The letters reveal Nirod's unique relationship with his guru. The exchanges are suffused with a special humour.
Sri Aurobindo : corresp.
Nirodbaran's correspondence with Sri Aurobindo began in February 1933 and continued till November 1938, when Sri Aurobindo injured his leg and Nirod became one of his attendants. The entire correspondence, which was carried on in three separate notebooks according to topics - private, medical, and literary - is presented in chronological order, revealing the unique relationship Nirod enjoyed with his guru, replete with free and frank exchanges and liberal doses of humour. Covering a wide range of topics, both serious and light-hearted, these letters reveal the infinite care Sri Aurobindo devoted to the spiritual development of his disciple.
THEME/S
There was a small gale over the servant business. When his fault was shown, he went on arguing with me with an insolent attitude which I couldn't bear.
Why not? He is using the freedom of his reason and asserting his sovietic equality with you, his "comrade" and fellow human. Ask H.
Really, Sir, your Karmayoga has lost all charm for me. To go on all the time driving a fellow, rebuking him, is an unaesthetic business; besides, one can't pour out the venom as one doesn't know the language. But you harp on your dictum that all this is necessary for a great transformation.
Exceedingly good discipline for you.
Methinks you are making just a little too much of the Yoga-Force, when you speak of poetry, music, painting, etc. I will take Dilip's classical example, to illustrate my viewpoint. He himself and everybody, agrees that what progress he has made in music and literature has been greatly accelerated by the Yogic Force. But why? Well, because the things were in him, and if he went on cultivating them as assiduously, sincerely, earnestly, outside as he has done here, can you say that he wouldn't have taken such strides in those directions? For any real and remarkable achievement, the main issue is to be born with the capacity and then to have the determination to develop it. Then Force or no Force, one will have the result. Well?
Will you explain to me how Dilip who could not write a single good poem and had no power over rhythm and metre before he came here, suddenly, not after long "assiduous" efforts blossomed into a poet, rhythmist and metrist after he came here? Why was Tagore dumbfounded by the "lame man throwing away his crutches and running" freely and surely on the paths of rhythm? Why was it that I who never understood or cared for painting, suddenly in a single hour by an opening of vision got the eye to see and the mind of understanding about colour, line and design? How was it that I who was unable to understand and follow a metaphysical argument and whom a page of Kant or Hegel or Hume or even Berkeley left either dazed and uncomprehending and fatigued or totally uninterested because I could not fathom or follow, suddenly began writing pages of the stuff as soon as I started the Arya129 and am now reputed to be a great philosopher? How is it that at a time when I felt it difficult to produce more than a paragraph of prose from time to time and more than a rare poem short and laboured, perhaps one in two months, suddenly after concentrating and practising Pranayarri daily began to write pages and pages in a single day and kept sufficient faculty to edit a big daily paper130 and afterwards to write 60 pages of philosophy every month? Kindly reflect a little and don't talk facile nonsense. Even if a thing can be done in a moment or a few days by Yoga which would ordinarily take a long, "assiduous, sincere and earnest" cultivation, that would of itself show the power of the Yoga-force. But here a faculty that did not exist appears quickly and spontaneously or impotence changes into highest potency or an obstructed talent changes with equal rapidity into fluent and facile sovereignty. If you deny that evidence, no evidence will convince you, because you are determined to think otherwise.
So about your style too; as you say you were born with it and it flourished by your great endeavours. It is difficult to understand how much the Force has contributed towards its perfection. But I have no doubt about the potency of the Force as regards matters spiritual, though even there one must have the opening, faith, etc., etc.
It may be difficult for you to understand, but it is not difficult for me, since I have followed my own evolution from stage to stage with a perfect vigilance and following up of the process. I have made no endeavours in writing; I have simply left the higher Power to work and when it did not work, I made no efforts at all. It was in the old intellectual days that I sometimes tried to force things, but not after I started the development of poetry and prose by Yoga. Let me remind you also that when I was writing the Arya and also since, whenever I write these letters or replies, I never think or seek for expressions or try to write in good style; it is out of a silent mind that I write whatever comes ready-shaped from above. Even when I correct, it is because the correction comes in the same way. Where then is the place for even a slight endeavour or any room at all for "my great endeavours"? Well?
