The Essence of a Yogi

The Preparation

1917

Source:
Collected Works Vol. 2

First Meeting with Sri Aurobindo

1917

In April 1917, I had received an invitation in Madras to deliver a lecture in connection with the Shankara Jayanti celebrations at Pondicherry. There was some hesitation on my part in accepting the invitation, for the organisers of the function were known to be a rather very orthodox set of gentlemen; though my way of life conformed to the usual standards of orthodoxy, I had my own doubts whether my opinions and views which ran counter to the rigidly conservative outlook would be palatable to my hosts. But they pressed their invitation. There was another and a more intimate factor which decided my choice. I had long wanted to see Sri Aurobindo. Here was an opportunity too good to be missed particularly since, as I fondly imagined then, the police would not bother one who goes on such a pious mission as to participate in a religious function like the Shankara Jayanti. Events, however, turned out to be otherwise; police attentions were not wanting, but that is a different story.

I had first heard of Sri Aurobindo under peculiar circumstances. In 1907, Bipin Pal had come down to Madras on his lecture tour and the city was all agog over his thunders on the Marina. Being caught up in the general whirlpool of the raging new spirit, I could not help attending those lectures. And it was after one of these that a friend, who was a college student then and later retired as the Principal of a local college, took me aside and said: "This Pal is a loud speaker; inspired, he orates, true, but he is not the chief leader. There is another man behind the scenes, working at the desk, giving directions. His name is Aurobindo Ghose a saintly man, a Shakti-Upasaka." I got nterested and when in the course of a year another friend returned from Nagpur where he attended a lecture by Sri Aurobindo (after the Surat Congress on his way from Bombay to Calcutta), I lost no time in getting as much information as possible from him. He was all admiration and respect while describing the leader. 'He does not have a loud voice. But when he started speaking slowly in distinctive tones, we all felt a kind of rhythm creeping over the vast concourse and when the lecture was over, we woke up as if from an enchantment,' he said. It is outside the scope of this brief narration to trace the course of my further acquaintance with Sri Aurobindo's activities and writings first political and then the epoch-making Arya, bimonthly.

So then, I decided to take the trip with this main object of visiting Sri Aurobindo. On arrival in Pondicherry, I called at Poet Bharati. He was then living in Iswaran Dharmaraja Kovil Street and when I was announced, his little daughter led me up to the first floor where I found him singing

‘Victory in this life is certain
O Mind, fear there is none.’

Then after a pause he made enquires of one or two friends in Madras. I had met Bharati in Mylapore, the last I saw him was a little before 1907. But what a change! Circumstances had conspired to wreck the physique and handsome and spirited face of the inspired poet, the national poet of Tamilnad; he was shrunken, pale and setting. Suddenly he burst out:

‘In the secret cave, O growing Flame,
Son of the Supreme’

I knew Bharati had some knowledge of Sanskrit which he had studied at Kashi but not that he had acquaintance with the Vedas deep enough to give expression to such an essentially Vedic conception or as the growing Flame in the heart of man. Besides the poet identifies Agni as Guha, Kumara, son of the Supreme. When I asked him how he caught the idea, he gave an interesting explanation in the course of which he said:

"Yes, I have studied 200 hymns (I do not quite recollect whether he said hymns or Riks) under Aurobindo Ghose."

It was from Bharati himself that I learnt he got the inspiration and general knowledge of the Vedic gods and hymns from Sri Aurobindo. Later he translated into Tamil, some of the Vedic hymns to Agni. So the talk switched on to A. G. (as he used to be known in those days).

"Where is he living?" I asked.
"There," he pointed out in the direction of the European quarters.
"I want to see him."
"But now-a-days he is very much disinclined to see people. I myself do not meet him often as I used to do before. Anyway I shall ascertain."
"Please mention that I have come on a pilgrimage to him." I pressed, as if on impulse. Indeed the pilgrimage had commenced somewhere long ago.

Bharati wrote out a short note in Tamil – a characteristically humourous one – to Nagaswami who was attending on Sri Aurobindo at that time, and signed himself as Shakti–Kumar, and he sent me with an escort to the house where Sri Aurobindo lived.

It was 3 p.m. when we arrived there. Nagaswami was obliging. He took the note, went up to A.G. and was back within a couple of minutes. "He will see you at 6 p.m. today", he said. Dilemma of dilemmas! The hour for which I had looked forward with so much eagerness had arrived. But the timing was embarrassing. For precisely at 6 the meeting was also scheduled to commence at which the lecture was to be delivered. Neither of these could be missed. And yet both could not be fulfilled at the same time. "Was it the proverbial sattva-pariksha?" I wondered. I thought for a while and sent word to the organizers of the function that the meeting could commence a little later than the fixed hour.

At six, I was escorted up the stairs of the house of Sri Aurobindo. It is now known as the Guest House, which name it acquired after Sri Aurobindo shifted to another building now in the main Ashram block. As I went up the stairs and reached the threshold, there stretched in front of me a long hall with a simple table and two chairs at the center. At the farther end was a room on the threshold of which stood Sri Aurobindo. Like a moving statue – such was his impersonal bearing – he advanced towards the table as I proceeded from my end and we both met at the center. Like Rama, the Aryan model of courtesy and nobility held up by Valmiki, Sri Aurobindo spoke first, purva-bhashi. I carried with me a lemon fruit as a humble expression of my esteem for him and after he sat down, I placed it on the table in his front and said: sudinam asid adya (a happy day today).

Sri Aurobindo leaned over to the youngster who was still there and seemed to ask him if I knew English. He was assured I knew and with what smattering of the language I had, we commenced the conversation. It would be an omission if I fail to tell here what happened the moment I stood face to face with Sri Aurobindo at the table.

The age is past when matters of this kind had to be kept to oneself and concealed from others for fear of scoffings from rationalists and skeptics. Man has come to realize that there are more things on earth and in heaven than are written in books and discovered in laboratories. Well, as soon I saw him, even from a distance, there was set in motion, all of a sudden, a rapid vibratory movement in my body from head to foot. There was a continuous thrill and throb. I seemed to stand on the top of a dynamo working at top speed and it was as powerful as it was new. It lasted for nearly four to five minutes. It did not really stop at all. In fact it continued ever since for long and every time I went to see him later, or for his Darshan after his retirement, the phenomenon tended to repeat itself.

A spiritual personality continually pours out spiritual emanations from within and it would seem that when any one with some secret affinity or even a point of contact somewhere in the being comes within the ambience of these vibrations, there is an attempt by something subtle in us to imbibe as much of these sustaining and strength-giving radiations as possible. But the physique not being so supple cannot support this occult commerce for long; it lacks the necessary nerve-force to keep up the flow and the physical palpitating movement is the result. Of course, I find this explanation now. All that I knew at that time and could not help knowing was that I was in the presence of an unusually mighty personality. Was it the sun-flower turned to the sun, or was it the filings in a tremulous dance before a block of magnet or was he the mystic spider, ever watchful, taking his prey alive to preserve it within his web biding his hour?

I had three important questions to ask, two of them are not of moment here. The question of the country's future was naturally uppermost in my mind and I was eager to know what Sri Aurobindo thought of it. I wanted to have a word of hope, if that was possible, from this statesman and prophet, from this rare gift of God to the nation, in regard to the prospects before the country and asked:

"What are the immediate possibilities of India?"

"Why possibility? It is a certainty," he returned with emphasis.

The Hindu-Muslim problem was lurking in the minds of thinking politicians who were few; in spite of Tilak and the Lucknow Pact the fear was there. "We have to bargain and purchase patriotism from them," I put in. He agreed it was a serious hurdle but hoped that reform movements would come on and influence the progressive sections of the communities.

'A larger Hinduism could find a solution and it is a necessity,' he added thoughtfully.

It was seven o'clock now, the hour to which the lecture was postponed arrived and I rose to take leave. To a question of mine, while parting, he said: "You can come here tomorrow, but by this time."

Did I part the same person who came at six o'clock? Apparently I did. But not for long. For, something had happened to me of which I was not fully mindful nor did I imagine the full significance of what took place in my first meeting with Sri Aurobindo.

Something had been set going which carried me on its wings – this is more than a figure of speech – shuttling me from and back to him with an irresistible intensity till at last I came back to him six years later (1923) in a different role. This time, as a seeker seeking the feet of the Teacher, and exclaimed marveling at the change of his appearance:

"What other proof is required, Sire! Then your complexion was dark-brown, now it is fair; today the hue is a golden hue. Here is the concrete proof of the Yoga that is yours."

Source:
Collected Works Vol. 2

Second Meeting with Sri Aurobindo

1923

A Note by M.P. Pandit

I recall the circumstances in which Shri Kapali Sastriar first met Sri Aurobindo. It was in 1917 that he had been invited to deliver a lecture at Pondicherry and he took the occasion to seek an interview with Sri Aurobindo through a common friend Bharati, the poet. He had admired Sri Aurobindo as an effective political leader of the National Freedom Movement and later had been profoundly impressed by his writings in the Arya. And when he met Sri Aurobindo it was both a fulfillment of a longstanding wish as well as the commencement of a fresh pilgrimage. They talked of politics, religion and philosophy.

The next meeting was in 1923. It was a meeting that proved decisive both in his inner as well as outer life. For though he had met Sri Aurobindo six years earlier, he had not at that time sought to change his own line of spiritual seeking and take to Sri Aurobindo’s Yoga of the Super-mind. But a series of inner developments took place ever since he took leave of Sri Aurobindo, the most notable of which was the almost daily experience in sleep of being bodily lifted up, flown and brought down into a particular room which he later came to recognise when he met Sri Aurobindo again in 1923 in his new house. Secondly, as he told me once in intimate confidence, when things were very much near the culminating stage in the yoga he was practising, he realised that that was not the object of his inner-most soul in taking this birth. The choice of his being was to participate in the Divine Manifestation, not to withdraw from it.

Sastriar was not very communicative of what happened during this meeting except to say that he found Sri Aurobindo completely changed in his physical appearance; he had then a golden hue on his body which had become fair in complexion whereas it was brownish-dark when he had seen him last. He was amazed and mentioned it to Sri Aurobindo, who smiled. What was the talk about, what did he ask and what did Sri Aurobindo tell him? These were my questions. He answered always briefly and I did not press further. It was only recently that while going through his papers I found written on a page of an old, old note-book a few notes under the heading: His Instructions (personal to me) 1923 July. ... Also found in the same note-book are ... Notes under the caption: Her Instructions (personal to me) on different occasions.

..He had asked Sri Aurobindo in detail about this yoga for the Supermind, mentioned his own seeking for it. Sri Aurobindo explained things exhaustively and then told him:

"Only two can give you this Truth: myself or the Shakti.” Sastriar would always be moved whenever he recounted this gesture of trust and confidence by Sri Aurobindo. He would also describe, vividly, the parting at that time:

“Can I know that the help I would receive is Yours? ” he asked.

“Yes”, replied Sri Aurobindo and instantaneously there started a tremendous downpour of a Consciousness which never ceased thereafter.

His Instructions (personal to me) 1923 July

From Shri Kapali's notebooks

Her Instructions (personal to me) on different occasions

From Shri Kapali's notebooks

Source:
Collected Works Vol. 3

Correspondence with Sri Aurobindo & The Mother

1. Three Forms of Mahalakshmi

TO

Bhagavan Sri Aurobindo and to the Divine Mother I offer my Pranam and with it myself in entirety, on this my 50th birthday.

One or two points, I pray, may be elucidated:

Medhasi devi viditakhila-sastrasara
Durgasi durgabhavasagaranaurasanga,
Srih kaitabharihrdayaikakriadhivasa
Gauri tvamova sasimaulikrtapratistha.

This is a verse from Chandi that came to me spontaneously a minute or two after the Mother began to give me meditation. Of the three forms of Mahalakshmi that appeared in the meditation in response (as was explained to me by the Mother) to my invocation, the first, the Mother said, was the original (Overmental) form of Mahalakshmi, and the second was the traditional one. Of the third, the Mother left partly unsaid. The form was a three-faced one with something like a cap-crown on. Is there any tradition in India or outside of a three-faced form of Mahalakshmi? In any case, what is its significance and the meaning of the same goddess-personality - Mahalakshmi - of the Mother appearing in three successive forms, visible of course to the Mother? Has it any personal significance to me? I hope the year augurs well for me and I may be enabled to have the sheer joy of self-giving.

Grant, I implore Thee, my Lord, I implore Thee, Mother, that I may sooner realise the consciousness of surrender to the Divine, very personally in every sense of the term to the Master and to the Mother.

At Thy Feet,
KAPALI
3-9-1936

SRI AUROBINDO'S REPLY

The Mother told you all that she saw about the last form - it disappeared almost immediately. The first form was the true one, that which she wears on the Overmind Plane which is the home of the greater Gods - as soon as it touched your mind, it took the traditional form which is the one with which your mind is familiar. The third shape must be a symbolic one (not traditional) - it would seem to be a correspondent one on the Shakti side to the Trimurti, indicating the unity in difference ol' three powers in the Cosmic Consciousness - in it is the same manifestation in different forms, - the Overmind Power, the traditional Lakshmi and the One Power in the Mother here.

SRI AUROBINDO

2. The Psychic

(1)

The Mother said in part:

One can reach the Psychic through the physical, vital or mental. The psychic in us is a being and a consciousness; but there is also a psychic world in the Universe. It is in space and time, though in an inner space and time of its own; but it is not in the Ignorance as Mind, Life and Matter are. It is a wide, luminous world, organised by the Divine - a world of deeper vibration (of Consciousness).

***

By occult training one can enter the Psychic world and explore it as one does a country.

***

The beings of the Psychic world have to incarnate, they do not go up from there.

I submit a few points for elucidation.

1. Though the Psychic world is in the Universe belonging to the Manifestation as it does and the beings there are products of evolution, its position is not in the vertical line of Cosmic ex-pression, anywhere in the rising tiers of Matter, Life, Mind and the higher reaches. Can our mind then not comprehend its position (teleological) in the scheme of this created existence?

2. Those that arrive at the Psychic world for rest, return here to take their part in the evolution, while those few who have their consciousness liberated from the Ignorance go straight up; these two roads seem to correspond to the Devayana and Pitryana of the old Indian teaching. Do they not?

3. Though they may take rest in a kind of sleep or trance, the beings of the Psychic world are not static. Then, is there interaction among them? Do any of them turn an active eye upon this world of Matter directly or through the vital or mental, throwing their influence on or even contacting those on earth with whom they have some subtle affinity just as the beings of the vital and mental worlds do?

4. Can a being of the Psychic world get fused into the soul of a human being here, avoiding the assumption of a separate material body?

5. Does a soul continue to take up a body of the same sex?

6. The soul returning here for rebirth enters, possesses, or takes charge of a material body prepared for it by Nature. When does it actually do so, at what stage and in what manner does the son affect the parents and get itself housed in the garbha, in the bija and ksetra?

No recorded scripture seems to give a satisfactory account of the soul's rebirth, The Chandogya, on the face of it, is fantastic when it speaks of the Pancagni Vidya.

With Pranams,
KAPALI
9.7-1937

SRI AUROBINDO'S REPLY

1. The psychic stands behind mind, life and body, supporting them; so also the psychic world is not one world in the scale like the mental, vital or physical worlds, but stands behind all these and it is there that the souls evolving here retire for the time between life and life. If the psychic were only one principle in the rising order of body, life and mind on a par with the others and placed somewhere in the scale on the same footing as the others it could not be the soul of all the rest, the Divine element making the evolution of the others possible and using them as instruments for a growth through cosmic experience towards the Divine. So also the psychic world cannot be one among the other worlds to which the evolutionary being goes for supraphysical experience, it is a plane where it retires into itself for rest, for a spiritual assimilation of what it has experienced and for a replunging into its own fundamental consciousness and psychic nature.

2. Go where? If the few who go out of the Ignorance mean those who enter into Nirvana, then there is no question of their going straight up anywhere. Nirvana or Moksha is a liberated condition of the being, not a world - it is a withdrawal from the worlds and the manifestation. The analogy of the Pitriyana and Devayana can hardly be mentioned in this connection.

3. The condition of the souls that retire to the psychic world is entirely static; each withdraws into himself and is not interacting with the others. When they come out of their trance, they are ready to go down into a new life, but meanwhile they do not act upon the earth-life. There are other beings, guardians of the psychic world, but they are concerned only with the psychic world itself and the return of the souls to reincarnation, not with earth matters.

