes the emission. It is true the emission can take place even if there is no waking sex urge, especially if there is pressure of urine or constipation, but that is usually less frequent or can more easily be eliminated.
What I said was that, if there is the sexual mixing in imagination that is enough to depress the consciousness and outward mixing or not then becomes an immaterial question, for it can't bring down the consciousness worse than this kind of thing.
Can medical treatment cure an excessive sexuality? What it can cure perhaps is certain untoward results of sex on the body.
Some say it [sex] gets greater force by suppression than by leaving the ground free. But neither statement is true. All depends on the subjection of the consciousness to the sex or its power and will to control it.
Dr. R says that I get sex-imaginations because I do not mix freely with women.
Men mix freely with women in Europe - it doesn't prevent
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them from having sex impulses, thoughts or imaginations.
He says Europeans don't get so many sexual thoughts, impulses etc. like shy Indians.
That is not true - they have quite as many and they indulge them more freely.
Europe and America are full of free sex indulgence - they do not nowadays consider it a thing to be avoided but rather welcomed. But this is an Ashram and people are supposed to be doing a sadhana in which sex has to be surmounted. In the Ashram there are many who mix freely with all the sadhikas - they are certainly not free from sex. Avoiding also is not a panacea. One can avoid and have sex imaginations and desires. But it is absurd to say that avoiding is the cause of sex-imaginations and impulses or that mixing is a panacea for it.
It may be true that ordinarily mixing with women removes shyness etc., - though it is not always so, for many people are sex-timid by nature - but that is a means for ordinary life, not Yoga, and in ordinary life marriage is the direct means for getting rid of sex-uneasiness; marriage or else having love-affairs with women and satisfying the sex. But that is not the proper means for an Ashram and Yoga. In Yoga the proper means is to train the mind and vital to meet women without thought of sex, to look on them as sadhaks and human beings only, not as objects of sexual possession and enjoyment.
What is best for everyone is to be able to meet women without seeking out their company, to meet without being preoccupied with the sex. Shyness and uneasiness are usually signs of the sex-preoccupation unless they are constitutional, when they will be there for other things also, not for women only.
What is sublimation of sex as some people put it?
If the sex seeks the Divine Love and Ananda, it must be the
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sex that gets it - the sex impulse changed from a lower into a higher anandamaya sex impulse. That or mostly like it is what people mean when they speak of the sublimation of sex.
I see that some people have misunderstood about sex in the Yoga. Instead of its disappearance they seem to believe in its sublimation. Why not make a public announcement about its real place in the Yoga?
There are already letters on sex published in the Bases of Yoga - they have only to read the book. Every sadhak knows that the sex action is forbidden and the sex desire discouraged here; they have themselves written complaining of the sex-impulse continuing and praying that it might go. Why all that if they expect to enjoy rapturously or sublimely?
Sometimes the mind can detach itself successfully from sex, while at other times it finds it difficult even to make an effort!
If you can detach yourself successfully sometimes, it is a matter of perseverance to go on until the power to do so becomes automatic and always available. It may take long, but by perseverance it can be done.
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ILLNESS - THE FORCE AND MEDICINES
At present, for constipation I have to take a much stronger dose than before. And yet it is not fully effective. Have you anything to say?
No, except that it is a sign of great tamas in the body.
Are the conditions which allow Mothers Force to act in my body no longer there?
Evidently not. There must be either a steady power of the will to act as the instrument of the Force or a great habit of openness in the body - and these conditions don't seem to be there.
But even before this inertia came, I never used my will or made a conscious opening to the Force for my illness. And yet Mother's Force acted like a miracle!
Something was open in the consciousness which acted on the body - probably from the mind or the vital. But since the body-resistance and inertia rose up that indirect method is no longer effective.
Three hours are sufficient for digestion, though not for the full assimilation. That is why three hours after meals is given as the earliest time for taking an enema.
Between 3 and 6 I felt very hungry. But I think that this is not a true bodily appetite.
What is a true bodily appetite then? Hunger is of the body and its appetite. You will never get rid of your weakness and fatigue if you cling to artificial notions of that kind.
It is said that the feeling of hunger is vital - so hunger can be felt even when the belly is full.
Hunger when the belly is full is abnormal, but it is still physical and vital. Greed is vital.
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I thought the extra appetite of 3 p.m. might be connected with the emptiness in which the being feels void, so that the vital or physical might interpret it as empty = hungry.
Not at all. It is a physical phenomenon. Inability to eat is a sign of illness and disorganisation in the system - when that is being cured, it is quite usual for the appetite to return with a great and unusual force for a time. In the same way people who have starved themselves out of asceticism and lost the normal power of eating, become for a time great eaters when they stop and recover the normal condition.
This voidness is not a voidness of food or a feature of the physical forces. So there is no reason why it should tend to hunger.
Z had feelings of weakness, lassitude, the body being broken down and incapable in a very violent way. That was cured and with it his constant fits of vital despondency. But the latter were largely due to his not being able to lead a free vital life here.
Perhaps you meant that it was not so much the medicines that cured the depression, lassitude, etc. but your Force. And as Z was not so open to you directly, you had to use R and his medicines as a medium for transferring it. When your Force is transferred through somebody, does not the influence of his lower stuff also get transferred consciously or unconsciously?
Yes, it may be, if his lower stuff is self-assertive.
Wherever there are physical or nervous cases (depending on the body or the physical nerves) it is possible for the physicians to do something by removing these causes. R besides recommends a free vital life to his patients, so that whatever vital despondency, depression, lassitude, inertia is due to the vital's dissatisfaction at not getting indulgence may disappear.
The medical means have to be used when the mind, vital or body of the sadhaks is not responsive.
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We allow the vital to indulge its desires because of bad health. When the body is cured and is fit to resume the sadhana, will not the vital start again with its depression if denied its demands and satisfactions?
It may very well do that.
If the patient is in a state of physical collapse, I suppose he has to be put together again somehow.
Some sadhaks hold the belief that an illness is a cherishable thing, that it comes from the Divine to test our faith: it makes us remember the Divine more often than otherwise!
All that is quite wrong. Illness is a wrong movement of the body and is no more to be cherished than a wrong movement of the mind or vital. Pain and illness have to be borne with calm, detachment and equanimity, but not to be cherished - the sooner one gets rid of them the better.
The peace and quietude are normal and so are my aspirations in spite of the pain in the body.
Probably it is because you put yourself in connection with the Force - or, if you don't, then it may be because the vital becomes more subdued because of the pain, less rampant.
Occasionally does it not happen that the pain or illness becomes all the more violent because the force is put on it to throw it out?
It may for a time, but if the force is strong, quiet and persistent, it will get the better of the resistance - unless something in the consciousness supports the illness or is open too much to the adverse Forces, for in that case the struggle may be a long one.
