Living in The Presence

My Education In Music

My life became quite packed after I started school and began working with Prithwisingh-da in the afternoon. On top of that, I had also started doing sports activities from 1952. The days filled up considerably with all these different activities. In the midst of all this, the only thing that I missed was my singing. One day when the opportunity came, I asked the Mother:

   And thus, I began my singing lessons with Dilip-da and Sahana-di, both well-known singers. I enjoyed going to their classes. In Calcutta I used to learn kathak dancing from Gopal-da who was a disciple of Shambhu Maharaj. As there was nobody in the Ashram who could teach me this style, my kathak learning came to a stop. Anuben who had been a student of the renowned dancer Uday Shankar was responsible for teaching dance at the Ashram then. Taking permission from the Mother I began my dance lessons with her. After a few days of classes, I once again asked the Mother on finding the right occasion,

    Mother - No, there is nobody here who can teach that. (In fact, there was no provision for piano classes then.)

    I - Mother, there is another music teacher at the Ashram. Tinkori-da. Can I also learn from him?

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    Mother - No, that won't be necessary.

    In 1952, I was almost a novice in the life of the Ashram and so I used to ask the Mother for everything. That was the rule in the Ashram. No one did anything without Her consent. That is why I would consult the Mother even about the little things of my life. On another such occasion:

    I - Mother, I would like to learn Indian classical music.

    Mother - Why?

    I - I love Indian classical music. I was learning it while I was in Calcutta.

    The Mother remained silent for some time as if she was in thought. Then She said:

    Mother - For learning classical music you need a very good teacher. We don't have anybody of that level here. Besides, India is full of classical music. Now that you have come here, your primary purpose in life is the growth of this inner life. It is fine that you are learning music with Dilip and Sahana.

    The Mother once again became silent. Then with great force and firmness, She said, "What I want from you is music, but the music that flows from your soul. I want to see you create your own music." As She said this, She tapped me hard on my chest two-three times and kept looking into me for a while in a most serious way. What the Mother told me then I could not quite figure out. Not at all. In fact, I was too young to understand. I just kept staring at the Mother, nonplussed. Some time passed in this silence. I could not pluck up enough courage to tell Her that I had not understood what She had said. The Mother kept on looking at me in that solemn way. Silence still reigned between us. Then carried away by a strong emotion, my hands touched Her feet. And at once, Without any thinking, I blurted out these words to the Mother, words that welled up from my inmost being, "O Mother, all that is impossible can become possible thanks to Your compassion. Make me worthy of receiving Your compassion. Bestow on me the Grace to be worthy of Your compassion."

    After I had uttered these words, the Mother placed Her right hand on my head, closed Her eyes and meditated for a

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while. I too remained in Her presence in that silence with my eyes closed.

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