By the way, please try to understand that the supra-intellectual (not the supramental only)—is the field of a spontaneous automatic action. To get it or to get yourself open to it needs efforts, but once it acts there is no effort. Your grey matter does not easily open; it closes up also too easily, so each time an effort has to be made, perhaps too much effort—if your grey matter would sensibly accommodate itself to the automatic flow there would not be the difficulty and the need of "assiduous, earnest and sincere endeavour" each time. Methinks. Well?
I challenge your assertion that the Force is more easily potent to produce spiritual results than mental (literary) results. It seems to me the other way round. In my own case the first time I started Yoga, Pranayama etc., I laboured 5 hours a day for g long time and concentrated and struggled for five years without any least spiritual result131, but poetry came like a river and prose like a flood and other things too that were mental, vital or physical, not spiritual richnesses and openings. I have seen in many cases an activity of the mind in various directions as the first or at least an early result. Why? Because there is less resistance, more cooperation from the confounded lower members for these things than for a psychic or a spiritual change. That is easy to understand at least. Well?
November 1, 1935
You say that my "grey matter does not easily open; it closes up also too easily" but where is "the automatic flow' to which it can accommodate itself, Sir?
The automatic flow would be there but for the grey matter being adverse and perverse.
I find that if a current has opened up a little, a blessed counter-current of depression, dissatisfaction comes down and sweeps me away.
Exactly. That's its way of closing up. The three Ds seem to be your grey matter's forte—doubt, depression, dissatisfaction. If it were not for them, when something came you would get the Ananda of creation and things would move a little.
If you advise me to go on sitting and racking my brain—inspiration or no inspiration—and then only the grey matter can open up, I'll say it is not a very royal road that you show me.
I don't think the inspiration usually comes in that way! It is better to put yourself in receptive attitude and let it come. If it doesn't come, try, try again but no need to sweat and swear and writhe.
Some are of the opinion that one shouldn't try to force the inspiration.
It can't be forced but it can be invited
About J's blessed novel-tangle—the first instalment will appear in the next issue of Uttara. Wouldn't it be advisable to inform X beforehand?
Good Lord! he does not know it yet? I thought he knew "she had put it in other hands". Well, well!
I said to J long ago to inform him; naturally she didn't listen... I am sick, sick of it and curse myself every minute. But since I have sown the wind, I have to reap the whirlwind.
"Cast your bread upon the waters and it shall return to you"—rather sodden!
November 2, 1935
Even if the three Ds were my forte why can't the Force push me on? Because of lack of cooperation?
Yes, of course.
But I find that D's best creations come when he's depressed and his depression itself is worked out in that manner. In spite of it he's as active as a giant.
D has a different temperament from yours. He has a magnificent vitality which, whatever road he goes on, can carry him galloping towards the goal. Only he has not yet learned how to put it at the service of the inmost psychic for spiritual realisation. He has been trying to do everything with his mind. One can do that up to a certain point provided the vital can accept the mind control and the mind itself is wholly on the side of the central mind's will. But that has not yet happened. But the vitality serves to keep up his powers of activity and also to react at a certain point and drag him out of the depression.
Yours on the contrary is a slow plodding vitality. You can't expect it to give the same results. It can only go fast when the road has been prepared and opened. The road for the poetical self-expression is not yet sufficiently prepared and open.
On the other hand I see quite a number of people remaining cheerful and happy though the outer nature seems rather uncontrolled. I wish I could be at least happy and sunny.
That is a mere matter of temperament. There are plenty of people whose ordinary nature is sunny and cheerful.
However, a yogi astrologer predicted that all my dark age will pass away at the age of 32 and the golden age will set in. The age of 32 has come but where is the gold?
Glorious! you must begin glittering at once—even if there are other things than gold that glitter. But are you through the wonderful year, already? and is it the age of 32 or the 32nd year?
By the way I learned that Datta once belonged to this lamenting and repining group and spent about 5 years in such a crisis. True? who will believe it now?
You are asking very delicate questions. I can only say that Datta has been with the Mother from the pre-Asram, even the pre-Yoga-times—her case is uniquely difficult...
November 3, 1935
Only my expressions are puzzling, Sir? Your supramental ones are no less—especially when you want to be "elusive", "non-committal". Example? Well, I asked you about the advisability of informing X about the Uttara business, an you wrote: "...he does not know it yet? I thought he knew 'she had put it in other hands'..." I don't know what to make of it. Anyway, your opinion is not needed now, as J has her own opinion about it. But what do you mean by "she has put it in other hands"? Has X said that to you?