Why could I not succeed in opening my self for the cure of the eyes as much as for the sciatica?
Because it is more material perhaps and the material is less receptive than the vital-physical.
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You can use the will, but take medicine also.
In the morning I take two slices of bread, at lunch time rice and one slice and in the evening four pieces of bread. I do not take plantains because it is hard to digest them.
Your food is all right. Plantains are helpful towards getting rid of constipation, but on condition you can digest them; if you cannot digest, then of course we cannot ask you to eat them. Have a quiet will always for the constipation to go and at the same time keep yourself open for the Force from above to work.
You must first have it seen whether there actually are [head] lice or not; it is easy to see. Flytox1 can be used, if there are, provided there are no ulcerations on the scalp - if there are it cannot be used. Flytox however can injure the eyes, so the eyes must be kept closed during the flytoxing.
1 The brandname of a disinfectant and insecticide.
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THE SUBCONSCIENT
Subconscient and material are parts of the lower nature.
The subconscient is the basis of conservation.
There is a general violent resistance by the vital in the sadhaks against change, a resistance for which there is no true reason except the subconscient unwillingness to alter the obscure foundations of human character.
Whatever may be the case with the general Nature, why has my vital opened itself so much to sensitiveness, resistance and gloom?
It has become like that with most because the subconscient root of these things has been reached, - being subconscient it is not dependent on reasons or causes but inherent in the habit of Nature and it keeps no measure or proportion but is vehement beyond measure whenever the slightest pressure comes upon it.
How are we to come out from the subconscient root?
By standing back from it and refusing to be made its instrument of the subconscient nature, - by a persistent will to live in the inner consciousness and live not for ego but for the Divine.
How is it that the "subconscient root" has been reached while the purification of the vital is still to be completed?
The descent into the subconscient was a necessity of the general sadhana, i.e. of the Divine Work. That descent could not be held up till everybody had conquered his vital nature or till you personally had done so.
What "Divine Work" is referred to here?
The work of the Yoga which includes the preparation for the Supermind. There is no other divine Work being done here, so the question as to what work has no meaning.
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When I asked how the violent resistence in the general nature came about, you answered, "Through the weakness and egoism of the sadhaks." Up to now, how did they restrain these defects?
They did not, but it is now made worse by the subconscient forces moving the egoism and weakness.
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SLEEP AND DREAMS
Is six hours of sleep at night enough?
Seven would be better at your age. Six is the minimum, at any time except in old age.
The ordinary period of sleep most people give themselves is 8 hours. In bad health (I am not speaking of acute illness) it can extend to 9. 12 hours is excessive unless one is seriously ill or recovering from illness or else has underslept for a long time and the body is making up arrears of needed sleep.
There is no reason at all why intensity of sadhana should bring insufficient sleep.
What is the cause of the "wrong kind of sleep" you spoke of?
The "wrong" kind is usually a heavy subconscient sleep - when inertia prevails, one is likely to get that kind of sleep.
Sometimes in my dreams, there is an accident or a dangerous happening. Its shock is felt even when I wake up.
It comes sometimes in dreams - there is an effect of some inner shock or alarm on the body consciousness, which lasts after the dream state is over.
At noon there is an urge to sleep. During the sleep I pass through ordinary or sometimes even lower dreams. And yet when I wake up I feel quite concentrated and withdrawn in peace. Today there was an utter silence for a long time.
One passes through several states in sleep or even some part of the being may be in the lower dreams, another in silence during the sleep.
I tried in the morning to concentrate on the sadhana but did not
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completely succeed. Yet when I got up from my noon nap, I found a great and spontaneous flow of force, which lasted through the whole evening. How could sleep bring about such an effortless state?
I suppose in sleep the mind and vital don't interfere - so the force called by the effort of concentration has its chance.
It is usually only if there is much activity of sadhana in the day that it extends also into the sleep state.
In dreams and visions how can we be sure that what we see or hear is from you or Mother and not from an anti-divine force taking your form or imitating your voice?
You cannot be sure unless you have sufficient experience and consciousness to discriminate. There are several people who have constructed an image of the Mother or myself and they1 come and say the things the person would like or expect them to say.
1 "They" refers to the images of Mother and Sri Aurobindo.
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CONSCIOUSNESS AND ENERGY
If we let energy go out in work, are we not open to any forces that can take hold of our mind?
Certainly not - if the consciousness remains within, there is no harm done by the energy being put out. The energy is meant to go out in work - even when there is right consciousness energy goes out. It is the consciousness that ought not to go out.
During work, how is the consciousness to be kept within when the energy goes out? Are consciousness and energy really the same thing?
If consciousness and energy are the same thing, there would be no use in having two different words for them. In that case instead of saying "I am conscious of my defects" one can say "I am energetic of my defects." If a man is running fast, you can say of him "He is running with great energy." Do you think it would mean the same if you said "He is running with great consciousness"? Consciousness is that which is aware of things - energy is a force put in action which does things. Consciousness may have energy and keep it in or put it out, but that does not mean that it has to go out when the energy goes out and that it cannot stand back and observe the energy in action. You have plenty of inertia in you but that does not mean that you and inertia are the same and when inertia rises and swamps you it is you who rise and swamp yourself.
Could you not kindly make the above point of consciousness and energy a little more clear?
How do you expect it to be made clearer to you except by self-observation and experience?
I requested more elaboration, because I want to use the knowledge for a practical use. The question is how to separate the consciousness from the energy when it is put out in action; can that
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not be done by the mind or the inner being? But the mind and the inner being are not consciousness.
Certainly the mind and the inner being are consciousness. For human beings who have not got deeper into themselves mind and consciousness are synonymous. Only when one becomes more aware of oneself by a growing consciousness, then one can see different degrees, kinds, powers of consciousness, mental, vital, physical, psychic, spiritual. The Divine has been described as Being-Consciousness-Ananda, even as a Consciousness (Chaitanya), as putting out a force or energy, Shakti that creates worlds. The mind is a modified consciousness that puts forth a mental energy. But the Divine can stand back from its Energy and observe it at its work, it can be the Witness Purusha watching the works of Prakriti. Even the mind can do that - a man can stand back in his mind consciousness and watch the mental energy doing things, thinking, planning, etc.; all introspection is based upon the fact that one can so divide oneself into a consciousness that observes and an energy that acts. These are quite elementary things supposed to be known to everybody. Anybody can do that merely by a little practice; anybody who observes his own thoughts, feelings, actions, has begun doing it already. In Yoga we make the division complete, that is all.
If the consciousness is by its nature detached from the mind and life, how is it that ordinarily it always goes out with the energy and loses its separateness?