4. No. What happens sometimes is that a very advanced psychic being sometimes sends down an emanation which resides in a human body and prepares it until it is ready for the psychic being itself to enter into the life. This happens when some special work has to be done and the human vehicle prepared - such a descent produces a remarkable change of a sudden character in the personality and the nature.

5. Usually, it follows continuously the same line. If there are shiftings of sex, it is as a rule a matter of parts of the personality which are not central.

6. No rule can be laid, for these circumstances vary with the individual. Some psvchic beings get into relation with the birth-environment and the parents from the time of inception and determine the preparation of the personality and future in the embryo, others join only at the time of delivery, others even later on in the life and in these cases it is some emanation of the psychic being which upholds the life. It should be noted that the conditions of the future birth are determined fundamentally not during the period of stay in the psychic world, but at the time of death - the psychic being then choosing what it should work out in the next terrestrial appearance and the conditions arrange themselves accordingly. Note that the idea of rebirth and the circumstances of the new life as a reward or punishment for punya or papa is a crude human idea of "Justice" which is quite unphilosophical and unspiritual and distorts the true intention of life. Life here is an evolution and the soul grows by experience, working out by it this or that in the nature and, if there is suffering, it is for the purpose of that working out, not as a judgment inflicted by God or Cosmic Law on the errors or stumblings which are inevitable in the Ignorance.

SRI AUROBINDO
9.7-1937

(2)

Pranams to Sri Aurobindo

Pranams to the Mother

Sri Aurobindo's letter has clarified my thought in regard to the questions dealt with in it and put fresh strength into me which made itself felt last evening, especially so in the morning meditation today - even before I read the letter.

An explanation is due from me regarding one of the questions in which I made reference to Devavana and Pitriyana. For the sake of brevity I said that the few who have their consciousness liberated from the Ignorance 'go straight up'; for precision I could have added ' to the higher worlds above the Mind-plane'. But when I said ' they go straight up' I had not in mind the Nirvana of the Buddha or of Shankara or even the Brahma-nirvana of the Gita. I had the idea that one's consciousness must be liberated from the Ignorance of the triple lower Nature to make him eligible for entry into the worlds of the Devas; in other words, it is a kind of Jivanmukti that makes one competent to tread the lit path (arcir-marga) leading to the Swar. The other path leads to the world of the Fathers to which most souls wend their way after going through the dark passage (dhuma-marga).

Iha cedasakad boddhum prak sarirasya visrasah
tatah sargesu lokesu sariratvaya kalpate.

Is this not a liberation, a mukti?

I shall drop the analogy, but when I wrote yesterday the correspondence was striking and I thought of asking about it. Even then, I did not mean to say that the ancients had the same conception of their two yanas as when we speak of the world of Gods and the Psychic world - this apart from the distinguishing features of Sri Aurobindo's yoga and philosophy, such as the meaning of Rebirth, Spiritual evolution, Cosmic Purpose, the character of the many-sided Ignorance etc.

My explanation is perhaps correct, perhaps not correct; I have simply submitted the working of my mind.

With Pranams,
KAPALI
10-7-1937

SRI AUROBINDO'S REPLY

It is quite probable that the sloka refers to a going up into higher worlds of felicity and light and this can be called a liberation or release. In later times the idea grew strong that from all these higher worlds return is inevitable and it is only release from all cosmic existence that gives mukti. The Vedic Rishis seem to have looked to an ascent into a divine luminous world or state above the falsehood and ignorance. In the Upanishad the sun is the symbol of the supramental Truth and it is said that those who pass into it may return but those who pass through the gates of the Sun itself do not; possibly this meant that an ascent into the supermind itself above the golden lid of overmind was the definitive liberation. The Veda speaks of the Truth hidden by a Truth where the Sun looses his horses from his car and there all the myrial rays are drawn together into One and that was considered the goal. The Isha Upanishad also speaks of the golden lid hiding the face of the Truth by removing which the Law of the Truth is seen and the highest knowledge in which the One Purusha is known (so'hamasmi) is described as the kalyanatama form of the Sun. All this seems to refer to the supramental states of which the Sun is the symbol.

SRI AUROBINDO
11-7-1937

(3)

Pranams to Sri Aurobindo

Pranams to the Mother

Last week my brief reference to Devayana apparently at the cost of precision side-tracked the issue, but got me the authentic words about liberation as understood by the Vedic seers, the sages of the Upanishads and the Vedantins of later time.

But my question remains. I think it is permissible, has Sri Aurobindo's approval, to use the word Jivanmukta in the sense of one living on earth liberated in consciousness from Nature's hold on it, experiencing the essential unity of Existence, the Self or the Divine.

1. (A) Does a Jivanmukta 'go straight up' (without turning to the psychic world) to those of the higher worlds to which the dynamic side, the nature-part in him was open during his life on earth?

(B) If he does, does he or can he prepare from there to go still farther up to Being beyond the higher worlds, to the Super-mind or still above without the possibility of return?

(C) In case he returns from a Divine necessity, does he take rest in the psychic world before re-incarnation?

2. In the answer to one of my questions it was stated "An advanced psychic being. . sends an emanation to support the life… until it is ready for the psychic being itself to enter it… Such a descent produces remarkable change, sudden etc.”

(A) What is an advanced being? One who has developed many personalities? If so, do they always live with their central being in the psychic world? Or retaining the thread with their central being in the psychic world these personalities move about in those higher planes whose elements have composed them or are predominant in them?

(B) Descent is associated in our minds with something coming down from above. When it is applied to a psychic being, as is quoted above, is it meant that it calls down one of its personalities from above at the time of entering the life which it was supporting with an emanation of its own until then?

3. Can a psychic being from its world send two or more emanations at a time to support two or more human lives here? Or can two or more human beings have a common central being in the psychic world?

4. It was said that the guardians of the Psychic world are concerned with the return of the souls to reincarnation. Are these functionaries human souls become eligible for the office or are they denizens of the psychic world occupying that position at the Will of the Presiding Presence of the Divine whom we adore as the Mother?

With Pranams
KAPALI
17-7-1937

SRI AUROBINDO'S REPLY

It is difficult to give a positive answer to these questions because no general rule can be laid down applicable to all. The mind makes rigid rules or one rigid rule, but the Manifestation is in reality very plastic and various and many-sided. My answers therefore must not be taken as exhaustive of the subject or complete.

1. (A) He can go wherever his aim was fixed, to a state of Nirvana or one of the divine worlds and stay there or remain, wherever he may go, in contact with the earth movement and return to it if his will is to help that moverent.

(B) This is doubtful. If originally he is not a being of the evolution but of some higher world, he could go back to that world - if he wants to go higher, it is logical that he should return to the field of evolution so long as he has not evolved the consciousness proper to that higher plane. The orthodox idea that even the gods have to come to earth if they want salvation may be applied to this ascension also. If he is originally an evolutionary being (Ramakrishna's distinction of the Jivakoti and Ishwarakoti may be extended to this also) he must proceed by the evolutionary path to either the negative withdrawal through Nirvana or some positive divine fulfilment in the increasing manifestation of Sachchidananda.

As to the impossibility of return, that is a knotty question. A divine being can always return - as Ramakrishna said, the Ishwarakoti can at will ascend or descend the stair between Birth and Immortality. For the rest, it is probable that they may rest a relative infinity of time, saswatih samah, if that is the will in them, but a return cannot be barred out unless they have reached their highest possible status.

(C) No. That is part of the evolutionary line only, not obligatory for divine returns.

2. (A) No. An advanced psychic being means one who has arrived at the soul's freedom and is immersed in the Divine - immersed does not mean abolished. Such a being does not sleep in the psychic world, but may remain in his state of blissful immersion or come back for some purpose.

(B) The word "descend" has various meanings according to the context - I used it here in the sense of the psychic being ‘coming down' into the human consciousness and body ready for it; it might have come down at birth or before, or it comes down later - that is all. I do not quite understand what are these personalities from above - it is the psychic being itself that takes up a body.

3. No, there is only one psychic being for each human being, but the Beings of the higher planes e.g. the Gods of the Overmind can manifest in more than one human body at a time by sending different emanations into different bodies. These would be called Vibhutis of these Devatas.

4. These are not human souls nor is this an office to which they are appointed nor are they functionaries - these are beings of the psychic plane pursuing their own natural activity in that plane. My word guardian was simply a phrase meant to indicate by an image or metaphor the nature of their action.

SRI AUROBINDO
20-7-1937

3. Conversion of Consciousness

(1)

Mother Divine,

To Sri Aurobindo and the Mother I offer my most humble and loving Pranams today, the beginning of another year for me.

The Mother's words this noon have put fresh strength into me, taking me a step forward to the goal of Her choice.

I pray for the further elucidation of the "conversion of consciousness" to which the Mother referred as distinct from the "transformation of physical nature" ; the latter takes a longer time, as for "the conversion of consciousness, it is there" - She said, pointing to me.

Here, is it meant by implication that all those who have gathered round Sri Aurobindo and the Mother have "this conversion of consciousness" - perhaps in varying degrees? (1)

Can it be further explained in terms of the psychic being and its relation to the instrumental (nature) being? (2)

Or can it be said that whoever has some aspiration for the Light or Truth or God vaguely, has some sort of conversion of consciousness, for the reason that he has come to the Ashram and lives here? (3)

With Pranams,
At Thy feet
Thine,
KAPALI
3-9-1937

SRI AUROBINDO'S REPLY

(1)

(1) No. Those who come here have an aspiration and a possibility; something in their psychic being pushes and if they follow it, they will arrive; but that is not conversion. Conversion is a definite turning of the being away from lower things towards the Divine.

(2) It is certainly the psychic being turning the nature definitively Godwards, but the transformation has still to be worked out in the nature.

(3) No. Aspiration can lead hereafter to conversion; but aspiration is not conversion.

Mother spoke of three different things: - conversion, the turning of the soul decisively towards the Divine, - inner realisation of the Divine, - transformation of the nature. The first two can happen swiftly and suddenly and once for all, the third always takes time and cannot be done at one stroke, in a moment. One may become aware of a rapid change in this or that detail of the transformation, but even this is the rapid result of a long working.

SRI AUROBINDO

(2)

Mother,

The other day explanation was given of the three different things of which the Mother spoke - (1) Conversion of consciousness, (2) inner realisation of the Divine, (3) transformation of the nature.

May I be enlightened on a few questions connected with the same?

1. Is the first the same as inner consecration or anything more?

2. Does the second inevitably lead to the psychic being coming to the front?

3. Does the psychic being come to the front without an inner realisation of the Divine?

4. Does the inner realisation of the sublime carry with it a normal sense, if not consciousness, of the One, in all that one sees or does?

5. Is not the second indispensable for the success or even progress of the third?

With Pranams,
KAPALI
6-9-1937

SRI AUROBINDO'S REPLY

(2)

1. Consecration is a process by which one trains the consciousness to give itself to the Divine. But conversion is a spontaneous movement of the consciousness, a turning of it away from external things towards the Divine. It comes usually as the result of a touch from within and above. Self-consecration may help to open one to the touch or the touch may come of itself. But conversion may also come as the culmination of a long process of aspiration and tapasya. There is no fixed rule in these things.

2. If the psychic being comes to the front, then conversion becomes easy or may come instantaneously or the conversion may bring the psychic being to the front. Here again there is no rule.

3. It may be either way. There is a touch and the realisa-tion comes and the psychic takes its proper place as the result, or the psychic may come to the front and prepare the nature for the realisation.

4. It depends on the nature of the realisation which may be different in different persons.

5. Transformation is something progressive, but certainly there must be realisation before the complete transformation is possible.

SRI AUROBINDO

Source:
Collected Works Vol. 2

Hymns to Sri Aurobindo & The Mother

The following hymns composed by Shri Kapali Sastry are compiled from his works. Some of these hymns were also translated into English by him.

Source

Hymns to Sri Aurobindo & The Mother

Flame of White Light

A Note by M.P. Pandit

While reminiscing occasionally, Shri T. V. Kapali Sastriar used to speak to me of the various lines of Sadhana he had pursued since his childhood. Some of them like the Mantra Upasana, Puja Aradhana, were elaborate, complicated and quite strenuous. He practised them for years and years.

"And what came of them?" I asked once.

With a bound he sat up and said: "Here it is. It has brought me to the Feet of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother," impliedly questioning if there could be anything greater that one would want. The reply made a profound impression on me and it comes to my mind whenever there is a tendency around to take things for granted, to forget the momentous significance of the opportunity offered to us to breathe in the physical atmosphere of the Mother and bask in the sunshine of Her Smile.

He was conscious, every minute, of the rare fortune of living at this moment the like of which comes hardly once in a thousand years in the history of the earth. For he experienced and knew that the Mother is not simply a spiritual personality, a Saint; nor a Yogin who has arrived at the summits of spiritual realisation. She is not even an Avatar of the traditional conception, a Power or Part of the Divine incarnated in human form.

He saw and recognised in Her a conscious embodiment of the whole Divine, a living Murti in whom are present all the Four Personalities of the Adya Sakti spoken of by Sri Aurobindo as presiding over the course of the Earth's Evolution. He invoked in Her Person Maheshvari, Mahakali, Mahalakshmi and Mahasarasvati and got their response in an unmistakable manner. In Her he adored his Ista Devata, Sri Lalita Tripura Sundari, and surrendered his entire Sadhana to Her. Times without number he let me feel and get an inkling into the working of the Mother's Love, Force and Grace in his inner and outer life. Once he confided to me, with deep emotion:

"What has been done in me by the Mother's Force during the last six months would have taken for me at least ten years of exclusive Sadhana to achieve."

.... A word about the caption chosen for this brochure containing excerpts from the letters and other writings of Sastriar on the Mother.

An old and dear student of his once confessed to him that while he had devotion for the Mother he could not go further in accepting Her divinity. Sastriar told him: "You will realise one day. To me She is a Flame of White Light." Years after-wards, this person paid a visit to Padivedu, a Ksetra, holy place, in the mountains of South India revered as the centre of Manifestation of Devi Renuka, in search of peace. As he entered the valley he casually looked up, and what did he see? Astride over two steep hills there stood in Her glory the towering Figure of the Mother clad in Her characteristic attire! He was overcome. There was a descent of deep Peace. Winging from Beyond reverberated in his ears the words: "TO ME SHE IS A FLAME OF WHITE LIGHT."

I remember the days when the Mother was coming to the terrace of the Ashram buildings in the evenings for a light walk— Sastriar used to wait on the roof of his house to watch this 'Moving Column of White Light' which always recalled to him the Skambha hymned by the ancient Rishis of the Veda, the Cosmic Pillar, the Spinal Column of the Universe, - the Skambha in which All is rooted, skambhe sarvam pratisthitam, the Skambha that upholds, dadhara, that enters into and possesses all this Universe, idam visuam bhu-vanam ariesa (Atharva Veda X 7).

Source: Collected Works Vol. 2

A Compilation of Kapali Sastry's words

मिरा मिराम्बिकेति वाक् सुधायते हृदन्तरे ।
शिरस्तु पादपीठिकां बिभर्तु सन्ततं परे ।।
शरीरतो गिरा हृदा नतोऽहमम्बिकां मुदा ।
भजेतरां परात्परां त्रिलोकमातरं मिराम् ।।

Sweet in the heart streams the Speech Mira, Mother Mira!
Ever may the crown carry Her footstool on High!
In joy have I bowed to the Mother with body, word and heart,
I adore and adore Mira, the Mother of three worlds, transcendent Supreme.

Offering of Works

Source: Collected Works Vol. 2

Diary of Sadhana

Source: Collected Works Vol. 3

FROM THE DIARY

1927

Forty-second year (i.e. ketudasa and vimsottari) is the year predicted for a great change in life: either life comes to an end or something tantamount to that or janmabhutyaga etc. i.e. sannyasa must occur. “மௌந தீக்ஷைப் பெறுவார்” was the prediction read in the Nadi by the Choolai man.⁶

25-1-1928

Blank in meditation; something else moving for a while, not continuously.

27-1-1928

Meditated on the beach⁷

28-1-1928

“Bande Mataram.”⁸

29-1-1928

“ Bande Mataram."

Night meditation – ‘watchful’-got glimpses.

1-2-1928

Meditated at Palm Grove.⁹

5-2-1928

Good dream: psychic. I was casting off the coverings; Mother was aside above to take me up.

Part of the night was a waking sleep.

6-2-1928

Meditation was short; the attitude was good. The vast, He above, myself at His feet.

7-2-1928

Went to Palm Grove. No meditation.

“Half to one hour of concentration is necessary,” that is the word of the Mother to S.D.