Well, it means what it says "I thought he knew she had put it in other hands," I put the phrase in inverted commas because I seemed to remember somebody having written it. It may have been X. He wrote once about J having dropped him although he had done what he could for her.
But I can't swear to it.
Can you tell me why D's friends kick him back for the good he has done them? Because he expects a return?
Yes, partly for that, But only some are really grateful for benefits done except for the moment. A great many kick under the burden of an obligation. Human nature! You know Vidyasagar's immortal saying on the subject, I suppose. "Why is he so furious against me? আমি ত তার কোন উপকার করিনি"132
Can you, by the way, summarise my case and put the points before my myopic eyes apart from the three Ds?
Good Lord! don't expect me to be diagramming people all the time. Besides your personalities are not clearly marked out like D's. Wait till they separate themselves to join in the Dance of Harmony!
About Datta, it was in one of a series of articles written by Barin about her. So everybody knows what I know.
Ah, then I understand. Barin's statements are always inaccurate. The 5 years must have been his own construction.
A is complaining loudly of her stomach pains—can't even walk in her room etc. What are they? a little medical light, please.
November 4, 1935
Nirod,
I had forgotten to write to you last night that the Mother was sending Ambu to you. He said he would not be able to explain what was the matter with him, so we said we would write. He is constantly feeling weak, extremely tired and unwell without any specific cause. You might try by examination and otherwise to find out what is the matter and report to the Mother.
SRI AUROBINDO
A has been getting pain in the right abdomen only while walking. On examination I find that the pain is in the stomach, liver and kidney regions—mostly liver which is enlarged and she has movable kidney... Since there are no inflammatory signs, a few days of inactivity—not even walking, will set her right. Or she can wear a strap on the abdomen and move about a little.
Perhaps—if it is liver; the Mother always thought she looked bilious. But if it is moving kidney? She can't remain a non-walking statue all her life. The strap would then be, I suppose, the only resource.
Her fever of yesterday doesn't throw any light on the main issue. Any supramental light?
None. Supermind says "O bother! don't trouble me with that, yet."
November 5, 1935
I send you a photograph of an intimate friend, Jatin Bal. Please have a look at it and tell me what you find—yogic or unyogic.
Refinement in vital, strong will, capacity for idealism can't say note from a small photograph.
Don't mind the side show! If you had seen me before, you would have exclaimed: "This fellow has no scrap of a chance for yoga!" But you will admit that I had health and vigour!
The general impression is martial and pugilistic. To be recommended to the Negus for Gorrahei or Gerlogubi.
November 6, 1935
You will see from J's letter what has happened. I am absolutely moribund and gasping; don't see the way. Cursing myself every minute.
All that is rather excessive. It would be better to stop dying, gasping and cursing.
What have all these to do with Yoga?
It has nothing to do with Yoga. Usual human tangles, sir.
The Yoga of oblation, sacrifice and severe austerities would be better.
There is no such Yoga.
—No hankering for fame, name or meddling with others' affairs.
That also is not Yoga.
I have lost all faith, confidence, hope, and if all that is gone, what else remains for me to do here?
Good God! What a shipwreck in a teacup! Kindly cultivate a sense of proportion. Learn the lessons of experience, ponder them in silence and do better next time—that would be more sensible.
November 8, 1935
There is much wind and storm around which is affecting me. Do give a timely elixir, Sir...
Why be so much affected by the weather? You have no umbrella? If there is wind and storm, it is surely your own—I am not responsible.
What's the use of giving an elixir when you won't drink it?
November 11, 1935
How can I refuse the elixir? Only give it tangibly, concretely.
A concrete elixir is your business, not mine—as you claim to be a scientist.
S is down again, after taking yellow rice (oily). I was called this morning and found him writhing with burning pain in the abdomen... Had vomiting. It is the blessed liver again.
He medicated himself yesterday by taking 10 or 12 black peppers with salt to counteract the intense burning! Look at the fellow. I don't know how to counteract the poisonous effect.
The fellow is terrible. You mean there is no medicine for it in the allopathic pharmacopoeia?
November 12, 1935
Again about the novel-tangle. X told J in your name—"All she did with regard to her novel was because of egoism and her love of vital drama." J was very much upset by hearing it said in your name.