It is not by its nature detached from the mental and other activities. It can be detached, it can be involved. In the human consciousness it is as a rule always involved - but it has developed the power of detaching itself - a thing which the lower creation seems unable to do. As the consciousness develops, this power of detachment also develops.
Not only so, the consciousness always feels a tendency towards identification or going out with the energy!
That is the normal movement of the Ignorance.
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When the consciousness is separated from the vital and physical, it is not easy to separate it from the mind. Even to make it realise that it is not the mind but something deeper and higher takes years of sadhana.
It is because man is a mental being and therefore closely identified with his mind.
When we try to separate ourselves from the mental activities we can't understand them properly.
A man with a very developed introspective mind often identifies himself with the witness part of his mind and observes his own thoughts and studies their nature. That is a beginning which makes it easy for the full detachment to come. For others it is less easy, but it can be done by all.
Is this power of detachment developed in the course of evolution in a universal way? This power might have been developed, but the animal nature in man is still much undeveloped.
In what other course than that of evolution could it have been developed? And what is meant by a universal way? It is in man that it is developed and it is not there in all men. What is an undeveloped animal nature in man? The animal nature is developed in the animal; in man it has to be humanised. The man who has learned to detach his mind from its activities can be merely a thinker observing his thoughts or creative mental activities and trying to perfect them or he may observe his vital nature also and try to perfect that by making it more mental, human and controlled by the thought and will. Obviously he can do that much better if he is detached and introspective than if he isn't - in fact the non-introspective man can only control his nature according to rules given him (morality etc.), he can't truly perfect it.
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WORK AS SADHANA
Two days back I resumed washing my clothes myself in spite of the sciatica. But there was a strong reaction on my body. I wonder why the body has become so weak.
It is better not to force the body at present.
If I don't increase work now, when will the body be capable of more work?
When the inner force (strength) comes down and occupies the body also.
About the mind in relation to study, you said, "If it refuses, of course you can't - unless you allow the Force to work through you." How am I to bring the Force down?
I was not speaking of the Force coming down from above, but of the Force from behind doing action through the mind and body as instruments. Very often when the mind and body are inert, their actions still go on by this push from behind.
How am I to make the "Force from behind" act through the mind and the body? What are its conditions and how does this Force differ from "the Force coming down from above"?
The Force from above is the Force of the Higher Consciousness. That from behind works as a mental, vital or physical force according to need. When the being is open to it and there is a certain passivity to its working, it takes the place of the personal activity and the Person is a witness of its action.
You seem to have written to Dilip that there is a special Force for the work and, if it is brought down, its action need not remain a separate thing from meditation. What is this Force for work?
It is the Mother's Force, naturally.
It is said that we should refer all our acts to the Mother. But I
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don't know how to refer and get her answer before doing actions.
There is no question of getting an answer. It is simply to offer the actions to the Mother and call her Force to guide or do what is necessary.
To Dilip you said, "... this is the thing that used to happen daily to the physical workers in the Ashram. Working with immense energy and enthusiasm with a passion for the work. The sense of rest and the flood of energy came after a call to the Mother's Force. " Which period of general sadhana were you referring to?
I was speaking of the time when the sadhana was in the vital and people had a great enthusiasm for work.
Have the Ashram people no such enthusiasm for work any more?
Enthusiasm belongs to the vital. Nowadays many complain of fatigue in the work, having too much work etc. They never did that in those days though they did more.
There are some sadhaks who still have the same enthusiasm for work, in spite of the sadhana being in the physical or subconscient. But how can that be so?
Some have, like Khirod and some others; but for them work is their field of sadhana and it is not by vital enthusiasm that they do it, but by the inner urge.
For the followers of Jnana Yoga, it is not easy to open to the Mother's peace during work rather than during meditation.
This is not Jnana Yoga. Many have opened during work before they were able even to meditate.
Why do people often complain that they are not able to keep up the sadhana during work?
It is a question of doing work in the right attitude - as a means of sadhana. Most take the work as work only.
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R told me that Rishabhachand can do sadhana as consciously and comfortably during work as during motionless meditation?
Those who can do that have either the Force for work acting in them naturally or a double consciousness, one of which meditates, the other attends to the work.
Did not the old Yogas always say that the approach to the Divine is more easy and direct through meditation than through work?
They wanted to get away from life, so necessarily work was unfavourable for them since work is part of life. Our Yoga is to find the Divine in life also.
It is sometimes easier to keep the right consciousness in the work than in the meditation.
In the meditation one has to keep out all sorts of things; in the work one has only to offer oneself and one's work to the Mother and aspire.
The only difficulty of work is that one is apt to forget the Mother in the absorption of the work and so forget to offer. In the meditation one is apt to forget the Mother in all kinds of thoughts and lose the concentration.
If the body goes on working and the mind thinks of the Mother, that is a stage in the Karma Yoga. In meditation also the body may go on sitting while the mind thinks of things that have nothing to do with the meditation. In each case it is a difficulty that has to be overcome, - the mind being turned to the right direction.
Aspiration can be done while one is active for outer objects also - that is supposed to be part of this Yoga. Especially one must aspire for purification of the being and this can be best done and tested in action - purification from desire, ego, selfishness etc.
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One can work and aspire and offer to the Divine; one can purify oneself of one's imperfections by the aid of the Mother's Force and one's own sincere vigilance and one can do it in action and not only in meditation. It does not follow that only those who are meditating all the time are doing sadhana.
When a doctor asks a patient to stop his work, what happens to the help and purification that the patient was receiving through his work?
The purification etc. does not depend on the quantity of work done, but on the attitude and sincerity. Work is entirely stopped only when the patient needs complete rest. In that case he can still remember the Mother and offer himself to her and pray and aspire.
Certainly if there is the right attitude, the work done with it will have its effect. Nobody is asked to take on too much work or to do it in the wrong attitude. On the other hand sitting idle with the wrong attitude will not help either. If he does a lot of meditation with the wrong attitude that will not help him either. If the attitude is wrong the first business of the sadhak is to put it right. It was not doing too much work that put X in the wrong attitude. It is the defects of his nature that put him into the wrong attitude and I don't see how that is to be cured by his sitting idle.
It is my general experience that the mind always comes in and occupies the working consciousness instead of allowing the Mother's Force to act. When it is so, the Force is able to work only from behind. But it is only when the Force takes up the whole activity that a sadhak gains fully by the work.
That is not true. If the Force works from behind and one is conscious of it, then too one gains by the work.
How can the mind be stopped from interfering with the work?
Once the mental silence is attained, then in that the mental
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thoughts can be replaced by some vision and intuition regarding the work.
For the last three days my mind has been drawn within so much that no words, in speech or on paper, come out unless I make a strong effort.