8-2-1928

Short meditation — good in a way.

11-2-1928

One hour meditation at Maharshi’s feet with A.

15-2-1928

Meditation obstructed.

16-2-1928

Strong feeling of the Mother’s influence.

18-2-1928

Morning at Pondy. Sent fruit basket through Am.

Mother was not going to see any of us till the 21st. Absolute calm and receptivity was enjoined on us.

19-2-1928

Darshan of the Mother at the Library.

20-2-1928

Good experience at the feet of the Mother at the Library. Later, tendency to tears.

21-2.1928

The Mother’s Day.

Between 10 and 11 a.m.:-Pranam to Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. Tears before and after.

23-2-1928

Calm, waiting for Heart’s intuition. Glimpse of the Heart’s poise.

26-2-1928 Read Karmayogin.¹⁰

1-3-1928

Night and next morning: ‘Calm and Delight’ — glimpses.

5-3-1928

Evening at Palm Grove. Meditated with S.D.

6-3-1928

Short meditation (night) at Palm Grove. Inspiring.

24-3-1928

Morning: Pondy. The Mother did not go through the routine work; not coming out.

25-3-1928

The Mother did not come out. “Kapali is come?", the Mother is reported to have remarked, “how unlucky he is! . . .let him wait."

26-3-1928

Am. says the Mother is sure to come out tomorrow.

27-3-1928

“It is good he stays till the end of the week”, the Mother said to Am. referring to me.

Met the Mother in the Library. She resumed the routine.

28-3-1928 Met the Mother in the Library.

The Mother remembers me and said to Am. that She was sure to see me before I left.

29-3-1928

Mother would see me Saturday morning.

30-3-1928

The Mother saw me. I meditated for 10 to 15 minutes.

31-3-1928

10 p.m. The Mother gave me 10 minutes at soup-time, She gave soup. Spoke to her, expressed desire to have a word.

“Sincere faith and constant aspiration, gets the answer was the Mother’s utterance.

Received Her blessings.

1-4-1928

Night: mild sleep. Visionary horses.

11-5-1928

The Mother called for soup.

14-5-1928

Break in Dhyana routine.

19-5-1928

The Mother stopped night meditation (general).

20-5-1928

The Mother does not come out.

21-5-1928

The Mother does not come out.

22-5-1928

The Mother does not come out.

23-5-1928

The Mother does not come out.

26-5-1928

The Mother is expected tomorrow.

Night: good, sensitive sleep.

Anandabrahman.¹¹

27-5-1928

The Mother came out. Began common meditation. Did not come to the Library.

28-5-1928

Tagore visited Sri Aurobindo.

The Mother said to people there that there would be soup tomorrow night.

Noon: wept for Divine Love.

29-5-1928

The Mother began this night night-soup; ten minutes meditation before soup.

3-6-1928

The Mother came late at 9 o’clock as the car stopped at a distance of 7 miles.

4-6-1928

Living in a dreamy land as it were; perceiving the Truth in a direct and closer way.

Offered Jasmine to the Mother.

5-6-1928

Recd. The Prayers.¹²

Night: kept awake till 2 o’clock.

6-6-1928

Soup time (night): Mother seemed alive to my prayer.

8-6-1928

Throughout, prayer.

10-6-1928

Mother would see me on Wednesday.

Glimpses of Love’s manifestation in the face, in the chest.

Night dream: The Mother appeared. Saw Sri Aurobindo serene.

11-6-1928

Kept awake (night) till after 2 o’clock.

Some natural wideness and silence on the beach.

13-6-1928

The Mother was very smiling; gave her feet; meditated. All took nearly 30 minutes. Quite delightful, inspiring.

15-6-1928

Received before soup from the Mother’s hands, Book and Photos with signature. Mother serious at soup time. Good experience.

16-6-1928

Morning: Tiruvannamalai.

All with Sri Nayana¹³

Evening to Maharshi.

17-6-1928

Mani’s central question to Maharshi:\

சாகா நிலையென்ன ?¹⁴

Maharashi’s answer in 3 sentences unforgettable.

20-6-1928

Scorpion sting miraculous escape at Maharshi’s ashram.

26-6-1928

Some dull painfulness in the vital.

Meditation: body became a shadow. Experience wonderful. Night unusual.

2-7-1928

Effort at equilibrium in the vital.

9-7-1928

Evening meditation stopped for the day.

Night: meditated with P. for a while.

12-7-1928

Met S.D. who returned in the morning. Night: stayed at Palm Grove.

(Once the sadhak is accepted, Sri Aurobindo is in him and he is in Sri Aurobindo.

The Divine is rushing on all sides to get into every one of us.)

13-7-1928

Dull in meditation due to indisposition.

16-7-1928

Sleep: half-awakening with the inner eye opened flying with body in the air.

17-7-1928

Again like the previous night.

22-7-1928

Action of Divine Shakti.¹⁵

Meditation fine. In sleep had seen The Mother with her sight partly withdrawn.

23-7-1928

Meditation: laboured.

24-7-1928

Meditation: fairly good.

25-7-1928

Meditation: pleasant, powerful, good and satisfactory.

29-7-1928

Meditation: short but good.

Scorpion in the room.

30-7-1928

Scorpion in the room.

11-8-1928

Reached Pondy. Went to soup.

14-8-1928

Self and P. saw Mother in the Stores room.

Nayana and A. came to Pondy with S.D.

Night: N. was cogitating.

15-8-1928

The Great day. Self, P. and A. had Darshan.

16-8-1928

Nayana’s meeting with the Mother.

19-8-1928

Letter from A. at Pondy about himself and Nayana with the Mother.

N’s meeting the Mother.

21-8-1928

Letter from A. about Nayana’s interview with the Mother on Sunday, 19th.

3-9-1928

Sri Nayana returned from Pondy.

9-9-1928

S.D. returned from Pondy.

Encouraging news from Mother about Nayana.

24-9-1928

Meditation: very good. Descent of the Power and Peace; bathed in it.

25-9-1928

Meditation: good.

26-9-1928

Meditation: good.

29-9-1928

Meditative attitude in sleep.

1-10-1928

Night till 1 o’clock, meditation good; something vast above and around.

2-10-1928

With S.D. Talk. “The highest Supramental next to the lowest physical.”

3-10-1928

Morning: joy. Meditation: good.

4-10-1928

Meditation: good. Joy continues.

5-10-1928

Meditation: fairly good.

7-10-1928

Meditation: fairly good.

8-10-1928

Very short meditation.

9-10-1928

Meditation: fair, but vital disturbance persists.

10-10-1928

Meditation: good.

11-10-1928

Meditation: good.

14-10-1928

Meditation: fairly good.

16-10-1928

Morning at Pondy.

Night at soup: wonderful colours and forms and scenes.

No tendency to sit quiet.

17-10-1928

Night soup: The Mother was half-smiling and kept the floral garland on her lap; very much pleased.

18-10-1928

Morning Pranam.

Mother gave: SINCERITY, RADHA’s Love (with) PEACE IN THE PHYSICAL MIND.¹⁶

20-10-1928

RADHA’S CONSCIOUSNESS.

27 21-10-1928

PSYCHIC DEVOTION, DIVINE MIND.

Morning Pranam: Forehead and head received Power from the Toe of the Mother. Good pressure in the head.

Evening soup: felt much devoted to the Mother.

-10-1928

LINK IN THE PLANES.

23-10-1928

RADHA’S LOVE, PSYCHOLOGICAL PERFECTION, PEACEFUL AND PURE MIND, TRANSFORMATION.

22-10-1928

TAPASYA, RADHA’S LOVE, RADHA’S INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS, PSYCHIC DEVOTION, SUCCESSFUL FUTURITY.

26-10-1928

Morning: gathering flowers for the Mother.

Evening: The Mother came to A.’s house.

27-10-1928

INTUITIVE MIND, SUCCESSFUL FUTURITY.

Significant. Had interview — 1/2 hour.

Meditated for 20 minutes; 10 minutes talk.

Quite good and emotional at soup time.

28-10-1928

Movement of Call into the deep. Unusually peaceful and happy.

1-11-1928

Meditation making way for the Universal Shakti trying to take me up from below.

6-11-1928

Meditation satisfactorily getting on.

7-11-1928

No night meditation.

23-11-1928

Morning: Pondy. The Mother questioned A. about me, my stay and employment.

24-11-1928

The great event. Had Darshan.

25-11-1928

RADHA’S INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS, ASPIRATION.

Saw the Mother near the car.

26-11-1928

RADHA’s CONSCIOUSNESS, TRANSFORMATION.

27-11-1928

DIVINE SOLICITUDE, TRANSFORMATION, SURRENDER, RADHA’s INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS, SINCERITY, CHEERFULNESS.

Pranam.

28-11-1928

Morning: prayer, calm, hopeful of the Mother.

Evening: S.D. at Palm Grove. (Every one must know that the Mother is near and close to everybody.)

29-11-1928

Maintaining equanimity.

3-12-1928

Night: good experience.

4-12-1928

S.D. spoke about the Mother’s referring to me." There is something in him ", She said.

6-12-1928

Talked to A.M. about retirement. Told T.V.M. about the same.

24-12-1928

Morning: Pondy.

ASPIRATION FOR RADHA’S INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS.

25-12-1928

PSYCHIC DEVOTION, INTEGRAL TRANSFORMATION, RADHA’s INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS IN RADHA’S VITAL, SUCCESSFUL FUTURITY.

27-12-1928

The great opening to the most external material nature between 4-30 and 6 a.m. and the srutidarsana (like that of the Vedic sages).

INTEGRAL OPENING (special to me for the first time); ASPIRATION FOR TRANSFORMATION.

28-12-1928

The Mother came to A.’s room, meditated with us four (S.D., K.S.V., A.R.P., T.V.K.).

Night at Soup: our eyes opened — joy — the Mother was looking at us. (Myself 8 centuries back an astrologer?)

29-12-1928

ASPIRATION FOR RADHA’S INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS.

A.R.P. saw the Mother in the Library; stood mute for 7-8 minutes.

30-12-1928

ASPIRATION FOR INTEGRAL OPENING.

S.D. learnt from the Mother that A.R.P. was very emotive.

31-12-1928

RADHA’S INTEGRAL C. THROUGH RADHA’S VITAL.

Night: a little before 12, below the Meditation Hall.

Thus the last quarter of the last hour of the last day of the year, had me at the stair-case leading to the Mother’s feet.

1-1-1929

With the Mother, at Her feet:

In the first minutes of the first hour of the first day of the year I was the third to offer fruit and garland. Received chocolate from the Mother.

Morning flower offering. Got RED LOTUS (SRI AUROBINDO).

3-1-1929

ASPIRATION FOR INTEGRAL OPENING, ASPIRATION FOR RADHA’s INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS, DESCENT OF THE SUPRAMENTAL TO THE MATERIAL (special flower to me).

4-1-1929

Throughout night, with the Mother in dream. She comes to some newly built house of mine, spends the night. P. helpful; my bed is given to Her. She reposes. Throughout, joy mingled with reverential awe.

5-1-1929

INTEGRAL OPENING; ASPIRATION FOR INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS OF RADHA.

The Mother interviewed; meditated; then she said: “ Sri Aurobindo says you may prepare to come.” Then she said, “ Yes, you may come for February and March also. You have said you would come. You may do so. You are coming here in May. Isn’t it?"

Night: very nice repose; throughout attitude good. Mental activity unnecessary for life. From the bottom to the neck warmth and good feeling.

6-1-1929

ASPIRATION FOR THE INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS OF RADHA.

Offered parting Pranam in the verandah near the stair-case and a rose. The Mother was full of smiles and nodded blessing on my taking leave of her for the present.

12-1-1929

Morning: good meditation in bed.

13-1-1929

Gandhi and Sri Aurobindo in a vivid dream — I was alone in the house — a sort of interested observer each enquiries from me of the other.

14-1-1929

Evening meditation good.

25-1-1929

The Mother, S.D. said, was not coming down since last Sunday.

21-2-1929

Sri Aurobindo received the token from me. The Mother stretches her fingers to receive it.

22-2-1929

The Mother saw A.R.P. at soup time.

23-2-1929

TRANSFORMATION; DEVOTION; Rose.

15-3-1929

Sri Nayana leaves for Gokarn and self for Pondy.

Sri Nayana blessed me saying ’ siddhayah parirambhayantu’.

16-3-1929

Morning: Pondy.

ASPIRATION FOR TRANSFORMATION: PATIENCE.

17-3-1929

ASPIRATION FOR TRANSFORMATION; READINESS OF THE PHYSICAL TO RECEIVE THE DIVINE.

18-3-1929

ASPIRATION FOR TRANSFORMATION; PATIENCE IN THE Psychic; OFFERING; PURE MIND; HIGHER VITAL ENTHUSIASM.

Just a glance at Sevenfold Ignorance (Chapter in Arya Vol. III) took me back to the older days of inspiration.

Mother delayed to receive cup and flower from me at Soup time: I had a half-lit wideness over and about me; there was an attempt on my part to give myself up to her.

19-3-1929

BEGINNING OF REALISATION, ASPIRATION, TRANSFORMATION PATIENCE.

Mother kept the Tulsi in her hand till I received the soup. This day also there was something good about me.

I felt myself a vessel and in the whole movement with so many vessels was simply afloat in the wide and all encompassing Mother backed by the Supreme. Others also were vessels like me.

20-3-1929

Domestic sanskaras in the morning tried a bit very subtly.

The spirit of calm and yesterday’s attitude give me watch-fulness.

21-3-1929

PHYSICAL CONSCIOUSNESS TURNED TO THE DIVINE; RADHA IN THE PHYSCIAL PERFECTION; ASPIRATION FOR TRANSFORMATION.

22-3-1929

Saw the Mother at 9 a.m., meditated in her room for 15 minutes. 4-45 p.m. Mother sends word enquiring if I was conscious of what happened during the morning meditation. She found ideas around about luxury as hindrance to yoga and also a strong mental will wanting to solve the doubt.

(A certain apathy for luxury formed part of my general attitude but I was not quite conscious of these ideas during meditation. But now I give myself up to the Mother. May she do what she is pleased to with me.)

23-3-1929

Leaving Pondy. ASPIRATION FOR TRANSFORMATION; Psychic PURITY.

25-3-1929

P. became ill. Ten minutes of meditation together gave wonderful relief-movement to her. Later, self unwell in the night.

7-4-1929

First Conversations Day.¹⁷

8-4-1929

Meditation: good control and surge of pure movement of Calm.

14-4-1929

Second Conversations Day.

21-4-1929

Third Conversations Day.

28-4-1929

Fourth Conversations Day.

29-4-1929

Morning at Maharshi’s feet; stayed day and night.

30-4-1929

At Maharshi’s.

1-5-1929

Morning: Pondy. Pondy — life begins. All the luggage, (parcel) trunk etc. had arrived.

2-5-1929

SURRENDER; Psychic DEVOTION; SERVICE.

Morning coffee stopped.

3-5-1929

Mother said, ’Good, ’ when I offered to do the quiet ’ work of supervising the lime-mortar preparation which allows’ meditation.

4-5-1929

First day of work in the evenings. The Mother saw.

Mother gave me the work of preparing the daily wages of workmen, muster roll call etc. and gave the quiet work to Doctor Babu.

ASPIRE FOR DETACHMENT AND THROUGH TAPASYA FOR RADHA’s INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS.

5-5-1929

Fifth Conversations Day.

ASPIRE PATIENTLY FOR INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS OF RADHA THROUGH RADHA IN THE VITAL. HAVE PATIENCE.

6-5-1929

ASPIRE FOR TRANSFORMATION OF THE PHYSICAL CENTRE THROUGH SERVICE AND THROUGH PSYCHOLOGICAL PERFECTION, WITH PATIENCE.

7-5-1929

SERVICE.

French commenced Self-Instructor two sentences nominal beginning.

9-5-1929

TAPASYA; PATIENCE; FIDELITY.

11-5-1929

FIDELITY; PATIENCE.

Mother gave me a black-lead pencil.

12-5-1929

Sixth Conversations Day.

PURE MIND.

13-5-1929

PATIENCE; PSYCHIC PURITY; REFINED SENSATION; PURE MIND.

14-5-1929

PSYCHIC PURITY.

15-5-1929

We had a lottery and gave 3 prizes to three of the workmen; the rest got plantain fruits from the Mother’s hands.

16-5-1929

FIDELITY.

18-5-1929

INTEGRAL PRAYER; PURE MIND THROUGH DETACHMENT.