That is what you might call applied mathematics. I made a general statement which could cover the whole animal and human creation up to Mussolini and the Negus and avoided all mention of the novel. added that since he had received an amende honorable, the matter tight be dropped and peace declared.
J says X might write all about it.
hope not!
November 13, 1935
Nirod [Underlined]
14.11.35
Is the condition of S dangerous or critical? If it is so or if it becomes so, it will be better to send for a French doctor who will take the responsibility of the case.
Was surprised to get your note, Sir. S's condition is neither dangerous nor critical, but apprehending that it might be come so, we want to fetch a doctor. Rest is advisable.
I heard from S that R is anxious to treat him. I replied that I have not the least objection.
According to R it was S who was anxious and requested him three times to treat him, while R himself was circumspect and indifferent They both wrote about it, but that was three or four days ago before S's condition got bad. Versions, versions!
What do you say about giving R a trial in place of the French doctor? Won't that be good for S?
As he is getting better, we can do without either
The Mother was knocked up in the small hours and informed that S was very bad and hiccoughing. I presume the French Doctor has been sent for by this time. If it is serious, let us have news 2 or 3 times a day.
No meal as yet, Sir. It is 9.30 p.m. No sleep, no rest. And still you express your surprise and grudge a doctor being given a certificate! What a sorrowful world, to say nothing else!
Poor doctors who give up rest and sleep and food, yet remain all unwept, unhonoured and unsung! Never mind! Perhaps in heaven they will have a big address given them one mile long and signed by all the angels—cherubim and seraphim together.
November 14, 1935
Nirod, [Underlined.]
15-11-35
As the Doctor has approved of R's treatment and S himself says he feels better under it, it is better to continue it. I expect you to put your medical feelings under a glass case in a corner for the time and help the unspeakable Homeopath so far as nursing and other care for S goes. To quote Dilip "qu'en dites-vous?"
Very well, sir. What the Guru expects, the disciple respects. I shall obey your command. You have heard all about the diagnosis. You can judge for yourself. I won't say a word on it. I fervently hope no occasion will arise to break my seal.
Let us hope so. The French doctor (Val, Vahl, Valle? What the devil is his name?) said the case was not dangerous except for the possible crisis of the heart. So let us hope for the best in spite of the differences of doctors.
November 15, 1935
So you see I had to break the seal this morning. You read the report I sent to the Mother through Nolini. I don't think I was unjustified in secretly informing you. I don't understand why R objects and doesn't want to let you know the exact report. Let me ask you how much you are guided by our reports, whether an accurate report is essential for your action. If so there are quite a number of things that one would object to in R's report.
It is absolutely essential. Wrong information or concealment of important facts may have disastrous consequences.
He has been passing copious black vomit since last night. It decreased during the day. He says in the evening's report that he didn't want to stop the vomiting; he has done that only because you wished it.
He has reported at 9 o'clock to Pavitra that he has succeeded in entirely stopping vomiting and hiccough. Is it true?
He expected to stop the hiccough in half an hour, but has failed. His condition at night will be critical; are you sure about his life?
No. From the beginning of the case I have not been at all sure of it. I understood however that Valle had said it was not a dangerous case, apart from the danger of heart-failure which he did not suppose to be very great and could be avoided. But the circumstances have been very contrary and there has not been the usual response to the Force which makes recovery only a matter of time. It seems to me that it is an old illness which has suddenly taken an acute and perilous form. If tomorrow morning there is no improvement, we can call Philaire (I hope it will be in time). Pavitra is typing a letter which you can take to Philaire and learn from him when he will come over. If you and Philaire can understand each other, it is all right. Otherwise inform Pavitra of the hour and he will go at that time.
Accidentally I met Valle in the hospital. He asked me to call Philaire, as it is a surgical case.
He did not say that then, but gave an optimistic view of the case. But is surgical intervention possible in a state of extreme weakness?
November 16, 1935
You have heard of S's sudden good turn, putting him almost out of danger. It came about in this way: at 9.45 a.m., the time when Mother came down for Pranam, he went into a sound sleep and I too into a little concentration. I found, on opening my eyes, S in deep sleep with the cessation of hiccoughs. At once I had the impression that he was out of danger. R says that he himself was deep in meditation in the Pranam hall, when a great sense of joy pervaded him along with the idea that S had passed the danger zone. He opened his eyes and caught Mother looking at him. Mother's fixed reassuring grip of his hand confirmed his intuition. Is all this true?