The stress of the Power is all right, but there is really nothing incompatible between the inner silence and action. It is to this combination that the sadhana must move.
Dividing my mind in two - one part acting for the outer work and the other for the higher - seems to be impossible during the present turn of the sadhana.
It happens sometimes like that. One has to go on doing the outer work with the outermost mind and senses till the phase is over.
As soon as I begin any action my higher state is pulled down automatically. Where is the obstruction?
In action it is always more difficult because the consciousness goes out towards the work or else is at least not wholly held within - it is therefore difficult to remain in an inward state. There is no other obstacle. But if the inward state is strong and habitual, then it gains upon the action also and at first one always feels it behind and afterwards it occupies the whole consciousness, outer included, and the action takes place in it. This is for static states like peace, self-realisation etc. If one has the realisation of the dynamic Force, there is no difficulty- because that can take up the action at once.
However high my consciousness might be before work, there is a straight fall into inertia as soon as action starts! Is this condition never to change?
It is not necessary to fall into inertia, but one always comes into a less intensity of consciousness during work unless one has established in work the conscious contact with the Mother's
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Force and is aware of that during the work or unless one has developed a double consciousness, the inner concentrated, the outer doing the work.
The physical work becomes burdensome only if I have to do several things, one after another, without an interval in which to rest and regain a state of concentration.
It is often like that in the first stages.
How many times the higher action has stopped just when it is becoming powerful, simply because I have to attend to the outer work! Can nothing be done to avert this?
You must learn to do action without an externalising push.
It is quite possible to feel like an empty vessel and yet do work. It is probably because you associate work with your own personal action and initiation that you have the difficulty.
In what way do I associate work with my personal action and initiation?
As everybody does.
I can't enter into an exposition of how human beings associate work when they do it with their own personal action and initiation. It is a mistake to think that you do it in a different way from others, if that is what you mean.
Does personal initiation mean to mix up our own individual work with the Mother's work, which brings desire, ego and other lower elements into the work?
Personal initiation does not mean that - it means oneself being the worker and doing the work for oneself - instead of feeling the work as the Mother's - done by the Mother's Force for the sake of the Divine Purpose.
Personal action is the result of the personal initiation, for that makes the action personal.
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In inaction, sometimes my consciousness becomes completely blank and forgetful of the mind, life and body. But then there is hardly any deeper or higher experience during the action.
That can come afterwards. The first step is to get silence.
For many days now, I have felt void for the whole day, especially during work. My entire nature is like an immobile statue. The mind, vital and body are emptied of energy, as though they shifted somewhere else.
What you describe is not at all a drawing away of life-energy; it is simply the effect of voidness and stillness caused in the lower parts by the consciousness being located above. It is quite consistent with action, only one must get accustomed to the idea of the possibility of action under these conditions. In a greater state of emptiness I carried on a daily newspaper and made a dozen speeches in the course of three or four days - but I did not manage that in any way, it happened. The Force made the body do the work without any inner activity.
Work is an active movement. If there is no dynamic force in the being - as is the case with my present state of emptiness - the lower parts will take advantage and turn the work to their own ends.
Not necessary at all. It is perfectly possible to work in an entire emptiness without any interference or activity of the lower parts of the consciousness.
Why then am I unable to do work in emptiness without any interference?
It is quite impossible for me to answer all your whys and hows. I have told you again and again that these things depend upon the general state of the consciousness and are things that cannot be expressed or analysed by the mind. It is only by becoming more and more conscious that you can begin to observe for yourself how things work out and have an intuitive perception of them and develop automatically the right movements.
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I spoke of developing intuitive capacity in connection with knowledge, with understanding of what goes on in oneself. The working consciousness is another matter. When intuition comes, it will no doubt be helpful for the work, but the main thing to be achieved there is to feel the Mother's Force doing the work. For that to come it is necessary to be separate from the work - that separateness must increase and fix itself.
I can separate myself from work and feel myself as a supervisor. But this separation is very passive, empty and fragile because of the static peace and lack of Force of the inner being. It does not help me to do any active or conscious sadhana white I work.
There has to be a beginning to everything. The first step is to detach oneself from the work and be the witness. If the detachment is fragile, it has to be strengthened and deepened. It is naturally empty at first - if it were not, it could not effect itself, for it would fill with the ego of the worker. It must be passive till it is filled with the higher force and knowledge.
I have said that it would not effect itself, that is, it would not establish itself as detachment at all. Becoming full of the ego of the worker, it would be simply the Ego standing behind the work and directing it or else full of the pride of the instrument.
During mental and physical work it is only the Purusha that at times keeps detachment, but not the Prakriti.
If the Purusha can keep detachment all the time, then it will be easier to liberate the Prakriti in the same way.
At times it becomes possible to a certain extent to keep the inner poise during work. It is something like standing above and letting the psychic do the work.
It is not the psychic that does the work, it is the Force that does it taking up the direction.
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At that time, during work, something from the depths of the heart surged out and it seemed to be in contact with the work. That is why I thought it came from the psychic.
The psychic may well be in contact with the work supporting it, but that is different from doing it.
What is meant by "taking up the direction"?
Directing the work instead of the directing consciousness doing it.
Today, during the work, I noticed that the inner being remained separate and in peace.
That at any rate is very good and signifies a great progress.
Since 10 today, some parts of my being seem never to have left the higher consciousness, whether during action or inaction, during quiescence or outer restlessness. Along with this stationing above, there was a constant flow of Mother's Peace and Silence and a sense of living amid a dynamic Power. What was missing was the bringing down of that Power right into the action itself.
If that could be made permanent (some parts never leaving the higher consciousness), it would make the bringing of the Power in action easier.
Today, though I happened to work much more than usual, there was much less fatigue. I presume it was due to shama [quiet, peace].
Yes. With the right consciousness always there, there would be no fatigue.
After working at Dilip Kumar's place for an hour, my body felt tired. Then I went to Jasavanta's house for fly-toxing. There I not only did the work assigned to me but even dusted and arranged his jumbled-up things. I felt as though it was a room of the Mother's which needed cleaning. While working I did not feel any fatigue, but when I came out of his house all the ordinary reactions showed themselves - fatigue, sciatica pains, doubts etc.
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When doing this work you had the Force in you and the right consciousness filling the vital and physical - afterwards with relaxation the ordinary physical consciousness came up and brought back the ordinary reactions - fatigue, sciatica etc.
Along with the above reactions came a host of suggestions: that it was the ego's secret action which moved me to do things which were hardly connected with my fly-toxing work, and that it was the superficial notion of "Mother's room" that moved me to do his personal work, etc.