19-5-1929

Seventh Conversations Day.

DESCENT OF THE INTEGRAL LIGHT TO THE PHYSICAL; PSYCHIC DEVOTION; PERFECTED MIND.

20-5-1929

REALISATION.

21-5-1929

PERFECT PURE MIND; INTUITIVE LIGHT IN THE PHYSICAL.

23-5-1929

SILENCE; REALISATION.

25-5-1929

CONVERSION OF THE VITAL.

The effect was seen in sleep at night especially the next morning.

26-5-1929

Eighth Conversations Day.

MENTAL PLASTICITY.

Morning: a strong sense of myself feeling different from the body.

27-5-1929

PERFECTED PURE MIND.

28-5-1929

SERVICE IN INTEGRAL TAPASYA.

29-5-1929

Night: after soup, snuff given up.

30-5-1929

REALISATION

Very good experiences at Pranam time.

31-5-1929

Wrote resignation letter and posted.

The Mother gave me two shirt-buttons.

Got Conversations (I-VII) typed.

Night: wakeful sleep; throughout extraordinary psycho-vital experience.

1-6-1929

DEVOTION; RADHA’S INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS.

Mother consented yesterday to take the Banana juice from me. Today was the first day. (Fig bark used). Night. Bamboo leaf and cinnamon bark, experiment successful.

Night: wakeful sleep.

2-6-1929

Ninth Conversations Day.

PSYCHOLOGICAL PERFECTION; TRUTHFULNESS.

Today’s banana juice (Bamboo leaf and cinnamon) was sent up. “Too rich a food, I shall give it to Sri Aurobindo" seems to be the Mother’s remark to Am.

Night: wakeful sleep. Very pleasant; also good vision of self.

3-6-1929

SURRENDER.

Banana juice sent today also.

4-6-1929

PSYCHIC PURITY IN PHYSICAL CENTRE.

Banana juice sent up today.

4-6-1929

Today Banana juice stopped. The Mother told Am., “We don’t want to take such a rich food. It is too rich a food, not that we don’t like it."

5-6-1929

HEALTH; WEALTH; PSYCHIC VISION.

8-6-1929

PSYCHOLOGICAL PERFECTION.

9-6-1929

Tenth Conversations Day.

ILLUMINED MIND; PERFECTED PURE MIND.

With S.D. (Allow the central Being the point of contact with the Divine -to dominate other parts of the being, so that they can receive the light and be transformed.)

10-6-1929

SERVICE IN PHYSICAL CENTRE.

11-6-1929

REALISATION.

Many hostile waves to drag me out.

13-6-1929

TAPASYA; SERVICE.

14-6-1929

There was some strong sense of a liberated being or rather myself a silent being with an over-being which was universal watching and guiding me to Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.

15-6-1929

ILLUMINED MIND WITH INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS OF RADHA.

16-6-1929

Eleventh Conversations Day.

SUPRAMENTAL LIGHT IN THE PHYSICAL; LINK WITH PLANES.

Offered jasmine garland; The Mother accepted.

17-6-1929

RADHA’S INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS IN INTUITIVE LIGHT IN THE PHYSICAL.

18-6-1929

RADHA’S INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS IN INTUITIVE LIGHT.

S.D. narrated the Mother’s interpretation of fidelity.

19-6-1929

The Mother accepted my jasmine garland.

20-6-1929

PROSPERITY.

22-6-1929

INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS OF RADHA IN INTUITIVE MIND.

Got the X Conversation typed copy.

23-6-1929

Twelfth Conversations Day.

FIDELITY.

Got the IV Conversation typed copy.

Got the Mother’s permission to go to Madras.

The Mother accepted my jasmine garland at soup time.

24-6-1929

TAPASYA; CALM AND PURE MIND.

25-6-1929

REALISATION.

26-6-1929

Night: leaving Pondy.

Evening 7: Mother saw me in the Library. Gave me French ARYA. Meditated, talked, blessed; asked me when I was to return. Myself spoke to Her about attachment to Nayana and all that.

Meditation at Mother’s feet with her fingers on the back of my head and her happy smiles and questionings and was assured success and protection.

15-8-1929

Sri Aurobindo’s Day.

At His and Her feet — calm and collected.

Had a copy of XIII Conversation.

3-9-1929

9 to 12 (a.m.) sleep in meditation and prayer. (Birthday)

19-10-1929

Had fine talks, interesting and useful, with Maharshi.

24-11-1929

The Great Day. Wonderful phalasruti — Gita IX.31.

ksipram bhavati dharmatma sasvat santim nigacchati kaunteya prati-janihi na me bhaktah pranasyati.

1-1-1930

With A.R.D.

Within man is the soul of the whole, The Wise Silence, the Universal Beauty to which every part and particle is equally related, the Eternal One¹⁸

1 2-2-1930

Resolve to be ’suspended in the air’, without support.

3-2-1930

Morning getting up with the thought in the central being (heart) without mental support.

21-2-1930

The Mother’s Day.

22-2-1930

Pranam in the room: I felt receptive in the middle of the eye-brow and at the back of the head.

INTEGRAL RADHA THROUGH RADHA IN THE VITAL.

May my every movement (from within) be guided by (...therefore one with) the Universal Divine Power”, was the prayer and attitude with an inkling into and craving for that experience. When the flower was given to me, I found that the movement (of Power shall be from Delight to Delight.

10-3-1930

Morning: at Maharshi’s feet.

21-3-1930

Na hi sarvah sarvam janati.

13-4-1930

Part of and one with the triple cosmic movement of nature; the part trying to identify with other parts, souls, instruments. .

Opening, remaining passive to the Influence of the Universal.

Self falling back on the Silence behind every movement.

The Mother’s feet press from above.

The being is exposed on all sides.

Trust to the action of the Divine Shakti in and from the Supreme Silence.

21-4-1930

For more than a week the attitude has been encouraging in spite of want of seclusion, necessary to intensify experience. The body becomes an empty tool around and into which light and life begin to pour.

24-4-1930

Night: heavy pressure and struggle continued till next midnight.

25-4-1930

Throughout the day: pressure and struggle; tension, head-pressure — throughout the body pressed and oppressed.

26-4-1930

Meditation attitude strong throughout, despite disturbances of the forces undercurrent.

1-5-1930

Meditation throughout good; inspired by the ‘Conversations with the Mother’.

4-5-1930

Morning: flashes regarding Time movement.

7-5-1930 Night throughout savasana; good.

8-5-1930

Night: savasana.

The one Shakti at work -within and without.

9-5-1930

Separation thins.

The whole being catches the flame for a while.

Form and sound sensed, bring into relief the background — overpowering infinitude of Space and Silence.

Ego is felt to be imposing on the working of the Divine Shakti.

10-5-1930

Sensation below the navel is offered for transformation into the aspiring flame.

11-5-1930

“Love with a sensation in the heart — to every being, form as a cloak over the Self-Divine” — this is the bent of the being after the morning’s meditation.

12-5-1930

A little dullness — perhaps time required for assimilation.

14-5-1930

Evening meditation good.

16-5-1930

Evening meditation curious.

17-5-1930

Night meditation was good, though short.

20-5-1930

Pressure on the neck — right side downwards.

21-5-1930

Pain in the neck -right side, till 4 p.m. Then some great force of Prana felt from the neck (throat) below.

22-5-1930

Meditation good: evening.

Some strong good smell in the nostrils for some time.

23-5-1930

The ’smell’ continues quite often. It resembles Oodabatti.¹⁹

24-5-1930

The smell continues quite often.

25-5-1930

The smell continues.

26-5-1930

The smell continues wonderfully.

Entrance of power into the vital.

27-5-1930

The smell noted at 9-50 a.m. continued throughout. Evening meditation: strain and struggle, improvement on the previous day, by getting five clues for separation and detachment. Extending around, above, a little behind in the movement, in the living symbolic expression of the Subliminal; viewing the being that lives and moves from moment to moment as a result of Nature’s work (svabhavastu pravartate); offering the whole to the Divine; calling upon the Mother to get in and take charge; with a remembrance of Witness Silence backing the movement.

28-5-1930

A.R.D. came at night. He says he feels the smell. Tested many times. The flowing smell is not merely from within and subjective; it is sensible externally. Only today I was convinced that the smell was not sensed by breathing in and out and it came from within. In the very talk it came out and was felt.

At night it was much felt in the throat.

The whole thing — grand, wonderful.

29-5-1930

The usual Smell — noted at 7-50 a.m. — so pleasant, sweet, is an easy device for dull hours to be enjoyed. Continued till sleep.

Afternoon: so much of intoxication! It is sensed by others.²⁰

30-5-1930

Smell noted on getting up.

Day-time till sunset, great hilarity, bodily pleasure; sound in the ear, smell gushing forth from the throat.

31-5-1930

The usual smell noted at 6-50 a.m.

Smell, at intervals only, not quite as frequent as on previous days; but just when the breath is retained in meditation and the sound rises to higher pitch, it is ready to come out.

1-6-1930

10 a.m. smell noted. Not as frequent as on previous days. It was very pronounced and frequent in the evening meditation.

2-6-1930

Day: smell less frequent than on previous days. Studies nil excepting ARYA.

Evening meditation: smell rather frequent but feeble.

3-6-1930

Some change in the kind of smell.

Night meditation: watched the smell. It was almost constant but not so strong and sweet.

4-6-1930

Different kind of smell. Not so strong or sweet; yet frequent.

5-6-1930

Smell almost constant; very feeble; different kind. There is some strain and struggle for meditation.

Kept quiet for hours. Still joy was wanting.

Night last quarter: a curious dream:

K’s house, I take in my right hand a vessel of butter with haridra with her knowledge and consent. She suggests and I take the white calf of the milch-cow that is off for grazing. On my way the calf sheds tears for separation from her mother. I realise the folly but say, ’You can see your mother’.

’How? Must I go or will she come?’ she speaks in despair. I am wakeful, the dream is vivid.

The calf does not think of going away from me despite her desire to be with her mother.

A dream symbolic of the current stage in the sadhana. Is the smell the butter?

The white calf is the inner soul.

The milch-cow black with streaks of brown light-yellow — is the Mother Infinite – Aditi -whose ’prasad’ – the butter — is the psychic essence yielded at the instance of the calf-child, the inner being.

The butter is not kept pure; the turmeric powder is the ego’s trick to conceal the pure nature of the butter. 6-6-1930

From morning — the smell quite frequent, yet not so sweet.

There is natural unstrained meditation since waking. Read Sri Aurobindo’s ’Isha’. It had an ennobling effect on the inner and outer being. (10.30-1.30)

7-6-1930

Morning: clear; the smell is there almost continuous through-out.

Evening: P. says it is sweet, something like the smell of the squeezed leaves of the turmeric plant — scent grass’.

8-6-1930

Morning good. The smell is almost constant. The inner being pressing forward in the face, head, forehead giving a strong sense of detachment.

Some Riks of Dirghatamas, Shakespeare, VIII Conversation — Psychic and the Divine Consciousness.

Fruit and flower smell ’says P.

9-6-1930

Morning good. The smell fine flow; throughout natural.

Gita II & III.

R.V. Agastya and Lopa.

Evening Meditation: The Mother on the top of the forehead overlooking the triple movement. Prayer for Silence and strength.

10-6-1930

Smell is now natural — even in sleep. Presents different sorts — fruit, flower, scented stick.

Gita IV. V. VI.

Evening meditation good.

11-6-1930

Smell good, flowing ,constant, natural.

17-6-1930

Throughout these days, the smell has continued.

பசுமஞ்சள் இலை மணம்²¹

18-6-1930

The smell continues.

20-6-1930

The smell changes at times into another kind.

21-6-1930

Smell

22-6-1930

Smell -quiet, external.

23-6-1930

Smell decisively changes to its original odour.

Read G.B.S. JOAN.

24-6-1930

Smell good, constant; quiet, external.

27-6-1930

Smell — dhupa (incense).

28-6-1930

Smell resembles dhupa.

29-6-1930

Smell.

30-6-1930

Smell.

A.R.P. came noon. Left here letters to Barin.²²

5-7-1930

For the last 2 days, sensation in the stomach; usual sign of disturbance.

For the last three days, the motive power of meditation:

’I live for the Divine.’ There is a strong wish to realise the how and why of these movements.

Smell is constant and natural (almost). Yet, the meaning is not revealed. It is in its intensity dhupa scent; initially fresh turmeric leaf, as P. once said.

6-7-1930

Slightly ill. A.M. came.

I live for the Divine.’ This is the central truth of Yoga, I said.

8-7-1930

Evening 5-45: getting clear of the clouds.

9-7-1930

Post Card that D. is coming here next week.

10-7-1930

Evening meditation: only for an hour.

The smell is a normal feature.

11-7-1930

There is a distinct change in the kind of smell since this morning to me, *DOST of y LDCOOT L).

P. says it is supremely sweet and different from the usual smell.

12-7-1930

The smell is so normal and very sweet.

Notre-dame finis.

13-7-1930

Found THE PRAYER (24-3-1930).

It gave inspiration. As I was reading slowly absorbing its spirit, the Presence was felt descending for a while.

Inner repetition of the Prayer many times.

The day marks the beginning of a new phase in the sadhana.

14-7-1930

Morning meditation. Inner repetition of the prayer. The bodily consciousness and feeling was peculiarly different. I think it is a descent of the calm more psychic than mental that made the body felt queerly.

The prayer gives the attitude: all that is necessary. I discover in it a synthesis of all the thoughtful moods and ideal views useful in and for meditation.

15-7-1930

Meditation during intervals in day also.

The Prayer is the governing principle.

The smell.

16-7-1930

Some struggle for meditation; a little depression.

The Prayer governs.

The smell.

17-7-1930

Yet struggle in and for meditation.

The smell is all right. When there is flow, சாம்பிராணி தூபம்; ஸீஸா பொடி வாசனை, பசு மஞ்சள் இலை, மஞ்சம் புல் மணம். This is observed for some days.

18-7-1930

Still struggle. The ego is taught or hrater learns to lay no claim to decide any course of action.

20-7-1930

Meditation and Prayer. Still the struggle (between my will and Thine):

Evening: distinctly felt higher vital wave, flow of energy; spilt owing to weakness in Calm, yet Peace was present and responded to by the Mother when prayed for.

21-7-1930

Letter; D. not coming. Proof positive of the psycho-mental influence, for I trusted to the silent Power. She brought about the desired result in this case. (Vide 9-7-1930).

22-7-1930

Night movement in meditation good.

23-7-1930

Meditation: detachment, aloofness of the body felt for a while.

25-7-1930

The smell was feeble today.

Les Miserables I.

26-7-1930

The smell was strong and very sweet (sambrani).

Les Miserables I finis.

27-7-1930

The smell was good and sweet (sambrani strong).

Les Miserables II.

28-7-1930

The smell was counteracted by something unpleasant (physical disorders). But the usual thing was still there.

29-7-1930

The smell is very strong and sweet (sambrani strong).

Les Miserables finis.

30-7-1930

The smell was constant, but thin, subdued. (Orange fruit-skin).\

31-7-1930

Sambruni, very strong, sweet.

1-8-1930

Fruit and oodbatti smell. This is observed for the last two alternate days (noted as feeble or mild).

2-8-1930

*i w OUT 44 smell till night.

Night: some agitation (vital), some sort of attachment disturbed.

3-8-1930

Smell dhupa or seesapodi. Midnight: beautiful smell.

4-8-1930

Smell (fruit) — afternoon; till then mixed; on the whole mild.

14-8-1930

Pondy.

FIDELITY at Pranam. A smile of recognition. A smile of recognition. The smell was quite manifest at the Pranam time.

Night soup: She closed her eyes when I was drawing full breath from her foot. (It was significant). I felt the entry of something into me.

Night: a sort of trance in sleep. Clearly perceived at the time of waking some intense and vast mass of darkness in the centre of which there was dusk-red light, radiating.

15-8-1930

The Great Day.

Sri Aurobindo looked serious unlike in last February. The Mother was smiling.

When I was at Sri Aurobindo’s feet, there was a rushing forth of searing sound in the right ear just after he took his hand off my head.

This time, I felt a little bit emotional; stood before them for a minute.

Day sleep for 1/2 hour: very mild, it was a yogic sleep.

Night: vision of the Mother: Love — some symbol of it appeared.

16-8-1930

SURRENDER.

17-8-1930

Night: a vision. A lady. . .appeared; also a flower (Lotus ?). It lasted a few seconds.

The smell has been continuous and very strong these four days.