There was something—a sense of a danger passed and a Force put out. There was also a pressure on R which amounted to this "No more bluff—bluff won't do here. You must now justify your bluff and cure S."
Things must have changed after you wrote to me that you were not sure of his life. You must have done something definite and imperative meanwhile. Can you reassure us now?
There is a change in so far as S's physical has begun to respond while before it was not responsive at all. There is therefore no longer the predominance of the dark forces that there was before. But the response has to increase before one can be absolutely sure of the result. The obstinacy of the hiccough is a dark point that ought to disappear.
I don't agree. with R when he says that hiccough will have some good effect on the intestine!
!!!
In this great consternation, I could not ask anything about myself I forgot to ask even for your blessings.
The blessing is there all right.
November 17, 1935
R showed me your reply regarding your disapproval of Bovril and remarked that you did it from motives we don't understand. But have you disallowed it because of my disapproval or do you and Mother concur with my opinion?
We concur. Besides she considers it too heavy for a patient like S. Even as a convalescent—which he is not yet—he cannot be treated like other convalescents or fed up without consideration of the fundamental and constant weakness of his digestive organs.
S complained of acidity because he was given too much lime-juice.
Why do you all call it lime-juice? It is orange-juice that is being sent. If it had been limes, I suppose S would have been dead by this time. But even this orange juice represents more than 20 oranges a day. Mother looks askance at this enormous quantity—how can he digest and will it not increase the hyperacidity, burnings, eructations, hiccough?
R resented S's complaint and wants to stop treatment. I said it would be absurd.
That is what he wants to do. We have said "no".
Shall I write to you my opinion about things as in the Bovril case or would I put you in a fix as to whom to listen to?
It is better if you write.
No, the fix is how to get R to be reasonable.
You must have marked that he has suspended giving him brandy.
If he has stopped it, all right. But it was a monstrous imprudence. He does not seem to realise that S's is a special case—that of a man who even in convalescence and apparent good health cannot be allowed to take what others take.
He told me just now that S's black vomit was of blood but he kept it from me because it would make me nervous! In the report also he wrote "Black vomit of yellow fever". Did he write to you that it was blood?
No, he did not write it was blood—only that absurdity about yellow fever.
November 18, 1935
By "lime-juice", I meant orange-juice. R would call it "sweet lime juice", not orange which is supposed to be different.
Perplexing Why should juice of oranges be called 'sweet lime' juice? I suppose in that case juice of sweet limes should be called orange juice? Vice versa? mutual transmutation? or what? Orange is certainly "supposed" to be different from sweet lime and it is oranges and not sweet limes we are using. R seems to live in a world of his own mental constructions, which has nothing to do with this poor earth and common "humanity".
R complains of the delayed supply of food and has written to Mother about it, he says.
He seems to think that things can be supplied at his order by some process of magic.
R told me that somebody has written to you about the orange juice and its production of hyperacidity.
Rubbish! It was the Mother who from the first had this objection long before you wrote about it. She gave the juice in the quantity asked for only because R insisted on it.
He adds that you come down to common human consciousness level and listen to these suggestions!! He also says you have no time to go into higher consciousness to ascertain the validity of these statements.
What an imbecile! As if one could not know about orange juice and its effects without shooting up into the Supermind. Does he think his extraordinary theories are supramental?
November 19, 1935
Now that S has been resuscitated—without any impending danger—I would like to know how far R's treatment has contributed to it. Dr. Nibaran said he doesn't believe at all that R had anything to do with the cure. It was pure and simple Mother's Force throughout. What was wanted by the Mother was complete suspension of medicine, but since the patient didn't have so much faith, homeopathy was allowed—which is as good as no treatment.
That is the allopath's prejudice.
I quite believe that homeopathy has a place. I've heard from Mother to that effect and, from other authoritative sources, of some miraculous cures by it.
Dr. Valle himself, who is an allopath and not likely to be bamboozled, has studied homeopathy and uses it in many cases.
I asked Mother about R, and she said that he has a magnetism around him, which he can put into his patients. I have also marked that he has enormous self-confidence and a capacity to create confidence in others.
That is his real strength along with the magnetism and power of suggestion. The man is a tower of vital strength and a dynamo of vital force—but with all the turbidity of a vital force.
I can't altogether dismiss his treatment as rubbish and make-believe, because you yourself have said that if the diagnosis is correct and appropriate medicines are administered the Force can work quickly and effectively.