These are the wrong suggestions from the physical mind - work done with the thought of the Mother and not for oneself cannot be egoistic. How was the idea of the "Mother's room" superficial? It was on the contrary a suggestion that could only come to one from the deeper consciousness, for the ordinary mind does not think like that. The idea of Jasavanta's room, Jasavanta's personal work was rather the ordinary superficial notion.
I think that it was the inner being alone which acted during the work in Jasvanta's room; the outer being simply became its tool?
That is correct.
You wrote, "When doing this work you had the Force in you." But how is it that as soon as that particular action was over I lost the Force and fatigue and sciatica came back?
The Force in these instances comes for the work; when the work is over, it usually withdraws - unless and until you have become able to keep it.
Why does the Force not come for other actions also?
I suppose because you do not bring it down for other actions, or your condition and feeling about them is not the same.
Am I then doing only fly-toxing and painting for the Mother and the other things for myself?
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Do you mean to say that in all your actions you are selfless, thinking only of the Mother, doing everything only for the Mother? If so, you are the greatest Yogi in this Ashram.
You were joking, I believe, when you wrote about "the greatest Yogi in the Ashram." I know that I am far from being a Yogi. At most, I might be a sadhak when 1 am in the right consciousness.
Yes, naturally, but I said that because you wrote as if you were perfectly self-offered in all your actions with an indignant query why, that being so, the Force came down only for fly-toxing and painting - did it then regard all your other self-offered works as nonsense?
As for my bringing down the Mother's Force into certain actions and not into others, I don't think that I tried to bring it consciously only into the fly-toxing and painting work.
It is not a question of trying or of mental intention, it was a psychic state of the consciousness that brought it down.
The condition you described as there when the Force came down in your work was that of the true instrument, not merely thought but felt - so it opened a way for the Force to come. Quietness is not necessarily sufficient for the Force to come down. A certain state of psychic self-giving is the best condition.
It is the Mother's Force that has to work through the sadhak, not the sadhak who has to work through the Mother's Force.
The first stage is when one works with the outer energy, but there is an inner consciousness supporting it which relies wholly on the Mother. The second is when there is an inner consciousness and force which uses the outer instruments - the outer energy being quiescent or else a part only of the inner - while this inner consciousness knows that the force is the Mother's or feels the Mother's presence in it: there are different experiences in this respect. The third is when all is the Mother's Force working.
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Working Consciousness
Sometimes there is an excess of inertia before and after the work, and yet an unruffled peace in the work. At other times there is a higher peace and silence before and after the work, but only inertia in the work. 1 cannot understand this at all.
You cannot understand because you regard the consciousness as a sort of clockwork which ought to go by rules. It is not like that at all. Both of these experiences are perfectly possible. Inertia before and after the work or a higher peace and silence before and after it need not at all determine the condition during work. It may but also it may not. All depends on the position taken by the consciousness or by different parts of it during the work itself.
You said you could not at all understand how it could be like that, the working consciousness getting peace when before and after there had been inertia and not getting it when before and after there had been peace and silence; this means that such a thing would not really be possible. I replied that it is quite possible as the movements of the consciousness are not subject to fixed rules and it depended on the state of things with regard to the working consciousness at the time of the experience. Now you want to put another rule! viz. that it must have developed so far as to be separated and have its own growth and development. The working consciousness is always a separate part of the being just as is the thinking mind, even before Yoga, but people are not conscious of it. By sadhana one becomes conscious of its separateness. But this does not ensure its having peace always. That depends on its condition at the time. It may have the peace today, not have had it yesterday, not have it tomorrow.
From your reply, now I understand that the working consciousness is always a separate part of the being. What I was trying to point out is this: formerly, when there was peace and silence practically all the time, my working consciousness remained
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under the influence of inertia in spite of my efforts to join it to the peace and silence. Now there is inertia throughout the day, but the working consciousness has a peace and inner silence. Is this change due to any new development centred only in the working consciousness?
No - the working is sometimes in the other parts, sometimes in the working consciousness, that is all.
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GENERAL SADHANA
During the morning Pranam and in the evening before the Mother, water began to pour out of the eyes profusely. Would you kindly explain the reason?
There is nothing to explain, it is quite natural. It is the psychic emotion of the inner being that brings the tears.
When I do something wrong, many parts of my being suffer and lament.
Lamentation is no use. To be conscious and eliminate is the proper way.
Whatever basis was necessary for the higher action is now established, so I see no more need for periods of rest or a decrease of intensity in the sadhana. The intensity can go on increasing every day.
The intensity very seldom remains even for a long time in these things - it rises and falls and rises again. That is the normal movement.
The rich and intense condition of sadhana I had three days ago has now returned with a greater fullness! Could I ask you a question that has been puzzling me? How and why did that state get veiled for three long days?
These things do not depend on definite mental reasons and cannot be dealt with by a mental rule. It is the oscillations in a mass of forces playing together and can be dealt with only by a fixed will in the consciousness to progress through all vicissitudes.
If its going was due to a relaxation in the being, how did it come about? If due to a surging up of inertia, why did it surge up just at that time? The same question could be asked about my identification with the inertia.
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A thousand questions can be asked about anything whatsoever, but to answer would require a volume, and even then the mind would understand nothing. It is only by a growth in the consciousness itself that you can get some direct perception of these things. But for that the mind must be quiet and a direct feeling and intuition take its place.
I asked you such questions not only for my intellectual interest, though that is there, but also for understanding them and putting the knowledge into practice.
That also is intellectual - to find a mental device for dealing with these things. Rather keep the mind quiet and let direct, intuitive observation and understanding grow in you.
Sadhaks and the Lower Nature
People say that the Yogis of other Yogas can lead a better life with less difficulty. For they seldom need to touch their lower nature. They merely keep it quiet by the force of their higher or inner being. Since they consider the world as Maya, these Yogis do not bother to fix the true consciousness in the lower being. But is it not rather an excuse for not leading a yogic life?
All that is simply an excuse. The Yogis of other Yogas do at least try to keep the lower nature quiet by tapasya; they do not think it quite the right and normal thing to indulge it. If the rule of this Yoga is to change the lower nature, those who follow it must similarly try to do that, not consider it the right and normal thing to indulge the lower nature.
Many sadhaks here do not seem to care for any psychic or spiritual development. They prefer to give a greater importance to the intellectual pursuits.
It is quite true that hardly any try to lead a truly Yogic life by fixing the true consciousness in all the being. Some experience and a contented ordinariness seems to be the rule.
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You ask, "What circumstances? A Yogi or seeker of Yoga is supposed to lead the Yogic life in all circumstances." I had meant the present circumstances of the sadhana, when so many have fallen into the clutches of the physical, and the lowest and darkest nature remains always so prominent.
If the prominence of the lower nature is a good reason for not trying to live the Yogic life instead of the ordinary one, then it is also a good reason for not doing Yoga at all. The business of the seeker of Yoga is to overcome the lower nature, and for that he must try to lead the Yogic life and not sit contentedly in the lower nature.