1-9-1930

Dream: Saw Sri Aurobindo. Got special permission to see him every day after bath, when he would see proofs. I plead for other sadhaks, each one to see him at that time by turns thus foregoing my privilege. That also is granted.

24-9-1930

Nasik – Godavari.

A few minutes meditation on the bank after bath showed the sacred atmosphere. Peace was spread about the chest.

27-9-1930

अनशनव्रत

Discussion with Daivarath on anasanavrata which he held to be essentially tapas.

29-10-1930

Pondy.

ASPIRATION at Pranam.

Interview SURRENDER.

7-11-1930

Saw Sri Maharshi in dream. He advises to work for Siddhi and the other thing (Jnana ?)

24-11-1930

The great Day of Darshan.

Sri Aurobindo nodded at the time of Darshan after my Pranam to him. “Nod of acceptance’ was felt. A broad smile from the Mother awaited when I turned to her.

25-11-1930

SURRENDER.

29-12-1930

Tiruvannamalai.

Morning: with all (4) to Maharshi.

At 3 went to the hills. We four at the Amraguha. Evening to Sri Maharshi.

30-12-1930

Sat with L.S. at his Ulladu Narpadu Sanskrit translation; found it difficult for recasting.

31-12-1930

Morning went to temple மூலை மண்டபம்

Ashram at about 2 p.m.

Prayed for help to finish the Ulladu Narpadu (Sanskrit). It was finished in 3 hours; never dreamt success. After dusk at Maharshi’s feet; tense atmosphere:

" रूपिण्यरूपिण्युभयात्मिकेति मुक्तिस्रिरूपास्ति शरीरबुद्ध या॥"

This was inspired by Maharshi. Throughout the evening Maharshi’s attention was directed to me.

A memorable incident. “A miracle”, says Sunder.

1-1-1931

Sri Maharshi hurried the copying of the Sanskrit verses by L.S. (himself dictating) for my taking it with me. He gave a broad smile full of Grace giving his Blissful consent at the parting time.

21-1-1931

Evening meditation: very fine experiences.

22-1-1931

Meditation: through the day. Felt vital largeness. Highly perfumed atmosphere; especially evening and night. Sandal essence.

26-1-1931

Didn’t come out of the room.

27-1-1931

The heart — the central being — is overshadowed by something powerful. Side by side, excitement.

28-1-1931

The bottom is shaken.

Profound thought and feeling. Side by side stirring of the vital. “ Mounting up” feeling.

29-1-1931

The vital is disturbed. Yet fine view all round. Chest ‘possessed’ as it were. Again ’sandal’ scent.

30-1-1931

Deep disturbance internal; result of the high forces invoked to come down.

31-1-1931

The disturbance is still there.

2-2-1931

Evening meditation: Time-consciousness ( ever now’); can’t live without the Divine. Inner disturbance subsides.

7-2-1931

M.C. came noon. Had the first experience.

24-2-1931

Anandashram²³

Atmosphere about Nayana powerful; filled with nada.

Night meditation specially good to me.

25-2-1931

Shadow-like descent of waves perceived in the atmosphere.

26-2-1931

Nayana feels and perceives surrounded by a halo.

P. saw the descent and play of the light facing her.

Self feeling well. Atmosphere is getting rid of wrong movements of forces. Common meditation’ began.

27-2-1931

P.’s day: circular light like sun facing her entered into her chest and got down.

Night 10 to 12 sleep — dream somewhat psychic.

“Change the programme.”

2-3-1931

Night 8 p.m. ’ Lightning’ passed (direct) by my forehead, felt as sound by S.B. & D.

3-3-1931

G. present night meditation. Sees light within; bodily hilarity.

S.B. gets parimala (fragrance) in sleep. Sees light about P. in my room and three lights.

4-3-1931

Night: saw in the room two lights of the same kind. Atmosphere surcharged. S.B. sees light always in my seat.

6-3-1931

Nayana has slight temperature at night. “Due to clash.”

Night: dream Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.

7-3-1931

P. something struck her on the head (in the day). At night something above and round the head and face getting into the heart.

9-3-1931

Nayana finished Indrani saptasati.

P. heard the ’thunder’ and saw the sparkles in the corner of the room. V. testifies.

Night meditation: रमणीयविलास

P. saw Maharshi in dream.

“Letter must have reached Maharshi today."

10-3-1931

Nayana begins Indra Sahasra.

Nayana’s I letter to Maharshi.

S.B. visioned "Maharshi in Light ".

Nayana says for the first time that he wants to write to Sri Aurobindo.

11-3-1931

Nayana read sat-darsana (of L.S.?). Decides to write it himself.

13-3-1931

Night: a lady (like G.) came with four big fruits in a plate. I felt it was something divine and good. I thought so in the dream itself. The consciousness continues on waking. It was about 2 a.m.

14-3-1931

Morning attitude good and serious, probably consequent upon the night’s symbolic dream. Head heavy. I am partly free.

Nayana’s sat-darsana finished.

15-3-1931

P. dreams: a man like. . .brings a 100 Rupees for me and hands to P.

Night experience good.

17-3-1931

Quite happy. Feeling of great presence and power.

Nayana’s II letter to Maharshi.

Night: began four lines — sat-darsana tika.

18-3-1931

Night: P. sat till 1-15 a.m. No sleep throughout; going up and up.

21-3-1931

There is some lull.

Night: largely awake.

22-3-1931

Lull. Night: largely awake.

23-3-1931

Awake; early hours of the next morning. Felt the deep movement.

23-3-1931

Morning: Silence imposes itself upon me. Pray the Mother to settle and confirm.

Nayana’s III letter to Maharshi. (posted next day).

25-3-1931

Evening from 5 p.m. P.’s meditation: vigorous screw in the crown of the head, neck and down to the heart.

28-3-1931

P. went up and up and for the first time enjoyed distinctly the descent.

29-3-1931

The forces. P. itching sensation, pinpricks, pressure in the face, and head all round. V. reproduces P.’s unpleasant sensations.

30-3-1931

Night sleep, mild breaks. Heard a clear loud sound outside in the room. Simultaneously felt something on the crown of the head.

1-4-1931

Nayana’s IV letter to Maharshi.

4-4-1931

Noon: commenced sat-darsana-bhasya introduction — wrote three sentences.

Evening: descent of the powers (vibrant current).

5-4-1931

Vibrant current continues.

6-4-1931

Vibrant current — throughout since morning, after Dhyana till night. Head pressure continues.

Bhashya progresses.

7-4-1931

Vibrant current, head-pressure secondary. Behind neck, subtle touch and hold. Throughout night — wakeful lying, simple attitude.

Nayana’s V. letter to Maharshi.

8-4-1931

Evening: D. in meditation sees Ganapati and Light. I sat longer in common meditation.

9.4-1931

Meditation good. Extraordinary spontaneity.

10-4-1931

A. had a fine start — heart movement very cool.

14.4-1931

Nayana’s VI letter to Maharshi.

S. & Daivarath arrived.

Spoke about yoga to Su. for the first time: prana, manas; simple surrender to the Divine so as to enable the Divine Mother to get into us and transform.

18-4.1931

Nayana went to Gokarn.

20-4-1931

P. and D. concur Vision: the Mother, Peace.

21-4-1931

Nayana’s VII letter to Maharshi.

Night: Self went out in pranic body. Sat for long, felt heavy, cried for help in the dark. There was accompanying light on the left side (without lamp) — guiding light; significant.

22-4-1931

Night good: surcharged.

24-4-1931

The atmosphere has been surcharged in special for three days.

25-4-1931

Dream (during day): Women (rare purity) surround and accompany me.

Nayana and V. returned from Gokarn.

26-4-1931

The first two verses fully commented.

27-4-1931

S.B. Sorrowful at the thought of separation.

Evening meditation. “Peace” got into her; she became small’etc. A rare experience.

Headache.

28-4-1931

Evening meditation: thrill of Peace on the head and around. Headache vanished. Peaceful sleep throughout at night.

29-4-1931

Nayana’s VIII letter to Maharshi.

29-4-1931

Sv. states her previous night’s experience of fire rising from the adhar and moving up.

Early in the morning: my attitude of surrender formed into a thought-vision; gave it in the evening to Sunder.

30-4-1931

Evening meditation: becoming lighter, growing taller; very good poise. Throughout night all (Sunder, S.B. & P.) had similar experience and Peace.

Su. for the first time went up; Power in the hand.

2-5-1931

Night: there was peace, thrill in the head, till midnight.

S.B. had Peace, cool white light. Going in the boat, water pouring on her head.

4-5-1931

1-30 p.m. Wave of dhyana began while lying down. Everybody had it. Sunder had a big thing getting into him while asleep.

Nayana had some great Power. .

Nayana’s dream: Sri Aurobindo.

5-5-1931

Wrote the Bhashya.

6-5-1931

Nayana’s IX letter to Maharshi.

P. had rare Peace and thought she had siddhi. Everyone felt good.

7-5-1931

Wonders.

Hand, feet, heart, head; movement fast progress for Su.

12-5-1931

Dream: Had Darshan of Sri Maharshi......and Sri Aurobindo.

Self embraced by a charming girl of high purity.

14-5-1931

The whole atmosphere good. Meditation: Peace.

Throughout night, P. had a wonderful night: going up and coming down.

18-5-1931

Evening, for hours, Peace reigned. S., flow from the crown of head to heart.

19-5-1931

Throughout day and until midnight: sensing and feeling the power, praying for Peace in the atmosphere as usual since Thursday last.

20-5-1931

Morning: revolving in the head — lifted up; form disappearing. This lasted for a few minutes.

24-5-1931

Night: thrice break in sleep. Rare coolness; Peace; vibrant movement from the right chest to the right ear.

3-6-1931

Read the commentary of 44th verse (sat-darsana) to Nayana. He is pleased.

Night: self-peculiar sound movement from the heart, wakefulness.

S.’s sound movements.

4-6-1931

S.B.’s dhyana advances.

5-6-1931

Sound in the room.

Light in sound; Mother’s figure before going to sleep.

6-6-1931

A. had good cool sensation in the trunk. Full Peace. Sound (peculiar).

7-6-1931

Sounds around peculiar.

8-6-1931

Sound peculiar.

11-6-1931

Night: the sound in the room.

14-6-1931

Wrote reply to M.C.

Queer experience; memorable night. The movement of separation from the physical-psychic, heart-beat getting deeper and ceasing.

We four woke up simultaneously at about 12-30 night. S. says Big Sound.

14-6-1931

The effect of the previous night’s experience: sense of vigorous development and the faith that a certain firmness is sure to give the liberated conciousness. Firmness is wanting now because of the bhasya not yet finished.

16-6-1931

P. had extraordinary going up and liberated current and white light embracing her in the face. She says it is solar light.

20-6-1931

Meditation fine. Something else intervenes and takes up. Nada in the atmosphere itself.

Night: sleep निष्ठा

21-6-1931

Meditation: (night) trying to take me up.

Sleep.

22-6-1931

Sat-darsana-bhasya bhumika. Noticed by Sri Nayana. Satisfied.

24-6-1931

Since morning: sandalwood attar smell, cool.

25-6-1931

Sat-darsana-bhasya, finished dictation.

26-6-1931

Bhumika, final reading with Nayana.

27-6-1931

Morning: Sat-darsana last verse commentary finished, given to Nayana.

Smell: sandalwood attar.

29-6-1931

Evening: P. sees the Mother who says, ’I am with you ’. P.’s chest becomes stone-heavy.

Sambrani smell was clear.

1-7-1931

Sat-darsana-bhasya sent by Rgd. post to T. Malai.

4-7-1931

From afternoon 3 p.m. atmosphere good; strong tendency for meditation everywhere.

Night meditation very good; upward pressure to go up. Got up at 2 a.m.; did not go back to sleep.

16-7-1931

Night: powerful; some other force moves; quite distinct. Quiet sleep till 1-15 at night.

17-7-1931

Evening: movement good.

19-7-1931

Night: powerful (chest-head); the world around shows signs of disappearing

21-7-1931

Movement powerful. Pressure in the head, right side.

22-7-1931

Evening 8 p.m. sitting with J. in the verandah. Withdrawal — change in blood circulation distinctly felt without any fever. This tendency was there throughout the night. 1 to 4 a.m. kept sitting.

25-7-1931

Dhyana (fine with Maharshi). General atmosphere was specially surcharged since before meal.

29-7-1931

Left Sirsi, morning.

30-7-1931

Night 7-30 at the feet of Sri Maharshi. He said:

இப்பொழுது தான் ஸத்தரிசன பாஷ்யம் பாஷ்யம் படித்து முடித்தேன். நீயும் வந்தாய்”²⁴

31-7-1931

Maharshi answered my questions. “We have to say the truth”. Re. Jagan-mithya-vada and varnasrama-adhikara.

1-8-1931

Bhumika read in the evening. R. Sastry, BVN, TKS, etc. present.

2-8-1931

Bhumika finished.

Maharshi referred to Arunachala Linga pratistha by Sambandha where he sat on his way to T. Malai, when he had jyotidarsana etc. Obviously he approved of what was referred to in the Bhumika (16th year etc.)

3-8-1931

உள்ளம் கவர் கள்வன் (the Thief who steals our hearts), he repeated on more than one occasion.

Evening: took leave of Maharshi. He gave a broad smile to S & V. To me, he gave a calm and significant leave to go. His right eye showed checked tears.

He kept on the desk his Life and (note-book Bhasya) for me. (Night Echammal brought us meal).

6-8-1931

Morning: pressure throughout the body, specially right side — foot to head; behind the heart, left-side back, creeping, powerful.

13-8-1931

Evening: Pondy.

Attended Soup. Saw Mother at Library for Pranam. Heavy pressure.

15-8-1931

The Great Day.

16-8-1931

Morning: T. Malai (with Dr. Srinivasa Rao). Maharshi was very gracious to him. *"WIDG5OLD GOT GOT ? ” (What is the doubt?) was his reply to the doctor’s question: " Then one can meditate upon a Jnani as God?”

24-8-1931

Nidra-nistha for 1/2 hour at noon. Felt like two hours. A second before waking, sound in the chest loudly heard as in The Ananda Ashram.

2-9-1931

Night: wrote bhumikaparisistam.

6-9-1931

Kodaikanal: saw the Nabha Raja.

26-9-1931

Finished English version of Sat-darsana.

1-10-1931

Fine meditation in open-air sleep.

13-10-1931

Nayana (and party) came in the evening (T. Malai).

Grand reception at the station.

31-10-1931

First copy of Sad-darsana bhasya silk-bound, posted to Sri Maharshi.

Second copy given to Nayana.

28-11-1931

Night Dream: wonderful time and close move with Sri Aurobindo. He waited and took milk from me.

(Diary for 1932 is missing)

15-1-1933

Before dawn: symbolic dream.

My carriage ran away and recovered to sight. Second carriage brought (to wait) by D.D. goes to see my carriage and rolls and rolls, but I was sure, or was told, he recovered.

19-1-1933

Before dawn: symbolic dream.

Two batches. Self, V., L., S. on the platform. Their luggage with us. We got in; the train moves; suppose they have got into the other carriage of the same train.

20-1-1933

Evening. Different reckoning or. ....of time in different universes. Vivid and intense sense of Space and Time: the Vast white Light, diffused; the forehead and above, free and open.

23. 1-1933

Night (closing) dream: in the presence of Sri Aurobindo, I tell S.: samata is the basis on which this Yoga is built. There is a twofold samata. Here it is an active samata that is stressed.

24-1-1933

Night: got up suddenly at 2 o’clock.

25-1-1933 Suddenly got up at midnight.²⁵

Last part of the night, dream: I was leaning on the Mother . . . It was beautiful.

28-1-1933

Night 1 to 4 wakeful.

The overtopping Vast Shakti of the triple power (in Light, blue and indistinct).

31-1-1933

Evening at 4 during meditation. Right above the head of Su. light (Sun).

Free opening (higher mind) of the vision-world in the presence of S.S. Lotus: solar and lunar rays.

3-2-1933

Happy and powerful.

4-2-1933

Night: with the Mother in the physico-vital. Her (detached) consciousness.

5-2-1933

Amma²⁶

Evening: prayer. Calm; Her intervention effective.

8-2-1933

After midnight, no form, sheer. ... .; nothing objective.

10-2-1933

Beautiful in the evening meditation.

11-2-1933

Afternoon 3: bodily taken up while standing.

Evening meditation: new intuitive vision and the Vast — whole being taken up and down.

13-2-1933

Evening: Pondy.