Yes, certainly. On the contrary, when there is a grave error in the treatment, as in R's encouragement of the bilious vomiting and of the orange-fed hyperacidity, then the Force has to fight that as well as the illness, and it becomes difficult.
I hear you have said that it's because S surrendered himself to the Mother that he was saved.
? No, certainly not. I never said that—to whom should I say it? Besides, he was not saved till now. And S's surrendering would be a greater miracle than anything else.
... Anyway, even if his explanations are exasperating, I've learnt something from R—calmness, self-confidence and faith.
Right—that is the thing every physician should have
But a few days' dealing has shown me that if my ego is a "chubby chap", R's seems a giant.
Pretty big at any rate.
But big egos are a sign of greatness, it seems, since only big people have them.
Not always, sometimes only a sign of great egoism.
Those who are non-entities, what can they egotise on? Poor man as I am, I can't boast of wealth. I can't say I have done miraculous cures, because I haven't.
Yes, but even if R had not done miracle cures,- he would say he had and people would believe him.
All that about S's surrender is rubbish; he is not surrendered at all, ... But the man has a belief in Yoga-force and that helps; only he had gone so wrong that at first his body was not responding. Even I was not able to put much force, the contrary forces surrounding him were so thick that the higher Shakti refused to act except in a half-hearted way. I was hoping you and Becharlal being accustomed to him would pull him out as the old Doctor who knew the right way with him had done—in spite of the greater danger this time, with the limited help I could give. It was only when the heart began to misbehave seriously, that, as often happens, in response to the danger a big Force began to come down and S's body also responded—it was that response that saved him, not any surrender. At the same time I resolved to give R a chance—because energy and élan were needed and he had them, also I had certain [proofs of] how effective he had been in one or two cases of which I had knowledge.
All the same I think the Force can take more credit than R's medicines, although the latter were very useful, one might say an indispensable assistance. Yet it was whenever a big Force came in that S made a bound forward and each time on the lines indicated by the Force, first the heart's recovery, next the deliverance of the liver, third the overcoming of the hyperacid excesses. R was an obstacle as well as a help,—twice. First, in his confounded decision to encourage "yellow fever"—the bile had to be cleared out of course, but not in that dangerous way; next in his "lime-juice" excesses, the orange-juice was useful, but frantically overdone. As soon as he dropped his first mistake, the bile set itself right—as soon as he dropped his second to some extent and administered orange juice + medicine reasonably, the rest ameliorated. That is at least how I read it. And if so, it was because the Force got a chance to work straight—helped and not impeded. Now the only thing is to confirm the cure and convalesce—I hope there will be no farther difficulties. But that is R's weakness, he is as energetic in going wrong as in going right and his colossal bluff and bunkum in trying to show himself in the right even when he knows he has made a mistake or rather most when he knows that doesn't help at all. There
N.B. Please keep your eye on S. I don't feel safe with the animal.
November 20, 1935
I'm glad to announce that R has again become active. He has taken up the suggestion of milk and S is digesting it well.
That is good. I suppose it is the best diet if he can digest it.
Dr. Valle was right about S's case being ulceration of the duodenum and inflammation of the gall-bladder.
After so careful an examination and with his long experience he was not likely to be wrong.
Now all symptoms are subsiding, pt will soon become all right.
What the deuce is pt, O Aeschylus?
If you could induce the "big Force" to come down once more, we shall see S safely landed on the shore of convalescence.
Shall try, but that kind of Force comes when it wants. To stimulate it gives only small results.
What about R's subtle suggestion to take up the case of B.P. now?
A subtle silence.
November 21, 1935
R gave S soup with a very strong dose of pepper and ginger; he said he had sent Mother a sample of it...
Mother has told Dyuman now that pepper, ginger etc. should not be put.
My mistake was that I didn't ask Dyuman what soup he intended to give and I should have tasted it myself
Yes, it is better to see to these things. It is difficult for the kitchen in these, darshan days to do things specially, so they must be giving the soup of the vegetables cooked. But all vegetables are not proper for an invalid, esp. an invalid of this illness. So it is better if you see to that. R is of no use for this, he seems to be entirely ignorant. He actually asked for soup of spinach. But spinach water is poisonously unwholesome and spinach is never boiled in its own water which is carefully thrown away. This is done more than once even so that no trace of it shall remain. Then fancy soup of spinach—S would have sailed on it to Paradise. But R's syllogism was simple. Greens are good for health—Spinach is a powerful green—So spinach soup must be powerfully good for S's health. You see how logic can mislead
Now R is thinking of presenting his exhibit,S, to you on Darshan. Has he gone mad?