Under such conditions how are we to fix the true consciousness in all the being and lead the Yogic life in all circumstances?
Everybody has to deal with the lower nature. No Yoga can be done without overcoming it, neither this Yoga nor any other. A Yogic life means a life in which one tries to follow the law of Yoga, the aim of Yoga in all details of life. Here people do not do that, they live like ordinary people, quarrelling, gossiping, indulging their desires, thinking of Yoga only in their spare moments.
The Ashram is full of these things, because so many people are living in their ordinary mind and vital and allowing it to occupy the whole consciousness, doing only a nominal Yoga or no Yoga. It is quite natural therefore that such suggestions should come. You have only to reject them and remember for what you are here.
How sad it is that in spite of the Mother and yourself being here and the divine Force, Grace and Protection granted to us in abundance, we cannot master even our little natures! Other Yogis have not this advantage and yet progress much more than we do.
The Yogis who progress are those all whose thought is for their Yoga - here people are thinking most of the time of anything but that. But that is so elsewhere too. It is only by being
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in dead earnest that one can progress quickly.
"Dead" is an emphatic term for "complete".
Cannot a wall of protection be erected around me so that the general Nature may not touch me?
Rather difficult if you keep open to the Generals. The wall will go down each time.
What are these Generals?
The Generals of the general nature, Ego, Demand and Desire.
In what way am I keeping myself open to the Generals?
The fact that your vital "goes out of the poise" and accepts them means that you keep yourself open to them. The sign that these things are no longer admitted is when the inner vital rejects them so that they become suggestions only and nothing else. There may arise a surge of suggestions or waves from the general nature, but they cannot get admission. It is only then that a wall can be kept in which one is untouched by the general atmosphere.
Whatever seriousness is necessary must come of itself from within. To be serious outwardly by rule is not needed.
Inner withdrawal is always much better than physical withdrawal.
You wrote, "There are simply a mass of tendencies and forces with which one has to become familiar." But how to do it?
By experience and observation and increasing consciousness.
Usually we are not conscious of such tendencies or forces.
That means an insufficient consciousness. It is only by a direct consciousness that one can seize these things - the mind's thought can't do it.
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I can't make out how the ego, sex, inertia and vital difficulties have all come up together at the same time. Surely they were not in such a mess before? Can you not kindly make this thing clear?
There is nothing to be made clear. These things were there before but to some extent controlled by the will or not sufficiently recognised by the consciousness. They now come up in the physical nature separated from the rest in their true appearance and force. They are able to persist because of the tamas in your nature which is unwilling to make a sustained and constant reaction of a quiet, steady and resolute kind. To be firm in rejection and firm in the call for the higher consciousness is the only way to deal with these things.
After the above realisation I put forth my efforts to overcome the difficulties. My mind imposed a pressure on the vital for getting strength and wideness and also forgiving up its sensitiveness. I must go on rejecting all that stands in the way.
That is the whole truth of the matter. If you do that, you will be doing the real thing and the only thing. It is no use simply observing and mentalising about the difficulties; one has to see once for all what they are and do what is necessary to get rid of them.
Even during the period when my inner being was detached from the lower movements, there was something that came up, stayed for two full days, spread some desires and then subsided. This "something" must have been very subtle and imperceptible.
It is simply the same thing always - the old nature coming up from the subconscient (or sometimes it may be from outside) in the form of suggestions and trying to recover hold as a substantial formation in the being. I do not know why your mind wants to find in it something subtle and remarkable or special and new.
I bring up this subject again because I would very much like to know how that "something" came and why it withdrew by itself.
But it is always like that. The outer reasons are mere suggestions.
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The one fact is this tendency of the recurrence as a rule of Nature so long as these forces have any chance of finding a lodging in you.
I was surprised to discover that one part of my being can remain in light and truth while another part remains in ignorance and falsehood.
Yes, that is so. There are many parts and movements in each plane and all do not get enlightened together.
The inertia persists so powerfully because there is no sufficient resistance on my part. Some parts of my being try at times to repel it, but seeing that nothing improves by their efforts, they withdraw into a tamasic passivity.
You are right. That is the real trouble - a laziness in the nature that cannot take the trouble to persist.
I observe that there is no definite movement in my physical consciousness towards a higher progress. Is it the same thing with other sadhaks and the earth consciousness itself?
Yes, for the time being.
Let me not compare my difficulties with N but with great sadhaks like Rishabhchand and Khirod.
Neither Rishabhchand nor Khirod nor anybody else is free from difficulties and from oscillations and alternations of progress and stoppage of progress.
When I asked why the evenings brought me a fall straight into inertia, you said, "Because the inertia is there in the physical consciousness and has made itself habitual - so the consciousness falls back to it." Well, the inertia is there in the mornings also and yet I remain in the higher consciousness. What is the exact reason for the fall after 4 p.m.?
There is no mentally definite and rigidly effective reason for the thing coming in the evening rather than at 2 p.m. or in the
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midnight or the morning. For some people the fall comes in the evening, for some in the morning, for some at other times, and so too with the rise. But the alternations happen to most people in one law of rhythm or another. The times vary with people and even can vary with the same man. There is no definable reason for it being at a particular time except that it has made itself habitual at that time. The rest is a question of the play of forces which is observable but the reasons of which escape mental definition.
There is a certain amount of peace and silence so long as I keep myself plunged in writing. But when I go for meditation the same old thing returns - small and useless thoughts.
It is either because you lose the concentration by the cessation of the writing which helps to concentrate you - or else because you are invaded by the general atmosphere which is full of inertia and the small movements of the little physical mind and physical vital.
In the morning, after getting up from sleep, I find it difficult to get back to the higher consciousness or to bring about the same intensity as during the day.
That is so with most who do sadhana.
I cannot undertake to be telling you all the time all that is not perfectly Yogic in the details of your action from morning to night. These are things to see to yourself. It is the movements of your sadhana that you place before me and it is there that I have to see whether they are the right thing or not.
The actions are of importance only as expressing what is in the nature. You have to be conscious of whatever in your actions is not in harmony with the Yoga and to get rid of it. But for that what is needed is your own consciousness, the psychic, observing from within and throwing off what is seen to be undesirable.
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When you make a fresh opening in me, is it not possible to inform me one day in advance, so that I may keep myself ready?
No, certainly not. Such a mental method would be of no use whatever. The experience must come spontaneously.
About the "push" from outside that I experienced, I don't understand how it could rush in two opposite directions simultaneously - towards the deep psychic centre as well as towards the higher spiritual consciousness.