14-2-1933

DIVINE PROTECTION.

15-2-1933

TRUE ACTION IN THE MATERIAL VITAL.

16-2-1933

SINCERITY.

18-2-1933

DEVOTION

19-2-1933

QUIET MIND.

Pressure. Dream: Moving in train — Sunder and A. A. dragged.

20-2-1933

NEW BIRTH.

Pressure.

21-2. 1933

The Mother’s Day.

22-2-1933

SURRENDER.

23-2-1933

PROTECTION.

24-2-1933

QUIT MIND.

25-2-1933

ASPIRATION IN THE PHYSICAL FOR DIVINE LOVE.

A new turn. . .to pierce the veil or to float on the surface.

26-2-1933

DIVINE SOLICITUDE.

27-2-1933

FIDELITY.

28-2-1933

ASPIRATION FOR PROGRESS.

1-3-1933

DEVOTION.

2-3-1933

SINCERITY.

Morning: Pranam time: prayed for intense divine consciousness. Mother answered.

3-3-1933

PSYCHOLOGICAL PERFECTION.

5-3-1933

RADHA IN THE VITAL.

7-3-1933

SINCERITY.

Significant smile and blessing.

8-3-1933

FIDELITY.

Mother blessed longest and pressed.

9-3-1933

RADHA IN THE VITAL.

10-3-1933

SINCERITY.

11-3-1933

DIVINE PROTECTION

12-3-1933 QUIET MIND.

13-3-1933

DIVINE PROTECTION.

14-3. 1933

SINCERITY.

Morning 6-30: wrote to Mother. At 10 found great improvement. (Lot of visions).

15-3-1933

DEVOTION.

16-3-1933

SINCERITY.

17-3-1933

PSYCHOLOGICAL PERFECTION

18-3-1933

SINCERITY.

19-3-1933

DIVINE PROTECTION.

Beautiful night sleep.

Opening of physical consciousness. Wide subtle physical consciousness.

Mantra for Mithran.²⁷

20-3-1933

QUIET MIND.

21-3-1933

SINCERITY.

Tat savitur varam rupam.²⁸

22-3-1933

SURRENDER.

Mother pressed long.

24-3-1933

PEACE IN THE VITAL.

25-3-1933

VITAL PLENITUDE.

26-3-1933

RESOLUTION.

27-3-1933

CONSCIOUSNESS TURNED TO THE LIGHT.

Night: after writing about the Vision and the Mantra, the gloom disappears. Night: visions begin, lotuses. . . .

28-3-1933

INFLUENCE OF THE LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS.

Received from Sri Aurobindo “ The Mantra ".

14-4-1933

PURE MIND.

Good attitude. Liberated consciousness above the natural being here moved from the concentric Being.

15-4-1933

PSYCHOLOGICAL PERFECTION.

18-4-1933

OBEDIENCE.

Mother: five fingers and a wide blessing. Vast coming down in circular orb.

19-4-1933

INFLUENCE OF THE LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS.

Felt happy at Her feet; pressed very long.

25-4.1933

CORRECTED FALSEHOOD.

Love of Truth was the prayer in meditation at Pranam time.

26-4-1933

PATIENCE.

The day was a little disturbed.

27-4-1933

PEACE IN THE VITAL.

Strength began to be felt.

28-4-1933

FIDELITY Vedic joy — psycho-mental heights.

29-4-1933

DEVOTION.

Vedic Power — moving aloof within in the centre, light.

5-5-1933

DIVINE PURITY.

Evening: beautiful meditation.

10-5-1933

...OPENING OF THE VITAL TO THE DIVINE.

Change in the consciousness. Powerful atmosphere at Pranam time for the last few days.

11-5-1933

ASPIRATION FOR THE DIVINE LOVE.

12-5-1933

FIDELITY.

13-5-1933

FAITH; PSYCHIC FIRE.

Saw the Mother today. Mother decided to give me room in Z. house so that I might go to the terrace in the evenings (to stay there as long as She was on the terrace).

Spoke about skambha (Atharva Veda).²⁹

I had meditation at the Feet, conversation and music; altogether not less than 30 minutes.

14-5-1933

VITAL PLENITUDE.

The movement from the navel below upwards was persistent and distinct in some respects; above luminous, quiet mind with the Vast around.

15-5-1933

PSYCHOLOGICAL PERFECTION.

Removed to my room in Z. house.

19-5-1933

SINCERITY.

Dream at the close of the night before the next dawn:

The Mother was preparing in the air above, big size CHF large round பெருமாள் கோவில் தோசை. There was another beside me. She gave me one, I caught it on my lap.

20-5-1933

ASPIRATION FOR PURITY IN THE VITAL.

Morning: heavy pressure after returning from Pranam.

25-5-1933

DIVINE LOVE.

Dream: Sri Aurobindo sends a stamp (head, female figure) coin empowering me to wait on the Mother during nights after 11 (?) Something wonderful.

Day: the stream within.

12-6-1933

CONQUERING FERVOUR.

“ The truths of one plane are falsehoods in another. The struggle between light and darkness is not true in the Supermind.

To reach the summit, ascend the stairs each grade with firm steps etc." Meditation evening: wide opening and lofty heights.

15-7-1933

GRATITUDE.

Pranam: the lifting began today after a lapse of many weeks.

16-7-1933

PROTECTION.

Music day.

21-7-1933

DIVINE LOVE.

Saw the Mother. She gave; AGNI; DIVINE SOLICITUDE; CONSCIOUSNESS. First, meditation and then long talk; 45 mts. on the whole.

20-7-1933

CONQUERING FERVOUR.

There was a new twinkle — significant — at Pranam from the Mother; so joyous.

7-8-1933

DIVINE LOVE.

“The Mother Divine — the central Consciousness taking hold of the psychic being to put pressure upon the Nature.”

27-6-1933

FIDELITY.

Night: large opening, peace.

28-6-1933

CONQUERING FERVOUR.

Good meditation.

22-8-1933

PROTECTION.

The Mother to Dande:

1. All centres are in the middle line.

The heart: far behind the emotional centre is the psychic being.

2. Do not go to sleep when tired; it will bring unconsciousness. Go to sleep meditating. Do not move, be immobile for five to ten minutes after coming out of sleep; collect and recollect and trace back as far as possible. There is a breach between the wakeful and the sleep states; it must be bridged. Sudden moving after waking will widen the breach. Though one may not be successful easily, still this will give a consciousness even in sleep by which one can control the dreams.

2-9-1933

VITAL PRAYER.

B. took a copy of Sri Aurobindo’s Gayatri and explanation etc.

3-9-1933

VITAL HARMONY.

Saw the Mother. Received: VITAL OFFERING; TRANSFORMATION; SURRENDER AND DIVINE SOLICITUDE.

Without vital opening, no yoga realisation is possible, all else will be in the air."

After meditation, she gave the flowers mentioned. Then music — ‘Mohana.’³⁰

“This is the flower I searched for — TRANSFORMATION," She said while giving it.

8-9-1933

Day: pressure; evening meditation pressing; did not cope with it fully.

23-10-1933

Received a letter from Sunder. He says that something new has come upon him since I went there a month ago.

1-11-1933

RED Lotus (SRI AUROBINDO).

Took up cataloguing work in the Library.

13-11-1933

PROTECTION.

After a long time (in the morning) the flood was there.

21-11-1933

TRUST IN THE DIVINE.

Purchased The Riddle of this world.

21-12-1933

Night gate-watch from 9 to 10.

1-1-1934

Midnight: at Her feet. Received Her blessings.

Mother gave 1934 calendar in the evening.

24-1-1934

PROTECTION.

The Mother said after meditation:

So far as those that are here are concerned, there is no difference in the evolution of the psychic being. They are all in the same stage of evolution. The psychic is the house of the Divine, the temple of God. It is the product of evolution. The difference comes in the Involution. Some are more open to contact the involving being (coming from above). Some are less etc.

To be conscious of the Divine Presence is one thing. To become supramental is different.

Faith, intense Faith, a large opening enables one to become conscious of the Divine Presence.

Aspiration is the personal contribution to help the Involution (which is Supramental).

One cannot ask a personal question whether one has supramental capacity. The answer is to come spontaneously. A strong aspiration is necessary, every one that is here is given a chance.

I have given this Faith to you. This is FIRE that removes all obstruction. This is PROTECTION during your absence.

21-2-1934

Pleasant Sri Aurobindo’s look – slightly smiling.

24-6-1934

INTIMACY WITH THE DIVINE.

A.R.P. leaves for Madras.

Impressions gained from A.R.P’s talks (including H’s):

To get into us, She removes the coverings of thoughts that hover around us. These thoughts may not be ours, may come upon us from others.

Morning at Pranam time: interesting thoughts in the air move to Her, arranging themselves as if in a shelf; then one by one as the sadhak goes, his thoughts come out. . .She deals with them.

2-7-1934

ETERNAL SMILE.

Evening: vivid opening; standing and even while walking.

28-7-1934

NEW BIRTH.

Significant: Psychic PURITY; INTENSE ASPIRATION FOR AND THROUGH LOVE; OPENNESS AND REMOVAL OF THE COVERINGS.

1-9-1934 SWEETNESS OF THOUGHTS.

Mother gave Onward³¹

M. wrote a letter that Amma wants me to come. Sent it up and a letter about the same. Sri Aurobindo says: “It is not quite certain that your mother will last up to January as she is very old and the end may come now quite as well as later. Of your stay, it must be with the resolution that you will not mind if she goes in your absence.”

Night: I cannot express where I am. Put the resolution into me,’ was the prayerful request.

2-9-1934

SINCERITY.

Morning at Pranam: Mother significantly pressed my hand (palm) with Her fingers and looked into me sufficiently a little longer than usual.

3-9-1934

No Pranam day. Flowers from the roof stopped.

Saw the Mother. She gave SURRENDER; PEACE IN THE CELLS.

With the Mother: 11-10 to 11-55 a.m.

She was looking into me; I too was quiet with open eyes at Her for a few minutes and then I closed my eyes. She went within (eyes closed). Then, She asked me, ’How did you decide?’ I said “I prayed to the Mother, ‘Put the Resolution into me’ and She has granted it.” Then I explained.

She said many interesting things about Death and referred to Amma. “I love her much, she has been here; she is bound to come to me; of course since you are in the Force, you can be of help by calm, remaining peaceful and collected. That will go to help the soul. . . You can know it. If you close in and concentrate, the soul will come in a very concrete way in the invisible body this is no imagination — she will come close to you; you will know that, yes, you can know that. . . I have seen friends, brothers, relatives of those who are with me, coming to me for protection after leaving the material body. I cannot fail to know that. .

Generally it takes 8 days after the soul first departs, for the vital layers and other coverings to be removed. That is the most important period when quiet in the atmosphere is necessary.

It cannot be said that you are not to see her again.

Referring to S. Bai She said, “She is very receptive, there is opening, she can do sadhana. She looks like having had vision-experience..."

18-9-1934

ETERNAL SMILE.

18-9-1934

ETERNAL SMILE

Morning blessings — a new turn, encouraging.

19-9-1934

SUPRAMENTAL INFLUENCE IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS. Blessings of the Mother; the turn continues — spreading — a letter press at the close.

20-9-1934

FIDELITY.

The turn progresses fairly.

21-9-1934

CONQUERING FERVOUR

The turn continues.

22-9-1934

MENTAL SINCERITY

Slightly different turn — in the morning.

29-9-1934

ASPIRATION IN THE PHYSICAL

Night: much pain the right shoulder, arm, from the right chest.

30-9-1934

GRATITUDE

Sent up a note to the Mother at 8-40 a.m.

At Pranam time, there was good meditation.

1-10-1934

SINCERITY

Mother gave Blotting Card and R...

28-10-1934/29^th

VITAL PURITY

Longer meditation in the evening begins regularly.

1-11-1934

CONCENTRATION

Evening meditation (general) was very good and longer. (Transformation in Golden Rays.)

1-1-1935

At the feet of the Mother when the New Year was coming.

24-1-1935

Sirsi: R’s ’Baby’ collapsed between 7 & 8 p.m. and recovered by the intervention of Her Grace.

9-2-1935

CHEERFULNESS

Mother’s broad smile; later looking at me in half-trance.

11-2-1935

SWEET THOUGHTS

“Be ordinarily silent."

21-2-1935

The Mother’s Day

Calm and peaceful. Felt a closeness when Sri Aurobindo’s eyes met mine. Mother, as usual, gracious.

10-6-1935

The Change Vivid.

11-6-1935

The Mother looked pleased (significant); free opening.

9-7-1935

SERVICE

Resolved at 4 p.m. to throw the coverings from the environmental consciousness.

15-8-1935

Saranagata was the word uttered. He looked large. Mother gracious.

29-8-1935

FIDELITY

Mother was very very pleased.

Received Sri Aurobindo’s note in which he says amidst other things:

“As for how to deal with it, you will follow your inner feeling which will surely lead you right as in the answers you gave. (it refers to that part of H’s nature which is crude and unregenerated.)

3-9-1935

The Mother had me at Her feet for 50 minutes. Gave PROTECTION for Amma and SURRENDER for self, saying You will receive my help.’ The whole time was spent in conversation.

13-12-1935

INTEGRAL OPENING Mother was very pleased.

14-12-1935

VITAL HARMONY

The Mother was very very pleased.

17-12-1935

INTEGRAL OPENING

The Mother was very pleased.

24-12-1935

INTEGRAL OPENING

The Mother’s significant smile.

31-12-1935

INTEGRAL OPENING

At the Mother’s feet for the New Year 1936.

1-1-1936

At the first hour, at the feet of the Mother.

The Mother wore a crown in which there was ’SUN’— the symbol of the Supramental Truth.

Sunder was with me.

4-1-1936

Saw the Mother for 20 minutes. Mother said in the course of the talk, “ You have changed much since last year, especially after August.”

There was no meditation.

11-2-1936

SINCERITY

The Mother looked very gracious.

19-2-1936

PROTECTION

3 to 4-44 p.m. long talk with Paul Brunton.

20-2-1936

Night with P. Brunton at K.S.V.

21-2-1936

Sri Aurobindo gave recognition smile. The Mother was gracious, putting a seal in His blessings.

22-2-1936

SURRENDER

Just for 15 minutes with P.B. re. the newness of the yoga here.

25-2-1936

RESOLUTION

Night gate-duty begins.

7-3-1936

DEVOTION

Beautiful experience and poise in the evening & meditation.

21-3-1936

FIDELITY

Twenty minutes at the feet of the Mother. Two minutes’ meditation. The Mother said in the course:

1. The cross is the symbol of transformation. The circle represents the New World.

2. The Light of the Mother: it is not all that see it. Those in whom the inner sense is developed see it; of course many here see it, not all. When one is physically near, the physical sense is very active, the inner sense does not perceive the Light. But some, when close, even here, see only the light, not the physical form at all.

3. The sense of wideness means that you get out of the ego into wider world. It is not a mental concept.

4. The symbolic forms have value, are significant; even if they are fixed mental formations, they have meaning.

5. You want to concentrate on a point? Not necessary. It comes when there is a necessity. Concentration must be free, not strained. That is the true way.

FAITH, PEACE IN THE CELLS, FIDELITY (bunch for the single flower I had lost in the morning.)

To Amma, SURRENDER. “I live with her, tell her”.

17-6-1936

Amma’s last hour on earth 1 p.m.

Immediately sent wire to the Mother.³²

7-7-1936

INTIMACY WITH THE DIVINE.

Saw the Mother for 1/2 to 3/4 of an hour.

She gave: PsychIC CENTRE WITH INFLUENCE OF THE SUPRAMENTAL LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIENT; SURRENDER.

Amidst other things, She said, Amma came consciously. Two days before the telegram was sent she came ’definitively’. She may have to take at least one birth. That depends on…..

Re. Mm. “Ask him to open his heart.’

To me : ‘Even if you want to go, I won’t let you go.’

25-7-1936

SINCERITY

Evening: telegrams about Nayana’s illness.

Expired at 3 p.m. at Kharagpur (learnt the next day).

3-9-1936

VITAL HARMONY

50th birthday.

1 to 1-45 p.m. at the Mother’s feet. She gave me meditation and called me by putting a finger on the crown of the head.

Amidst other things, She said:

You invoked Mahalakshmi and she came there (above and a little behind) first in her true (over-mental) form, then in the traditional, last in a three-faced figure with a crown on.

It was only after the Mother mentioned it, I remembered that I had repeated from the heart ‘medhasi devi. : . ’³³

Mother said: That she appeared is a blessing. She came to bless you. It is very good, very happy.

