It was the day after the Mother’s Birthday in 1956. Just the day before it I had a strong will to open myself and surrender to her. Perhaps it was in reaction to this will that I started getting hostile suggestions and attacks seeking to frustrate my efforts at Yogic sadhana.

“You will not be able to do Yoga. It is a very difficult and perilous path. You are inviting unnecessary trouble and dangers. Leave it and be free”—such was the constant vehement suggestion. I almost felt helpless.

The attack was mainly on the mental plane, the vital was quiescent and remained unaffected. Yet I kept up my Godward will and recalled Sri Aurobindo’s words on the need of willed surrender and on the consequence of denying the Divine, which he details in the first chapter of The Mother.

I also repeated to myself time and again this assurance of the Divine in the Gita: “Know it for certain, O son of Kunti, that My devotee perishes not.”

Two hours passed. Although inwardly agitated I behaved normally to the outward sight and did not tell anybody. In fact I could think of none in the city who could really help me.

Suddenly an idea flashed through my mind that I should write the whole thing to the Mother immediately.

I picked up my pen and writing-pad and started writing. As soon as I reached the end of my letter, I was surprised to find my trouble completely gone. There was no attack, no struggle, even no after-effects and I was full of calm and joy.

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Contact with The Mother

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