He has threatened us that if S is not allowed for darshan he is likely to get another crisis through which he may not pull this time!
You have got the report of the signatories on the wonderful state of the patient rescued by R—his high eulogies on them, etc. seem to prove that R has a pucca dramatist in him.
A lyrist, dramatist, epist, everything.
Do you want me to write S's report, tomorrow being the eve of the Darshan?
Not tomorrow evening. No correspondence allowed then.
November 22, 1935
S is now almost all right. I've nothing to say against the treatment except that R gave the patient potato salad supposed to be prasad! Fortunately the patient vomited at once.
Merciful Heavens
So shall I take leave now and resume my hospital attendance?
Yes. [Underlined.]
Well, Sir, what about your brand new formula? [16.8.35] How has it worked out?
My formula is working out rapidly, but it has nothing to do with any Darshan descent. It is my private and particular descent, ii you like, and that's enough for me at present. The tail of the supermind is descending, descending, descending. It is only the tail at present, but where the tail can pass, the rest will follow.
After so much expectation everything seemed to me so quiet, homely and comely. It seems as if the Darshan passed away long ago.
Quiet was all I wanted—there were so many alarms and excursions. Just before that it looked as if the 24th would be a day of mud, whirlpools and tempests (in certain quarters of course). However all quieted down by magic—and everything was peaceful, peaceful.
I hope others felt the Force, the Descent. Some say there was a great descent; others say that nothing came down.
How do they know, either of them? Personal experience? Then it was a personal descent or a personal non-descent. No General de Bruno yet.
Some say there was so much resistance that Sri Aurobindo could not do much in spite of himself.
Didn't try, sir, so that's bosh. The attempt to bring a great general descent having only produced a great ascent of subconscient mud, I had given up that as I already told you. At present I am only busy with transformation of overmind (down to the subconscient) into supermind; when that is over, I shall see if I can beat everyone with the tail of the supermind or not. At present I am only trying to prevent people from making hysterical, subconscient asses of themselves, so that I may not be too much disturbed in my operations—not yet with too much success.
November 25, 1935
I went to see Sat about 6 p.m. He whispered to me that R is overfeeding him with things that one wouldn't venture to give. In consequence he had a heated condition of the stomach, vomited copiously.
Why did he not object to being stuffed like that—if what he says is true? When the old Doctor was treating him, S was always fighting to eat but found the Doctor adamant. Now he has got what he wanted—a doctor who will stuff him to repletion. I don't want to interfere, for if I do, R will want to throw up the case.
R told me S hasn't been happy all day because he took coconut water in the morning without telling him! You can see, judge and act.
I can't if the patient himself swallows without a murmur
Dr. Manila! prescribes for J's asthma, sneezing, eczema etc., thyroid extract, adrenaline, calcium-lactate; milk injection for protein shock. He wants your opinion.
It sounds rather formidable. I can't pronounce my opinion. It is your business to opine.
November 26, 1935
N dropped in, complaining of urgency of micturition. Dr. Manilal and myself found nothing serious. N wants a microscopic examination of urine to exclude T.B. bacilli. I told him that it is very difficult to do this for we have to inject a guinea-pig. Shouldn't we avoid it? Dr. Manilal suggests enema and pepsin mixture.
Unless it is imperative, I think I prefer not to awaken the suggestion of T.B. in the breast of N—also to spare the harmless guinea-pig. Let us rather put our trust in enema and pepsin-mixture.
J is being lactated and adrenalised with some good effect.
Lactate away then.
I am wallowing again in the morass of the 3 Ds, now that I am free from my attendance on S.
Stand up, man, and don't wallow! Stand up and fix your third eye on the invisibly descending Tail of the Supramental.
If I could apply myself to some pursuits that would be obligatory!
How to make them obligatory unless you do something which will take you to jail!
Interest in poetry and in reading has dwindled, and now I'm on the way to be a "subconscient ass".
Why not become a conscious one?
November 28, 1935
Home
Disciples
Nirodbaran
Books
Share your feedback. Help us improve. Or ask a question.