I do not see what there is in it that cannot be understood. Why should not one thing go into two separate parts? There is no uncrossable wall between different parts. Peace or any other spiritual power can enter mind and heart at the same time. Anger starting from the entrails can occupy heart and mind simultaneously.
I feel some positive and tangible presence on the top of the head that is doing the sadhana for me, something that is other than myself. Is there any truth behind this feeling and, if so, what exactly is this "something"?
If you feel it, if you are conscious of it - you can accept your feeling. If you merely think it without feeling or being conscious of it, then it may be merely a mental imagination. As to what it is, you must wait till you become aware. Asking the question with the mind is of no use; you must either become aware of it from within or get the knowledge from above.
When the forces of ego and desire failed to influence me openly, they started to act secretly on the subtle or unenlightened parts where I am still unconscious. It is due to this that I am unable to progress sufficiently.
Naturally if one is not awake within, the sadhana cannot be easy or complete.
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Oscillations in Sadhana
Usually there is a fullness from the early morning till the afternoon, and an emptiness in the evening. But for the last three days there has been practically no sadhana in the morning. Why so?
I don't know. Times and seasons vary according to the poise and flux and reflux of the forces in the consciousness. It is not a thing to which you can affix a rationalised and systematised explanation. One can feel it and understand in the essence of the consciousness, but not formulate precise cause and effect.
When the higher consciousness is active, it is very easy for me to deal with my lower nature. But that action is rare and stays for a short time only. Can it not be made more frequent?
It is the condition of the lower nature itself that interferes with the frequency.
The peace has been there for years, and it is still descending more and more from above. What then prevents it from becoming dynamic?
Probably because the nature is taking long to get ready.
One cannot say whether the conquest is near or not, - one has to go on steadily with the process of the sadhana without thinking of near or far, fixed on the aim, not elated if it seems to come close, not depressed if it still seems to be far.
What is needed is to be perfectly silent and support and watch how the Mother's Force acts and how our being reacts to it.
Yes, that is the best.
Even when I rise to the higher consciousness, I sometimes feel dullness, dissatisfaction and an absence of the true higher spiritual joy, happiness and peace. How can it be possible?
I don't know unless you are unconscious or in trance and it is
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therefore a blank to your ordinary consciousness when you come out? If it is like that it is perhaps one reason why the Force has so much difficulty in coming down and the Peace that comes is only passive.
At times I feel neither happy nor dull, neither active nor passive, neither liking nor disliking the sadhana.
It is a neutral condition - that frequently comes.
On one of the Darshan days, it seems you burnt some being which had been troubling N very obstinately for a long time.
Such burning gives only a temporary relief if the part that called the being does not reject it. The thing comes back in another form.
Is not the present absence of experience, descent, etc. due more to the obstruction of the general working of Nature than to our own resistance? I feel the resistance more in the general Nature than in myself.
It comes to the same thing so long as the response to it is not rejected.
Can you give some general characteristics of the different forms of Force?
I have never classified the different forms - they can be hundreds or thousands in number. Force varies its form according to the work it has to do.
I don't know that there is any utility here in distinguishing between force and energy as in Science. Energy is simply force in action.
The lower nature is called lower because it is unenlightened - it can't be enlightened and changed by ignoring it, the higher has to be brought there. So one must speak of both, not of the higher alone.
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The satisfaction of the vital desires is a normal feature of the ordinary life, only it must be controlled and regulated by the mental will, so that one may not be enslaved to the desires. It is only if one turns to the spiritual life that one has to get rid of vital desires.
Once one takes up the spiritual life, what is done in the worldly life can no longer be a standard to be followed.
During the morning meditation my state was elevated, the silence was deepening. But then my vital fell into depression and adverse suggestions came. I took them as a test. But from where do such tests come and why are they necessary?
Your description is too vague. From what you wrote it may just as well be the reaction that frequently follows an experience; the adverse Force coming in with a contrary movement. Tests come sometimes from the hostile forces, sometimes in the course of Nature. I suppose they must be necessary, since they always come in sadhana.
Do you mean that an experience is followed sometimes by a movement of the hostile or adverse forces?
Very often.
The stress of the inertia is the general obstacle; it may be overcome in one thing, it may not be overcome in another. Your physical mind applies conceptions in a much too stiff and narrow way. Mind and life do not move in set formulas. "The inertia is the obstacle in both cases, in one it has yielded, so it ought to have yielded in the other" is not a logic that can serve. The balance of conditions in the two cases can be different so as to make the inertia effective in one case while it is overcome in the other. The same with the result of the concentrations; it depends on many things what the immediate result may be.
I thought it was understood that what I wrote to you about
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persons was private. Experiences, one's own or others' if one comes to know about them, should not be talked about or made a matter of gossip. It is only if there can be some spiritual profit to others and even then if they are experiences of the past that one can speak of them. Otherwise it becomes like news of Abyssinia or Spain, something common and trivial for the vital mass mind to chew or gobble.
Sadness is of no use - it is itself a form of tamas (inertia) and therefore does not help recovery.
As for the inconveniences, you should take them as a training in samata [equality]. To be able to bear inconveniences is one of the most elementary necessities if one wants to enter into the true spirit of Yoga.
These generalisations on either side are not of much value. One does not need to get a hatred for food in order to get rid of the greed for food. On the other to develop dislike for certain things may help to reject them - but that too is not always the cure, for they may remain in spite of the dislike.
By the increasing signs of inertia I knew that the lapse from a good to a lower state was coming. Why could it not be prevented? Was it really an inevitable fall?
There is nothing inevitable, only things that happen, because of the condition of the consciousness, the forces that work on it and the reaction to the forces by being more responsive to us than to the inertia.
You wrote about "an effort in which also there is the spirit of surrender". Kindly explain to me how to keep a spirit of surrender in my effort.
By calling on the Force to aid the personal effort, by not getting into despondency and the rest of it if the results do not come, by a never failing tranquil confidence in the final outcome of the sadhana.
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Headaches "produced by a pressure from above", as you put it, are not due to the pressure or produced by it, but produced by a resistance. R's headaches have nothing to do with Yoga or sadhana.
The pressure does not "bring" a resistance. "If there were no resistance there would be no headache" is the proper knowledge, not the reverse. So long as you think that it is the pressure that brings the resistance, the very idea will create the resistance. R's case is not an example either of headache due to resistance or of headache due to pressure - it is due to ordinary physical and psychological causes.
Certainly, you cannot have reached the point of thinking always about the Mother alone or Yoga alone! If you had, there would not have been trouble of sex or depression. You were at the very least thinking of yourself also.
When will my spiritual life take a positive and permanent step forward?
It will happen I suppose when you are fit for it - i.e. when the vital and physical being begin to take an un-egoistic interest in the Yoga.