Re. Nayana: I looked for him, waited, searched — no. He was in the conceptual world (of ideas) about death. . .He did not go to Maharshi either. Well, he can take care of himself.

Re. Amma: O, it is the happiest of deaths, unusual death. She is all right, quite happy.

Yes, I will give you the (conciousness). When you get to the psychic world, you can see her; but it is not advisable; her condition should not be disturbed. You can know when she takes a body.

10-9-1936

KRISHNA’S ANANDA

A good evening.

“The mother saw a Force of intense white light coming down which She had never known to come down before.”

24-11-1936

He was supremely calm and stared into me as it were.

1-1-1937

The year opens at the Mother’s feet.

Sunder with me.

9-1-1937

Night: enveloping stillness with a vast extension above and play of Light overhead.

10-1-1937

Meditation: good. Stillness contacting the head, fairly surrounds.

There is a repeated glimpse of true’ Vairagya’.

11-1-1937

Meditation: the sound of Silence begins. There is in the end (trance-like) withdrawn Dhyana. Plenty of light-play.

12-1-1937

Meditation: 25 minutes passed like a minute. The force was filling in; play of light from above; larger control from behind the head, which was almost hollow as it were.

16-1-1937

Meditation: the same time (?) habit and effort comes again — to drop concentration, to fall upon the One exposing to the Light en masse the being vertical — Heart and Above — straightly.

There seems as in the past, a simultaneous ascent and descent, resulting from or as if leading to a still Equilibrium.

23-1-1937

Meditation only for 10 minutes: intense; a solidity in the outer being.

A page or two in the VI Chap. in the night gave an inspiration (DIVINE WORKS).

25-1-1937

Meditation: about 15 mts. Something overhanging first came down into the outer being; there was a satisfaction in the middle surface chest and down in the navel region.

’Is it the involution?’ I thought. "Why not from below the Matter?’ was the query. Some secrets of motions in the ’consciousness of the Vast’ are grasped by the wakeful frontal intelligence it seems just a tact.

30-1-1937

Morning meditations — beginning.

21-2-1937

The Mother looked long into me with a very benign smile and blessed me longer while my right side (cheek) rested on Her lap. Sri Aurobindo, majestic as usual, but not serious.

23-3-1937

வேண்டல் வெறுத்தல் இல்லாமை ஈசாவாஸ்யமிதம் ஸர்வம்

This is the morning inspiration. It continues in every meditation.

24-3-1937

Saw the Mother:

1. About the interview: I used to see you every day and Sri Aurobindo also would be there, when you came in the evenings to the Ashram. You would say, ’Won’t you call me?’ I would answer:. . .first’. .. It is not that I do not think of you; I do not forget you.

2. Yes, she (Amma) is all right; resting. I do not want her to come now, until the conditions are ready here. Those that are taking rest here, in the atmosphere, shall not have to struggle when they come back here, taking a material body.

3. Work there is in the B.S. You need not do too much. Speak to N. If the afternoon gate-work is taken by some one, you can work at B.S. Speak to K.

She gave FAITH; ASPIRATION IN THE PHYSICAL; INFLUENCE OF THE LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS.

27-4-1937

Mother saw me for 40 minutes, all conversation. Topic: about the Nada, its utility and cure. Etc. Etc.

CONQUERING FERVOUR; SURRENDER; INFLUENCE OF THE SUPRAMENTAL LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS.

8-6-1937

Saw the Mother with rose and tulsi and SOLICITUDE. The same was given to me. 45 mts. About 20 mts. meditation.

6-7-1937

I Anniversary of Amma.

Saw the Mother (12-20 to 12-35).

First meditation, afterwards the Mother broke the silence:

Your mother is in a very nice state. I wanted to show you and take you to her; and so took a part of you (not the whole) and showed you -her beautiful condition luminous, gold pink; and even told you to remember.

But the connection is not sufficient; so when you returned, the body-idea came in and you turned (?) and you do not retain the full impression. But the wideness luminous you remember is the psychic world in which you saw her...

The Psychic world belongs to the universe, it has space and time, it is organised by the Divine; it is not like the mental and the vital in the Ignorance.

Once you get free passage into it, by habit, you can study and explore that world as you would do any country. But for that you must become free, independent.

Gold-pink is the colour of the psychic; the beings have forms.

Mm. saw her because she is in my atmosphere; but his seeing is a mental translation of her psychic form.

7-8-1937

Saw the Mother about ten minutes. Silence. ’I have nothing to ask, I said.

When a powerful force is descending, it (to remain silent) will be more effective said the Mother.

CONSCIOUSNESS TURNED TO THE DIVINE; SILENCE; INFLUENCE OF THE LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIENT :

15-8-1937

Almost a self-forgetful approach — offering of myself (Love) to Sri Aurobindo. He patted on my head in his lap.

Gracious, smiling.

3-9-1937

Birthday. Interview; 35 to 40 minutes.

The Mother gave AGNI. After meditation, She spoke of conversion of consciousness”, (pointing to me, She said, ’It is there’) inner realisation of the Divine, transformation of the nature.

Pandit’s child’s horoscope discussed. At Her bidding data given to Pavitra, She said She would give the name on seeing the influence causing the birth of the child.

26-10-1937

Saw the Mother 35 mts. Meditation for half an hour. No talk after meditation.

ASPIRATION IN THE PHYSICAL; AGNI; INFLUENCE OF THE LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIENT; SWEET THOUGHTS.

26-12-1937

Saw the Mother — 15 to 20 minutes. She said:

Since August a movement is started and what you say is much more than faith; after November 24, it is going on still more nicely. Those who are open will grow conscious ...

How is your brother? . . .I see, that is good. When he had that vision, he got an opening, I spoke to Sri Aurobindo; since then, he is keeping it.

LOVE THE VICTOR & SOLICITUDE; AGNI.

28-1-1938

Interview with the Mother.

Mother gave UNSELFISHNESS and UNION WITH THE DIVINE CONSCIOUSNESS after a short meditation and She herself told me the significance of the flowers.

She opened the door late (1-45). (The Rani of Gondal and the Mysore Maharani had interviewed the Mother).

Mother said: “It is late today and this was unexpected ’. Then she said that she would give me meditation when I told her to give me flowers as it was rather late and inconvenient for Her.

’No’, she replied and detained me and gave directions as regards the Sanskrit tuition for N. Then Meditation for 7 or 8 minutes.

30-1-1938.

Sent an article (Sanskrit) to V. for special Issue of Nandini on the 8th Feb.

18-3-1938

Mother gave a forty minute interview. Ten minutes of meditation, the rest talk: about sadhak’s responsibility.

20-4-1938

Saw the Mother for 10 mts. No talk; silent meditation.

FAITH; CONSCIOUSNESS TURNED TO THE LIGHT; SWEET THOUGHTS; INFLUENCE OF THE SUPERAMENTAL LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS; CONQUERING FERVOUR.

25-6-1938.

Saw the Mother for 35 mts.

Something enveloping, surrounding 66 is exact result of the descending light which is of a colourless colour — ‘ mauve ’ — in a way”, said the Mother. I said it was yellowish white which was corroborated by the Mother.

The meditation was given to remove the vital deficiencies and give a deeper opening ’.

Amma is in a ’blissful rest’. (today her anniversary).

Mother will give the name to the child (Pandit’s) on the completion of 1 year on 25th August.

Faith; AGNI; CONQUERING FERVOUR; PROGRESS.

26-7-1938

Saw the Mother for 45 mts. Long talk.

PHYSICAL CONSCIOUS TURNED TO THE DIVINE; PEACE IN THE CELLS; INFLUENCE OF THE LIGHT IN THE SUBSCONSCIENT; SURRENDER.

3-9-1938

52nd birthday. At the feet of the Mother for half an hour. Silence.

UNION WITH THE DIVINE CONSCIOUSNESS; FIRE; HUMILITY; INFLUENCE OF THE LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIENT; FIDELITY.

3-9-1939.

53rd birthday.

Evening: offered Pranams to the Mother.

She had put on crown. Blessed: then placed flowers on my palm and kept her palm over mine for a while with significant look and smile.

SACCIDANANDA; TRANSFORMATION; FAITH; DETAILED SURRENDER; INFLUENCE OF THE LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIENT.

2-9-1940

Wrote my birthday prayer to the Mother.

“May Thy light enter into all the corners of my being that is determined to be lit and fit for Thy work"

3-9-1940

Mother wrote sending ’Our Love and special Blessings ’, on the occasion of my birthday.

11-5-1941

Wrote to Mother about translating in Telugu) of The Words of the Mother and about Sanskrit verses (rendered from) THE MOTHER

12-5-1941

Mother blesses my undertaking of the translation of the Words of the Mother and says that Sri Aurobindo finds my translation (Sanskrit) good.

Started translation. (Telugu)

9-4-1942

Saw the Mother before meditation at 7 p.m.

She was gracious, gave me SILENCE. Before parting I asked "This is silence; I have to talk there.’ ’Oh, you can do. This is inner silence’.

So, this will back me?’ I asked.

’Yes’ She said, with a gracious broad smile.

Started for Tiruvannamalai by night-train.

10-4-1942
Morning: T. Malai. Train late.

Maharshi welcomes. Pranam.

11-4-1942

Noon 1-50 train leaving for Villupuram.

Saw the Mother after meditation.

5-1-1944

प्रार्थना १९४४ – अनुष्ष्टुप्त्रयेणानुवादः संस्कृते कृतः ।

’Very well done’, was the remark of Sri Aurobindo.

20-3-1949

Night extraordinary

Extraordinary event in the Dream-state. There was a mixture in the grasping of the form, the Personality. But the idea was definite.

When I was muttering to his hearing, kayena vaca etc, he seemed to break the usual silence, beaconed to me, closely embraced; through the long kiss put the substance and later — there is a void.

The subsequent happening is shrouded in Mystery. But the central fact dwells in the Memory: wait and watch and look ahead —fixed and brother K, also behave.

21-4-1949

Definite, guided to the appointed hour of Consummation by the over-enveloping, higher and permanent Individual K. The physico-vital disturbances are tackled alternately. Re. samskaras are weakened. The ailment shows disappearing symptoms.

Sadhana Samrajyam

This work of twenty-five verses in Sanskrit celebrates the Sadhana, spiritual discipline, in its sovereign sway over the seeker who has dedicated himself to the Truth of a higher life. It deals particularly with the Sadhana that is the central feature of Sri Aurobindo’s Yoga.

Read now >>

Guidance to Seekers

Selections from Shri Kapali's letters to M. P. Pandit

Prayer

Q: Has prayer "by one who has not realised”' no meaning? Does it “only strengthen the I-ness”?

A: These are two parts of the first of the two questions you would like me to answer.

Prayer is chiefly meant for one who has not realised and it is full of meaning. It has meaning for one who has realised also.

For the realisation can be such that the realised soul can enter into and maintain its relation with the ultimate Reality — call it the Full, the Universal, the Divine I. The very fact that one prays implies confession of limitations as also recognition of the fact that there is something higher which one could approach with true humility for help and guidance.

This leads to the second part of the question. For the ego, what you call I-ness, is not strengthened by prayer; on the other hand it gains in humility, the very act of prayer cures it of its pettiness and when the prayer is intense and sincere, this I-ness certainly drops, but there is the great and eternal I behind and above that remains and rules. Truly has it been said ' The I of each and the great universal I are one'.

21-3-1948.

Prayer: Correct Attitude

The proper form, and spirit as well, of your prayer must be - 'Today I have to do this, I pray, give me the right guidance.' It is the attitude that matters most in all prayer; one need not even utter so many words if the will or the aspiration to be guided by the Divine in all activities be well-shaped by frequent remembrance leading to constant active memory of the Divine.

Therefore, for one who is engaged in activities the attitude must be one which is at once proper and practical. One must have full interest in the work that is undertaken; an absorbing interest with its eventual thoroughness is necessary even in yoga and not only for purposes of worldly life. The English expression, disinterested action, is misleading and even a caricature of the Gita's sublime injunction — ' Do work, yoked to Me (yukta) ' The attitude then, is not to call upon the Divine and demand 'Make me pass', for in making such a demand you lower your status of being yoked to Her and feel a stranger to Her Grace and way of guiding those who have come to Her. Nor is the attitude to bé ' Thy wish will be fulfilled', as you put it, because such an attitude fits in where resignation reigns supreme and all is passive, and cannot be proper or true when one is called upon to act with full interest in a thorough manner for a particular end in view.

The attitude that actuates the prayer in the formula I have chosen for you in answer to your query will be, I think, clear to you now.

It is an attitude in which desires are not hidden and therefore self-deception is not encouraged or allowed; the whole being is exposed to the light of the Mother which purifies and sublimates whatever is to be retained and merits a permanent place in Her Will and view, removing whatever there is of dross and not worthy of retention in us. There is no necessity of calling upon Her to do as She wills, for Her Will compared with the collective willings of all men put together wins by a hundred lengths, and does not require a special prayer from us. Besides,

'Thy will be done' —this attitude, superb as it is, may prove injurious in some cases as it may lodge a lurking suspicion of a defeatist mentality quite overtly.

In the attitude I urge, you will find that you are called upon to do the task with a happy confidence that you are not alone in your work, that you are to be entrenched in the faith — which is a potent substitute of consciousness until that dawns - that you are yoked to the Influence of the Light, of the Mother whose gracious guidance you can always receive especially in times of need and that what you call your will and work and efforts are but secondary, yet an indispensable instrumentation of Her Will.

You will remember the expression Yogah karmasu kausalam.

P.S. Srat is a vedic word meaning truth, and dha to hold: sraddha is an untranslatable word. Faith is a feeble English equivalent.

Faith is the innate power, sakti, by which truth is held, srat satyam anaya dhivate. Later Sanskrit grammarians derive it differently.

But the derivation I give can be better appreciated in the light of sraddhamayoyam…. sah. It is not a mere belief, it is a power of the soul by which the Spirit achieves its ends by using the intelligence and energy in the instrumental nature.

18-10-1940

Preparation

THE main thing is to feel the drive of the need in the soul and earnestly set out on the inward path. The choice of the Teaching comes only next, depending on the temperament and intellectual mould of the aspirant.

11-3-1949

***

To make a true beginning in spiritual life, learn to separate yourself, your being, the purusha from the movement of the prakriti, the universal Nature. As long as you identify yourself with its movements you are bound up with it. But when you begin to stand aloof, it becomes possible to get a poise above the operations of the prakriti and set the inner being free to come into its own.

18-10-1950

***

Each one carries a world of his own with him. His thoughts, his movements, his world. God stands on high, on a tower as it were, gazing down at millions of human beings moving about below.

They give an appearance of so many small ants crawling round.

Each is full to his brim with his own things. God who carries his Plenty to give, finds none or few to receive. It is only if we care to unburden ourselves of our thoughts and prepossessions that there will be room to receive and contain what God is ready, indeed, waiting to shower. So it is always a first rule in sadhana to empty oneself.

It is never too late to take up spiritual life and succeed in it.

Neither age nor infirmity matters. What is important is a sustained effort, abhyasa.

2-11-1949

***

In spiritual life it is the earnestness that is of greatest importance. People, no doubt, begin with a considerable earnestness; they must maintain it and strive to increase it.

Learn to be open to a higher Calm, a Silence; that can be effected either by a strong aspiration or by the Grace of the Guru.

Once you begin to feel the Calm settling into you - no matter for howsoever short a time — the way is found. To call for that Calm, to give it room to settle into yourself — in the mind, in the nerves, in the body, by cultivating a habit of sitting for longer and longer periods, is the next step. By this means a continuing relation between the Higher Power and the system is established. And though in the beginning it is the seeker who has to strive and hold the Calm etc. as things progress, it is the Calm itself that begins to take hold him and carry him forth as it were. Ways are opened as if from nowhere and the seeker is put on the Royal Road. This Calm, this Silence is, so to say, one end of the Divine Being. If that end is firmly established in one the rest of the Divine is certain to pour in the vessel. With one end firmly caught, it is a matter of course before the other 'End' is rendered accessible. 

A certain mental and moral elevation, some samskar, is indispensable for sate and sure progress in spiritual life. That is why the ancients attached so much importance to yama and niyama.

Reflection on the moral and mental level cannot be attained all at once, hence the need to start with at least some elevation. Without it, one either stops after a few steps or goes astray.

30-9-1948

***

Be in a constant state of receptivity. That is best done by aspiring for and achieving a settled calm within and around yourself.