When my mind presses the vital and the ego for an inward turn, they start a revolt. That brings in all sorts of wrong forces. The sadhana then becomes difficult and dangerous instead of simple, happy and safe.
There is no reason to accept their despair, depression or revolt. One has persistently to separate oneself from these things - if one separates oneself they cannot occupy the being. There is also no reason why one should insist on the sadhana being simple, happy and safe and, if it is not, refuse to follow it.
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Since my being wants so eagerly to be free from inertia, is it not possible for you to remove it?
How do you propose that I should remove it? By magic? Even if that were done, your nature would call it back. It is only if you determine to be rid of it and make the necessary endeavour, not for a day or two, but for as long as it is necessary that it can go.
You cannot conquer a difficulty by avoiding it.
I see from your answers that I did not try to develop my inner being which is of great importance in the Integral Yoga. The self-realisation was all I sought for. Shall I now centre my sadhana around the inner being?
The whole question is whether you can go farther in the realisation of the self without either purification of the vital and the ego or development of the inner being. If you can, it is all right, but it does not look as if you could.
Today I did not have the usual tendency to throw myself out in gossiping with friends. So I remained indoors. But they came to my place and we had the normal chit-chatting, which resulted in my full externalisation.
How does Nature bring about the things or events through others, when it finds it difficult to do it directly?
Nature forces are conscious forces - they can very well combine all that is necessary for an action or a purpose and if one means fails, take another.
In that case whatever obstacles we meet with in the form of accidents are purposely arranged by Nature to hinder our progress.
Not by Nature, but by certain forces of Nature. Nature has in her both helpful forces and hindering forces.
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Heredity and Affinity
I feel a great exhaustion and void after talking with X. Why is it so?
Well, you drew a big part of your lower nature from him - so it is quite natural talking with him should affect you in that way.
I still cannot understand why merely speaking with X should create such a reaction in me. I hope I am no longer drawing anything from him or from anybody else. Y and Z are as much connected with him as I am - but they are not complaining about exhaustion and voidness.
It was drawn at birth, that is quite enough. There is always a hereditary part of the nature which is a large portion of the outward nature - there is also the educational influence of the father which has put a stamp on you - as also on Y and Z. It is quite natural therefore that your lower nature should become more active by the touch of his lower nature. Y and Z are not inwardly conscious of these impacts and nothing in them resists, so there is no feeling of exhaustion or consciousness of any interchange.
What kind of educational stamp has X put on me?
Not at all a desirable one.
Now I understand the hereditary part drawn from X. But does my lower nature still keep contact with his? Is not what was to be drawn already drawn in and finished with?
Consciousness is not a mechanical dead thing to act in that way. Hereditary influence creates an affinity and affinity is a living thing. It is only when the hereditary part is changed that the affinity ceases.
Does not reading newspapers bring diffusion of mind?
It is only the attachment and diffusion of mind that are objectionable. One can read if there is no attachment and no diffusion.
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Why does not the will in me become active? Whenever it is pulled out of the passivity I feel a strain and it falls back into inertia after a few seconds.
That is the nature of the physical inertia. You have to separate yourself from the physical inertia and become separately conscious within of something that is not at all identified with the physical.
The whole day my mind remains too active. Even during the general meditation it is no better.
It depends on what it is active with. Are you wrestling with your physical mind to quiet it? If so, that won't succeed. You must quietly let it fall quiet.
Value and Sadhana Elements
You said, "Trances and experiences have their value. There is no question of less or more important - each thing has its place." How to find the place or value of different things in our sadhana? If we give equal value to everything we do, will not our life become like a machine?
It is not a question of giving an equal value to everything you do, but of recognising the value of all the different elements of the sadhana. No such rule can be made as that trances are of little value or that experiences are of inferior importance any more than it can be said that work is of no or inferior importance.
How are we to recognise "the value of all the different elements of our sadhana" when we are not aware of its inner or subtle processes?
I was not speaking of giving a correct value or establishing a table of values, but of recognising that each has some importance in the total working, not disparaging as some do and saying "Meditation and experiences have no value, only work is the
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thing" - or "What can work do for siddhi, without meditation and experiences?"
Yesterday I went to the Dining Hall for flytoxing work and didn't feel much fatigue. But today after doing the same work I felt so tired! Why such a difference when both days I went for the same purpose?
It does not depend upon the purpose, but on some element or other in the total condition of the consciousness. What that element is has to be seen - there is no rule.
Can you not say what are these elements so that I can try to find out their relation with work and fatigue?
You seem to want to reduce everything to a catalogue and a scientific analysis. Nobody has ever been able to do that with the working of the consciousness. The elements of a condition of consciousness cannot be classified like the "elements" of Matter.
You wrote the other day: "What that element is has to be seen -there is no rule." How can I see that element unless I know something about the elements? I don't even know what is meant by "elements" here.
Elements are things that constitute. Elements of a condition of consciousness are things that constitute it. It is a perfectly general and vague phrase and meant to be so. One cannot know the total condition of one's consciousness by books or by classifications, but only by observation, vision and an increasing self-knowledge within.
About the scientific classification of the elements of consciousness, well, people say that Yoga is a kind of science.
It is not physical science where everything can be analysed and measured or where there are a certain number of processes which can always be repeated at will with an exact mechanical precision and control or by a device like turning a button for the electric light.
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You wrote to me, "Those who seek the self by the old Yogas separate themselves from mind, life and body and realise the self apart from these things." How do they manage to do it so easily? Will not the mind, life and body interfere with their realisation, since to make it possible these parts must withdraw from their ordinary movements of tamas, rajas and sattwa?
Of course they will - it can only be prevented by the lower movements if you assent to the lower movements; one who refuses to accept them as his real being can always withdraw from them to the self. The movements of Nature become for them an outer thing not belonging to their true being and having no power to pull them down from it.
Action of World Forces
You wrote, "I mean by the universe the forces of the world around." What then is that cosmos which includes not only the forces of this world but also those of the inner and larger worlds, like the universal mind, vital and physical?
The forces of the world around are mental, vital and physical and come from these sources either direct or through persons.
I was told that J was not able to come near ladies because he felt strong sex-vibrations. Did he feel like that due to his opening to the universe?
I mean by the universe, the forces of the world around. If J felt like that, it must have been because he had become conscious. Most people are unconscious; they are subject to the forces but do not know it.
Just as the opening to these universal forces has come naturally and by itself, I hope that the control over them will also come by itself in time.
To be conscious is the first step towards overcoming - but for the overcoming strength is necessary and also detachment and the will to overcome.
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How is it that many sadhaks are not conscious of these forces in spite of their being here for so many years?
There are many who have been here for a long time who are not conscious of the action of the forces. Reasoning and inferences are worth nothing in these matters.
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