6-3-1949

***

God is within, God is without, God is above. But first you must realise Him within before seeking to realise Him elsewhere.

17-3-1951

***

To have an ideal is meaningless unless effort is made to mould one's life according to it.

17-1-1950

Right Attitude

Do not concentrate upon and pray for the removal of your defects, bad qualities; pray for the rise and growth of good qualities.

Positive gains will displace negative elements which will simply drop off.

28-12-1948

***

It is more towards acquiring real strength than on the exercise of it that our effort must be directed.

18-9-1948

***

Amidst all the currents and cross currents, agitations and excitements keep firm to the central principle that is to govern your life. Do not compromise on that; stick to it whatever the jerks and pulls.

10-1-1949



***

Do not be carried away by every movement that comes by; watch it from aside and then decide instead of allowing it to sweep you away in its flood.

5-3-1951

Whatever the surroundings, ' Mind your business' is an ideal motto for the seeker. Have an eye fixed constantly on the inner progress; clear the being of every dross and make room for the Light to enter and live and spread.

1-10-1948

***

When you tend to worry yourself over the welfare of others and kindred matters, even after taking to spiritual life, it is better to ask yourself: would not things go on if I were to die today?

Surely they will. Then let me treat these things as such and concentrate on the life I have chosen.

13-2-1949

***

To keep one's promise, to act up to the given word is not merely moral. It touches the spiritual being also. Not to keep to the word weakens the tongue-power, vak, and diminishes man's inner stature.

6-3-1949

***

The sincerity with which you approach determines the results.

This is the law of the subtle workings of Nature.

9-4-1951

***

Few start the spiritual life with complete sincerity. But as they progress, as the stress of the original mixed motives lessens, the modicum of sincerity gets a chance to grow and spread itself gradually.

The question one ought to ask oneself is not ' Do people respect me, do they think of me as great?' But ' Do I deserve what people are charitable enough to grant me?' If one has genuine stuff in him, he cares little whether it is recognised or not. It is there all the same and he is conscious of it.

25-12-1948

***

The one aim of the seeker must be to achieve a constant jyotirlila, play of Light, within. The Saktilila may follow afterward.

He does not worry whether this play of Power is there or not once the uninterrupted reign of the Light is aglow within. Concentrate towards this end and do all that helps this Inanodaya, Dawn of Knowledge.

9-12-1948

***

Not to force but allow things to grow naturally is the safest and most fruitful rule in spiritual life.

12-12-1948

***

To learn to wait is an essential part of yoga. It is in waiting that the usual restlessness dies down and the being gets ready to open to a higher calm and peace.

The patience of God is infinite. He watches and watches the whirl of millions rushing about, each individual trying to outreach the other and waits calmly for the most developed soul to turn to Him when ready.

28-5-1949

***

To try to coerce the Divine is foolish. Do your part and wait upon the Grace in utter humility and surrender. There is a story of a boy who was somehow left behind in the temple of Kali at night.

Nobody should be allowed to remain in the sanctum of Kali; the reason, it would seem, is that there is a sport going on with the Deva Kanyas and no mortal should be present there. Now the father of the boy came near the prakara and entreated the Devi to somehow let out the boy. He was asked by Her to return home quietly and told that the boy was and would return safe. But he was not content. He continued to entreat and importune. The Devi got exasperated and with a loud' take it' cut asunder the body of the boy into two and threw it over the wall to the poor parent. The moral of the story is evident. The Divine knows what is good for the devotee and it is not for him to tell the Divine what to grant and when.

25-3-1950

***

To ask of God, constantly, gifts — spiritual or material — is beggarly mentality which repels the approach of the Lord. He is ever awake, watchful with hosts of gods ready to serve, ready to pour his untold riches in you if only you would consent to let them enter into you. The ego is the main bar. Surrender of the ego and of all that you imagine yourself to be, to the Almighty, throws open all the doors of your being. The inrush of the riches is spontaneous. Within, the Occupant spreads Himself more and more nearer the surface and emerges as the rightful monarch to whom all the gods of the universe pay homage. Rightly does the Upanishad say:

madhye vamanamasinam sarve devah upasate.

30-10-1948

Openness

Keep your soul to the front. You should constantly endeavour to keep the soul clear of all the envelopings, whether mental or vital, and feel it in the front. Persist in the attempt and you are sure to succeed.

5-3-1951

***

How to be open to the Divine?

To love is to be open. That is the ideal way. It may not be possible for all. For such, the way is faith and aspiration.

Faith in the Guru, faith in the yoga, faith in oneself — this threefold faith and aspiration in the heart create the opening.

31-12-1949

***

Love is the one sure means of keeping open to the Divine.

23-3-1950

***

Fidelity to the Divine means exclusive opening to the divine influence. You have to be open to that alone. In your dealings with the world also, remember that everything has a divine element in it and you have to see that alone and put yourself en rapport with that.

19-3-1950

Effort

Sadhana should be natural. There should be such an utter surrender, giving up of oneself that the downpour from above or the outflow from within should be incessant. Of the two, the latter is more lasting and concrete in its results. It means a greater degree of personal effort and that implies a vigilance and endeavour on the part of the sadhak without which things stagnate.

12-2-1951

***

Cultivate assiduously the habit of referring to the guiding Centre within before doing anything. In the beginning you may find no light within but only the darkness of the mind; gradually, however, you will become conscious of a steady unfoldment, a gentle movement within that stirs to guide. By persistent reference, it grows and becomes automatic in operation. To this end, the habit of faithfulness to truth in all one's movements is very useful.

For the system gets acclimatised to movements towards and in the truth and movements of untruth find no support, no room in the person and the guidance from within can reach out without interference or mixture of untruth. Of course it takes time but if persisted in as a discipline, the fruit is sure. Seven to eight times out of ten, the guidance turns out to be the right one. If it fails to be so in the remaining cases it is because in the present state of things, the time-consciousness cannot be complete.

The location of the point of reference - whether it is to be in the heart or at the back of the mind - depends on the nature and temperament of the individual.

18-2-1949

***

If our movements are trained to proceed from a consciousness to which Truth and Right are natural, even the mind receives only the right and the true thoughts.

26-11-1948

***

Each one is full of his own ideas and standards. It is from such a mind he judges others, commends or condemns. Even those who speak of their 'open mind' have their own mental cobwebs and standards. To judge others it is necessary to get rid of these, to get out of one's mental frame. It is particularly difficult for those whose mental being is definitely formed and taken shape.

From that point of view those who have no mental personality to speak of are in a better position. It is only from an opening into the spiritual wideness that release can be got from this prison of mind. 

Extricate from the illusory consciousness of the mind, from its world of fantasies. " reads the Mother's Prayer.

15-12-1949

***

When you are confronted with a situation, it will not do to be simply equal to it; you must rise above it, deal with it standing higher.

13-11-1950

***

Amidst all the excitement and hurry do not lose rectitude.

Have a centre of reference and do not do anything without looking into it.

20-4-1950

***

When thoughts or movements try to overwhelm you, step back, draw behind and you will find yourself standing above them.

10-6-1948

Meditation

If one cultivates the habit of meditating in a concentrated manner even for ten minutes before going to bed, the response begins to continue throughout the night whatever the dreams etc., on the surface layer. And in the morning on getting up, one finds the same movement continuing. A fresh sitting at that time is necessary to stabilise and increase what has been received.

26-10-1949

***

The morning time is the most precious for meditation. But to make the best use of it it is necessary that before you retire at night you must be quiet, aspire for and get a measure of serenity, calm and go to bed in the consciousness that you have delivered yourself into the hands of the Power that is at work in you. In sleep in spite of the dreams etc., which cover mainly the surface layer of the consciousness, the Power goes on working in the depths and you will wake up with a feeling of repose, quiet and cheerful-ness. That gives the proper setting for a conscious and fruitful meditation. When you sit for meditation if sleep threatens to overpower you, you must be vigilant. There is a particular point at which if the sleep is rejected by vigilance, or by physical means, it goes away and does not bother you further.

By steady practice a natural mode of concentration gets formed during these periods of meditation.

25-4-1949

***

An hour of quiet, deep, concentrated meditation should be enough for a day provided there is a conscious endeavour during the rest of the time to educate the feelings, attitude and activities in the mould and rhythm that is demanded of a yogin. The attitude of the God-seeker should be active not merely during the meditation, but all the time, influencing and directing one's activities.

It is not advisable to sit for meditation for long hours at a stretch — at any rate in the beginning. Thoughts begin to crowd in after some time and if allowed to continue, a habit gets formed.

That is why brief snatches of undisturbed meditation are better.

In between these periods of meditation, an attitude that is most consonant with an aspiration and seeking for God-life must be cultivated and made increasingly living. In the long run there ceases to be any real difference between periods of meditation and non-meditation; each prepares for the other and both fuse into one uninterrupted line of sadhana.

14-10-1949

***

It happens, frequently, during meditation that just when a deeper movement is about to begin there is a strong tendency to lapse into sleep. If one manages somehow to get over that movement, the gain is striking; the movement increases; the spread of the light is wider.

-8-1951 ( sic )

***

If the fire of aspiration is burning, sleep will not creep in during meditation. Try to ignite that flame before which everything else pales and falls from you.

Feel the calm and Peace within and stick to it; that will lead and land you there which you cannot even anticipate.

18-1-1951

***

When you meditate and try to plunge deep into the heart, you may get sleep. But the sleep is not the usual kind of sleep.

When you come out of that sleep some passage has been worked out which will help you in getting deeper next time. Each time you go a level deeper.

21-9-1950

***

During meditation, particularly in the mornings, when there is a downward rush of Power from the higher altitudes into the being, at times the inflow of the Force strikes certain centres e.g. the vital, and one feels a tremendous increase in the vital energy, a thousandfold capacity etc. But such things have their own reactions later unless carefully handled.

27-4-1949

***

Q: When one sits for meditation at times the tendency to go in is strong, at other times to expand upwards. Should the stronger tendency be allowed to prevail or should one force what one wants?

A: Whichever is the stronger tendency and is more natural at the moment must be given free scope. Only one must be vigilant. For when the tendency is to go within or deep, the mind tends to sink into the subconscient. When one expands upwards, the mind gets busy with waves of surface thoughts. Of course the vigilance is necessary up to a certain stage when the push inwards or the pull upwards is so strong that the mind is simply swept away in the movement.

11-12-1949

***

Meditation is no end. It is after all a means. Your immediate aim must be a radical change of outlook, conversion of con-sciousness. Everything should proceed from a changed centre, a centre bathed in the surging waves of the antah samudra, inner ocean.

21-10-1948

***

When Rishi Atri hymns that when Agni is born, he is born as Varuna, he gives expression to a deep truth of spiritual life.

For when the fire of aspiration, the Divine Will (Agni) is manifested in man, there is an effortless, simultaneous realisation of Vastness (Varuna is the god of Vastness) — the habitual littlenesses and narrownesses are left behind. His consciousness spreads out, it expands to embrace the Divine in its vast extension. Varuna is followed by Mitra (God of Love, Harmony). There is a feeling of love, sympathy flowing out to all, to the whole creation. Repulsion, fear, hatred, all these melt away at this rise of Love and identification with the rest.

11-6-1951

***

You speak of calm as ' coming' from somewhere. That is calm, of course, but it is a mental calm. There is a greater calm within ourselves, deeper, the spiritual calm which calls down the other calm. The spiritual calm is always there within, firm, immovable and serene. The supramental calm is still greater.

When that is there even material elements can be rendered motionless and the calm imposed on them.

23-2-1949

***

Peace is not in the mind only. It is everywhere, it is within you and around you. If you learn to relax and yield to it, the Peace will envelop you all over.

18-4-1949

***

The Yoga-Shakti is of course working in the sadhaka, whether he is aware of it always or not. But if he is conscious of it and takes steps to be more and more conscious of its workings, that helps the Shakti and accelerates the process.

9-9-1949

***

When you progress in sadhana and the higher consciousness begins to act, the mind ceases to function as mind. Its substance is there of course, but not its activity. It simply falls mute.

21-9-1950

***

Ideas are dynamic. Unless the mind is truncated as it were from the rest of the being, when thoughts get formulated in the mind for expression there is some response from the vital; and after a time the vital gets habituated to respond rhythmically to the workings of the mind and the increasing harmony thus established results in the deeper part, what is called Psyche in our Yoga, coming forward, finding the field ready for its reign.

17-12-1948

***

The psychic being — the true centre of love — is the apex holding together as it were the two ends of the vital and the mental.

It does not stand behind either. We may say, the vital from below and the mental from above have their meeting point in the psychic.

When the psychic centre is active, it uplifts and pushes the vital in purified action; it warms and guides the mind in its activity.

30-9-1950

Difficulties

When sadhana is being worked out in the sadhaka by the higher Power, there is, at intervals, what can be called a shaking off of dust.

The sadhaka should be careful at such times not to be upset and not to get identified with the dust. He should quietly keep to his own depths in the confidence that the Power at work will do what is to be done.

13-10-1949

***

In your activities maintain a certain aloofness from the work you are engaged in. If that is done, you will cease to be affected by the contacts of men and things inevitable in every-day life.

They just pass by on the surface, leaving you secure in your own poise.

24-4-1949

***

The radical Realisation or even the conversion of consciousness always takes place in a trice. Of course it is preceded by a long period of preparation, known or unknown to the surface being.

A readiness is indispensable even in the more external parts of the being e.g. in the mind, in the vital. Particularly the vital; for in most it is the vital being or part of it that is at the root of all disequilibrium and is responsible for the unsteadiness of the mind.

The mind itself can be brought round easily; but it is the vital volcano under it that unhinges it and sends it swirling.

17-10-1950

Depressions

When you are depressed due to any happenings, withdraw from company, sit quietly, breathe deep and invoke the Peace to settle into you.

Sooner or later a rhythm will get established in you and by constant practice you can feel it at will. The Peace must be felt in the very cells of the body; then will the circumstances cease to overpower your spirits.

9-4-1949

***

One is apt to feel at times in sadhana that it is the same movement that goes on and get depressed as there are no signs of progress beyond the monotonous repetition. In fact it is not a useless repetition.

It is purposive; the results are seen much later.

It is like breaking a hard substance with hammer-blows. Each hammer blow looks like every other.

Yet, each carries forward the consequence of the earlier and the cumulative effect is that the hardness yields at the end.

16-3-1950

***

As long as one does not stand above the activities of Nature depression is inevitable.

Depression is a state of being less than normal. If the aspiration is active flaming, there can be no despondency or depression.

A falling off — in any part of the being — from a certain poise which is natural or normal to oneself is what is known as depression.

It is indispensable to learn to separate yourself from the workings of the Prakriti — the universal Nature through the instruments of mind, life and body, — and station yourself on a higher level in a settled poise.

That way lies secure freedom from the reactions and reflexes of the operations of Nature.

When the Mother speaks of the slaying of the Devil of dejection and despondency etc. what is meant is this: so long only those who had attained a certain definite stature in the inner life could stand unaffected by these ills.

Hereafter, any one with the necessary aspiration will find it easier and more possible to overcome despondency etc. without having to wait till the growth of the soul has reached a sufficiently high water-level.

25-10-1950

Fall

The most potent cause for spiritual falls is man's EGO. But after all, what is man? What is it that belongs to him? Things have been there before him and will continue to be there after him.

Only he claims, he arrogates to himself things which do not belong to him at all and says, 'this is mine', ' that is mine'. The very body which he calls his own belongs to the various elements in the Universe (and even the ego-self with which he identifies his personality is a reflection — a powerful reflection - of the deeper seated entity, the true soul). If the seeker feels and maintains the attitude, 'Lord, thou art everything, I am just a bubble whose very existence depends on thy pleasure', that would be more in consonance with facts as they are.

25-12-1948

Way to avoid Struggle

Once you take to spiritual life, you must treat the past life with all its griefs and joys, as a thing of the past. Develop a new outlook, turn the mind away from things connected with or leading to suffering and misery. The system must be trained to refuse automatically to give room to unhappy movements.

6-1-1949

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However much one may get clouded with wrong movements and forces in the world, if he has, at least once, received a touch or come into contact with a spiritual Centre, one may say he is sure to rise up awakened to the call of the Soul.

25-12-1948

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If you learn to put yourself in the consciousness of the Divine, you have no need to struggle. Your thoughts, ideas reach out effortlessly and fructify ultimately because it is the Shakti that effects the things and you are identified with it.

10-4-1950

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When you begin to smile on your difficulties then surely you have begun to progress in yoga.

18-4-1950